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English version

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(Max) As they say, there are two sides to every coin.

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I absolutely agree.

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On one side, you get a job at the trendiest

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and tastiest restaurant of the city.

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On the other, it made no impact on the quality of what you eat.

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On one side, you are respectable patrons of an elite restaurant,

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but on the other - you will never find out

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how they really treat you.

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On one hand, you think you are at the most gorgeous

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and peaceful place on earth,

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on the other…

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Chef: - Veal "Palantine" with capers![br]- Yes, Chef!

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Chef: - Two trouts "Tarragon"!

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Chef: - Senya, where is my Bechamel (sauce)? [br]-- Right away, Chef. 20 seconds!

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(Chef) What are you standing here for?

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(sound of falling plates)

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(Max) Lastly, on one side, you are two hours late

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and you think you will be crucified,

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but on the other…

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(Chef) Butthead... I love you!

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He was late. I win![br]Everyone who bet, fork it over!

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Hurry, hurry! [br](laughter)

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Because you have improved my mood in such a horrible day,

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i’m rewarding you with a very important, and more significantly , socially useful work.

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You will...

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...unload groceries. [br]Max: - But Chef!

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Chef: - And don’t thank me. It’s straight from my heart![br]- Chef, I thought I would cook!

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(Chef) Look at you. You relied on your two non-existent abilities

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– to think and cook. March!

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Nastya, I will end up with a heart attack thanks to you!

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Chef, what’s the word for a female Chef? [br]Chefess?

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Mistake of nature.

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Well, the mistake of nature[br]from the neighboring restaurant[br]is sitting in the dining lounge.

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(Chef) What is she sniffing here for?

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- Do you want me to ask?[br]Chef: - Do not!

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(Chef) What did she order?[br](Nastya) Coffee.

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That’s it?!

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(Chef) What are we? A coffee house?

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- Chef, are you afraid of her?[br]- Yeah right! Why would I be?

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My shoelace was untied.

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Vika: - You didn't get fired yesterday?[br]- Well, first of all, good day.

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Secondly, smoking harms your health.

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Thirdly, who would fire such a specialist? [br]Vika: - Haha

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Wait... Were you really upset that I might leave?

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You will miss me.

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In memory of our wonderful night!

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Hi, Ainura!

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Listen, If anyone here finds out [br]something happened between us, I will...

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(voice from the kitchen) - Viktoria Sergeevna![br]- Yes, Kostya.

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Viktoria Sergeevna, the C-keeper at the bar broke down again.

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I told you yesterday that you need to call a repairman.

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Now you’ll have to fix the problem on your own.

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- So the C-keeper is broke?[br]- Yes. Do you know how they work?

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What’s there to know?

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At my last job, the C-keeper broke down every day.

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I left. I don’t know who fixes it now.

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L-listen, c-can you fix mine?

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In return, I’ll unload everything for you?

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Well, okay.

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(Max) So, the unloading problem is solved. The only thing left is to find out what a C-keeper is.

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- Good day![br]- Hello!

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- What brings you here?[br]- Work.

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They brought chic dish sets to our restaurant.

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While they’re offloading, I decided to kill a half hour at your place.

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Yes, good tableware often helps.

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Aren't you ordering anything?

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Well, I said I wanted to kill time - not myself.

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- Bad joke, huh?[br]- Never mind!

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Everybody knows there are two things women can’t do -

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– joke and cook.[br](Nastya laughs)

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I think that a cup of disgusting coffee won’t keep you for too long

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at our horrible restaurant. [br]Good bye.

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Perhaps, I will order.

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(Chef sighs)

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Oh, Partridge Fricassee. [br]Chef’s signature dish. How intriguing!

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Sasha, take this lady's order.

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Chickenhead! She calls herself a Chef!

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She worked in India!

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There they roll any trash in curry and call it food.

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Where is my knife?

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What are you doing here? [br]Weren't you designated to unload groceries?

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Everything is fine there. [br]I just need to get to the bar.

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(Chef) Who took my knife?

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I repeat.

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Who took MY knife?

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I see.

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Senya, come here.

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Senya, buddy, is it you who took my knife?

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Senya: - No. [br]Chef yelling: - Then who?

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Okay. Here it how it is, invalids.

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Until you find my knife, none of you will go home!

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Understood?!

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(Sasha) Chef, I punched a Partridge Fricassee.

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(Chef yelling) I won’t cook anything until my knife is found!

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(he slams the door)

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So, everybody looks for the knife. Get to it!

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Listen, what is the problem? [br]Why don't we buy the same knife quickly?

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Buy? Do you have any idea what kind of knife it is?

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Get it now? We cannot just buy the same knife.

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- What is up with you? Go on – look for the knife![br]- Yes.

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How the hell does this C-keeper look like?

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Oh wow, that’s a C-Keeper?

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I thought it was a cash register.

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Kostya, make two espressos, please.

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Floppy Ears, what are you doing there?

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I’m the new bartender. [br]They fired Kostya because he doesn’t know shit.

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Yeah right, who are you trying to fool? [br]I saw you in the kitchen. You’re a cook.

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I have many talents, but at heart I’m a bartender.

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(sound of breaking glass)

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The bottle is half empty. The till is not right! [br]What do you want? Coffee?

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Yeah, make two espressos, please.

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He calls himself a bartender!

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Get out of here! I’ll do it myself.

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Perhaps, a cup of tea?

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- You just asked me that 10 minutes ago. [br]- Well, maybe you want one now.

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Would you mind finding out how things are with my order?

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(Nastya) Sure.

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So? Will you?

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Ah, you want to know right now! Okay.

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Great. It’s not ready! Let me please Dmitriy Vladimirovich.

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His favorite Chef refuses to cook!

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(door slams)

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Rejoice! You’ll have a new Chef soon.

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Of course, provided that the old one [br]doesn’t cook his damn Fricassee.

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Let’s make it ourselves.

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(Lyova) If we cook his signature dish, [br]he’ll c-cook u-us...

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(Senya) He’ll devour us! You’re right. [br]Better not risk it.

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(Fedya) And if we don’t make it, he will be fired!

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(Senya) That's right! [br]We have to make it.

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Or you’re right. I’m confused now.

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(Lyova) No, i-it’s a bad idea![br]I-its...

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(Fedya) As out captain used to say:

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“Better to crap your pants during the storm, than because of the weather forecast”!

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(Ainura speaks in Kyrgyz): Very good!

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(Fedya) Is that good or bad?

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(Ainura speaks in Kyrgyz): What idiots!

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Lyova: - Is she eating it?[br]- Of course she is! Why wouldn't she?

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- Miss! [br]Could you come here for a second?

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Waitress: - Yes?[br]- Could you please call your head Chef.

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(Ainura): Oh God, she said something to Sasha!

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(Louis speaks with a French accent) [br]Maybe she asked for a second helping?

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The guest…the guest requests the Chef!

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I w-warned you!

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You jinxed it!

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- Go to the Chef’s office![br]Senya: - Why me?!

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(Nadya) Go! Go!

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(Senya) I was against it from the very beginning. [br]It was Fedya's idea. He should go!

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(Fedya) Hello? Why me? Lyova, you go! [br]You're his right hand man. He won’t do anything to you.

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I-i... a-am n-not going! No!

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(Fedya) Louis should go. He's got nothing to lose.[br]Anyway, he’s just a... Frenchman!

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(Senya) Listen – let’s send Chef an sms.

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(Fedya) Write![br]We’ll all end up writing

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resignation letters![br](Senya): Hell no!

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(Nadya) Don’t panic!

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(arguing)

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(knocking)

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Chef! Chef!

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What is it?

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That attractive lady from the future [br]neighboring restaurant is asking for you.

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The one that you fancied.

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Ainura, don’t talk nonsense! [br]I didn’t fancy anyone.

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She hasn’t left yet?

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How may I be of help?

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I have tried your Fricassee.

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So, how was it?

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Well, truthfully?

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You know, I liked it. [br]Yes, it’s a good recipe.

0:11:51.909,0:11:55.349
It’s not really a recipe. [br]We didn't want to throw away partridge leftovers.

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Oh, I see.

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Well, it is nice to leave your place in good health.

0:12:04.836,0:12:06.367
What? Are you leaving already?

0:12:06.367,0:12:10.037
How unfortunate! [br]You know I have absolutely no time left.

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Your Chef’s signature dish took too long to cook.

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Good bye.

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As if my stolen knife was not enough,

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but they ruined my signature dish too!

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Here! All of you!

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(Lyova) Chef... w-we...

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(Fedya) Chef, we did it for the better!

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I don’t give a damn what you wanted. [br]Do you know what she said about your Fricassee?

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That it was disgusting!

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(Senya) Chef, that’s exactly what I told them.

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The chef’s signature dish is disgusting!

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You! Invalids!

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(slams the door)

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Kostya, did you fix the C-Keeper?

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No, but I'm working on it.

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- What are you doing here?[br]Max - Fixing the C-Keeper.

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What? Get out of the bar! [br]Out, I said!

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Artyom, call Kostya quickly.

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Why are you standing there? Out of the bar!

0:13:30.645,0:13:32.235
Ok, ok. What’s gotten into you?

0:13:51.972,0:13:53.132
Yes, Vicktoria Sergeevna?

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Kostya, is this normal? [br]Why is there a mess and outsiders in the bar?

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Well it’s just that…he was fixing the C-Keeper.

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Really?

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Well, where’s the cognac then?

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I don’t know.

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Then who knows? Kostya, do I need to fire you?

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It was there. I saw it myself.

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Damn it!

0:14:30.362,0:14:31.422
Excuse me, I’ll be right back.

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Listen – where’s the congnac?

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Max: - What cognac?[br]Kostya: - The 20,000 ruble cognac.

0:14:52.386,0:14:54.276
20,000? Oh wow!

0:14:54.906,0:14:56.196
You are screwed, dude.

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(Kostya) It is you who is screwed, dude!

0:14:59.997,0:15:03.397
Listen, big bull, are you messing with me? [br]The taller you are the harder you fall. [br]Have you ever heard that before?

0:15:03.397,0:15:06.647
Buddy, I will rip you apart! [br]Do you know how many years I’ve been boxing?

0:15:14.980,0:15:19.640
God, I’m so sick of it! [br]Why does everything always get fucked up?

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Why can't I ever, not even once, have a normal day?

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One day, my God!

0:15:31.088,0:15:34.708
(commentator) Spartak is at the penalty corner, [br]CSKA is in defense...

0:15:34.708,0:15:36.738
Ari with the ball, he kicks..

0:15:36.738,0:15:38.398
Goal!

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(Chef laughs)

0:15:39.760,0:15:42.440
(commentator) [br]Literally in the last minutes of the match!

0:15:42.440,0:15:46.150
Well done, Ari! Akinfeev had no chance!

0:15:50.719,0:15:53.299
It is no good.

0:15:54.741,0:15:57.081
(Max) Are you deaf or what? I haven’t seen your cognac!

0:15:57.081,0:15:59.101
There, the bottle was right there.

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Surprised?

0:16:03.428,0:16:06.538
You’re lucky that you caught me off-guard. [br]I would have nailed you for sure.

0:16:07.130,0:16:08.470
(Kostya) I don’t understand.

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(c-keeper turns on)

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Listen, Kostyan, by the way, I did fix your C-Keeper.

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Kostya: - Sorry, buddy![br]Max: - I don't need your apology!

0:16:23.120,0:16:25.330
You owe me, buddy, got it?[br]Big time!

0:16:26.130,0:16:29.470
What are you looking at? Make me something fresh. [br]My head is spinning.

0:16:29.525,0:16:30.975
(Kostya sighs) Sure!

0:16:32.698,0:16:35.668
(Chef speaks to the fish) [br]So what do I do now, Arkadiy?

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I can’t come out like nothing happened.

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Or can I?

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Hide it somewhere?

0:16:50.174,0:16:53.014
What are you all standing around for, lazybones? [br]Have you found the knife?

0:16:53.720,0:16:55.440
(Louis replies in French): No.

0:17:11.601,0:17:13.731
Chef: - Lyova come here.[br]Lyova: - Yes, Chef.

0:17:22.206,0:17:23.786
(Fedya whistles) [br]Syoma: - What?

0:17:25.674,0:17:31.284
What’s wrong with you? Are you nuts? [br]Why did you take it? He’ll cut you open!

0:17:31.324,0:17:32.854
(Fedya) I didn’t take it. It was inside of the fish.

0:17:33.250,0:17:36.530
Listen, I better hide it before Chef sees it.

0:17:51.505,0:17:54.075
Hey butthead! Why did you leave this dirty box here?

0:17:54.907,0:17:56.267
Take it a way! Quickly!

0:17:56.751,0:17:57.541
Unbelievable.

0:17:58.318,0:18:00.628
Chef: - Lyova, have you found the knife?[br]- Not yet, Chef.

0:18:00.973,0:18:03.883
Chef: Did you look everywhere?[br]Lyova: E-e-everywhere!

0:18:04.020,0:18:09.050
(Chef) Well, keep looking! Maybe someone was cutting something and left the knife there.

0:18:09.341,0:18:11.181
Inside a fish, for example.

0:18:12.741,0:18:13.791
I-i-in a fish?

0:18:14.499,0:18:18.629
(Chef) Okay, in some MEAT! [br]How would I know? Look everywhere.

0:18:18.976,0:18:19.756
Y-yes, Chef.

0:18:30.712,0:18:36.192
(Ainura speaks in Kyrgyz) Oh God! What an idiot! Hide the knife! If the chef sees it, he’ll circumcise you.

0:18:36.710,0:18:38.930
It’s better he finds it himself. Hide it! Hide it!

0:19:14.539,0:19:15.729
Well, have you found it?

0:19:16.194,0:19:18.534
(Lyova) Chef, w-w-we looked everywhere, i-i-it isn’t anywhere.

0:19:18.998,0:19:20.828
There was a fish here. Where did it go?

0:19:21.398,0:19:22.768
(Fedya) They took it to the dining lounge.

0:19:24.645,0:19:28.205
(Sasha) Chef, they are asking for you. [br]They found a knife inside a fish.

0:19:30.821,0:19:34.441
So what? It happens. [br]Once we found a monkey inside a shark.

0:19:35.243,0:19:36.013
It was alive.

0:19:39.518,0:19:43.678
(Max) Well, something needs to be done. [br]Two screwups in two days.

0:19:43.951,0:19:44.961
I'll be fired for sure!

0:19:49.421,0:19:50.421
(Chef) Good evening.

0:19:50.421,0:19:51.471
(Guest) Good evening.

0:19:51.471,0:19:54.841
I’m the head Chef of this restaurant. [br]I was told you wanted to see me.

0:19:54.841,0:19:56.961
Yes, I did. Would you explain to me what this is?

0:19:57.201,0:19:59.341
Chef: - This is...[br]Max: - Please, allow me, Chef!

0:19:59.341,0:20:00.261
(Chef) What?

0:20:00.261,0:20:03.241
(Max) Allow me to tell the guests what you once told me.

0:20:03.241,0:20:05.251
Max: - Good evening. [br]Guest: - Good evening.

0:20:05.251,0:20:08.581
(Max) Here is a unique recipe with more [br]than a thousand years of history.

0:20:08.581,0:20:10.839
So, lets go back to the times of crusades.

0:20:10.839,0:20:15.909
War. Hunger. It is 1107. Godfrey of Bouillon passes through the Bosphorus

0:20:15.909,0:20:18.639
and invents a unique way of cooking fish,

0:20:18.639,0:20:21.279
by skewering it on the blade of a sword.

0:20:21.509,0:20:25.879
The evenly heated blade gives the fish [br]a refined flavor and aroma.

0:20:26.343,0:20:27.143
Try it.

0:20:30.516,0:20:32.756
Yes, indeed!

0:20:32.933,0:20:36.713
That's what I am saying. [br]It is truly culinary poetry!

0:20:36.713,0:20:40.473
Max: - Chef, did I miss anything?[br]Chef: - No, it’s all correct.

0:20:41.127,0:20:45.737
- Excuse me, can I have the same fish?[br]Chef: - In a minute. Max, with me!

0:20:45.968,0:20:47.328
Enjoy your meal!

0:20:47.370,0:20:48.410
(Guest) Thank you.

0:20:50.224,0:20:52.824
Chef, you called me by my real name.

0:20:52.854,0:20:53.934
(Chef) Oh yeah, forgive me.

0:20:54.234,0:20:58.864
Butthead, if you ever go to the dining lounge again [br]without my permission, you are fired!

0:21:00.202,0:21:03.252
Max: - Understood.[br]Chef: - Make sure they don't steal the knife.

0:21:15.208,0:21:20.888
(Dima laughs) I did warn you. [br]That’s all, bye. I can’t right now. I told you I can’t.

0:21:21.224,0:21:23.657
(Chef) Dima, what happened? [br]Vika, are you quitting?

0:21:23.657,0:21:25.697
Bring it on, Vika!

0:21:25.976,0:21:29.976
Dmitriy Vladimirovich, God only knows [br]what’s going on in this restaurant.

0:21:30.444,0:21:34.219
As a woman, I cannot oppose Victor Petrovich,

0:21:34.219,0:21:35.139
(phone rings)

0:21:35.139,0:21:37.079
and he breaks all the rules.

0:21:37.079,0:21:41.079
(Dima) Enough! I told you I can’t right now. Okay.

0:21:41.079,0:21:43.739
I have to run. Please, Vika, wrap it up.

0:21:43.739,0:21:50.529
Yes, okay. Maxim Lavrov started as a cook [br]in the kitchen yesterday. I want him fired.

0:21:50.807,0:21:52.667
(Dima) I see? Why? Is he a complete idiot?

0:21:52.667,0:21:55.297
(Vika) Yes. Today he made a mess in the bar.

0:21:55.640,0:21:58.090
Smashed a bottle of liquor, glasses, [br]and broke the coffee machine.

0:21:58.090,0:22:00.290
(Chef) Kostya, is that true?

0:22:00.461,0:22:05.621
Sorry, actually it's my fault. [br]I asked Max to fix the C-Keeper.

0:22:06.122,0:22:07.402
By the way, he did fix it.

0:22:08.799,0:22:13.109
The coffee machine is working and [br]the bottle was almost empty.

0:22:13.116,0:22:14.516
(Dima) Well, thank God, guys!

0:22:14.516,0:22:18.226
The C-Keeper works. I love happy endings like this!

0:22:18.226,0:22:19.986
So, everything’s alright. I gotta run...

0:22:19.986,0:22:23.266
(Vika) No, everything is not alright. [br]He also approached some guests in the dining lounge.

0:22:23.266,0:22:26.756
(Chef) I asked him to do that. [br]We presented a new dish.

0:22:26.756,0:22:29.096
He’s a good guy overall. Quick-witted.

0:22:29.096,0:22:32.346
(Dima) He is fine. [br]He doesn't look dump if he doesn't smile.

0:22:34.013,0:22:38.013
Anything else, Vika?[br](Vika) Yes. Today he also started a fight.

0:22:38.480,0:22:42.290
(Dima) Did he? [br]I don’t like savagery in our restaurant.

0:22:42.513,0:22:43.323
Is it true?

0:22:43.323,0:22:44.993
(Max) We were just fooling around.

0:22:44.993,0:22:50.203
(Vika) Fooling around? Fooling around…[br]Hold on, I filmed the whole thing. Here.

0:22:50.408,0:22:54.408
(Dima) Thanks to Vika, who films everything in her life.

0:22:54.978,0:23:00.528
(sound of the video) Max, are you filming? [br]Stop it! (music playing)

0:23:00.651,0:23:03.071
(Chef) Sh-h-h…We are not done watching it yet.

0:23:03.071,0:23:04.521
(Dima) Yeah. We find it interesting too.

0:23:04.521,0:23:07.571
(Max in the video) Such beauty should be documented.

0:23:07.571,0:23:08.871
(Chef) We still haven’t finished watching it.

0:23:08.871,0:23:12.271
(Dima) I like it. I love this kind of movies. Arms, legs, screams. Hehehe.

0:23:12.354,0:23:16.324
As if it is a fight? It’s not a fight – you did even resist.

0:23:16.836,0:23:18.836
So, there’s no reason to fire him for now.

0:23:18.892,0:23:23.472
Thank you very much. I hope that you won’t bother [br]me over such trifles anymore.

0:23:23.472,0:23:27.362
(phone rings) Yes! [br]Good bye to all. Not to you, idiot!

0:23:27.362,0:23:31.652
What are you whining about? Yes, I hear you. [br]Yes, yes. Speak. (leaves)

0:23:34.979,0:23:39.449
(Chef) Here is the thing, fools. [br]Don’t let anybody else find out about it.

0:23:39.449,0:23:42.584
Vika is a bitch, of course, [br]but she’s not the worst art director.

0:23:42.584,0:23:45.204
She still has to work here. Understood?

0:23:47.551,0:23:51.551
(Max) There you have it. [br]There are two sides to every coin.

0:23:51.699,0:23:53.809
One day everything can turn around.

0:23:55.511,0:23:58.861
The one you liked starts to hate you.

0:24:05.491,0:24:09.491
The one who hit you in the face becomes your friend.

0:24:10.639,0:24:15.639
The one who seemed like an angry tyrant becomes less so.