1
00:00:01,175 --> 00:00:05,063
I wanted to be a psychologist
since I was a teenager,

2
00:00:05,087 --> 00:00:07,821
and I spent years pursuing that one goal.

3
00:00:08,429 --> 00:00:11,746
I opened my private practice
as soon as I was licensed.

4
00:00:12,469 --> 00:00:16,507
It was a risky move not getting a day job
at a hospital or a clinic,

5
00:00:16,531 --> 00:00:19,426
but within one year,
my practice was doing quite well.

6
00:00:19,802 --> 00:00:23,194
And I was making more money
than I ever made before.

7
00:00:23,691 --> 00:00:26,706
Of course, I was a full-time
student my entire life.

8
00:00:27,492 --> 00:00:30,008
I could have worked at McDonald's
and made more money

9
00:00:30,032 --> 00:00:31,405
than I ever made before.

10
00:00:32,215 --> 00:00:36,089
That one-year mark
came on a Friday night in July.

11
00:00:36,394 --> 00:00:38,053
I walked home to my apartment

12
00:00:38,077 --> 00:00:41,926
and got into the elevator with a neighbor
who was a doctor in the ER.

13
00:00:42,529 --> 00:00:44,077
The elevator rose,

14
00:00:44,101 --> 00:00:47,323
then it shuddered and stalled
between floors.

15
00:00:47,347 --> 00:00:50,395
And the man who dealt
with emergencies for a living

16
00:00:50,419 --> 00:00:53,212
began poking at the buttons
and banging on the door saying,

17
00:00:53,236 --> 00:00:55,561
"This is my nightmare,
this is my nightmare!"

18
00:00:56,061 --> 00:00:58,101
And I was like,
"And this is my nightmare."

19
00:00:58,125 --> 00:01:01,074
(Laughter)

20
00:01:01,577 --> 00:01:03,908
I felt terrible afterwards, though.

21
00:01:03,932 --> 00:01:05,718
Because, I wasn't panicked

22
00:01:05,742 --> 00:01:08,488
and I knew what to say to calm him down.

23
00:01:08,512 --> 00:01:10,757
I was just too depleted to do it,

24
00:01:10,781 --> 00:01:13,622
I had nothing left to give,

25
00:01:13,646 --> 00:01:15,536
and that confused me.

26
00:01:16,167 --> 00:01:18,643
After all, I was finally living my dream,

27
00:01:18,667 --> 00:01:20,635
so why wasn't I happy?

28
00:01:21,278 --> 00:01:23,833
Why did I feel so burned out?

29
00:01:24,714 --> 00:01:26,712
For a few terrible weeks,

30
00:01:26,736 --> 00:01:29,609
I questioned whether I'd made a mistake.

31
00:01:29,633 --> 00:01:32,276
What if I had chosen the wrong profession?

32
00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:35,234
What if I had spent my entire life

33
00:01:35,258 --> 00:01:36,992
pursuing the wrong career?

34
00:01:37,639 --> 00:01:41,195
But then I realized, no,
I still loved psychology.

35
00:01:41,718 --> 00:01:44,909
The problem wasn't the work
I did in my office.

36
00:01:45,260 --> 00:01:48,847
It was the hours I spent
ruminating about work

37
00:01:48,871 --> 00:01:50,148
when I was home.

38
00:01:50,172 --> 00:01:52,244
I closed the door
to my office every night,

39
00:01:52,268 --> 00:01:55,938
but the door in my head
remained wide open

40
00:01:55,962 --> 00:01:58,028
and the stress just flooded in.

41
00:01:58,938 --> 00:02:01,699
That's the interesting thing
about work stress.

42
00:02:02,033 --> 00:02:05,498
We don't really experience
much of it at work.

43
00:02:05,522 --> 00:02:06,822
We're too busy.

44
00:02:06,846 --> 00:02:09,879
We experience it outside of work,

45
00:02:09,903 --> 00:02:11,403
when we are commuting,

46
00:02:11,427 --> 00:02:12,842
when we're home,

47
00:02:12,866 --> 00:02:15,199
when we're trying to rejuvenate.

48
00:02:15,223 --> 00:02:19,048
It is important to recover
in our spare time, to distress

49
00:02:19,072 --> 00:02:20,561
and do things we enjoy,

50
00:02:20,585 --> 00:02:24,649
and the biggest obstruction
we face in that regard is ruminating.

51
00:02:24,673 --> 00:02:26,506
Because each time we do it,

52
00:02:26,530 --> 00:02:29,760
we're actually activating
our stress response.

53
00:02:29,784 --> 00:02:32,711
Now, to ruminate means to chew over.

54
00:02:33,014 --> 00:02:36,185
The word refers to how
cows digest their food.

55
00:02:37,090 --> 00:02:41,217
For those of you unfamiliar
with the joys of cow digestion,

56
00:02:41,241 --> 00:02:42,787
cows chew,

57
00:02:42,811 --> 00:02:44,082
then they swallow,

58
00:02:44,106 --> 00:02:47,118
then they regurgitate it back up
and chew it again.

59
00:02:47,142 --> 00:02:48,142
(Laughter)

60
00:02:48,157 --> 00:02:49,316
It's disgusting.

61
00:02:49,340 --> 00:02:50,440
(Laughter)

62
00:02:50,470 --> 00:02:51,938
But it works for cows.

63
00:02:51,962 --> 00:02:52,962
(Laughter)

64
00:02:52,975 --> 00:02:55,419
It does not work for humans.

65
00:02:55,443 --> 00:02:58,736
Because what we chew over
are the upsetting things.

66
00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:00,434
The distressing things,

67
00:03:00,458 --> 00:03:04,545
and we do it in ways
that are entirely unproductive.

68
00:03:04,934 --> 00:03:09,014
It's the hours we spend
obsessing about tasks we didn't complete

69
00:03:09,038 --> 00:03:11,971
or stewing about tensions
with a colleague.

70
00:03:12,331 --> 00:03:14,208
Or anxiously worrying about the future

71
00:03:14,232 --> 00:03:16,631
or second-guessing decisions we've made.

72
00:03:17,463 --> 00:03:21,439
Now, there's a lot of research
on how we think about work

73
00:03:21,463 --> 00:03:23,407
when we are not at work.

74
00:03:23,836 --> 00:03:26,236
And the findings are quite alarming.

75
00:03:26,589 --> 00:03:27,948
Ruminating about work,

76
00:03:27,972 --> 00:03:30,486
replaying the same thoughts and worries

77
00:03:30,510 --> 00:03:32,248
over and over again,

78
00:03:32,272 --> 00:03:34,796
significantly disrupts our ability

79
00:03:34,820 --> 00:03:37,827
to recover and recharge in the off hours.

80
00:03:37,851 --> 00:03:40,711
The more we ruminate about work
when we're home,

81
00:03:40,735 --> 00:03:44,386
the more likely we are
to experience sleep disturbances,

82
00:03:44,410 --> 00:03:46,647
to eat unhealthier foods,

83
00:03:46,671 --> 00:03:48,147
and to have worse moods.

84
00:03:48,171 --> 00:03:52,663
It may even increase our risk
of cardiovascular disease

85
00:03:52,687 --> 00:03:55,631
and of impairing
our executive functioning,

86
00:03:55,655 --> 00:03:58,488
the very skill sets we need
to do our jobs well.

87
00:03:58,512 --> 00:04:01,971
Not to mention the toll it takes
on our relationships and family lives,

88
00:04:01,995 --> 00:04:06,035
because people around us can tell
we're checked out and preoccupied.

89
00:04:06,591 --> 00:04:08,520
Now, those same studies found

90
00:04:08,544 --> 00:04:11,456
that while ruminating
about work when we're home

91
00:04:11,480 --> 00:04:13,933
damages our emotional well-being,

92
00:04:13,957 --> 00:04:18,710
thinking about work in creative
or problem-solving ways, does not.

93
00:04:19,116 --> 00:04:23,267
Because those kinds of thinking
do not elicit emotional distress

94
00:04:23,291 --> 00:04:26,148
and more importantly,
they're in our control.

95
00:04:26,807 --> 00:04:29,019
We can decide whether
to respond to an email

96
00:04:29,043 --> 00:04:30,982
or leave it till morning,

97
00:04:31,006 --> 00:04:34,521
or whether we want to brainstorm
about work projects that excite us.

98
00:04:35,085 --> 00:04:37,653
But ruminations are involuntary.

99
00:04:38,217 --> 00:04:39,417
They're intrusive.

100
00:04:39,741 --> 00:04:42,527
They pop into our head
when we don't want them to.

101
00:04:42,551 --> 00:04:45,797
They upset us when
we don't want to be upset.

102
00:04:45,821 --> 00:04:49,448
They switch us on
when we are trying to switch off.

103
00:04:49,892 --> 00:04:52,425
And they are very difficult to resist.

104
00:04:52,892 --> 00:04:56,644
Because thinking of all
our unfinished tasks feels urgent.

105
00:04:57,082 --> 00:04:58,998
Anxiously worrying about the future

106
00:04:59,022 --> 00:05:00,736
feels compelling.

107
00:05:01,069 --> 00:05:05,149
Ruminating always feels
like we're doing something important,

108
00:05:05,173 --> 00:05:07,828
when in fact, we're doing
something harmful.

109
00:05:08,134 --> 00:05:10,934
And we all do it far more than we realize.

110
00:05:11,563 --> 00:05:13,158
Back when I was burned out,

111
00:05:13,182 --> 00:05:15,809
I decided to keep a journal for a week

112
00:05:15,833 --> 00:05:19,918
and document exactly how much time
I spent ruminating.

113
00:05:19,942 --> 00:05:22,411
And I was horrified by the results.

114
00:05:22,435 --> 00:05:24,094
It was over 30 minutes a night

115
00:05:24,118 --> 00:05:25,848
when I was trying to fall asleep.

116
00:05:26,157 --> 00:05:29,561
My entire commute, to and from my office,

117
00:05:29,585 --> 00:05:31,553
that was 45 minutes a day.

118
00:05:32,125 --> 00:05:34,331
Totally checked out for 20 minutes

119
00:05:34,355 --> 00:05:36,926
during the dinner party
at the colleague's house.

120
00:05:36,950 --> 00:05:38,760
Never got invited there again.

121
00:05:39,395 --> 00:05:43,172
And 90 minutes during
a friend's "talent show,"

122
00:05:43,196 --> 00:05:46,444
that coincidentally was 90 minutes long.

123
00:05:46,468 --> 00:05:47,650
(Laughter)

124
00:05:47,674 --> 00:05:49,063
In total, that week,

125
00:05:49,087 --> 00:05:51,912
it was almost 14 hours.

126
00:05:52,484 --> 00:05:54,913
That's how much "downtime" I was losing

127
00:05:54,937 --> 00:05:57,966
to something that actually
increased my stress.

128
00:05:57,990 --> 00:05:59,927
Try keeping a journal for one week.

129
00:05:59,951 --> 00:06:01,484
See how much you do it.

130
00:06:02,085 --> 00:06:05,363
That's what made me realize
that I still loved my work.

131
00:06:05,792 --> 00:06:08,577
But ruminating was destroying that love

132
00:06:08,601 --> 00:06:11,688
and it was destroying
my personal life, too.

133
00:06:11,712 --> 00:06:14,085
So I read every study I could find,

134
00:06:14,109 --> 00:06:16,958
and I went to war against my ruminations.

135
00:06:16,982 --> 00:06:19,489
Now, habit change is hard.

136
00:06:19,513 --> 00:06:23,434
It took real diligence to catch myself
ruminating each time,

137
00:06:23,458 --> 00:06:27,037
and real consistency
to make the new habits stick.

138
00:06:27,061 --> 00:06:28,951
But eventually, they did.

139
00:06:29,378 --> 00:06:31,623
I won my war against ruminating.

140
00:06:31,647 --> 00:06:34,845
And I'm here to tell you
how you can win yours.

141
00:06:35,235 --> 00:06:38,480
First, you need clear guardrails.

142
00:06:38,823 --> 00:06:41,506
You have to define
when you switch off every night,

143
00:06:41,530 --> 00:06:43,228
when you stop working.

144
00:06:43,252 --> 00:06:45,585
And you have to be strict about it.

145
00:06:45,950 --> 00:06:48,109
The rule I made to myself at the time

146
00:06:48,133 --> 00:06:51,248
was that I was done at 8 pm.

147
00:06:51,617 --> 00:06:54,196
And I forced myself to stick to it.

148
00:06:54,220 --> 00:06:56,232
Now, people say to me, "Really?

149
00:06:56,546 --> 00:06:59,330
You didn't return
a single email after 8 pm?

150
00:06:59,354 --> 00:07:01,633
You didn't even look at your phone?"

151
00:07:01,657 --> 00:07:03,775
No, not once.

152
00:07:04,292 --> 00:07:06,791
Because it was the '90s,
we didn't have smart phones.

153
00:07:06,815 --> 00:07:08,589
(Laughter)

154
00:07:08,613 --> 00:07:11,518
I got my first smart phone in 2007.

155
00:07:11,542 --> 00:07:13,439
You know, the iPhone had just come out,

156
00:07:13,463 --> 00:07:16,240
and I wanted a phone
that was cool and hip.

157
00:07:16,264 --> 00:07:17,915
I got a Blackberry.

158
00:07:17,939 --> 00:07:19,099
(Laughter)

159
00:07:19,123 --> 00:07:20,297
I was excited, though,

160
00:07:20,321 --> 00:07:23,654
you know, my first though was,
"I get my emails wherever I am."

161
00:07:23,678 --> 00:07:25,154
And 24 hours later,

162
00:07:25,178 --> 00:07:27,757
I was like, "I get my emails
wherever I am."

163
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:28,931
(Laughter)

164
00:07:29,307 --> 00:07:31,340
I mean, battling rumination
was hard enough

165
00:07:31,364 --> 00:07:33,228
when they just invaded our thoughts.

166
00:07:33,252 --> 00:07:35,473
But now they have this Trojan horse,

167
00:07:35,497 --> 00:07:37,244
our phones, to hide within.

168
00:07:37,268 --> 00:07:40,283
And each time we just look
at our phone after hours,

169
00:07:40,307 --> 00:07:42,006
we can be reminded of work

170
00:07:42,030 --> 00:07:44,276
and ruminative thoughts can slip out

171
00:07:44,300 --> 00:07:46,680
and slaughter our evening or weekend.

172
00:07:47,211 --> 00:07:49,076
So, when you switch off,

173
00:07:49,100 --> 00:07:51,393
switch off your email notifications.

174
00:07:51,417 --> 00:07:54,354
And if you have to check them,
decide on when to do it,

175
00:07:54,378 --> 00:07:56,251
so it doesn't interfere with your plans

176
00:07:56,275 --> 00:07:57,608
and do it only then.

177
00:07:58,449 --> 00:08:03,186
Cell phones aren't the only way
technology is empowering rumination.

178
00:08:03,210 --> 00:08:05,734
Because we have an even
bigger fight coming.

179
00:08:06,211 --> 00:08:10,755
Telecommuting has increased
115 percent over the past decade.

180
00:08:11,159 --> 00:08:14,692
And it's expected to increase
even more dramatically going forward.

181
00:08:15,088 --> 00:08:18,357
More and more of us
are losing our physical boundary

182
00:08:18,381 --> 00:08:20,309
between work and home.

183
00:08:20,704 --> 00:08:22,561
And that means that reminders of work

184
00:08:22,585 --> 00:08:25,919
will be able to trigger ruminations
from anywhere in our home.

185
00:08:26,577 --> 00:08:30,611
When we lack a physical boundary
between work and home,

186
00:08:30,635 --> 00:08:33,270
we have to create a psychological one.

187
00:08:33,294 --> 00:08:35,223
We have to trick our mind

188
00:08:35,247 --> 00:08:39,222
into defining work and nonwork
times and spaces.

189
00:08:39,588 --> 00:08:40,949
So here's how you do that.

190
00:08:40,973 --> 00:08:44,901
First, create a defined
work zone in your home,

191
00:08:44,925 --> 00:08:46,258
even if it's tiny,

192
00:08:46,282 --> 00:08:48,082
and try to work only there.

193
00:08:48,711 --> 00:08:50,750
Try not to work on the living room couch

194
00:08:50,774 --> 00:08:51,939
or on the bed,

195
00:08:51,963 --> 00:08:54,227
because really, those areas
should be associated

196
00:08:54,251 --> 00:08:56,173
with living and bedding.

197
00:08:56,838 --> 00:08:57,838
(Laughter)

198
00:08:57,862 --> 00:09:00,259
Next, when you're working from home,

199
00:09:00,283 --> 00:09:03,053
wear clothes you only wear
when you're working.

200
00:09:03,077 --> 00:09:04,602
And then at the end of the day,

201
00:09:04,626 --> 00:09:05,823
change clothes,

202
00:09:05,847 --> 00:09:09,553
and use music and lighting
to shift the atmosphere

203
00:09:09,577 --> 00:09:11,535
from work to home.

204
00:09:11,559 --> 00:09:12,860
Make it a ritual.

205
00:09:12,884 --> 00:09:15,170
Now, some of you might think that's silly.

206
00:09:15,194 --> 00:09:17,009
That changing clothes and lighting

207
00:09:17,033 --> 00:09:19,646
will convince my mind
I'm no longer at work.

208
00:09:19,670 --> 00:09:22,101
Trust me, your mind will fall for it.

209
00:09:22,125 --> 00:09:24,985
Because we are really smart,
our mind is really stupid.

210
00:09:25,688 --> 00:09:28,196
It falls for random associations
all the time, right,

211
00:09:28,220 --> 00:09:31,872
I mean, that's why Pavlov's dog
began drooling at the sound of a bell.

212
00:09:32,204 --> 00:09:35,617
And why TED speakers begin sweating
at the sight of a red circle.

213
00:09:35,641 --> 00:09:37,045
(Laughter)

214
00:09:37,069 --> 00:09:38,720
Now, those things will help.

215
00:09:38,744 --> 00:09:41,022
But ruminations will still invade.

216
00:09:41,046 --> 00:09:43,625
And when they do, you have to convert them

217
00:09:43,649 --> 00:09:47,135
into productive forms of thinking,
like problem solving.

218
00:09:47,611 --> 00:09:49,857
My patient Sally is a good example.

219
00:09:49,881 --> 00:09:52,929
Sally was given
the promotion of a lifetime.

220
00:09:52,953 --> 00:09:54,778
But it came with a price.

221
00:09:54,802 --> 00:09:57,024
She was no longer able
to pick up her daughter

222
00:09:57,048 --> 00:09:58,237
from school every day,

223
00:09:58,261 --> 00:10:00,062
and that broke her heart.

224
00:10:00,086 --> 00:10:01,848
So she came up with a plan.

225
00:10:01,872 --> 00:10:05,427
Every Tuesday and Thursday
Sally left work early,

226
00:10:05,451 --> 00:10:07,380
picked up her daughter from school,

227
00:10:07,404 --> 00:10:11,797
played with her, fed her,
bathed her, and put her to bed.

228
00:10:11,821 --> 00:10:13,566
And then she went back to the office

229
00:10:13,590 --> 00:10:16,057
and worked past midnight to catch up.

230
00:10:16,908 --> 00:10:19,895
Only, Sally's rumination journal indicated

231
00:10:19,919 --> 00:10:23,879
she spent almost every minute
of her quality time with her daughter

232
00:10:23,903 --> 00:10:26,918
ruminating about how much
work she had to do.

233
00:10:26,942 --> 00:10:30,894
Ruminations often deny us
our most precious moments.

234
00:10:31,657 --> 00:10:34,848
Sally's rumination,
"I have so much work to so,"

235
00:10:34,872 --> 00:10:36,198
is a very common one.

236
00:10:36,222 --> 00:10:37,428
And like all of them,

237
00:10:37,452 --> 00:10:39,364
it's useless and it's harmful,

238
00:10:39,388 --> 00:10:43,054
because we never think it
when we're at work, getting stuff done.

239
00:10:43,452 --> 00:10:45,458
We think it when we're outside of work.

240
00:10:45,482 --> 00:10:46,735
When we're trying to relax

241
00:10:46,759 --> 00:10:48,553
or do things that we find meaningful,

242
00:10:48,577 --> 00:10:50,077
like playing with our children,

243
00:10:50,101 --> 00:10:52,418
or having a date night with our partner.

244
00:10:53,038 --> 00:10:56,329
To convert a ruminative thought
into a productive one,

245
00:10:56,353 --> 00:10:59,353
you have to pose it
as a problem to be solved.

246
00:10:59,710 --> 00:11:03,059
The problem-solving version of
"I have so much work to do"

247
00:11:03,083 --> 00:11:04,773
is a scheduling question.

248
00:11:04,797 --> 00:11:08,386
Like, where in my schedule
can I fit the tasks that are troubling me?

249
00:11:08,775 --> 00:11:10,737
Or, what can I move in my schedule

250
00:11:10,761 --> 00:11:12,878
to make room for this more urgent thing?

251
00:11:12,902 --> 00:11:17,053
Or even, when do I have 15 minutes
to go over my schedule?

252
00:11:17,673 --> 00:11:20,680
All those are problems that can be solved.

253
00:11:21,109 --> 00:11:23,847
"I have so much work to do" is not.

254
00:11:25,276 --> 00:11:27,636
Battling rumination is hard.

255
00:11:27,660 --> 00:11:29,708
But if you stick to your guardrails,

256
00:11:29,732 --> 00:11:33,200
if you ritualize the transition
from work to home,

257
00:11:33,224 --> 00:11:35,938
and if you train yourself
to convert ruminations

258
00:11:35,962 --> 00:11:38,095
into productive forms of thinking,

259
00:11:38,119 --> 00:11:39,269
you will succeed.

260
00:11:39,950 --> 00:11:43,450
Banishing ruminations
truly enhanced my personal life,

261
00:11:43,474 --> 00:11:46,156
but what it enhanced even more

262
00:11:46,180 --> 00:11:49,688
was the joy and satisfaction
I get from my work.

263
00:11:50,442 --> 00:11:54,029
Ground zero for creating
a healthy work-life balance

264
00:11:54,053 --> 00:11:56,014
is not in the real world.

265
00:11:56,038 --> 00:11:57,442
It's in our head.

266
00:11:57,466 --> 00:11:58,866
It's with ruminating.

267
00:11:59,276 --> 00:12:01,157
If you want to reduce your stress

268
00:12:01,181 --> 00:12:03,149
and improve your quality of life,

269
00:12:03,173 --> 00:12:07,000
you don't necessarily have to change
your hours or your job.

270
00:12:07,024 --> 00:12:09,557
You just have to change how you think.

271
00:12:10,016 --> 00:12:11,167
Thank you.

272
00:12:11,191 --> 00:12:15,912
(Applause)