You've never seen a body
quite the same as that of Houdini
slippery like linguini
sneaking outta teeny weenie little
spaces small enough
to fit your talent David
you're not a challenge David
your biggest endowment's
your bank account balances baby
so abracadabra you billowy bitch
man you look like a pirate
on the Las Vegas strip
I'm swallowing needles and spitting out evil
you couldn't escape from a flash paper bag
I'm badder with patter and matter of fact
you can't match all my skill
if you sawed me in half
When I was a child
you were a god to me
I had to do what you do
now you're like a Chinese wall to me
bitch I'll walk right through you
this ain't the magic that you're used to
I float a rose hands free
like it's Bluetooth
my grand illusions
make your parlor tricks irrelevant
the foot of lady liberty
is stomping on your elephant
you failed at making movies
and you failed at making kids
you should stick to what you're good at
and lock them lips
here's a tidbit that might drive you nuts
I bought half your shit
and I keep it locked up
got the slim fingers that were built for slights
you're a chunky stuntman dressed in tights
you talk shit about your hero
that ain't right
but you can look up to me now
I know you like heights
Your hack of a Bob Saget-y act
is embarassing
you're the saddest thing to happen
to Magic since The Gathering
I'm hanging by my ankles
from a crane I dangle
I got lox on my bagel
that you couldn't handle
smash your mirrors
leave your flying wires tangled
and you can't hide shame
with a camera angle
did somebody say Angel?
No
Oh
See what they'd be watching
if it wasn't for me?
I remind the world that magic
is supposed to make you happy
while you waste time
proving everybody wrong
I'm backstage getting my
supermodel groove on
you should relax take a private trip
to my private island
suck my private dick
I'll summon up a little Halloween brunch
deep fried sucker
with a side of punch
Who won?
Who's next?
You decide