1
00:00:12,884 --> 00:00:14,486
Hey God it's me Ellen

2
00:00:14,486 --> 00:00:15,988
can I ask you a question?

3
00:00:15,988 --> 00:00:17,573
how do I tell my friend Oprah

4
00:00:17,573 --> 00:00:18,600
she's gonna get more whipped

5
00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:19,416
than Stedman

6
00:00:19,416 --> 00:00:20,285
I'll make her head spin

7
00:00:20,285 --> 00:00:21,165
when it comes to rhymes

8
00:00:21,165 --> 00:00:21,971
I got a penchant

9
00:00:21,971 --> 00:00:23,483
so if battling me is your intention

10
00:00:23,483 --> 00:00:24,407
I better mention

11
00:00:24,407 --> 00:00:26,271
you're bout to get licked by a lesbian

12
00:00:26,271 --> 00:00:28,098
oh I'll knock you off of your throne

13
00:00:28,098 --> 00:00:29,493
take a shot at everything you OWN

14
00:00:29,493 --> 00:00:31,129
I got the skill to make Doctor Phil say

15
00:00:31,129 --> 00:00:32,502
I think you better just leave her alone

16
00:00:32,502 --> 00:00:34,125
you can tell Rachael Ray

17
00:00:34,125 --> 00:00:35,558
that my favorite recipe

18
00:00:35,558 --> 00:00:37,126
is chopping Oprah Winfrey up

19
00:00:37,126 --> 00:00:39,446
into a million little pieces

20
00:00:39,446 --> 00:00:40,622
I'm the Queen of TV

21
00:00:40,622 --> 00:00:42,508
and I'm here to destroy ya

22
00:00:42,508 --> 00:00:43,771
so check under your seat

23
00:00:43,771 --> 00:00:45,953
because I got something for ya

24
00:00:45,953 --> 00:00:47,129
you can't even hope

25
00:00:47,129 --> 00:00:48,868
to be as half as dope as Oprah

26
00:00:48,868 --> 00:00:50,023
I'll attract my hands

27
00:00:50,023 --> 00:00:50,753
around your throat

28
00:00:50,753 --> 00:00:52,569
and Deepak choke ya

29
00:00:52,569 --> 00:00:54,118
girl your show's a petting zoo

30
00:00:54,118 --> 00:00:55,439
you do a week on kittens

31
00:00:55,439 --> 00:00:57,075
and you dance like a chicken

32
00:00:57,075 --> 00:00:58,631
who snuck into Drunk Kitchen

33
00:00:58,631 --> 00:01:00,367
you played a fish with brain damage

34
00:01:00,367 --> 00:01:02,023
I'm a nominated actress

35
00:01:02,023 --> 00:01:03,623
name's synonymous with power

36
00:01:03,623 --> 00:01:05,728
spell it forwards or backwards

37
00:01:05,728 --> 00:01:07,137
Yes you've got that power

38
00:01:07,137 --> 00:01:08,901
and yes I've got those kittens

39
00:01:08,901 --> 00:01:10,280
I also feature puppies

40
00:01:10,280 --> 00:01:11,343
talented children

41
00:01:11,343 --> 00:01:11,951
and mittens

42
00:01:11,951 --> 00:01:13,892
I like cute things that make people smile

43
00:01:13,892 --> 00:01:15,578
make everybody feel good for a while

44
00:01:15,578 --> 00:01:17,228
do a little dance and the crowd goes wild

45
00:01:17,228 --> 00:01:18,885
kick you right back to the miracle mile

46
00:01:18,885 --> 00:01:20,327
I thought I told ya

47
00:01:20,327 --> 00:01:21,894
your daytime reign is over

48
00:01:21,894 --> 00:01:23,416
I'm jumping over Oprah

49
00:01:23,416 --> 00:01:25,144
like I'm Tom Cruise on a sofa

50
00:01:25,144 --> 00:01:26,879
from ABC to LGBT

51
00:01:26,879 --> 00:01:28,537
to NBC and now it's all me

52
00:01:28,537 --> 00:01:29,379
I'm the best emcee

53
00:01:29,379 --> 00:01:30,173
and the biggest star

54
00:01:30,173 --> 00:01:30,990
and I'll bite you in the ass

55
00:01:30,990 --> 00:01:32,274
like the tax on a free car

56
00:01:32,274 --> 00:01:33,497
Your mouth is writing checks

57
00:01:33,497 --> 00:01:35,425
your mullet can't cash lady

58
00:01:35,425 --> 00:01:36,967
I'll lodge my fabulous shoe

59
00:01:36,967 --> 00:01:38,859
up your suit pants baby

60
00:01:38,859 --> 00:01:40,345
you follow my lead

61
00:01:40,345 --> 00:01:42,007
cause I paved the road for ya

62
00:01:42,007 --> 00:01:43,158
you drive behind me

63
00:01:43,158 --> 00:01:44,756
in a secondhand Porsche

64
00:01:44,756 --> 00:01:46,452
check the Fortune 500

65
00:01:46,452 --> 00:01:47,804
I'm a media wonder

66
00:01:47,804 --> 00:01:49,679
the Dalai Lama and Obama

67
00:01:49,679 --> 00:01:51,862
memorize my cell number

68
00:01:51,862 --> 00:01:52,790
try to beef with me

69
00:01:52,790 --> 00:01:55,057
I'll make the whole market crash honey

70
00:01:55,057 --> 00:01:56,515
once you go Oprah

71
00:01:56,515 --> 00:01:58,786
you can't go back

72
00:01:58,786 --> 00:02:00,429
Who won?

73
00:02:00,429 --> 00:02:01,986
Who's next?

74
00:02:01,986 --> 00:02:04,001
You decide