[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.96,0:00:02.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For several years now,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:02.40,0:00:06.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we've been engaged in a national debate\Nabout sexual assault on campus.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:07.16,0:00:08.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No question --
Dialogue: 0,0:00:08.40,0:00:12.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's crucial that young people\Nunderstand the ground rules for consent,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:13.36,0:00:16.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but that's where the conversation\Nabout sex is ending.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:17.04,0:00:19.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And in that vacuum of information
Dialogue: 0,0:00:19.12,0:00:21.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the media and the Internet --
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.12,0:00:22.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that new digital street corner --
Dialogue: 0,0:00:22.88,0:00:25.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are educating our kids for us.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:26.20,0:00:31.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If we truly want young people\Nto engage safely, ethically,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:31.36,0:00:34.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and yes, enjoyably,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:34.08,0:00:39.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's time to have open honest discussion\Nabout what happens after "yes,"
Dialogue: 0,0:00:40.68,0:00:43.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that includes breaking\Nthe biggest taboo of all
Dialogue: 0,0:00:43.88,0:00:45.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and talking to young people
Dialogue: 0,0:00:45.64,0:00:50.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about women's capacity for\Nand entitlement to sexual pleasure.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:51.44,0:00:52.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:52.68,0:00:53.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.72,0:00:54.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Come on, ladies.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:54.96,0:00:56.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:56.88,0:01:00.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I spent three years\Ntalking to girls ages 15 to 20
Dialogue: 0,0:01:00.72,0:01:03.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about their attitudes\Nand experience of sex.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:03.68,0:01:05.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And what I found was
Dialogue: 0,0:01:05.12,0:01:09.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that while young women may feel\Nentitled to engage in sexual behavior,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:09.44,0:01:12.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they don't necessarily\Nfeel entitled to enjoy it.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.24,0:01:15.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Take this sophomore\Nat the Ivy League college
Dialogue: 0,0:01:15.40,0:01:16.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who told me,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:16.64,0:01:19.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I come from a long line\Nof smart, strong women.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:19.92,0:01:22.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My grandmother was a firecracker,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:22.16,0:01:24.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my mom is a professional,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:24.04,0:01:27.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my sister and I are loud,\Nand that's our form of feminine power."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:28.36,0:01:31.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She then proceeded\Nto describe her sex life to me:
Dialogue: 0,0:01:31.08,0:01:33.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a series of one-off hookups,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:33.16,0:01:34.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,starting when she was 13,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:34.92,0:01:36.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that were ...
Dialogue: 0,0:01:36.40,0:01:38.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not especially responsible,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:38.52,0:01:40.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not especially reciprocal
Dialogue: 0,0:01:40.68,0:01:42.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and not especially enjoyable.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:43.08,0:01:44.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She shrugged.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:44.72,0:01:48.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I guess we girls are just socialized\Nto be these docile creatures
Dialogue: 0,0:01:48.36,0:01:50.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who don't express our wants or needs."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:51.56,0:01:53.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Wait a minute," I replied.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:53.16,0:01:56.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Didn't you just tell me\Nwhat a smart, strong woman you are?"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:57.00,0:01:58.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She hemmed and hawed.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:59.04,0:02:00.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I guess," she finally said,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:00.92,0:02:04.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"no one told me that that smart,\Nstrong image applies to sex."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:05.92,0:02:08.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I should probably say right up top\Nthat despite the hype,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:08.92,0:02:13.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,teenagers are not engaging in intercourse\Nmore often or at a younger age
Dialogue: 0,0:02:13.84,0:02:16.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,than they were 25 years ago.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:16.08,0:02:19.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They are, however,\Nengaging in other behavior.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:19.76,0:02:21.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when we ignore that,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:21.36,0:02:23.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when we label that as "not sex,"
Dialogue: 0,0:02:24.60,0:02:28.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that opens the door\Nto risky behavior and disrespect.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:29.04,0:02:31.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's particularly true of oral sex,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.60,0:02:35.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which teenagers consider\Nto be less intimate than intercourse.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:35.52,0:02:38.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Girls would tell me, "it's no big deal,"
Dialogue: 0,0:02:38.44,0:02:41.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like they'd all read\Nthe same instruction manual --
Dialogue: 0,0:02:41.52,0:02:44.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at least if boys\Nwere on the receiving end.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:45.60,0:02:48.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Young women have lots\Nof reasons for participating.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:48.48,0:02:50.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It made them feel desired;
Dialogue: 0,0:02:50.20,0:02:52.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it was a way to boost social status.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:52.80,0:02:55.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sometimes, it was a way\Nto get out of an uncomfortable situation.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:56.56,0:02:59.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As a freshman at a West Coast\Ncollege said to me,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:59.64,0:03:02.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"A girl will give a guy a blow job\Nat the end of the night
Dialogue: 0,0:03:02.40,0:03:04.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because she doesn't\Nwant to have sex with him,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:04.60,0:03:06.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he expects to be satisfied.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:06.72,0:03:08.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, if I want him to leave
Dialogue: 0,0:03:08.60,0:03:10.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I don't want anything to happen ... "
Dialogue: 0,0:03:12.72,0:03:16.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I heard so many stories\Nof girls performing one-sided oral sex
Dialogue: 0,0:03:16.88,0:03:18.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I started asking,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:18.92,0:03:21.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"What if every time\Nyou were alone with a guy,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:21.20,0:03:24.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he told you to get him\Na glass of water from the kitchen,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:24.20,0:03:27.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he never got you a glass of water --
Dialogue: 0,0:03:27.56,0:03:29.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or if he did, it was like ...
Dialogue: 0,0:03:31.88,0:03:33.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'you want me to uh ...?'"
Dialogue: 0,0:03:33.92,0:03:35.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, totally begrudging.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:36.00,0:03:37.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You wouldn't stand for it.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:38.96,0:03:41.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But it wasn't always\Nthat boys didn't want to.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:41.60,0:03:44.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was that girls didn't want them to.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:44.28,0:03:47.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Girls expressed a sense of shame\Naround their genitals.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:47.48,0:03:51.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A sense that they were\Nsimultaneously icky and sacred.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:52.32,0:03:54.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Women's feelings about their genitals
Dialogue: 0,0:03:54.16,0:03:57.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,have been directly linked\Nto their enjoyment of sex.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:58.16,0:04:01.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yet, Debby Herbenick,\Na researcher at Indiana University,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:01.72,0:04:06.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,believes that girls' genital\Nself-image is under siege,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:06.32,0:04:07.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with more pressure than ever
Dialogue: 0,0:04:08.00,0:04:11.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to see them as unacceptable\Nin their natural state.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:12.56,0:04:13.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,According to research,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:13.80,0:04:18.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about three-quarters of college women\Nremove their pubic hair -- all of it --
Dialogue: 0,0:04:18.24,0:04:19.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at least on occasion,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:19.92,0:04:22.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and more than half do so regularly.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:23.20,0:04:27.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Girls would tell me that hair removal\Nmade them feel cleaner,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:27.36,0:04:29.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that it was a personal choice.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:30.84,0:04:35.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Though, I kind of wondered\Nif left alone on a desert island,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:35.08,0:04:38.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if this was how they would\Nchoose to spend their time.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:38.12,0:04:39.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:39.68,0:04:41.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when I pushed further,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:41.12,0:04:43.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a darker motivation emerged:
Dialogue: 0,0:04:43.28,0:04:45.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,avoiding humiliation.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:45.88,0:04:48.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Guys act like they\Nwould be disgusted by it,"
Dialogue: 0,0:04:48.80,0:04:50.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,one young woman told me.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:50.88,0:04:52.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"No one wants to be\Ntalked about like that."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:54.24,0:04:57.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The rising pubic hair removal\Nreminded me of the 1920s,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:57.68,0:05:02.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when women first started regularly\Nshaving their armpits and their legs.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:02.20,0:05:04.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's when flapper dresses\Ncame into style,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:04.76,0:05:07.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and women's limbs were suddenly visible,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:07.36,0:05:08.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,open to public scrutiny.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:09.64,0:05:12.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's a way that I think\Nthat this too is a sign.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:12.64,0:05:16.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That a girl's most intimate part\Nis open to public scrutiny,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:17.44,0:05:19.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,open to critique,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:19.16,0:05:22.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to becoming more about\Nhow it looks to someone else
Dialogue: 0,0:05:22.68,0:05:24.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,than how it feels to her.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:26.00,0:05:29.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The shaving trend has sparked\Nanother rise in labiaplasty.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:30.44,0:05:34.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Labiaplasty, which is the trimming\Nof the inner and outer labia,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:35.16,0:05:39.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is the fastest-growing cosmetic\Nsurgery among teenage girls.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:41.16,0:05:45.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It rose 80 percent between 2014 and 2015,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:45.88,0:05:49.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and whereas girls under 18 comprise\Ntwo percent of all cosmetic surgeries,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:49.92,0:05:52.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they are five percent of labiaplasty.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:53.92,0:05:55.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The most sought-after look, incidentally,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:55.92,0:05:59.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in which the outer labia\Nappear fused like a clam shell,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:59.68,0:06:01.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is called ...
Dialogue: 0,0:06:01.16,0:06:02.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,wait for it ...
Dialogue: 0,0:06:03.24,0:06:04.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"The Barbie."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:04.84,0:06:06.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Groan)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:06.16,0:06:08.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I trust I don't have to tell you
Dialogue: 0,0:06:08.20,0:06:11.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that Barbie is a) made of plastic
Dialogue: 0,0:06:11.12,0:06:14.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and b) has no genitalia.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:14.32,0:06:16.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:16.24,0:06:19.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The labiaplasty trend\Nhas become so worrisome
Dialogue: 0,0:06:19.04,0:06:22.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that the American College\Nof Obstetricians and Gynecologists
Dialogue: 0,0:06:22.72,0:06:24.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,has issued a statement on the procedure,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:25.00,0:06:27.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is rarely medically indicated,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:27.52,0:06:29.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,has not been proven safe
Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.68,0:06:35.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and whose side effects\Ninclude scarring, numbness, pain
Dialogue: 0,0:06:35.56,0:06:37.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and diminished sexual sensation.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:38.56,0:06:39.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, admittedly,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:40.00,0:06:41.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and blessedly,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:41.60,0:06:44.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the number of girls involved\Nis still quite small,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:45.20,0:06:48.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but you could see them\Nas canaries in a coal mine,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:48.28,0:06:52.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,telling us something important\Nabout the way girls see their bodies.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:53.76,0:06:55.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sara McClellan,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:55.48,0:06:57.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a psychologist\Nat the University of Michigan,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:57.96,0:07:02.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,coined what is my favorite phrase ever\Nin talking about all of this:
Dialogue: 0,0:07:03.32,0:07:05.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Intimate justice."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:06.68,0:07:10.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's the idea that sex has political,\Nas well as personal implications,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:10.80,0:07:13.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just like, who does\Nthe dishes in your house,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:13.48,0:07:15.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or who vacuums the rug.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:15.68,0:07:19.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it raises similar\Nissues about inequality,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:19.52,0:07:21.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about economic disparity,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:21.52,0:07:22.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,violence,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:22.76,0:07:24.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,physical and mental health.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:25.12,0:07:28.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Intimate justice asks us to consider
Dialogue: 0,0:07:28.60,0:07:31.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who is entitled\Nto engage in an experience.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:31.96,0:07:34.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Who is entitled to enjoy it?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:34.48,0:07:36.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Who is the primary beneficiary?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:37.24,0:07:40.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And how does each partner\Ndefine "good enough"?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:41.52,0:07:46.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Honestly, I think those questions\Nare tricky and sometimes traumatic
Dialogue: 0,0:07:46.44,0:07:47.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for adult women to confront,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:49.00,0:07:51.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but when we're talking about girls,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:51.32,0:07:56.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I just kept coming back to the idea\Nthat their early sexual experience
Dialogue: 0,0:07:56.64,0:07:59.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,shouldn't have to be\Nsomething that they get over.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:01.56,0:08:02.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In her work,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:02.80,0:08:06.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,McClellan found that young women\Nwere more likely than young men
Dialogue: 0,0:08:06.64,0:08:10.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to use their partner's pleasure\Nas a measure of their satisfaction.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:11.12,0:08:12.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So they'd say things like,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:12.48,0:08:14.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"If he's sexually satisfied,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:14.32,0:08:15.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then I'm sexually satisfied."
Dialogue: 0,0:08:16.44,0:08:21.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Young men were more likely to measure\Ntheir satisfaction by their own orgasm.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:22.84,0:08:26.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Young women also defined\Nbad sex differently.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:27.92,0:08:29.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In the largest ever survey
Dialogue: 0,0:08:29.44,0:08:32.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,ever conducted\Non American sexual behavior,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:32.60,0:08:36.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they reported pain\Nin their sexual encounters
Dialogue: 0,0:08:36.40,0:08:38.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,30 percent of the time.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:39.52,0:08:42.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They also used words like "depressing,"
Dialogue: 0,0:08:43.12,0:08:44.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"humiliating,"
Dialogue: 0,0:08:44.72,0:08:45.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"degrading."
Dialogue: 0,0:08:46.44,0:08:49.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The young men never used that language.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:50.44,0:08:53.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So when young women\Nreport sexual satisfaction levels
Dialogue: 0,0:08:53.84,0:08:56.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that are equal to\Nor greater than young men's --
Dialogue: 0,0:08:57.44,0:08:58.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they do in research --
Dialogue: 0,0:08:59.44,0:09:00.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that can be deceptive.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:01.64,0:09:05.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If a girl goes into an encounter\Nhoping that it won't hurt,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:05.28,0:09:07.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,wanting to feel close to her partner
Dialogue: 0,0:09:07.32,0:09:09.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and expecting him to have an orgasm,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:10.16,0:09:12.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she'll be satisfied\Nif those criteria are met.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:13.12,0:09:16.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And there's nothing wrong with wanting\Nto feel close to your partner,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:16.40,0:09:17.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or wanting him to be happy,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:17.76,0:09:20.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and orgasm isn't the only\Nmeasure of an experience ...
Dialogue: 0,0:09:21.56,0:09:22.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but absence of pain --
Dialogue: 0,0:09:23.76,0:09:27.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that's a very low bar\Nfor your own sexual fulfillment.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:29.00,0:09:31.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Listening to all of this\Nand thinking about it,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:31.24,0:09:36.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I began to realize that we performed\Na kind of psychological clitoridectomy
Dialogue: 0,0:09:36.56,0:09:37.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on American girls.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:38.36,0:09:39.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Starting in infancy,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:39.68,0:09:43.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,parents of baby boys are more likely\Nto name all their body parts,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:43.52,0:09:45.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at least they'll say,\N"here's your pee-pee."
Dialogue: 0,0:09:46.28,0:09:49.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Parents of baby girls\Ngo right from navel to knees,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:49.48,0:09:52.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they leave this whole\Nsituation in here unnamed.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:52.96,0:09:54.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:09:54.32,0:09:57.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's no better way\Nto make something unspeakable
Dialogue: 0,0:09:57.80,0:09:59.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,than not to name it.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:00.28,0:10:02.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then kids go into\Ntheir puberty education classes
Dialogue: 0,0:10:02.72,0:10:05.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they learn that boys\Nhave erections and ejaculations,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:06.60,0:10:08.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and girls have ...
Dialogue: 0,0:10:08.36,0:10:11.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,periods and unwanted pregnancy.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:12.04,0:10:15.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And they see that internal diagram\Nof a woman's reproductive system --
Dialogue: 0,0:10:15.92,0:10:18.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you know, the one that looks\Nkind of like a steer head --
Dialogue: 0,0:10:18.64,0:10:20.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:10:22.72,0:10:25.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it always grays out between the legs.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:25.76,0:10:27.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So we never say vulva,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:27.96,0:10:30.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we certainly never say clitoris.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:30.36,0:10:31.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No surprise,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:31.60,0:10:34.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,fewer than half\Nof teenage girls age 14 to 17
Dialogue: 0,0:10:34.76,0:10:36.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,have ever masturbated.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:37.36,0:10:40.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then they go\Ninto their partnered experience
Dialogue: 0,0:10:40.20,0:10:43.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we expect that somehow\Nthey'll think sex is about them,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:43.92,0:10:48.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that they'll be able to articulate\Ntheir needs, their desires, their limits.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:49.48,0:10:50.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's unrealistic.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:52.44,0:10:53.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Here's something, though.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:54.32,0:10:57.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Girls' investment\Nin their partner's pleasure remains
Dialogue: 0,0:10:57.52,0:10:59.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,regardless of the gender of the partner.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:00.68,0:11:02.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So in same-sex encounters,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:02.96,0:11:05.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the orgasm gap disappears.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:06.16,0:11:08.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And young women climax\Nat the same rate as men.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:10.12,0:11:12.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Lesbian and bisexual girls would tell me
Dialogue: 0,0:11:12.32,0:11:15.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that they felt liberated\Nto get off the script --
Dialogue: 0,0:11:15.92,0:11:19.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,free to create an encounter\Nthat worked for them.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:19.36,0:11:23.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Gay girls also challenged\Nthe idea of first intercourse
Dialogue: 0,0:11:23.04,0:11:24.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as the definition of virginity.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:25.00,0:11:27.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not because intercourse isn't a big deal,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:27.60,0:11:31.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it's worth questioning\Nwhy we consider this one act,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:32.00,0:11:34.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which most girls associate\Nwith discomfort or pain,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:34.84,0:11:38.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to be the line in the sand\Nof sexual adulthood --
Dialogue: 0,0:11:38.36,0:11:39.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so much more meaningful,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:39.84,0:11:42.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so much more transformative\Nthan anything else.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:43.64,0:11:47.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it's worth considering\Nhow this is serving girls;
Dialogue: 0,0:11:47.12,0:11:50.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whether it's keeping them\Nsafer from disease,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:50.16,0:11:53.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,coercion, betrayal, assault.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:53.60,0:11:56.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Whether it's encouraging\Nmutuality and caring;
Dialogue: 0,0:11:57.36,0:12:00.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what it means about the way\Nthey see other sex acts;
Dialogue: 0,0:12:01.00,0:12:03.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whether it's giving them more control over
Dialogue: 0,0:12:03.24,0:12:05.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and joy in their experience,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:05.68,0:12:08.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and what it means about gay teens,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:08.64,0:12:12.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who can have multiple sex partners\Nwithout heterosexual intercourse.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:13.96,0:12:15.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I asked a gay girl that I met,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:16.52,0:12:18.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"How'd you know\Nyou weren't a virgin anymore?"
Dialogue: 0,0:12:19.56,0:12:21.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She said she had to Google it.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:21.04,0:12:23.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:12:23.24,0:12:24.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And Google wasn't sure.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:25.20,0:12:27.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:12:27.04,0:12:29.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She finally decided\Nthat she wasn't a virgin anymore
Dialogue: 0,0:12:30.00,0:12:32.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,after she'd had\Nher first orgasm with a partner.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:33.96,0:12:35.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I thought --
Dialogue: 0,0:12:35.56,0:12:36.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whoa.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:37.12,0:12:39.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What if just for a second
Dialogue: 0,0:12:39.80,0:12:42.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we imagined that was the definition?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:43.56,0:12:45.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Again, not because\Nintercourse isn't a big deal --
Dialogue: 0,0:12:45.92,0:12:47.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of course it is --
Dialogue: 0,0:12:47.24,0:12:49.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it isn't the only big deal,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:50.36,0:12:54.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and rather than thinking about sex\Nas a race to a goal,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:54.16,0:12:59.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this helps us reconceptualize it\Nas a pool of experiences
Dialogue: 0,0:12:59.28,0:13:03.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that include warmth, affection, arousal,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:03.92,0:13:06.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,desire, touch, intimacy.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:07.64,0:13:09.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it's worth asking young people:
Dialogue: 0,0:13:09.88,0:13:13.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who's really the more sexually\Nexperienced person?
Dialogue: 0,0:13:13.44,0:13:16.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The one who makes out\Nwith a partner for three hours
Dialogue: 0,0:13:16.52,0:13:21.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and experiments with sensual\Ntension and communication,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:21.12,0:13:24.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or the one who gets wasted at a party\Nand hooks up with a random
Dialogue: 0,0:13:24.96,0:13:28.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in order to dump their "virginity"\Nbefore they get to college?
Dialogue: 0,0:13:29.64,0:13:32.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The only way that shift\Nin thinking can happen though
Dialogue: 0,0:13:32.84,0:13:36.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is if we talk to young people\Nmore about sex --
Dialogue: 0,0:13:36.92,0:13:39.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if we normalize those discussions,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:39.28,0:13:42.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,integrating them into everyday life,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:42.20,0:13:45.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,talking about those intimate acts\Nin a different way --
Dialogue: 0,0:13:45.76,0:13:48.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the way we mostly have changed
Dialogue: 0,0:13:48.56,0:13:51.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the way that we talk\Nabout women in the public realm.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:51.72,0:13:56.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Consider a survey\Nof 300 randomly chosen girls
Dialogue: 0,0:13:56.32,0:13:58.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from a Dutch and an American university,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:58.72,0:14:00.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,two similar universities,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:00.48,0:14:03.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,talking about their early\Nexperience of sex.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:04.28,0:14:09.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The Dutch girls embodied everything\Nwe say we want from our girls.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:09.24,0:14:11.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They had fewer negative consequences,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:11.20,0:14:14.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like disease, pregnancy, regret --
Dialogue: 0,0:14:14.64,0:14:16.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,more positive outcomes
Dialogue: 0,0:14:16.44,0:14:18.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like being able to communicate\Nwith their partner,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:18.88,0:14:20.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who they said they knew very well;
Dialogue: 0,0:14:20.60,0:14:23.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,preparing for the experience responsibly;
Dialogue: 0,0:14:23.20,0:14:24.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,enjoying themselves.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:25.68,0:14:26.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What was their secret?
Dialogue: 0,0:14:27.72,0:14:31.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The Dutch girls said\Nthat their doctors, teachers and parents
Dialogue: 0,0:14:32.00,0:14:33.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,talked to them candidly,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:33.64,0:14:35.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from an early age,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:35.40,0:14:40.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about sex, pleasure\Nand the importance of mutual trust.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:41.48,0:14:42.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What's more,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:42.72,0:14:47.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,while American parents weren't necessarily\Nless comfortable talking about sex,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:47.52,0:14:50.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we tend to frame those conversations
Dialogue: 0,0:14:50.04,0:14:53.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,entirely in terms or risk and danger,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:54.60,0:14:59.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whereas Dutch parents talk\Nabout balancing responsibility and joy.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:00.20,0:15:01.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have to tell you,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:01.44,0:15:03.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as a parent myself,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:03.32,0:15:05.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that hit me hard,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:05.40,0:15:07.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I know,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:07.96,0:15:10.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,had I not delved into that research,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:10.24,0:15:14.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would have talked to my own child\Nabout contraception,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:14.04,0:15:15.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about disease protection,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:15.92,0:15:18.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about consent because I'm a modern parent,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:18.68,0:15:20.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I would have thought ...
Dialogue: 0,0:15:22.00,0:15:23.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,job well done.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:24.32,0:15:26.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now I know that's not enough.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:27.92,0:15:30.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I also know what I hope for for our girls.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:31.96,0:15:36.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want them to see sexuality\Nas a source of self-knowledge,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:36.24,0:15:38.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,creativity and communication,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:38.48,0:15:41.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,despite its potential risks.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:41.12,0:15:44.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want them to be able\Nto revel in their bodies' sensuality
Dialogue: 0,0:15:44.60,0:15:46.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,without being reduced to it.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:47.12,0:15:50.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want them to be able\Nto ask for what they want in bed,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:50.36,0:15:51.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and to get it.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:52.56,0:15:56.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want them to be safe\Nfrom unwanted pregnancy,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:56.04,0:15:57.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,disease,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:57.28,0:15:58.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,cruelty,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:58.52,0:16:00.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,dehumanization,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:00.12,0:16:01.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,violence.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:02.08,0:16:03.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If they are assaulted,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:03.88,0:16:07.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want them to have recourse\Nfrom their schools,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:07.36,0:16:08.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,their employers,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:08.80,0:16:10.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the courts.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:11.12,0:16:12.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a lot to ask,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:13.24,0:16:14.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it's not too much.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:15.48,0:16:19.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As parents, teachers,\Nadvocates and activists,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:19.56,0:16:24.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we have raised a generation\Nof girls to have a voice,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:24.36,0:16:28.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to expect egalitarian\Ntreatment in the home,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:28.24,0:16:29.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the classroom,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:29.52,0:16:30.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the workplace.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:31.72,0:16:36.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now it's time to demand\Nthat intimate justice
Dialogue: 0,0:16:36.40,0:16:38.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in their personal lives as well.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:39.76,0:16:40.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:41.00,0:16:43.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)