[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:01.11,0:00:02.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For several years now,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:02.64,0:00:06.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we've been engaged in a national debate\Nabout sexual assault on campus.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:07.27,0:00:08.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No question --
Dialogue: 0,0:00:08.66,0:00:13.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's crucial that young people understand\Nthe ground rules for consent,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:13.49,0:00:17.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but that's where the conversation\Nabout sex is ending.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:17.14,0:00:19.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And in that vacuum of information --
Dialogue: 0,0:00:19.45,0:00:21.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the media and the Internet,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.49,0:00:23.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that new digital street corner --
Dialogue: 0,0:00:23.21,0:00:25.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are educating our kids for us.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:26.36,0:00:31.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If we truly want young people\Nto engage safely, ethically,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:31.60,0:00:32.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and yes --
Dialogue: 0,0:00:32.60,0:00:34.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,enjoyably,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:34.32,0:00:40.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's time to have open honest discussion\Nabout what happens after "yes,"
Dialogue: 0,0:00:40.82,0:00:44.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that includes breaking\Nthe biggest taboo of all,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:44.20,0:00:49.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and talking to young people about\Nwomen's capacity for and entitlement
Dialogue: 0,0:00:49.14,0:00:50.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to sexual pleasure.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:51.50,0:00:52.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.01,0:00:54.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:54.00,0:00:55.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Come on, ladies.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:55.11,0:00:56.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:57.08,0:01:00.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I spent three years talking\Nto girls ages 15 to 20
Dialogue: 0,0:01:00.98,0:01:03.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about their attitudes\Nand experience of sex.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:03.84,0:01:05.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What I found was
Dialogue: 0,0:01:05.37,0:01:09.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that while young women may feel\Nentitled to engage in sexual behavior,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:09.80,0:01:12.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they don't necessarily\Nfeel entitled to enjoy it.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.37,0:01:15.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Take this sophomore\Nat the Ivy League college
Dialogue: 0,0:01:15.47,0:01:16.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who told me,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:16.59,0:01:20.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I come from a long line\Nof smart strong women.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.14,0:01:22.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My grandmother was a firecracker,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:22.38,0:01:24.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my mom is a professional,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:24.15,0:01:25.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my sister and I are loud,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:25.85,0:01:28.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that's our form of feminine power."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:28.66,0:01:31.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She then proceeded\Nto describe her sex life to me:
Dialogue: 0,0:01:31.39,0:01:33.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a series of one-off hookups,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:33.41,0:01:35.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,starting when she was 13,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:35.31,0:01:36.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that were ...
Dialogue: 0,0:01:36.65,0:01:38.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not especially responsible,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:38.80,0:01:40.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not especially reciprocal
Dialogue: 0,0:01:40.78,0:01:42.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and not especially enjoyable.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:43.31,0:01:44.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She shrugged.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:44.80,0:01:48.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I guess we girls are just socialized\Nto be these docile creatures,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:48.66,0:01:51.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who don't express our wants or needs."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:51.68,0:01:53.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Wait a minute," I replied.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:53.49,0:01:56.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Didn't you just tell me what a smart\Nstrong woman you are?"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:57.22,0:01:59.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She hemmed and hawed.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:59.30,0:02:01.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I guess," she finally said,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:01.29,0:02:04.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"no one told me that that smart\Nstrong image applies to sex."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.03,0:02:09.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I should probably say right up top\Nthat despite the hype,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:09.21,0:02:14.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,teenagers are not engaging in intercourse\Nmore often or at a younger age
Dialogue: 0,0:02:14.04,0:02:15.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,than they were 25 years ago.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:16.28,0:02:19.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They are however,\Nengaging in other behavior.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:19.86,0:02:21.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when we ignore that,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:21.56,0:02:24.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when we label that as "not sex,"
Dialogue: 0,0:02:24.79,0:02:28.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that opens the door to risky\Nbehavior and disrespect.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:29.13,0:02:31.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's particularly true of oral sex,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.89,0:02:35.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which teenagers consider to be\Nless intimate than intercourse.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:35.64,0:02:38.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,GIrls would tell me "it's no big deal,"
Dialogue: 0,0:02:38.79,0:02:41.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like they'd all read the same\Ninstruction manual --
Dialogue: 0,0:02:41.85,0:02:44.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at least if boys were\Non the receiving end.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:45.84,0:02:48.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Young women have lots\Nof reasons for participating.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:48.60,0:02:50.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It made them feel desired;
Dialogue: 0,0:02:50.53,0:02:52.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it was a way to boost social status.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:52.95,0:02:56.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sometimes, it was a way to get out\Nof an uncomfortable situation.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:56.75,0:02:59.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As a freshman at a West Coast\Ncollege said to me,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:59.90,0:03:02.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"A girl will give a guy a blow job\Nat the end of the night
Dialogue: 0,0:03:02.65,0:03:04.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because she doesn't\Nwant to have sex with him,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:04.84,0:03:06.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he expects to be satisfied.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:06.90,0:03:08.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, if I want him to leave
Dialogue: 0,0:03:08.94,0:03:11.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I don't want anything to happen ... "
Dialogue: 0,0:03:12.93,0:03:17.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I heard so many stories of girls\Nperforming one-sided oral sex
Dialogue: 0,0:03:17.11,0:03:19.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I started asking,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:19.27,0:03:21.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"What if every time you were\Nalone with a guy,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:21.51,0:03:24.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he told you to get him a glass\Nof water from the kitchen,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:24.54,0:03:27.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he never got you a glass of water --
Dialogue: 0,0:03:27.79,0:03:32.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or if he did it was like ...
Dialogue: 0,0:03:32.12,0:03:34.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'you want me to uh ...?'"
Dialogue: 0,0:03:34.24,0:03:36.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, totally begrudging.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:36.32,0:03:38.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You wouldn't stand for it.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:39.19,0:03:41.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But it wasn't always\Nthat boys didn't want to.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:41.78,0:03:44.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was that girls didn't want them to.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:44.51,0:03:47.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Girls expressed a sense of shame\Naround their genitals.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:47.78,0:03:51.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A sense that they were\Nsimultaneously icky and sacred.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:52.52,0:03:55.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Women's feelings about their genitals\Nhave been directly linked
Dialogue: 0,0:03:55.97,0:03:57.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to their enjoyment of sex.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:58.21,0:03:59.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yet, Debby Herbenick,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:59.88,0:04:02.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a researcher at Indiana University,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:02.05,0:04:06.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,believes that girls' genital\Nself-image is under siege,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:06.57,0:04:08.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with more pressure than ever
Dialogue: 0,0:04:08.32,0:04:11.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to see them as unacceptable\Nin their natural state.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:12.64,0:04:13.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,According to research,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:13.77,0:04:17.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about three-quarters of college women\Nremove their pubic hair --
Dialogue: 0,0:04:17.56,0:04:18.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,all of it --
Dialogue: 0,0:04:18.55,0:04:20.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at least on occasion,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:20.28,0:04:22.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and more than half do so regularly.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:23.30,0:04:27.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Girls would tell me that hair\Nremoval made them feel cleaner,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:27.63,0:04:29.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that it was a personal choice.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:31.01,0:04:35.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Though, I kind of wondered\Nif left alone on a desert island
Dialogue: 0,0:04:35.29,0:04:38.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if this was how they would\Nchoose to spend their time.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:38.55,0:04:39.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:39.81,0:04:41.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when I pushed further,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:41.52,0:04:43.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a darker motivation emerged:
Dialogue: 0,0:04:43.65,0:04:45.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,avoiding humiliation.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:46.07,0:04:49.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Guys act like they\Nwould be disgusted by it,"
Dialogue: 0,0:04:49.02,0:04:51.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,one young woman told me.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:51.06,0:04:53.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"No one wants to be\Ntalked about like that."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:54.47,0:04:57.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The rising pubic hair removal\Nreminded me of the 1920s,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:57.79,0:05:01.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when women first started regularly\Nshaving their armpits and their legs.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:02.35,0:05:04.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's when flapper dresses\Ncame into style,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:04.96,0:05:07.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and women's limbs were suddenly visible,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:07.68,0:05:09.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,open to public scrutiny.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:09.84,0:05:12.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's a way that I think\Nthat this too is a sign
Dialogue: 0,0:05:12.92,0:05:17.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that a girl's most intimate part\Nis open to public scrutiny,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:17.55,0:05:19.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,open to critique,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:19.50,0:05:22.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to becoming more about how\Nit looks to someone else
Dialogue: 0,0:05:22.96,0:05:25.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,than how it feels to her.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:26.08,0:05:30.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The shaving trend has sparked\Nanother rise in labiaplasty.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:30.60,0:05:35.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Labiaplasty, which is the trimming\Nof the inner and outer labia,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:35.52,0:05:39.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is the fastest-growing cosmetic\Nsurgery among teenage girls.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:41.33,0:05:46.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It rose 80 percent between 2014 and 2015,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:46.04,0:05:50.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and whereas girls under 18 comprise\Ntwo percent of all cosmetic surgeries,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:50.20,0:05:53.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they are five percent of labiaplasty.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:54.07,0:05:56.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The most sought-after look incidentally,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:56.22,0:05:59.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in which the outer labia appear\Nfused like a clam shell,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:59.80,0:06:01.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is called ...
Dialogue: 0,0:06:01.37,0:06:03.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,wait for it ...
Dialogue: 0,0:06:03.46,0:06:05.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"The Barbie."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:05.28,0:06:06.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Groan)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:06.30,0:06:11.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I trust I don't have to tell you\Nthat Barbie is a) made of plastic
Dialogue: 0,0:06:11.45,0:06:14.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and b) has no genitalia.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:14.86,0:06:15.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:16.39,0:06:19.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The labiaplasty trend\Nhas become so worrisome
Dialogue: 0,0:06:19.33,0:06:22.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that the American College\Nof Obstetricians and Gynecologists
Dialogue: 0,0:06:22.97,0:06:25.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,has issued a statement on the procedure,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:25.22,0:06:27.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is rarely medically indicated,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:27.58,0:06:30.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,has not been proven safe
Dialogue: 0,0:06:30.03,0:06:35.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and whose side effects include\Nscarring, numbness, pain
Dialogue: 0,0:06:35.76,0:06:38.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and diminished sexual sensation.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:38.71,0:06:40.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, admittedly,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:40.28,0:06:41.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and blessedly,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:41.93,0:06:45.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the number of girls involved\Nis still quite small,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:45.58,0:06:48.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but you could see them\Nas canaries in a coal mine,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:48.60,0:06:52.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,telling us something important\Nabout the way girls see their bodies.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:53.90,0:06:55.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sara McClellan,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:55.68,0:06:58.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a psychologist at the\NUniversity of Michigan,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:58.19,0:07:03.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,coined what is my favorite phrase ever\Nin talking about all of this:
Dialogue: 0,0:07:03.61,0:07:05.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Intimate justice."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:06.80,0:07:11.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's the idea that sex has political\Nas well as personal implications,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:11.03,0:07:13.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just like, who does\Nthe dishes in your house,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:13.84,0:07:15.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or who vacuums the rug.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:15.100,0:07:19.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it raises similar\Nissues about inequality,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:19.88,0:07:21.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about economic disparity,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:21.69,0:07:22.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,violence,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:22.88,0:07:24.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,phsyical and mental health.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:25.27,0:07:28.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Intimate justice asks us to consider
Dialogue: 0,0:07:28.89,0:07:31.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who is entitled to engage\Nin an experience.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:32.19,0:07:34.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Who is entitled to enjoy it?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:34.64,0:07:36.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Who is the primary beneficiary?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:37.33,0:07:40.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And how does each partner\Ndefine "good enough?"
Dialogue: 0,0:07:41.77,0:07:46.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Honestly, I think those questions\Nare tricky and sometimes traumatic
Dialogue: 0,0:07:46.70,0:07:49.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for adult women to confront,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:49.24,0:07:51.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but when we're talking about girls,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:51.56,0:07:56.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I just kept coming back to the idea\Nthat their early sexual experience
Dialogue: 0,0:07:56.81,0:08:00.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,shouldn't have to be\Nsomething that they get over.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:01.65,0:08:02.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In her work,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:02.87,0:08:06.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,McClellan found that young women\Nwere more likely than young men
Dialogue: 0,0:08:06.94,0:08:10.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to use their partner's pleasure\Nas a measure of their satisfaction.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:11.36,0:08:12.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So they'd say things like,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:12.75,0:08:14.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"If he's sexually satisfied,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:14.69,0:08:16.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then I'm sexually satisfied."
Dialogue: 0,0:08:16.72,0:08:22.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Young men were more likely to measure\Ntheir satisfaction by their own orgasm.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:23.03,0:08:26.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Young women also defined\Nbad sex differently.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:28.07,0:08:29.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In the largest ever survey
Dialogue: 0,0:08:29.59,0:08:32.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,ever conducted on American\Nsexual behavior,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:32.90,0:08:38.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they reported pain in their sexual\Nencounters 30 percent of the time.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:39.75,0:08:43.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They also used words like "depressing,"\N
Dialogue: 0,0:08:43.54,0:08:44.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"humiliating,"
Dialogue: 0,0:08:44.92,0:08:46.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"degrading."
Dialogue: 0,0:08:46.70,0:08:49.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The young men never used that language.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:50.68,0:08:55.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So when young women report sexual\Nsatisfaction levels that are equal to
Dialogue: 0,0:08:55.28,0:08:57.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or greater than young men's --
Dialogue: 0,0:08:57.74,0:08:59.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they do in research --
Dialogue: 0,0:08:59.74,0:09:01.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that can be deceptive.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:01.82,0:09:05.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If a girl goes into an encounter\Nhoping that it won't hurt,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:05.50,0:09:07.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,wanting to feel close to her partner,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:07.64,0:09:10.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and expecting him to have an orgasm,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:10.51,0:09:13.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she'll be satisfied\Nif those criteria are met.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:13.29,0:09:16.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And there's nothing wrong with wanting\Nto feel close to your partner,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:16.54,0:09:17.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or wanting him to be happy,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:17.86,0:09:21.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and orgasm isn't the only\Nmeasure of an experience ...
Dialogue: 0,0:09:21.76,0:09:24.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but absence of pain --
Dialogue: 0,0:09:24.10,0:09:27.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that's a very low bar\Nfor your own sexual fulfillment.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:29.20,0:09:31.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Listening to all of this\Nand thinking about it,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:31.40,0:09:36.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I began to realize that we performed\Na kind of psychological clitoridectomy
Dialogue: 0,0:09:36.74,0:09:38.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on American girls.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:38.60,0:09:39.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Starting in infancy,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:39.94,0:09:43.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,parents of baby boys are more likely\Nto name all their body parts,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:43.66,0:09:44.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at least they'll say,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:44.88,0:09:46.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Here's your pee-pee."
Dialogue: 0,0:09:46.38,0:09:49.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Parents of baby girls go right\Nfrom navel to knees,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:49.90,0:09:53.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they leave this whole\Nsituation in here unnamed.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:53.51,0:09:54.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:09:54.51,0:09:58.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's no better way to make\Nsomething unspeakable
Dialogue: 0,0:09:58.05,0:09:59.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,than not to name it.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:00.45,0:10:03.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then kids go into their\Npuberty education classes,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:03.00,0:10:07.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they learn that boys have\Nerections and ejaculations,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:07.01,0:10:08.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and girls have ...
Dialogue: 0,0:10:08.67,0:10:11.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,periods and unwanted pregnancy.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:12.30,0:10:16.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And they see that internal diagram\Nof a woman's reproductive system --
Dialogue: 0,0:10:16.19,0:10:18.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you know the one that looks\Nkind of like a steer head --
Dialogue: 0,0:10:18.84,0:10:21.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:10:22.78,0:10:25.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it always grays out between the legs.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:26.12,0:10:28.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So we never say vulva,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:28.22,0:10:30.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we certainly never say clitoris.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:30.55,0:10:31.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No surpise,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:31.75,0:10:35.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,fewer than half of teenage\Ngirls age 14 to 17
Dialogue: 0,0:10:35.10,0:10:37.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,have ever masturbated.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:37.57,0:10:40.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then they go into\Ntheir partnered experience,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:40.58,0:10:44.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we expect that somehow\Nthey'll think sex is about them,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:44.22,0:10:48.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that they'll be able to articulate\Ntheir needs, their desires, their limits.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:49.49,0:10:51.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's unrealistic.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:52.53,0:10:54.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Here's something though.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:54.57,0:10:57.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Girls' investment in their\Npartner's pleasure remains
Dialogue: 0,0:10:57.94,0:11:00.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,regardless of the gender of the partner.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:00.88,0:11:03.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So in same-sex encounters,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:03.31,0:11:05.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the orgasm gap disappears.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:06.31,0:11:09.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And young women climax\Nat the same rate as men.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:10.29,0:11:12.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Lesbian and bisexual girls would tell me
Dialogue: 0,0:11:12.64,0:11:16.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that they felt liberated\Nto get off the script --
Dialogue: 0,0:11:16.11,0:11:19.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,free to create an encounter\Nthat worked for them.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:19.57,0:11:23.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Gay girls also challenged\Nthe idea of first intercourse
Dialogue: 0,0:11:23.40,0:11:25.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as the definition of virginity.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:25.29,0:11:27.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not because intercourse isn't a big deal,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:27.88,0:11:32.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it's worth questioning\Nwhy we consider this one act,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:32.26,0:11:35.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which most girls associate\Nwith discomfort or pain,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:35.22,0:11:38.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to be the line in the sand\Nof sexual adulthood --
Dialogue: 0,0:11:38.59,0:11:40.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so much more meaningful,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:40.02,0:11:43.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so much more transformative\Nthan anything else.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:43.84,0:11:47.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it's worth considering\Nhow this is serving girls;
Dialogue: 0,0:11:47.31,0:11:50.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whether it's keeping them\Nsafer from disease,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:50.57,0:11:53.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,coercion, betrayal, assault.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:53.82,0:11:57.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Whether it's encouraging\Nmutuality and caring;
Dialogue: 0,0:11:57.45,0:12:01.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what it means about the way\Nthey see other sex acts;
Dialogue: 0,0:12:01.27,0:12:05.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whether it's giving them more control\Nover and joy in their experience,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:05.79,0:12:08.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and what it means about gay teens,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:08.92,0:12:13.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who can have multiple sex partners\Nwithout heterosexual intercourse.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:14.20,0:12:16.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I asked a gay girl that I met,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:16.87,0:12:19.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"How'd you know you weren't\Na virgin anymore?"
Dialogue: 0,0:12:19.66,0:12:21.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She said she had to Google it.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:21.59,0:12:22.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:12:23.43,0:12:25.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And Google wasn't sure.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:25.55,0:12:26.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:12:27.29,0:12:30.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She finally decided that she\Nwasn't a virgin anymore
Dialogue: 0,0:12:30.19,0:12:33.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,after she'd had her first\Norgasm with a partner.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:34.02,0:12:35.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I thought --
Dialogue: 0,0:12:35.80,0:12:37.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,woah.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:37.26,0:12:40.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What if just for a second,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:40.07,0:12:42.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we imagined that was the definition?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:43.86,0:12:46.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Again, not because\Nintercourse isn't a big deal --
Dialogue: 0,0:12:46.24,0:12:47.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of course it is --
Dialogue: 0,0:12:47.41,0:12:50.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it isn't the only big deal,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:50.74,0:12:54.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and rather than thinking about sex\Nas a race to a goal,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:54.47,0:12:59.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this helps us reconceptualize it\Nas a pool of experiences
Dialogue: 0,0:12:59.62,0:13:04.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that include warmth, affection, arousal,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:04.24,0:13:07.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,desire, touch, intimacy.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:07.63,0:13:10.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it's worth asking young people:
Dialogue: 0,0:13:10.30,0:13:13.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who's really the more sexually\Nexperienced person?
Dialogue: 0,0:13:13.68,0:13:16.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The one who makes out\Nwith a partner for three hours
Dialogue: 0,0:13:16.89,0:13:21.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and experiments with sensual\Ntension and communication,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:21.43,0:13:25.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or the one who gets wasted at a party\Nand hooks up with a random
Dialogue: 0,0:13:25.32,0:13:29.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in order to dump their "virginity"\Nbefore they get to college?
Dialogue: 0,0:13:29.90,0:13:33.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The only way that shift\Nin thinking can happen though,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:33.00,0:13:37.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is if we talk to young people\Nmore about sex --
Dialogue: 0,0:13:37.05,0:13:39.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if we normalize those discussions,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:39.56,0:13:42.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,integrating them into everyday life,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:42.40,0:13:46.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,talking about those intimate acts\Nin a different way --
Dialogue: 0,0:13:46.03,0:13:48.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the way we mostly have changed
Dialogue: 0,0:13:48.89,0:13:51.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the way that we talk about\Nwomen in the public realm.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:51.92,0:13:56.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Consider a survey of 300\Nrandomly chosen girls
Dialogue: 0,0:13:56.51,0:13:59.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from a Dutch and an American university,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:59.10,0:14:00.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,two similar universities,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:00.74,0:14:04.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,talking about their early\Nexperience of sex.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:04.48,0:14:09.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The Dutch girls embodied everything\Nwe say we want from our girls.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:09.47,0:14:11.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They had fewer negative consequences,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:11.51,0:14:14.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like disease, pregnancy, regret --
Dialogue: 0,0:14:14.98,0:14:19.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,more positive outcomes like being\Nable to communicate with their partner,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:19.25,0:14:21.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who they said they knew very well;
Dialogue: 0,0:14:21.02,0:14:23.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,preparing for the experience responsibly;
Dialogue: 0,0:14:23.59,0:14:25.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,enjoying themselves.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:25.83,0:14:27.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What was their secret?
Dialogue: 0,0:14:28.07,0:14:32.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The Dutch girls said that their doctors,\Nteachers and parents
Dialogue: 0,0:14:32.26,0:14:34.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,talked to them candidly,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:34.02,0:14:35.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from an early age,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:35.69,0:14:40.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about sex, pleasure and\Nthe importance of mutual trust.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:41.61,0:14:42.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What's more,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:42.77,0:14:47.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,while American parents weren't necessarily\Nless comfortable talking about sex,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:47.65,0:14:50.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we tend to frame those conversations
Dialogue: 0,0:14:50.44,0:14:54.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,entirely in terms or risk and danger,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:54.84,0:14:59.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whereas Dutch parents talk about\Nbalancing responsibility and joy.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:00.30,0:15:01.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have to tell you,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:01.72,0:15:03.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as a parent myself,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:03.65,0:15:05.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that hit me hard,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:05.62,0:15:08.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,becuase I know,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:08.33,0:15:10.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,had I not delved into that research,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:10.45,0:15:14.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would have talked to my own child\Nabout contraception,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:14.32,0:15:16.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about disease protection,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:16.17,0:15:19.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about consent because\NI'm a modern parent,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:19.09,0:15:22.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I would have thought ...
Dialogue: 0,0:15:22.28,0:15:23.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,job well done.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:24.49,0:15:27.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, I know that's not enough.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:28.08,0:15:31.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I also know what I hope for for our girls.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:32.19,0:15:36.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want them to see sexuality\Nas a source of self-knowledge,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:36.66,0:15:38.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,creativity and communication,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:38.72,0:15:41.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,despite its potential risks.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:41.33,0:15:44.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want them to be able to revel\Nin their bodies' sensuality
Dialogue: 0,0:15:44.91,0:15:46.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,without being reduced to it.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:47.26,0:15:50.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want them to be able to ask\Nfor what they want in bed,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:50.62,0:15:51.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and to get it.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:52.68,0:15:56.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want them to be safe from\Nunwanted pregnancy,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:56.28,0:15:57.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,disease,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:57.50,0:15:58.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,cruelty,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:58.63,0:16:00.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,dehumanization,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:00.41,0:16:01.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,violence.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:02.28,0:16:04.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If they are assualted,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:04.14,0:16:07.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want them to have recourse\Nfrom their schools,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:07.73,0:16:09.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,their employers,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:09.16,0:16:10.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the courts.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:11.20,0:16:13.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a lot to ask,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:13.50,0:16:15.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it's not too much.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:15.77,0:16:19.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As parents, teachers,\Nadvocates and activists,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:19.80,0:16:24.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we have raised a generation \Nof girls to have a voice,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:24.63,0:16:28.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to expect egalitarian\Ntreatment in the home,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:28.55,0:16:29.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the classroom,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:29.83,0:16:31.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the workplace.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:31.98,0:16:36.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now it's time to demand\Nthat intimate justice
Dialogue: 0,0:16:36.60,0:16:39.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in their personal lives as well.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:40.00,0:16:41.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:41.40,0:16:43.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)