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Question: To those who are married,

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what are the strongest encouragements

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or strongest points of exhortation

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that you could give as you look back

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on what you've learned in [br]your 40 years of marriage?

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Clint: Well, communication is a big one.

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You can't exist in a happy marriage

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apart from communication.

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Sooner or later, the problems

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are going to mount up

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and they can be traced to [br]that one fountain head:

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you don't talk about things.

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And so that's a big one.

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We've got to talk, shouldn't we.

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It's a necessity.

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And then there's such things

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as ministries to one another -

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a ministry of comfort.

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When one is bereaved,

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when one is grieving,

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one is going through a difficult time,

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the other one has got to be there

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as a comfort.

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That's all part of the [br]intimacy of marriage.

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And so that's a big one.

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Selfishness.

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That will drive a nail in the coffin.

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I mean, if you have two [br]people that are selfish

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or you have one person [br]that's a selfish individual,

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there's going to be a lot [br]of grief and heartache

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when it could have been a happy marriage

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had one person been more selfless

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rather than selfish.

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Self-centeredness - [br]it shows up all the time.

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Not considering the other person

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more important than yourself.

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So that's a big one right there.

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Question: What are some examples

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of the ways you've seen selfishness

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manifest itself that sometimes

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people might be slow to recognize

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that they're even being selfish?

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Clint: Insistence oftentimes

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has in parentheses selfishness.

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I insist on this or that.

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You know, that seems to [br]come to mind immediately.

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I guess I couldn't give [br]a real example of it

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that would be useful.

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And it comes out all of the time.

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I insist we celebrate this [br]holiday with my family.

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You know, that could [br]just simply be selfish.

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Those kinds of things.

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Question: If someone came to you

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and they said brother,

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how can I fix the problems in my marriage?

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What would you say to someone

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whose mindset is maybe like a mechanic?

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Who is like I've got to fix all [br]these things in my marriage?

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Is that a good mindset to have?

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Or are there pitfalls there?

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What would you say?

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Clint: Well, we've got [br]to pray for one another.

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For sure.

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And I don't fault someone

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for wanting to improve their marriage.

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I mean, a marriage is something [br]you've got to work at.

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It's a hands on endeavor.

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It takes two people.

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In fact, the problems mount up

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when people don't work on their marriage.

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They get lazy.

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They don't spend the time together talking

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that they need to.

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They don't minister to one another.

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Those problems begin to mount up.

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They begin to live [br]separate lives and so on.

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So I don't fault someone for wanting

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to fix their marriage.

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It could be that what they need

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is to prioritize the problems

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and not try and fix all [br]of them all at once.

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Take the most dangerous ones

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or the most affecting ones.

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Work on them through prayer,

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through godly counsel.

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Not peer counsel.

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I'm not a big fan of peer counsel.

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But rather, godly counsel.

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Go to your pastors.

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You know, there's such a thing

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as casting your pearls before swine

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when you take intimate matters

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and begin to talk to your [br]best friend about them,

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who three months down the road

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is no longer your best friend, [br]but your worst enemy.

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And now he knows your [br]intimate secrets and issues.

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And you've cast your pearls before swine.

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They turn and rend you

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as it says there in the King James -

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tear you.

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So, we've got to be really cautious

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who we seek counsel from.

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So often, a word of counsel is very apt

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because that pastor is

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not emotionally tied up in the situation.

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Emotions run high in marital problems.

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And he can give an unbiased word

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of counsel from the [br]Bible or his experience.

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A man who's been a pastor

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and has been married for a number of years

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has a real advantage that way.

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There are some men that are pastors

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who are single pastors.

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They're not married.

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And they have real [br]difficulties, I would say,

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counseling married couples.

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They don't have those [br]experiences to fall back on.

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So as far as a hands on approach

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of fix my marriage kind of a mentality,

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it seems like prioritizing [br]would be the first step.

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This is the biggest issue right now

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that we have to face,

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so let's just work on that one.

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Then we'll move on from there.

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Marriage has got to be the [br]most sanctifying institution

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God has put on the planet

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except for maybe kids, child rearing.

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