0:00:06.998,0:00:10.792
When I was 20, I was on top of the world.

0:00:10.792,0:00:13.126
I was an East Asian studies major,

0:00:13.126,0:00:15.046
and I had just won

0:00:15.046,0:00:18.886
a prestigious fellowship[br]from the Japanese government.

0:00:19.196,0:00:22.597
I would spend a year in Tokyo,

0:00:22.597,0:00:25.587
studying language and culture,

0:00:25.587,0:00:28.487
all expenses paid.

0:00:29.094,0:00:34.214
For a financially strapped kid like me,[br]that was like winning the lottery.

0:00:35.636,0:00:39.436
One day on campus,[br]there was a health fair,

0:00:39.611,0:00:44.423
and just for the heck of it,[br]I got my blood pressure checked.

0:00:45.668,0:00:50.277
And to my surprise,[br]it was startlingly high.

0:00:51.785,0:00:55.474
So the nurse sent me off[br]to the school clinic for more tests,

0:00:55.474,0:00:58.596
and they found protein in my urine.

0:01:00.258,0:01:02.969
This was not a good sign,

0:01:03.610,0:01:07.317
and so I rushed off to see a specialist,

0:01:07.547,0:01:08.878
and within a few weeks,

0:01:08.878,0:01:10.839
I found myself diagnosed

0:01:10.998,0:01:15.456
with an incurable autoimmune disease[br]that was attacking my kidneys.

0:01:16.060,0:01:20.073
And the doctor’s best guess[br]was that I had five years left.

0:01:21.538,0:01:22.830
In an instant,

0:01:23.388,0:01:28.041
it felt like my life[br]was tumbling into darkness.

0:01:28.844,0:01:34.381
And I realized what was worse[br]was that I had to give back the fellowship

0:01:34.728,0:01:36.028
(Laughter)

0:01:36.364,0:01:40.731
to stay in Ohio, where I live,[br]for medical treatment.

0:01:42.524,0:01:46.552
After the initial shock passed,

0:01:47.172,0:01:50.049
I looked around at my classmates.

0:01:50.049,0:01:52.359
They were throwing frisbees,

0:01:52.359,0:01:53.749
partying,

0:01:53.749,0:01:55.439
getting drunk,

0:01:56.359,0:01:58.059
and I got pissed

0:01:59.269,0:02:03.559
because I was 20 years old

0:02:04.530,0:02:06.342
and I was dying.

0:02:10.359,0:02:11.529
Intellectually,

0:02:11.529,0:02:17.369
I knew that anger and resentment[br]were not a way forward.

0:02:18.420,0:02:22.199
But the bigger question was,[br]How was I going to deal with it?

0:02:22.540,0:02:28.160
And my mind kept coming back[br]to a favorite documentary

0:02:28.160,0:02:29.900
on the journey of the hero.

0:02:31.089,0:02:34.789
And this is a kind of universal theme

0:02:35.059,0:02:41.878
that revolves around a central character[br]who is thrown out of his comfortable world

0:02:43.229,0:02:47.329
by a call to undertake a perilous quest.

0:02:48.470,0:02:50.749
And if that quest was successful,

0:02:50.749,0:02:53.699
it results in growth, transformation,

0:02:53.699,0:02:55.149
and renewed life.

0:02:56.809,0:02:58.600
And I thought to myself,

0:02:59.119,0:03:02.849
"Could kidney disease be that call?"

0:03:05.320,0:03:06.770
I began to realize

0:03:06.770,0:03:11.729
that I could approach this illness[br]as an inner spiritual challenge

0:03:11.918,0:03:13.909
in addition to a medical one.

0:03:14.429,0:03:16.464
But again, how?

0:03:16.909,0:03:21.159
It wasn’t like I could call my doctor[br]and get a prescription.

0:03:23.218,0:03:24.489
However,

0:03:24.489,0:03:26.360
as if on cue,

0:03:26.939,0:03:31.400
my religion professor[br]introduces me to a classic book

0:03:31.400,0:03:34.702
on how to practice Zen meditation.

0:03:36.539,0:03:41.379
In Japan, historically,[br]Zen was the practice of warriors,

0:03:41.640,0:03:44.201
and they would use its intense focus

0:03:44.201,0:03:49.429
to transform fear and other emotions[br]that came from facing mortality.

0:03:51.339,0:03:57.070
I was intuitively attracted to the idea[br]that I could be a warrior

0:03:57.190,0:04:01.020
and face this illness[br]with Zen as my weapon.

0:04:02.669,0:04:05.279
So, night after night,

0:04:05.490,0:04:08.398
in my sweltering attic apartment,

0:04:08.398,0:04:11.922
I would sit cross-legged[br]with my eyes closed

0:04:11.922,0:04:14.631
and do battle, Zen-style,

0:04:15.300,0:04:18.329
with the darkest parts of my life.

0:04:19.720,0:04:21.359
And one by one,

0:04:21.359,0:04:23.860
I would face inner demons,

0:04:25.090,0:04:28.279
and as I observed and accepted them,

0:04:29.760,0:04:31.309
little by little,

0:04:32.200,0:04:34.200
they began to shrink,

0:04:35.969,0:04:37.690
and little by little,

0:04:38.389,0:04:40.220
in their place grew

0:04:41.114,0:04:43.054
very slowly

0:04:43.679,0:04:45.271
a sense of calm.

0:04:47.169,0:04:49.280
The focus of Zen

0:04:49.582,0:04:52.559
gave me something to do with my mind

0:04:52.959,0:04:57.009
because at that point in my life,[br]it was the only thing I could manage.

0:04:58.180,0:04:59.599
A year went by,

0:04:59.599,0:05:01.830
then two, then four,

0:05:02.511,0:05:04.900
and I got on with the business of living.

0:05:04.900,0:05:06.560
But I made a deal with myself

0:05:06.560,0:05:10.820
that I would only do[br]what I was passionate about.

0:05:11.279,0:05:14.020
And my passions led me to graduate school,

0:05:14.020,0:05:19.889
where I found a lab that was run[br]by an eminent psychologist

0:05:20.009,0:05:22.049
who studied flow experiences.

0:05:22.589,0:05:26.610
And flow experiences [br]are those moments of intense focus

0:05:26.617,0:05:29.491
where we feel vital and alive.

0:05:29.639,0:05:34.851
And he found that people [br]who could manage their minds into flow

0:05:34.860,0:05:38.570
were connected to themselves and others,

0:05:38.761,0:05:42.379
to a sense of meaning[br]and purpose and to life.

0:05:43.820,0:05:49.550
Flow showed me, through science,[br]what I had only begun to learn in Zen.

0:05:52.089,0:05:54.649
We eventually moved the lab

0:05:54.649,0:05:57.971
from a department of psychology[br]to a school of management.

0:05:57.971,0:06:02.200
And there I had the opportunity[br]to study successful professionals

0:06:02.200,0:06:05.849
who were long-term practitioners [br]of something called mindfulness.

0:06:05.849,0:06:09.449
Mindfulness, like Zen,[br]was a way of training the mind,

0:06:09.829,0:06:12.330
and one thing that mindfulness does

0:06:12.330,0:06:16.319
is return you from being stuck in the past

0:06:16.319,0:06:18.560
or fixated on the future

0:06:18.560,0:06:21.930
to what’s going on right here, right now.

0:06:23.292,0:06:26.139
These professionals[br]had all kinds of backgrounds.

0:06:26.139,0:06:28.680
They were Fortune 500 CEOs,

0:06:28.680,0:06:33.818
world famous architects, filmmakers, [br]artists, musicians, writers,

0:06:33.818,0:06:35.029
and I would ask them,

0:06:35.029,0:06:38.280
"So, you know, what do you think[br]your life would be like

0:06:38.280,0:06:40.289
if you didn't have this practice?"

0:06:40.880,0:06:42.182
And they'd say,

0:06:43.380,0:06:46.379
"My life is so complex.

0:06:47.231,0:06:52.239
I’m being pulled[br]in so many directions at once

0:06:52.620,0:06:58.979
that if I didn’t have this to keep me[br]centered, grounded, and sane,

0:06:59.792,0:07:01.499
I think I’d be dead."

0:07:03.489,0:07:05.080
And then it hit me:

0:07:06.040,0:07:09.029
there was something missing[br]from management,

0:07:09.029,0:07:10.820
that management education

0:07:10.820,0:07:14.958
had focused almost entirely[br]on what happens outside you

0:07:14.958,0:07:17.206
and there was precious[br]little, if anything,

0:07:17.206,0:07:19.925
that spoke about leadership[br]from the inside.

0:07:20.889,0:07:22.961
And I sensed that was an opportunity.

0:07:24.019,0:07:25.589
So with my school’s blessing,

0:07:25.589,0:07:31.300
I created a course that put executives[br]through a series of grueling challenges.

0:07:31.570,0:07:34.629
They would have to learn[br]how to focus their mind

0:07:34.629,0:07:36.171
in a world of distraction.

0:07:36.171,0:07:40.309
They would have to rigorously observe[br]their emotional reactions.

0:07:40.439,0:07:42.959
And they'd have to face unflinchingly

0:07:42.959,0:07:44.319
their own ego.

0:07:45.579,0:07:47.880
This was not for the faint of heart,

0:07:48.659,0:07:50.491
and to my surprise,

0:07:50.491,0:07:52.241
people signed up!

0:07:54.070,0:07:57.950
And one CEO drove three hours[br]to take the class.

0:07:58.669,0:08:03.359
My coworker warned me[br]that he was a "very difficult man."

0:08:03.818,0:08:09.079
And my colleagues were intimidated[br]by his hard glare and short fuse.

0:08:10.177,0:08:12.788
And they smugly wished me,

0:08:12.788,0:08:16.059
the youngest guy[br]on the faculty at that time,

0:08:16.269,0:08:17.590
"Good luck."

0:08:18.440,0:08:21.290
I felt like I was[br]being thrown to the lions.

0:08:21.799,0:08:23.789
The CEO sat right up front,

0:08:24.380,0:08:26.352
and for a while he was quiet.

0:08:26.589,0:08:29.600
But as time passed, he began to open up.

0:08:29.600,0:08:32.609
And he confessed that[br]he was completely overwhelmed

0:08:32.609,0:08:37.589
by endless email and customers' demands[br]for instant responses.

0:08:38.388,0:08:41.128
Constant multitasking[br]made his life frenetic,

0:08:41.138,0:08:45.189
and pressures to increase the bottom line[br]escalated his stress.

0:08:46.980,0:08:49.750
But as he began to awaken,

0:08:50.389,0:08:51.979
he admitted to me

0:08:51.979,0:08:53.559
that perversely,

0:08:54.369,0:08:59.112
he enjoyed playing the role of victim.

0:09:00.640,0:09:03.940
Now, that might not sound like much,

0:09:03.940,0:09:07.149
but for a CEO to admit that,

0:09:07.800,0:09:10.909
that turned into a turning point for him.

0:09:12.530,0:09:14.970
As time went by,

0:09:14.970,0:09:20.090
he started to see how hardened[br]and indifferent he had become to others,

0:09:20.759,0:09:24.119
how his management style[br]was to fly off the handle

0:09:24.119,0:09:28.049
and lose control and get caught up[br]in a swell of his own emotions.

0:09:29.151,0:09:30.940
He wrote to me saying,

0:09:32.160,0:09:37.359
"I’m beginning to see[br]my own obsession with me,

0:09:38.029,0:09:40.621
and my own pride, vanity, and greed."

0:09:41.178,0:09:42.732
And what was surprising to him

0:09:42.732,0:09:45.831
was that when he was open, [br]unguarded, and vulnerable,

0:09:46.479,0:09:48.879
he felt stronger and free.

0:09:49.521,0:09:51.089
"Maybe," he says,

0:09:51.089,0:09:56.502
"Maybe I’m beginning to know[br]what compassion means."

0:09:57.380,0:10:02.079
At the end of the class,[br]his eyes smiled more.

0:10:02.079,0:10:05.819
And I asked him how had the class[br]affected his personal life.

0:10:06.230,0:10:07.829
And he says, "You know,

0:10:08.249,0:10:13.631
I realized that I haven't had[br]a personal life in 35 years.

0:10:14.689,0:10:16.998
But back then[br]my hair was a lot longer,

0:10:17.810,0:10:20.940
and I was interested[br]in consciousness and spirituality.

0:10:20.940,0:10:22.480
But then we got married,

0:10:22.530,0:10:23.810
and then we had kids,

0:10:23.840,0:10:27.179
and then I realized[br]I had to support this family.

0:10:28.280,0:10:30.210
And I went to work,

0:10:31.280,0:10:33.020
and I never stopped.

0:10:34.630,0:10:38.785
And all of those longings[br]quietly faded away."

0:10:39.659,0:10:42.479
And with tears streaming down his face,

0:10:43.007,0:10:44.989
"My wife says to me the other day,

0:10:44.989,0:10:46.949
'I don’t know what’s happened to you,

0:10:46.949,0:10:50.088
but you’ve turned back[br]into the man I married.'"

0:10:51.040,0:10:56.350
That moment, for me,[br]was like being hit by lightning,

0:10:56.760,0:11:01.329
and to see such a profound shift[br]in this "difficult man"

0:11:01.960,0:11:05.970
showed me the path[br]that I had to take for my life.

0:11:06.360,0:11:10.910
So I quit a promising[br]research career to do this work,

0:11:10.929,0:11:13.719
which I felt like is what I needed to do.

0:11:15.410,0:11:17.688
He, In a decade of teaching,

0:11:17.688,0:11:22.599
he became the first[br]of a long line of "difficult people"

0:11:23.169,0:11:26.880
who were fundamentally[br]existentially frustrated.

0:11:26.880,0:11:30.660
They had used all their talent,[br]skill, and intelligence

0:11:31.520,0:11:32.975
for external achievement,

0:11:32.975,0:11:34.070
and they enjoyed it.

0:11:34.070,0:11:36.869
But in the end,[br]they found it unsatisfying.

0:11:38.790,0:11:41.030
But they didn’t know what to do.

0:11:41.309,0:11:44.099
And that’s why they were frustrated.

0:11:44.638,0:11:45.690
We are told

0:11:45.690,0:11:48.569
that the unexamined life[br]isn't worth living,

0:11:48.569,0:11:51.130
but we’re never told how to examine it.

0:11:52.239,0:11:56.970
And I think the secret[br]is cultivating mindful attention

0:11:56.970,0:11:59.309
because that creates self-awareness.

0:11:59.309,0:12:02.601
And the self-awareness creates[br]the opportunity for change.

0:12:02.812,0:12:06.219
And that can lead to self-transformation.

0:12:07.410,0:12:12.049
As a society, we don't pay[br]enough attention to "attention."

0:12:12.541,0:12:15.219
We don’t take care of it,[br]preserve it, grow it.

0:12:15.469,0:12:17.710
We need to take care of attention!

0:12:18.689,0:12:21.530
So when are we going to realize

0:12:21.929,0:12:26.100
that a meeting where everyone[br]is staring at their laptop

0:12:26.100,0:12:28.249
isn’t really a meeting.

0:12:28.871,0:12:31.996
And shouldn’t memories[br]of Grandma and her blackberry

0:12:31.996,0:12:33.016
be about a pie,

0:12:33.016,0:12:34.556
and not a phone?

0:12:34.556,0:12:36.066
(Laughter)

0:12:36.735,0:12:40.265
Quality of attention is quality of life.

0:12:40.265,0:12:41.786
It’s quality of relationship,

0:12:41.786,0:12:43.015
quality of work!

0:12:43.015,0:12:49.077
Attention is the secret ingredient[br]that connects us to ourselves and others.

0:12:49.649,0:12:53.969
And mindfulness and Zen[br]are ways of enhancing attention

0:12:53.969,0:12:56.297
so we can live with more flow.

0:12:57.638,0:12:59.068
I'd like to think

0:12:59.068,0:13:04.219
that my practices helped me live[br]beyond the five-year diagnosis.

0:13:04.998,0:13:07.407
But after years of teaching,

0:13:07.407,0:13:11.037
fatigue, gout, and undeniable lab results

0:13:11.037,0:13:13.448
all pointed to the fact I was dying.

0:13:15.017,0:13:18.187
But since 16 years had passed[br]since the original diagnosis,

0:13:18.187,0:13:21.732
my doctor believed that[br]a kidney transplant could save my life,

0:13:22.157,0:13:25.127
and this presented another problem.

0:13:26.347,0:13:28.237
I would have to ask for help.

0:13:28.747,0:13:33.968
And the idea was like[br]throwing a birthday party

0:13:33.968,0:13:37.876
with a secret fear[br]that no one was going to show up.

0:13:38.846,0:13:40.986
So, like the CEO,

0:13:40.988,0:13:46.467
I had to look at my own fear,[br]pride, and vulnerability

0:13:46.467,0:13:47.737
to live.

0:13:48.667,0:13:53.434
And so when 25 people[br]came forward as organ donors

0:13:53.434,0:13:56.867
and 13 of whom were my former students,

0:13:57.547,0:14:01.517
I got more help than[br]I could have ever imagined.

0:14:02.726,0:14:03.977
And luckily,

0:14:04.297,0:14:07.497
one was a positive match.

0:14:08.209,0:14:09.508
And here I am.

0:14:09.809,0:14:10.888
It’s not done.

0:14:10.888,0:14:12.228
(Applause)

0:14:16.496,0:14:21.177
I used to think that pain was a negative,

0:14:22.076,0:14:28.697
but I learned, with the right tool[br]it could become fuel for growth.

0:14:29.837,0:14:35.588
And it led me down a path[br]of strength, courage, and love.

0:14:37.117,0:14:42.267
I believe that we all have[br]the capacity within us

0:14:42.268,0:14:45.381
to make our minds beautiful.

0:14:46.946,0:14:53.627
So my wish is that we become[br]warriors of our own journey.

0:14:54.639,0:14:56.457
Because when we do,

0:14:56.918,0:14:58.557
we change our heart,

0:14:58.597,0:14:59.907
our mind,

0:14:59.907,0:15:01.538
and our future.

0:15:02.591,0:15:03.843
Thank you.

0:15:03.843,0:15:05.569
(Applause)