WEBVTT

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Music by Lisa Thiel - Kuan Yin's Mantra

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Ask Teal

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Hatred

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Hello there.

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Hatred,

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we see it everywhere in the world today.

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It's the internal condition 
that leads to things like,

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prejudice and genocide and war.

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Hatred is essentially the emotional state

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of deep and intense dislike,

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aversion,

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or even hositility

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towards someone or something.

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It's perhaps the most extreme form

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of vibrational resistance to something.

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It is resistance to the degree

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that one wishes to destroy 
the thing that is perceived

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to be causing the unhappiness within them.

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But what is it exactly that causes hatred?

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Hatred is caused by the perception of threat.

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What is a threat?

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A threat is you facing something

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that is going to diminish

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something that you hold dear.

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A threat is something that's likely 
to cause danger or damage.

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In other words,

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it's something that's likely to hurt you.

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When a person feels as if they're 
in the presence of a threat,

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they feel fear, and that fear is 
quickly converted to anger,

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which is a state of defense.

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You can think of anger and aversion

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as a person's attempt to 
keep their boundaries intact

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so as to stay safe.

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The person tries to push 
that thing away from itself

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or somehow eradicate the threat.

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Hatred is the human ego 
in a state of defense.

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When we find ourself hating something,

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the question we have to ask ourselves is:

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"What threat does this thing pose to me?"

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"How is it hurting me?"

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"What am I afraid of?"

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For example,

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A woman may feel hatred 
towards another woman

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who is beautiful,

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and upon further reflection,

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she might find that 
that woman is a threat

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to her own sense of self-esteem,

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her self-concept.

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Or for example,

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a man may start to feel hatred 
towards another man

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that's flirting with his girlfriend.

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But upon deeper reflection,

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he finds that it's because

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that man poses a threat

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to his sense of security and connection

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within his relationship.

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Or a group of people might feel hatred

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towards another group of people.

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Because pretend they have 
different religious views.

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Upon deeper reflection,

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one of those religious groups might find

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that the reason they hate the other,

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is because of the belief 
they hold about them.

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They may think that this other group

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is evil or wicked.

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And so their beliefs about 
this other person,

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makes them think that that other group

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is a threat to life on earth,

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a threat to happiness.

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The safer we feel, the less we hate.

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The problem is that hatred

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tends to snowball.

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Essentially, this is how it goes:

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We perceive a threat first.

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Our reaction to that threat

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is to push it away from us,

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so we start to feel hatred.

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And because we're focussed at that thing

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with an attitude of hatred,

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as if it's a threat,

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what happens in a law of 
attraction based universe?

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We attract more proof 
that they're a threat.

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Which makes us more afraid,

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which makes us hate them more,

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which makes us manifest more 
proof that they're dangerous,

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which makes us hate them more.

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And it just keeps going 
and going until finally,

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we have so much hate inside of us,

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that we can do nothing

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except for try to destroy 
that other thing.

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Some of us find ourselves more frequently

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on the receiving end of hatred.

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I'm one of those examples.

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This is especially true

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if we're one of those people

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who grew up in a condition,

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which led us to shame.

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That means in our childhood,

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the belief which we inherited

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from the people who were raising us,

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was that there's something 
about us that's bad or wrong.

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We are a perfect vibrational match

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to people who think that 
exact same thing about us.

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We tend to take this hatred personally.

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We make the hatred that 
we receive from others

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mean that there must be 
something bad about us.

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This pushes is into self-doubt, 
self-hatred and self-distrust.

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But we need to see that the hatred 
does not exist because we're bad.

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It doesn't even exist because 
they're right about us.

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Hatred exists because the other person

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perceives us to be a threat 
to something they treasure

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and are therefore attached to.

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So what we have to ask ourselves is:

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"What threat do they perceive 
me posing to them?"

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For example, we may discover

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that somebody feels as if we're 
a threat to their physical safety,

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or we're a threat to their wellbeing,

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or we're a threat to their relationship,

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or we're a threat to how they 
want the world to look,

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or we're a threat to the beliefs 
which are keeping them safe,

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or we're a threat to their 
sense of self-esteem.

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It's much easier to feel better 
about someone or something

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that's hating us,

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if we can develop compassion.

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Now I realise this can be a stretch.

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Feeling compassion for 
someone who hates you

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and who is potentially actively trying 
to destroy your life is quite difficult.

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But remember that what you're after here

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is not letting them of the hook,

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for hating you or doing 
the things they're doing.

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What you're trying to look to do,
is to feel better yourself.

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And obviously, when someone 
starts hating you,

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you start perceiving them as a threat.

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So one of the best ways to 
get out of that vicious cycle,

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is to start focussing on the pain

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that is in fact causing their hatred.

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Where is that fear

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and that scared little child, essentially,

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who is completely convinced

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that you're a threat to them?

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In other words,

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we don't feel the need to 
defend ourselves as violently,

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because it really isn't about us,

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it's about the fact that something 
about us makes them feel threatened.

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Perhaps we can even help them feel

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less threatened about whatever they 
feel threatened about relative to us.

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When it comes to hatred,

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regardless of whether it's us hating them

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or them hating us,

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what we have to do is to address the fear

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and the pain

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that is underneath that hatred.

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We have to access the vulnerability.

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So when you encounter hate,

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I want you to do three things.

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1. You need to question the threat.

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This means you gotta get present 
to what threat this person poses,

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or what threat they think you pose.

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You gotta be really aware

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of what that is first

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and you have to question it.

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Is this genuinely a threat?

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Is that a threat they actually pose to me?

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Is it a threat I actually pose to them?

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We also have to explore and 
loosen our negative attachment

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to the thing we think 
they pose a threat to.

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Obviously if we start hating somebody,

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or if they start hating us,

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it's about the fact

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that we feel like we have 
to defend something

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which we're attached to.

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This is a perfect opportunity

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for those of us who are 
in the spiritual practice,

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to question our level of attachment.

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Obviously, I've identified 
with this particular thing

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so strongly,

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that that in and of itself 
is causing me pain.

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2. Find non-reactive conscious strategies

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to diminish the potential threat,

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without causing the other person harm.

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For example,

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let's say that the other person 
poses a threat to my self-esteem.

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How could I go about 
decreasing that threat

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to my self-esteem without 
causing them pain?

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Step 3.

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Increase your feeling 
of safety and integrity.

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Obviously you're defending something

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that you think you're gonna lose 
or that's going to be diminished

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by the person who is hating you

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or who you're hating.

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So what I want you to do,

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is to think any thought

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that would cause you to feel 
better about this situation,

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about whatever it is 
they pose a threat to.

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Any form of positive focus 
about the situation

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we feel threatened by will 
diminish the feeling of threat.

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By doing these things, we will 
experience a decrease in hatred.

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At its root, hatred occurs

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because we feel powerless

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to the way we feel.

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Why is it that we don't wanna lose

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that thing we think they're a threat to?

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Because we would feel bad if we did.

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So at the core,

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hatred is about the fact that we 
feel powerless to feeling bad.

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So, what can you do about it?

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Prove to yourself that you're not 
powerless to the way that you feel.

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Any amount of focus on anything,

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or any action you take

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that makes you feel better or more secure

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relative to the thing you 
think you're gonna lose,

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will cause you to feel better.

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When we hate,

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we feel bad and don't 
think we can feel good

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as long as the thing we think 
caused us to feel bad,

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(the threat)

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still exists.

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Taking our focus of those things
that cause us to feel bad

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and placing our focus on things 
that cause us to feel good,

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allows us to see that 
we do have the ability

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to alter how we feel deliberately.

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This empowerment helps us to see

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that we aren't just at 
the mercy of the world

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and thus we feel less threatened by things

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and thus we don't feel hate towards them.

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For example,

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let's say that you feel hatred 
towards your boyfriend's ex.

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When you ask yourself the question:

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What threat does this pose to me?

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You might come up with an answer like:

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She really poses a threat 


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to the connection that 
I feel with this person.

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I feel like, if she's in the picture,

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I'm gonna lose my connection with him.

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First, you question the threat.

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Is she really a threat to your 
connection with your boyfriend?

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If so, how?

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You may wanna do Byron Katie's process

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called 'The Work' on this idea.

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Then you may want to explore

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how the attachment you have to 
your connection, to your boyfriend,

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is painful and therefore negative.

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Because what you really want 
is a man who will choose you

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and whom wants you enough

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that you don't have to work hard 
to earn closeness with him.

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So it may even be better 
to have his closeness

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tested in this way,

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so you can either see his true colours,

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or develop real security

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in his connection to you.

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Then, one of the action 
steps you could take,

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is to have a vulnerable and open 
and honest conversation

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with your boyfriend

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about the threat

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that you feel this ex of his 
poses to your relationship.

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Then, if you wanna go further than that,

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you can begin to positively focus.

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How is your connection 
secure with this boyfriend?

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How can you be sure

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that it's going to be maintained 
regardless of whether she's there or not?

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This world functions like a mirror,

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which means that if we wish 
to end hatred in the world,

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we have to first end it within ourselves.

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That means, we have to adress 
the aspect of us that hates.

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But I will give you a tip;

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The aspect of you that hates is 
not malevolent and it is not evil.

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It is the aspect of you that 
is a small crying child

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that feels powerless 
to the world around it,

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powerless to the way it feels.

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This child within you is the one 
that needs the attention.

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And when I say child,

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I don't want you to then go into 
the space where you're thinking

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that a child is less evolved,

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or that a child essentially

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is not as spiritually enlightened

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as an adult,

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Because we love to do that.

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We love to be like:

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"Oh, it's the underdog

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and it's sort of like lower 
on the value scale

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than my adult self".

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That's not the way that 
the inner child works.

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But this is an aspect of you 
that is deeply in pain.

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And so it needs your conscious attention,

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your conscious focus.

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It needs you to know what it's scared of.

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And it needs you to help it

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to feel better about what it's scared of.

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This small child is terrified

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in a state of fear

00:11:33.941 --> 00:11:36.946
and is reacting by trying to push 
the thing that it's afraid of

00:11:36.946 --> 00:11:38.642
away from itself.

00:11:38.762 --> 00:11:40.911
We need to feel love and compassion

00:11:40.911 --> 00:11:43.420
towards this aspect of us 
that's feeling threatened.

00:11:43.420 --> 00:11:46.176
And by doing this we create 
more safety for ourselves

00:11:46.176 --> 00:11:48.483
and this subdues the hatred.

00:11:48.863 --> 00:11:50.409
Now before I continue,

00:11:50.409 --> 00:11:52.666
I have to say that in the spiritual field,

00:11:52.666 --> 00:11:55.360
hatred has become a bit like anger.

00:11:55.360 --> 00:11:58.316
It's not okay to admit 
that you feel that way.

00:11:58.316 --> 00:12:00.639
In fact, you're SO not 
spiritually enlightened

00:12:00.639 --> 00:12:01.963
if you hate anything.

00:12:01.963 --> 00:12:05.170
So, "just cram that deep down 
inside and never admit to it."

00:12:05.170 --> 00:12:07.433
~ Laughs ~

00:12:07.433 --> 00:12:09.097
But here's the thing,

00:12:09.667 --> 00:12:12.269
It's natural when we feel threatened,

00:12:12.269 --> 00:12:14.998
to basically jump into a space of hate.

00:12:14.998 --> 00:12:16.676
So it would be very rare

00:12:16.676 --> 00:12:20.325
to meet somebody who is 
genuinely free of all hatred.

00:12:20.325 --> 00:12:22.534
And it's really, really damaging

00:12:22.534 --> 00:12:25.944
for you to bury that aspect 
of you deep down inside,

00:12:25.944 --> 00:12:28.459
to stay unconscious of 
it and not admit to it.

00:12:28.459 --> 00:12:31.758
Suppressed hatred wreaks 
havoc on your body

00:12:31.758 --> 00:12:34.403
and it wreaks havoc on the world at large.

00:12:34.403 --> 00:12:36.042
So, admit to what you hate

00:12:36.042 --> 00:12:38.162
even if you're one of 
those spiritual people

00:12:38.162 --> 00:12:42.316
who is all about the love, light 
and communion on this planet.

00:12:42.316 --> 00:12:45.249
It's really important for you 
to actually become conscious

00:12:45.249 --> 00:12:46.733
of the hatred that you have,

00:12:46.733 --> 00:12:48.964
so that can find some resolution to it,

00:12:48.964 --> 00:12:52.053
instead of just trying to convince 
yourself it doesn't exist.

00:12:52.053 --> 00:12:53.253
On the other hand,

00:12:53.253 --> 00:12:56.254
when we're not in the practice 
of suppressing our hatred,

00:12:56.254 --> 00:12:59.383
but we're also not conscious 
enough to work with it directly,

00:12:59.383 --> 00:13:02.094
we mistake the fight or flight 
peak in energy we feel

00:13:02.094 --> 00:13:03.995
and hatred for power.

00:13:04.115 --> 00:13:06.432
Hatred is the opposite of power.

00:13:06.722 --> 00:13:09.730
It only occurs when we feel 
powerless to a threat.

00:13:09.730 --> 00:13:11.809
When we become reactive.

00:13:12.019 --> 00:13:15.115
Instead of addressing the internal 
world and it's state of fear,

00:13:15.115 --> 00:13:17.631
we try to eradicate the threat itself.

00:13:17.751 --> 00:13:20.966
We rage war against it in 
order to try to get rid of it.

00:13:20.966 --> 00:13:24.156
This does not work in a universe
based on the law of attraction,

00:13:24.156 --> 00:13:26.251
where whatever you resist persists.

00:13:26.251 --> 00:13:28.598
This is exactly why people 
in the media say

00:13:28.598 --> 00:13:30.866
that bad press is good press.

00:13:31.166 --> 00:13:33.958
Hating someone feels bad.

00:13:34.158 --> 00:13:36.246
It doesn't just feel bad to the person

00:13:36.246 --> 00:13:38.334
who is on the receiving end of our hate,

00:13:38.334 --> 00:13:40.506
it feels bad to us.

00:13:41.086 --> 00:13:43.208
We have a tendency of thinking

00:13:43.208 --> 00:13:44.521
when we feel hatred,

00:13:44.521 --> 00:13:47.299
that whatever we are 
perceiving to be a threat,

00:13:47.299 --> 00:13:50.164
is what is causing that feeling within us.

00:13:50.494 --> 00:13:52.556
But in fact it's just our reaction

00:13:52.556 --> 00:13:55.419
to something we perceive to be a threat.

00:13:55.949 --> 00:13:59.160
That means that hatred is not 
really anybody else's problem.

00:13:59.510 --> 00:14:00.999
It's our problem.

00:14:00.999 --> 00:14:03.355
And it deserves our conscious attention.

00:14:03.355 --> 00:14:07.127
Even if they have done 
things to justify the hatred,

00:14:07.457 --> 00:14:09.911
the one power that we do have,

00:14:09.911 --> 00:14:12.936
is to deal with our reaction to them

00:14:12.936 --> 00:14:14.572
and what they did.

00:14:14.862 --> 00:14:16.756
This is good news because it means

00:14:16.756 --> 00:14:19.431
we are not powerless to our hatred.

00:14:19.871 --> 00:14:22.136
Hatred is a cover emotion

00:14:22.136 --> 00:14:24.288
for feeling pain,

00:14:24.288 --> 00:14:26.301
hurt and fear.

00:14:26.301 --> 00:14:28.054
So address that pain,

00:14:28.054 --> 00:14:29.757
that hurt and that fear

00:14:29.997 --> 00:14:31.851
and then conscioussly focus

00:14:31.851 --> 00:14:34.815
on anything that causes you to feel safer,

00:14:34.815 --> 00:14:36.458
to feel joy,

00:14:36.458 --> 00:14:39.221
to feel that state of integrity.

00:14:39.731 --> 00:14:43.147
And watch your hatred disappear.

00:14:43.867 --> 00:14:45.456
Have a good week.

00:15:18.266 --> 00:15:23.146
Subtitles by: David Soh, Katja Vleermens
& Tanya Duarte ( www.tanyaduarte.com )