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Music by Lisa Thiel - Kuan Yin's Mantra

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Ask Teal

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Hatred

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Hello there.

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Hatred,

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we see it everywhere in the world today.

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It's the internal condition [br]that leads to things like,

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prejudice and genocide and war.

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Hatred is essentially the emotional state

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of deep and intense dislike,

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aversion,

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or even hositility

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towards someone or something.

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It's perhaps the most extreme form

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of vibrational resistance to something.

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It is resistance to the degree

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that one wishes to destroy [br]the thing that is perceived

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to be causing the unhappiness within them.

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But what is it exactly that causes hatred?

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Hatred is caused by the perception of threat.

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What is a threat?

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A threat is you facing something

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that is going to diminish

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something that you hold dear.

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A threat is something that's likely [br]to cause danger or damage.

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In other words,

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it's something that's likely to hurt you.

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When a person feels as if they're [br]in the presence of a threat,

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they feel fear, and that fear is [br]quickly converted to anger,

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which is a state of defense.

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You can think of anger and aversion

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as a person's attempt to [br]keep their boundaries intact

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so as to stay safe.

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The person tries to push [br]that thing away from itself

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or somehow eradicate the threat.

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Hatred is the human ego [br]in a state of defense.

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When we find ourself hating something,

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the question we have to ask ourselves is:

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"What threat does this thing pose to me?"

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"How is it hurting me?"

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"What am I afraid of?"

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For example,

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A woman may feel hatred [br]towards another woman

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who is beautiful,

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and upon further reflection,

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she might find that [br]that woman is a threat

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to her own sense of self-esteem,

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her self-concept.

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Or for example,

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a man may start to feel hatred [br]towards another man

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that's flirting with his girlfriend.

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But upon deeper reflection,

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he finds that it's because

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that man poses a threat

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to his sense of security and connection

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within his relationship.

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Or a group of people might feel hatred

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towards another group of people.

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Because pretend they have [br]different religious views.

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Upon deeper reflection,

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one of those religious groups might find

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that the reason they hate the other,

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is because of the belief [br]they hold about them.

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They may think that this other group

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is evil or wicked.

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And so their beliefs about [br]this other person,

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makes them think that that other group

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is a threat to life on earth,

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a threat to happiness.

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The safer we feel, the less we hate.

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The problem is that hatred

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tends to snowball.

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Essentially, this is how it goes:

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We perceive a threat first.

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Our reaction to that threat

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is to push it away from us,

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so we start to feel hatred.

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And because we're focussed at that thing

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with an attitude of hatred,

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as if it's a threat,

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what happens in a law of [br]attraction based universe?

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We attract more proof [br]that they're a threat.

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Which makes us more afraid,

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which makes us hate them more,

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which makes us manifest more [br]proof that they're dangerous,

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which makes us hate them more.

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And it just keeps going [br]and going until finally,

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we have so much hate inside of us,

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that we can do nothing

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except for try to destroy [br]that other thing.

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Some of us find ourselves more frequently

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on the receiving end of hatred.

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I'm one of those examples.

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This is especially true

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if we're one of those people

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who grew up in a condition,

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which led us to shame.

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That means in our childhood,

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the belief which we inherited

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from the people who were raising us,

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was that there's something [br]about us that's bad or wrong.

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We are a perfect vibrational match

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to people who think that [br]exact same thing about us.

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We tend to take this hatred personally.

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We make the hatred that [br]we receive from others

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mean that there must be [br]something bad about us.

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This pushes is into self-doubt, [br]self-hatred and self-distrust.

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But we need to see that the hatred [br]does not exist because we're bad.

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It doesn't even exist because [br]they're right about us.

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Hatred exists because the other person

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perceives us to be a threat [br]to something they treasure

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and are therefore attached to.

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So what we have to ask ourselves is:

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"What threat do they perceive [br]me posing to them?"

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For example, we may discover

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that somebody feels as if we're [br]a threat to their physical safety,

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or we're a threat to their wellbeing,

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or we're a threat to their relationship,

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or we're a threat to how they [br]want the world to look,

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or we're a threat to the beliefs [br]which are keeping them safe,

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or we're a threat to their [br]sense of self-esteem.

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It's much easier to feel better [br]about someone or something

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that's hating us,

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if we can develop compassion.

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Now I realise this can be a stretch.

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Feeling compassion for [br]someone who hates you

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and who is potentially actively trying [br]to destroy your life is quite difficult.

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But remember that what you're after here

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is not letting them of the hook,

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for hating you or doing [br]the things they're doing.

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What you're trying to look to do,[br]is to feel better yourself.

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And obviously, when someone [br]starts hating you,

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you start perceiving them as a threat.

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So one of the best ways to [br]get out of that vicious cycle,

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is to start focussing on the pain

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that is in fact causing their hatred.

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Where is that fear

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and that scared little child, essentially,

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who is completely convinced

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that you're a threat to them?

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In other words,

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we don't feel the need to [br]defend ourselves as violently,

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because it really isn't about us,

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it's about the fact that something [br]about us makes them feel threatened.

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Perhaps we can even help them feel

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less threatened about whatever they [br]feel threatened about relative to us.

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When it comes to hatred,

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regardless of whether it's us hating them

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or them hating us,

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what we have to do is to address the fear

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and the pain

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that is underneath that hatred.

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We have to access the vulnerability.

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So when you encounter hate,

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I want you to do three things.

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1. You need to question the threat.

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This means you gotta get present [br]to what threat this person poses,

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or what threat they think you pose.

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You gotta be really aware

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of what that is first

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and you have to question it.

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Is this genuinely a threat?

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Is that a threat they actually pose to me?

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Is it a threat I actually pose to them?

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We also have to explore and [br]loosen our negative attachment

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to the thing we think [br]they pose a threat to.

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Obviously if we start hating somebody,

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or if they start hating us,

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it's about the fact

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that we feel like we have [br]to defend something

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which we're attached to.

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This is a perfect opportunity

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for those of us who are [br]in the spiritual practice,

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to question our level of attachment.

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Obviously, I've identified [br]with this particular thing

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so strongly,

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that that in and of itself [br]is causing me pain.

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2. Find non-reactive conscious strategies

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to diminish the potential threat,

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without causing the other person harm.

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For example,

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let's say that the other person [br]poses a threat to my self-esteem.

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How could I go about [br]decreasing that threat

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to my self-esteem without [br]causing them pain?

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Step 3.

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Increase your feeling [br]of safety and integrity.

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Obviously you're defending something

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that you think you're gonna lose [br]or that's going to be diminished

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by the person who is hating you

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or who you're hating.

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So what I want you to do,

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is to think any thought

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that would cause you to feel [br]better about this situation,

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about whatever it is [br]they pose a threat to.

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Any form of positive focus [br]about the situation

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we feel threatened by will [br]diminish the feeling of threat.

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By doing these things, we will [br]experience a decrease in hatred.

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At its root, hatred occurs

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because we feel powerless

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to the way we feel.

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Why is it that we don't wanna lose

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that thing we think they're a threat to?

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Because we would feel bad if we did.

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So at the core,

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hatred is about the fact that we [br]feel powerless to feeling bad.

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So, what can you do about it?

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Prove to yourself that you're not [br]powerless to the way that you feel.

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Any amount of focus on anything,

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or any action you take

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that makes you feel better or more secure

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relative to the thing you [br]think you're gonna lose,

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will cause you to feel better.

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When we hate,

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we feel bad and don't [br]think we can feel good

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as long as the thing we think [br]caused us to feel bad,

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(the threat)

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still exists.

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Taking our focus of those things[br]that cause us to feel bad

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and placing our focus on things [br]that cause us to feel good,

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allows us to see that [br]we do have the ability

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to alter how we feel deliberately.

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This empowerment helps us to see

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that we aren't just at [br]the mercy of the world

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and thus we feel less threatened by things

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and thus we don't feel hate towards them.

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For example,

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let's say that you feel hatred [br]towards your boyfriend's ex.

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When you ask yourself the question:

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What threat does this pose to me?

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You might come up with an answer like:

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She really poses a threat [br]

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to the connection that [br]I feel with this person.

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I feel like, if she's in the picture,

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I'm gonna lose my connection with him.

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First, you question the threat.

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Is she really a threat to your [br]connection with your boyfriend?

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If so, how?

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You may wanna do Byron Katie's process

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called 'The Work' on this idea.

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Then you may want to explore

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how the attachment you have to [br]your connection, to your boyfriend,

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is painful and therefore negative.

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Because what you really want [br]is a man who will choose you

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and whom wants you enough

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that you don't have to work hard [br]to earn closeness with him.

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So it may even be better [br]to have his closeness

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tested in this way,

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so you can either see his true colours,

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or develop real security

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in his connection to you.

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Then, one of the action [br]steps you could take,

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is to have a vulnerable and open [br]and honest conversation

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with your boyfriend

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about the threat

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that you feel this ex of his [br]poses to your relationship.

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Then, if you wanna go further than that,

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you can begin to positively focus.

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How is your connection [br]secure with this boyfriend?

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How can you be sure

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that it's going to be maintained [br]regardless of whether she's there or not?

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This world functions like a mirror,

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which means that if we wish [br]to end hatred in the world,

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we have to first end it within ourselves.

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That means, we have to adress [br]the aspect of us that hates.

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But I will give you a tip;

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The aspect of you that hates is [br]not malevolent and it is not evil.

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It is the aspect of you that [br]is a small crying child

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that feels powerless [br]to the world around it,

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powerless to the way it feels.

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This child within you is the one [br]that needs the attention.

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And when I say child,

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I don't want you to then go into [br]the space where you're thinking

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that a child is less evolved,

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or that a child essentially

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is not as spiritually enlightened

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as an adult,

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Because we love to do that.

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We love to be like:

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"Oh, it's the underdog

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and it's sort of like lower [br]on the value scale

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than my adult self".

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That's not the way that [br]the inner child works.

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But this is an aspect of you [br]that is deeply in pain.

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And so it needs your conscious attention,

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your conscious focus.

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It needs you to know what it's scared of.

0:11:26.568,0:11:27.942
And it needs you to help it

0:11:27.942,0:11:30.237
to feel better about what it's scared of.

0:11:30.237,0:11:32.909
This small child is terrified

0:11:32.909,0:11:33.941
in a state of fear

0:11:33.941,0:11:36.946
and is reacting by trying to push [br]the thing that it's afraid of

0:11:36.946,0:11:38.642
away from itself.

0:11:38.762,0:11:40.911
We need to feel love and compassion

0:11:40.911,0:11:43.420
towards this aspect of us [br]that's feeling threatened.

0:11:43.420,0:11:46.176
And by doing this we create [br]more safety for ourselves

0:11:46.176,0:11:48.483
and this subdues the hatred.

0:11:48.863,0:11:50.409
Now before I continue,

0:11:50.409,0:11:52.666
I have to say that in the spiritual field,

0:11:52.666,0:11:55.360
hatred has become a bit like anger.

0:11:55.360,0:11:58.316
It's not okay to admit [br]that you feel that way.

0:11:58.316,0:12:00.639
In fact, you're SO not [br]spiritually enlightened

0:12:00.639,0:12:01.963
if you hate anything.

0:12:01.963,0:12:05.170
So, "just cram that deep down [br]inside and never admit to it."

0:12:05.170,0:12:07.433
~ Laughs ~

0:12:07.433,0:12:09.097
But here's the thing,

0:12:09.667,0:12:12.269
It's natural when we feel threatened,

0:12:12.269,0:12:14.998
to basically jump into a space of hate.

0:12:14.998,0:12:16.676
So it would be very rare

0:12:16.676,0:12:20.325
to meet somebody who is [br]genuinely free of all hatred.

0:12:20.325,0:12:22.534
And it's really, really damaging

0:12:22.534,0:12:25.944
for you to bury that aspect [br]of you deep down inside,

0:12:25.944,0:12:28.459
to stay unconscious of [br]it and not admit to it.

0:12:28.459,0:12:31.758
Suppressed hatred wreaks [br]havoc on your body

0:12:31.758,0:12:34.403
and it wreaks havoc on the world at large.

0:12:34.403,0:12:36.042
So, admit to what you hate

0:12:36.042,0:12:38.162
even if you're one of [br]those spiritual people

0:12:38.162,0:12:42.316
who is all about the love, light [br]and communion on this planet.

0:12:42.316,0:12:45.249
It's really important for you [br]to actually become conscious

0:12:45.249,0:12:46.733
of the hatred that you have,

0:12:46.733,0:12:48.964
so that can find some resolution to it,

0:12:48.964,0:12:52.053
instead of just trying to convince [br]yourself it doesn't exist.

0:12:52.053,0:12:53.253
On the other hand,

0:12:53.253,0:12:56.254
when we're not in the practice [br]of suppressing our hatred,

0:12:56.254,0:12:59.383
but we're also not conscious [br]enough to work with it directly,

0:12:59.383,0:13:02.094
we mistake the fight or flight [br]peak in energy we feel

0:13:02.094,0:13:03.995
and hatred for power.

0:13:04.115,0:13:06.432
Hatred is the opposite of power.

0:13:06.722,0:13:09.730
It only occurs when we feel [br]powerless to a threat.

0:13:09.730,0:13:11.809
When we become reactive.

0:13:12.019,0:13:15.115
Instead of addressing the internal [br]world and it's state of fear,

0:13:15.115,0:13:17.631
we try to eradicate the threat itself.

0:13:17.751,0:13:20.966
We rage war against it in [br]order to try to get rid of it.

0:13:20.966,0:13:24.156
This does not work in a universe[br]based on the law of attraction,

0:13:24.156,0:13:26.251
where whatever you resist persists.

0:13:26.251,0:13:28.598
This is exactly why people [br]in the media say

0:13:28.598,0:13:30.866
that bad press is good press.

0:13:31.166,0:13:33.958
Hating someone feels bad.

0:13:34.158,0:13:36.246
It doesn't just feel bad to the person

0:13:36.246,0:13:38.334
who is on the receiving end of our hate,

0:13:38.334,0:13:40.506
it feels bad to us.

0:13:41.086,0:13:43.208
We have a tendency of thinking

0:13:43.208,0:13:44.521
when we feel hatred,

0:13:44.521,0:13:47.299
that whatever we are [br]perceiving to be a threat,

0:13:47.299,0:13:50.164
is what is causing that feeling within us.

0:13:50.494,0:13:52.556
But in fact it's just our reaction

0:13:52.556,0:13:55.419
to something we perceive to be a threat.

0:13:55.949,0:13:59.160
That means that hatred is not [br]really anybody else's problem.

0:13:59.510,0:14:00.999
It's our problem.

0:14:00.999,0:14:03.355
And it deserves our conscious attention.

0:14:03.355,0:14:07.127
Even if they have done [br]things to justify the hatred,

0:14:07.457,0:14:09.911
the one power that we do have,

0:14:09.911,0:14:12.936
is to deal with our reaction to them

0:14:12.936,0:14:14.572
and what they did.

0:14:14.862,0:14:16.756
This is good news because it means

0:14:16.756,0:14:19.431
we are not powerless to our hatred.

0:14:19.871,0:14:22.136
Hatred is a cover emotion

0:14:22.136,0:14:24.288
for feeling pain,

0:14:24.288,0:14:26.301
hurt and fear.

0:14:26.301,0:14:28.054
So address that pain,

0:14:28.054,0:14:29.757
that hurt and that fear

0:14:29.997,0:14:31.851
and then conscioussly focus

0:14:31.851,0:14:34.815
on anything that causes you to feel safer,

0:14:34.815,0:14:36.458
to feel joy,

0:14:36.458,0:14:39.221
to feel that state of integrity.

0:14:39.731,0:14:43.147
And watch your hatred disappear.

0:14:43.867,0:14:45.456
Have a good week.

0:15:18.266,0:15:23.146
Subtitles by: David Soh, Katja Vleermens[br]& Tanya Duarte ( www.tanyaduarte.com )