[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.97,0:00:04.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I first tried online dating\Nmy freshman year of college,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:04.39,0:00:07.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which was in 2001,\Nin case you can't see my wrinkle.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:08.44,0:00:10.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, as you may have noticed,\NI'm six-feet tall,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:10.70,0:00:12.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and when I arrived at my chosen university
Dialogue: 0,0:00:12.73,0:00:17.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and realized our men's Division III\Nbasketball team averaged five-foot-eight,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:17.07,0:00:20.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I abandoned the on-campus\Nscene and went online.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:20.45,0:00:23.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, back then, online dating\Nwas pretty close to the plot
Dialogue: 0,0:00:23.20,0:00:24.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of "You've Got Mail."
Dialogue: 0,0:00:24.47,0:00:27.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You'd write long emails\Nback and forth for weeks,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:27.64,0:00:29.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,before you finally met up in real life.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:29.64,0:00:32.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Except, in my case,\Nyou'd realize you have no chemistry
Dialogue: 0,0:00:32.40,0:00:34.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and so now, you're back to square one.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:34.70,0:00:38.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, while online dating\Nhas changed a lot in the last 17 years,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:38.10,0:00:40.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,many of the frustrations remain the same.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:41.35,0:00:43.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because here's what it does well.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:43.58,0:00:46.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It broadens your pool of potential dates
Dialogue: 0,0:00:46.05,0:00:49.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,beyond your existing social\Nand professional circles.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:49.50,0:00:51.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And here's what it doesn't do well.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:51.100,0:00:54.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Literally everything else.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:54.32,0:00:56.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:56.33,0:00:58.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A few things you should know about me:
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.52,0:01:01.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm an action-oriented overachieving\Nmath and theater nerd,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.40,0:01:03.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who ended up with an MBA.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:03.10,0:01:06.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, when things aren't working out,\NI tend to take a step back,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:06.28,0:01:09.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,apply my business toolkit\Nto figure out why, and to fix it.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:10.01,0:01:12.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My love life was no exception.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:12.32,0:01:16.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The summer before I turned 30,\NI took myself on a relationship off-site.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:16.79,0:01:19.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Which means I went camping solo\Nin Maine for a week,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:19.25,0:01:22.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to do a retro on my track record\Nof mediocre relationships.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:23.24,0:01:26.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because the thing was,\NI knew what I wanted in a partner.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:26.16,0:01:30.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Kindness, curiosity, empathy,\Na sense of purpose.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.74,0:01:33.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And yet, here's what I chose for online:
Dialogue: 0,0:01:33.83,0:01:36.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ivy League degree, six feet or taller,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:36.67,0:01:38.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lives within 12 subway stops of me.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:39.24,0:01:42.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's not that I intentionally\Nprioritized those things,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:42.03,0:01:45.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's just the easiest to vet for online.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:45.23,0:01:46.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It kind of is like a résumé review,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:47.02,0:01:49.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is why these guys\Nlooked great on paper
Dialogue: 0,0:01:49.41,0:01:50.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and never quite fit me.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:51.58,0:01:54.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So when I went back online\Nin the spring of 2016,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:54.04,0:01:58.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I decided to reengineer the process\Nthrough some classic business tools.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.53,0:02:00.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,First, I went to OkCupid,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:00.57,0:02:03.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I wanted to avoid\Nthe gamification of swipe-based apps.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:03.87,0:02:06.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And also, because I wanted\Na writing sample.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:07.02,0:02:09.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Next, I set up a sales funnel,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:09.28,0:02:11.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,throwing out any sense of my type,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:11.39,0:02:15.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and instead defining the criteria\Nthat would qualify a lead.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:15.22,0:02:17.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,An inbound message had to do three things:
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.41,0:02:20.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,had to be written in complete sentences\Nand with good grammar;
Dialogue: 0,0:02:20.60,0:02:22.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it had to reference\Nsomething in my profile,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:22.70,0:02:25.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so I know it's not\Na copy-and-paste situation;
Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.03,0:02:27.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it had to avoid all sexual content.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:28.16,0:02:29.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I figured this was a pretty low bar,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:29.94,0:02:32.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it turns out,\Nof my 210 inbound messages,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:32.46,0:02:34.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,only 14 percent cleared that hurdle.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:34.87,0:02:36.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:36.06,0:02:39.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Next, I wanted to meet in real life\Nas quickly as possible,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:39.33,0:02:42.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because the things I cared about,\NI couldn't see online.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:42.35,0:02:44.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But the research, and my experience,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:44.13,0:02:48.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,shows you only need about 30 seconds\Nwith someone to tell if you click.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:48.58,0:02:50.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I invented the zero date.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:51.39,0:02:53.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The zero date is one drink, one hour.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:53.76,0:02:56.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,With the goal of answering one question:
Dialogue: 0,0:02:56.71,0:02:59.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Would I like to have\Ndinner with this person?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:59.17,0:03:00.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not "are they the one"?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:00.58,0:03:03.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Literally, "Would I like to spend\Nthree hours across the table
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.100,0:03:05.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from this person?"
Dialogue: 0,0:03:06.03,0:03:07.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You tell them you have a hard stop --
Dialogue: 0,0:03:07.82,0:03:10.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,drinks with girlfriends,\Na conference call with China --
Dialogue: 0,0:03:10.49,0:03:12.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it doesn't matter, they don't know you.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:12.39,0:03:13.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The point is one hour.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:14.47,0:03:17.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If it's awesome,\Nyou schedule a first date.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:17.15,0:03:20.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And if it's not awesome,\Nyou downshift into entertainer mode
Dialogue: 0,0:03:20.32,0:03:23.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you workshop a few new stories\Nfor your next networking event.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:23.82,0:03:27.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Plus, because it's just an hour,\Nyou can squeeze up to three in one evening
Dialogue: 0,0:03:27.39,0:03:31.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then you only have to do your hair\Nand pick out one great outfit a week.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:31.32,0:03:34.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The zero date also gave me a chance\Nto see how they responded
Dialogue: 0,0:03:34.24,0:03:35.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to me asking them out.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:35.93,0:03:39.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I figured not everyone\Nwould dig my moxie, and I was right.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:39.55,0:03:43.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Of my 29 qualified leads,\Nonly 15 replied to my message,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:43.10,0:03:45.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and of those, six scheduled a zero date.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:46.30,0:03:48.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My first zero date\Nwas with a set designer.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:48.34,0:03:49.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we were both into yoga
Dialogue: 0,0:03:49.62,0:03:51.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and preferred our bagels\Nwith peanut butter,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.69,0:03:53.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so it looked pretty promising.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:53.18,0:03:56.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But two minutes in, I could tell\Nit wasn't going to be a thing
Dialogue: 0,0:03:56.12,0:03:58.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I was relieved not to be\Nspending dinner with him.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:58.69,0:04:02.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,After that, I was a little nervous\Nabout going to my next zero date.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:02.06,0:04:04.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But we had agreed to meet\Non the Brooklyn Heights Promenade
Dialogue: 0,0:04:04.89,0:04:06.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with a flask of whiskey\Nto watch the sunset,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:06.98,0:04:09.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and honestly, it was two blocks\Nfrom my apartment.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:09.43,0:04:12.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Plus, this guy had a podcast,\NI have a podcast,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:12.36,0:04:15.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,worst case scenario,\Nwe can talk about our podcasts.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:15.33,0:04:18.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then, Chaz set down next to me.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:18.69,0:04:20.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And this kind and empathetic man
Dialogue: 0,0:04:20.69,0:04:23.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,told great jokes\Nand asked even better questions.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:24.36,0:04:27.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He was a lawyer and a writer,\Nand his eyes twinkled when he laughed
Dialogue: 0,0:04:28.02,0:04:30.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they squeezed tight when I kissed him
Dialogue: 0,0:04:30.05,0:04:33.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and at some point in the evening,\Nour zero date became a first date.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:33.50,0:04:37.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And two years later, we have a washer,\Ndryer and two house plants together.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:38.06,0:04:41.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, I can't promise\Nyou're going to end up with house plants.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:41.40,0:04:43.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But the point of this story
Dialogue: 0,0:04:43.15,0:04:45.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that online dating\Ndoesn't have to suck.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:45.89,0:04:49.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Don't treat it like a game,\Nand don't treat it like a resume review.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:49.44,0:04:52.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Instead, use it to source\Nand qualify leads
Dialogue: 0,0:04:52.25,0:04:55.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then get offline as quickly\Nas possible with the zero date.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:56.38,0:04:59.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because the point of this isn't swiping.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:59.06,0:05:00.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's finding your person.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:01.44,0:05:02.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Good luck.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:02.62,0:05:06.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)