[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:08.19,0:00:12.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Portuguese) I want to tell you
Dialogue: 0,0:00:12.27,0:00:16.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,why I'm interested in listening.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.35,0:00:18.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I was 17 years old,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:18.51,0:00:21.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I started to suffer\Nfrom a pain in my throat.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.84,0:00:25.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Psychiatrists called it globus hystericus,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:25.77,0:00:27.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,completely psychosomatic.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:27.83,0:00:31.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Eventually I developed depressions,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:31.14,0:00:34.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and even considered suicide,\Nand I could not relax.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:34.99,0:00:37.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,At the age of 25 when I tried yoga,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:37.75,0:00:41.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I felt as if somebody was putting\Na nail into my throat here
Dialogue: 0,0:00:41.54,0:00:43.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it was coming out\Nfrom the other side.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:43.96,0:00:46.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I learned to cope with the pain
Dialogue: 0,0:00:46.35,0:00:50.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by working many hours\Nand ignoring what was going on inside,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:50.44,0:00:53.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so I couldn't feel anything\Nfrom here down.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.08,0:00:56.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And in this way,\NI was able to raise a family,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:56.13,0:00:58.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,succeed in my career,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.22,0:01:01.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and things were as if they were OK,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.36,0:01:03.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,until by the age of 46.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:03.91,0:01:05.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was hit by a crisis
Dialogue: 0,0:01:05.39,0:01:07.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that was sparked by a consultant
Dialogue: 0,0:01:07.76,0:01:10.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,using questions\Nfrom an appreciative inquiry.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:10.76,0:01:11.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She asked:
Dialogue: 0,0:01:12.99,0:01:18.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"When were the relationships\Nbetween men and women ideal?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:18.63,0:01:22.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And could you please tell us a story
Dialogue: 0,0:01:22.43,0:01:26.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about a moment at work\Nin which you felt full of life?"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:28.02,0:01:29.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was stunned.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:29.78,0:01:34.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,First, I realized how much\Nlittle joy I had in my life,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:34.12,0:01:39.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and second, I realized that answering\Nthis question is changing me,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:39.56,0:01:42.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,thanks to somebody listening to me.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:45.61,0:01:49.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then I allowed myself\Nto try a variety of things
Dialogue: 0,0:01:49.12,0:01:53.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,such as: massage therapy, psychodrama,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:53.49,0:01:57.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,storytelling classes, voice classes,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.49,0:02:00.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Zen Buddhism workshops,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:00.54,0:02:03.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and more recently\Ndialectical behavior therapy
Dialogue: 0,0:02:03.49,0:02:06.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and things started to change for me.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.37,0:02:11.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,First I could feel the pain again\Nbut I didn't run away from it.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:11.25,0:02:13.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Eventually I even started to feel anxiety,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:13.27,0:02:16.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which I didn't know \Nwhat it was until that age.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:16.89,0:02:23.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But later on, I won some moments\Nof tranquility, quietness,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:23.49,0:02:25.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and moments of joy.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.05,0:02:28.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I started to ask myself,\N"What made it possible?"
Dialogue: 0,0:02:28.85,0:02:32.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And my answer was that I was so lucky
Dialogue: 0,0:02:32.04,0:02:36.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as to raise myself a village of people\Nwho would listen to me.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.77,0:02:42.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, then I decided to research listening.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:42.75,0:02:48.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And today I would like to share\Nwith you the results of this research.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:49.60,0:02:52.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, I first looked\Nin the professional literature
Dialogue: 0,0:02:52.63,0:02:55.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in my field of management\Nand organizational behavior,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.72,0:02:59.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and in one top journal,\Nout of 3,000 papers,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:59.64,0:03:02.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I found zero discussing listening.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:02.76,0:03:04.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In other top journal,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:04.25,0:03:08.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,out of 4,000 papers,\Ntwo discussed listening.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:09.29,0:03:11.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And while it reflects something
Dialogue: 0,0:03:11.48,0:03:15.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about the disinterest\Nof researchers in listening,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:15.43,0:03:21.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think it reflects the disinterest\Nof humans in listening.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:21.30,0:03:23.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Watch with me this graph.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:23.00,0:03:27.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This shows what people\Nare searching in Google
Dialogue: 0,0:03:27.39,0:03:31.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from 2004 until 2015.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:31.14,0:03:35.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The red is the amount\Nof searches for the word "talking",
Dialogue: 0,0:03:35.30,0:03:37.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the blue is for "listening".
Dialogue: 0,0:03:37.85,0:03:40.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is what people are interested in.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:40.63,0:03:44.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And you speaking Portuguese\Ndo not have to worry about
Dialogue: 0,0:03:44.83,0:03:49.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Português) "talking" in red\Nversus (Português) "listening" in blue.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.12,0:03:56.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I started to look at what theories\Nexist out there about listening\N
Dialogue: 0,0:03:56.62,0:03:59.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I'll show you three,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:59.65,0:04:01.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,starting with the idea
Dialogue: 0,0:04:01.48,0:04:07.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that, actually, the listener dictates\Nthe speaker's speech quality.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:07.91,0:04:12.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If he's going to listen to you,\Nnaturally you'll talk more,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:12.44,0:04:17.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but you'll talk more coherently\Nand you'll tell more interesting stories.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:18.84,0:04:21.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And if this is not enough,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:21.07,0:04:25.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if you tell more and more\Ninteresting stories
Dialogue: 0,0:04:25.09,0:04:30.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you commit whatever\Nyou have said to your memory,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:30.99,0:04:33.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so you know more about yourself,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:33.98,0:04:38.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,such that if a child comes home\Nand tells the parents,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:38.83,0:04:41.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Oh! We did this and that in school,"
Dialogue: 0,0:04:41.42,0:04:45.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the parents say, "Not now. \NHave a shower and we'll have dinner,"
Dialogue: 0,0:04:45.84,0:04:47.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the child will remember
Dialogue: 0,0:04:47.57,0:04:50.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that whatever he or she did in school\Nwas not that interesting.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:50.88,0:04:53.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That will be commited to memories.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:53.50,0:04:59.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thus, the collection of our listeners\Nslowly, imperceptibly,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:59.72,0:05:02.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,changes our self-knowledge.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:02.72,0:05:05.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If this is not enough,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.89,0:05:10.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,listening in a special way\Ncould even change personality,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:10.88,0:05:15.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a listening that is\Nnonjudgmental and emphatic.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:17.01,0:05:21.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let me explain to you how could it be\Nthat listening would change personality.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:21.67,0:05:25.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For that, I have to paraphrase\NPirandello from his book:
Dialogue: 0,0:05:25.69,0:05:31.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Uno, nessuno e centomila" or \N"One, No One, and One Hundred Thousand".
Dialogue: 0,0:05:31.36,0:05:33.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,From now I'm going to act,\Nso don't get scared.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:33.71,0:05:35.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I see that you're laughing at me.\N
Dialogue: 0,0:05:35.44,0:05:37.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That is fine, continue to laugh at me,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:37.98,0:05:39.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but do me a favor.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:39.52,0:05:41.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you remember the case that you had
Dialogue: 0,0:05:41.78,0:05:45.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that in your home there was\Na good friend sitting with you
Dialogue: 0,0:05:45.29,0:05:48.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and, suddenly, a new friend \Nwas knocking on the door,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:48.100,0:05:50.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you, what did you do?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:50.98,0:05:53.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,With an ugly excuse,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:53.45,0:05:57.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you asked the old friend to go home,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:57.80,0:05:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because you were afraid
Dialogue: 0,0:05:59.99,0:06:04.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that the old and the new friend\Nwill not get along.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:04.62,0:06:08.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I see that you remember this case,\Nso do me one more little favor.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:08.44,0:06:12.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What do you think would have happened\Nif, instead of throwing out from your home
Dialogue: 0,0:06:12.47,0:06:16.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the good old friend, and let me add,\Nthe stand good old friend,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:16.34,0:06:20.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you had left home for half an hour
Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.28,0:06:26.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and, within this half an hour, \Nasked them to sit in your living room?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:26.67,0:06:30.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Tell me what do you think\Nwould have happened
Dialogue: 0,0:06:30.15,0:06:31.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when you came back home?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:31.36,0:06:33.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Don't you think it's possible\N
Dialogue: 0,0:06:33.04,0:06:36.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that one of them would say,\N"Wow, what an interesting person!",
Dialogue: 0,0:06:36.80,0:06:41.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the other one, "You don't believe it!\NThank you for this introduction!"
Dialogue: 0,0:06:41.72,0:06:46.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, you see, that is exactly\Nwhat would have happened.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:46.28,0:06:48.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, now, let me ask you one more question.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:48.44,0:06:53.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Who the hell do you think \Nyou kicked out from your home?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:53.47,0:06:58.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is not the good old friend\Nbecause he or she
Dialogue: 0,0:06:58.50,0:07:01.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"will not get along with the new one."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:01.71,0:07:04.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We've just established \Nthey'd have gotten along just fine.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:04.55,0:07:05.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let me tell you.\N
Dialogue: 0,0:07:05.55,0:07:10.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You kicked out from home the character\Nthat you present to the old friend
Dialogue: 0,0:07:10.67,0:07:15.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because this one has absolutely \Nnothing to do with the character
Dialogue: 0,0:07:15.53,0:07:18.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that you want now to present\Nto your new friend.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:18.67,0:07:22.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And now that we discovered\Nthat you have two creatures in your mind,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:22.75,0:07:24.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who knows what is the truth?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:24.90,0:07:27.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How many creatures do you have inside?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:27.32,0:07:33.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Is it scores, hundreds or,\Nperhaps more accurately, thousands?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:34.70,0:07:38.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, I thank to Pirandello two things.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:38.27,0:07:41.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,First: (French) Congratulations!
Dialogue: 0,0:07:41.12,0:07:43.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Seventy years before the psychologists,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:43.54,0:07:48.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you described the self as a multitude\Nand not as a unity.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:48.49,0:07:53.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We say "my self-esteem",\Nas if there is one self there.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:53.96,0:07:56.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But the second thing, Mr. Pirandello,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:56.62,0:08:01.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what wrong did the people\Nattending TEDx do to you?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:01.62,0:08:03.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And now we'll go home and think,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:03.15,0:08:06.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I have this character\Nand this character, and I'll get crazy,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:06.26,0:08:08.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like your book's hero."
Dialogue: 0,0:08:09.70,0:08:12.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And here comes listening.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:12.30,0:08:16.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My understanding\Nis that when you really listen,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:16.70,0:08:23.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a person will start to hear\Nhidden characters inside him or her.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:23.12,0:08:28.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But not only recognize\Ndifferent parts of the self,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:28.02,0:08:31.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it allows to build\Nbridges between them.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:31.28,0:08:34.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So the elements of the self\Ncould live together.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:34.30,0:08:36.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So let's see what is the evidence.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:36.88,0:08:41.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now to collect the evidence, you know,\Nsome people collect stamps.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:41.95,0:08:44.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I collect scientific papers on listening.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:44.71,0:08:47.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And every paper that has numerical data,\N
Dialogue: 0,0:08:47.59,0:08:52.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I take it and put it on a pile to see\Nthe overall picture of what we know.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:52.84,0:08:55.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And this process is called meta-analysis.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:55.26,0:08:57.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've done many of those on many topics,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:57.62,0:09:00.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and let me first summarize\Nto you the results.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:02.21,0:09:03.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is the result.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:03.65,0:09:09.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One person listening creates\Ntwo people with benefits:
Dialogue: 0,0:09:09.45,0:09:11.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the listener and the speaker.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:11.48,0:09:13.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let's go into details.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:13.39,0:09:14.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For example,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:14.69,0:09:20.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,experiments show that a poor listener\Nindeed creates poor speakers.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:20.55,0:09:24.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My own team shows that a good listener
Dialogue: 0,0:09:24.12,0:09:31.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,indeed makes speakers who have\Nmore complex attitudes and less extreme.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:31.22,0:09:37.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And finally, research on training\Nsuggests that listening could be taught.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:37.74,0:09:39.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let's see more data.\N
Dialogue: 0,0:09:39.88,0:09:42.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There is also evidence
Dialogue: 0,0:09:42.15,0:09:46.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that good listeners are also\Ngood performers, for example:
Dialogue: 0,0:09:46.86,0:09:52.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,physicians who listen well \Ntend to have less malpractice losses;
Dialogue: 0,0:09:52.18,0:09:57.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,detectives who listen well tend\Nto listen to new information
Dialogue: 0,0:09:57.89,0:10:01.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,unknown to the police, from the suspect;
Dialogue: 0,0:10:01.25,0:10:05.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,salespeople who listen well sell more;
Dialogue: 0,0:10:06.89,0:10:10.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,principals who listen to their teachers,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:10.51,0:10:15.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,their students have \Nbetter grades in school;
Dialogue: 0,0:10:15.47,0:10:20.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and finally, supervisors who listen,\Ntheir employees have less accidents.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:20.93,0:10:23.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let me show you even more.\N
Dialogue: 0,0:10:23.13,0:10:27.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let me explain\Nthis graph of meta-analysis.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:27.28,0:10:33.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,On the first line you see that I found\Nin this collection 13 studies
Dialogue: 0,0:10:33.17,0:10:37.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that are accumulating information \Nof almost 8,000 people
Dialogue: 0,0:10:37.98,0:10:41.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it suggests that if you\Nlisten to other people,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:41.69,0:10:45.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,especially if you are the boss,\Nthey'll think you are a leader of people,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:45.23,0:10:49.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that you know how to lead\Nthe people aspects in leadership.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:49.88,0:10:51.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You will feel more psychological safety,\N
Dialogue: 0,0:10:51.80,0:10:54.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you'll say what is in your mind,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:54.49,0:10:56.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you will trust the listener.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:56.38,0:10:59.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If it's your boss, \Nyou have higher job satisfaction;
Dialogue: 0,0:10:59.58,0:11:02.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if you're a physician,\Nyour patient will be more satisfied;
Dialogue: 0,0:11:02.81,0:11:06.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if you're a boss, your workers\Nwill have more commitment;
Dialogue: 0,0:11:06.80,0:11:10.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if you work in a hospital \Nand listen to your patient,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:10.35,0:11:13.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there will be less violence \Nagainst the staff;
Dialogue: 0,0:11:13.09,0:11:17.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if your manager listens to you,\Nyou'll have less burn out,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:17.78,0:11:22.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your performance is higher and \Nmaybe a little bit even less depression.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:22.31,0:11:23.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And let me tell you
Dialogue: 0,0:11:23.70,0:11:26.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that everything\Nto the right of the line here
Dialogue: 0,0:11:26.71,0:11:30.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is considered a strong\Nassociation in my field.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:30.63,0:11:33.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let me explain what I mean\Nby strong association.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:33.67,0:11:37.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let's take the case\Nof job satisfaction as an example.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:37.06,0:11:41.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If I want to predict, to focus \Non your job satisfaction
Dialogue: 0,0:11:41.19,0:11:44.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I know how much you're\Nbeing paid relative to other people,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:44.46,0:11:47.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I can slightly predict\Nyour job satisfaction.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:47.85,0:11:51.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But if I know whether \Nyour boss listens to you or not,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:51.50,0:11:57.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have a predictor that's 13.5 [times]\Nstronger and more accurate than your pay.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:58.88,0:12:01.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Next, in my research, in past years,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:01.72,0:12:05.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was studying the destructive\Neffect of feedback on performance.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:05.71,0:12:12.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I found out that, out of 607 experiments,\Nin close to 40% of them,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:12.60,0:12:17.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,after feedback, whether positive \Nor negative, performance goes down.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:18.44,0:12:20.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In 38% in listening, in contrast,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:20.33,0:12:24.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I didn't find any evidence\Nthat listening can cause damage,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:24.51,0:12:28.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,perhaps 5% of them showed\Nit doesn't produce anything effective.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:28.62,0:12:31.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My most conservative estimate
Dialogue: 0,0:12:31.47,0:12:38.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that giving feedback is 7.5 times\Nmore dangerous than just listening.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:39.24,0:12:42.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Talking could cause you trouble.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:42.66,0:12:47.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, if listening is so useful,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:47.84,0:12:52.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,why is it that most of us\Nhave difficulty in listening
Dialogue: 0,0:12:52.43,0:12:54.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,most of the time?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:54.08,0:12:58.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want to introduce to you\Nthe enemies of listening.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:58.46,0:13:05.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,These are boredom, dominance, \Nfear of intimacy, trauma and cost.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:05.11,0:13:09.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let's talk about each of them, alone.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:10.13,0:13:14.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My approach is: let's collaborate\Nwith the enemies of listening
Dialogue: 0,0:13:14.24,0:13:16.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,rather than fight them.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:16.11,0:13:17.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The first enemy is boredom.\N
Dialogue: 0,0:13:17.70,0:13:20.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Some people may talk your ear off,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:20.06,0:13:22.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you say, "I can't listen\Nto this anymore."
Dialogue: 0,0:13:22.33,0:13:24.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You want to leave the room\Nor want them to leave.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:24.96,0:13:27.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What can you do?
Dialogue: 0,0:13:27.26,0:13:30.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can ask them to tell stories.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:30.63,0:13:32.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Instead of asking, "What's your name?",
Dialogue: 0,0:13:32.53,0:13:36.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Could you tell me something \Ninteresting about your name?"
Dialogue: 0,0:13:36.11,0:13:38.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can ask these people, and in general,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:38.70,0:13:41.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,after they say whatever they say,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:41.28,0:13:44.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"and what else", and wait.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:45.84,0:13:49.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sometimes the boring person \Nwill start to tell you the truth
Dialogue: 0,0:13:49.15,0:13:50.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or what's really important.\N
Dialogue: 0,0:13:50.80,0:13:53.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it's not going to be boring anymore.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:53.28,0:13:57.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Next, all of us\Nwant to gain social status.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:57.08,0:14:00.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's perhaps an evolutionary\Nforce that we cannot fight.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:00.56,0:14:03.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But we can do it in two different ways:
Dialogue: 0,0:14:03.03,0:14:04.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we can dominate other people
Dialogue: 0,0:14:04.62,0:14:07.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by intimidating them\Nand instilling fear in them
Dialogue: 0,0:14:07.62,0:14:11.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or we can have some skill that people \Nwant to imitate to get from us
Dialogue: 0,0:14:11.89,0:14:14.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we build prestige.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:14.12,0:14:16.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we found that if you listen,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:16.51,0:14:22.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you’re going to lose \Nsocial status based on dominance,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:22.64,0:14:26.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but you will gain social status\Nbased on prestige.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:26.68,0:14:31.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So it's up to you to choose\Nhow do you want to build your status.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:31.17,0:14:34.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then some people,\Nwhen you try to listen to them,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:34.50,0:14:36.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they get nervous.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:36.14,0:14:39.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You ask them questions\Nthat are not comfortable.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:39.23,0:14:44.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For those people, try to talk to them\Nat first only about technical things.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:45.44,0:14:51.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then, when you listen to people,\Nyou may start to hear horrible stories,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:51.35,0:14:54.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about the Holocaust, about rape,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:54.66,0:14:59.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about cancer, death, premature death.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:59.26,0:15:04.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You may feel burdened that now you need\Nto help the person who shared the story,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:04.86,0:15:07.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but you should know that often
Dialogue: 0,0:15:07.38,0:15:12.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what the other person wants\Nis nothing but your listening.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:12.44,0:15:17.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you listen and believe it is helpful,\Nyou will not have such burden.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:17.64,0:15:22.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And last, listening is a cost,\Nit's an effort.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:22.82,0:15:24.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So that's what I suggest to you:
Dialogue: 0,0:15:24.68,0:15:27.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,spread your eggs, don't start\Nright now to listen to everyone,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:27.58,0:15:28.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's impossible.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:28.99,0:15:33.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Every day choose one, two people\Nto listen to just a little bit more.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:33.48,0:15:39.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then, you should respect your limitation\Nof how much you really can listen to.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:39.05,0:15:41.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And to build your energy to do that,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:41.24,0:15:45.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you will need somebody\Nto listen to you as well.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:49.63,0:15:52.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Actually, everything that\NI have said is not that new.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:52.77,0:15:56.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let me show you what is written \Nin the Book of Proverbs in the Bible:
Dialogue: 0,0:15:57.72,0:16:03.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Counsel in the heart \Nof man is like deep water,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:03.10,0:16:07.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but a man of understanding\Nwill draw it out."
Dialogue: 0,0:16:07.69,0:16:12.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That is, each of us\Nhave an advice, a counsel,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:12.59,0:16:14.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to our own problems and challenges
Dialogue: 0,0:16:14.84,0:16:19.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the value of this advice
Dialogue: 0,0:16:19.29,0:16:22.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is like water which is a source of life.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:22.73,0:16:26.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That is, the advice that we have\Nfor ourselves is a source of life.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:26.36,0:16:32.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But a man or a prisioner\Nof understanding will throw it out.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:32.40,0:16:37.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is the other that will bring\Nour own wisdom outside.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:37.21,0:16:41.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, I'd like to conclude\Nwith two dreams that I have.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:41.52,0:16:45.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One, I wish that in 20 \Nor 30 years from now
Dialogue: 0,0:16:45.89,0:16:51.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,every child in every school\Nwill learn reading, writing,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:51.83,0:16:54.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and listening.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:54.62,0:16:56.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And my other small wish
Dialogue: 0,0:16:56.47,0:17:01.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that, during the break,\Nthe breaks here today and tomorrow,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:01.18,0:17:03.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you will go and ask somebody around you,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:03.85,0:17:07.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Could you tell me\Na story about good listening?"
Dialogue: 0,0:17:07.31,0:17:08.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Enjoy it.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:08.87,0:17:11.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)