0:00:00.172,0:00:02.405 Good evening ladies and gentlemen. 0:00:02.538,0:00:05.302 Many thanks for attending today, 0:00:05.339,0:00:09.609 and a special thank you for giving me[br]the opportunity to share a tool with you 0:00:09.629,0:00:11.959 that has truly changed my life. 0:00:12.247,0:00:16.561 I learned this tool[br]from reading a book called 0:00:16.622,0:00:20.512 "Heal your wounds and find[br]your true self" by Lise Bourbeau. 0:00:20.871,0:00:24.141 But before that, first things first,[br]let me introduce myself. 0:00:24.347,0:00:26.187 So, I'm Carolina. 0:00:26.728,0:00:31.278 I'm what you might call a "YouTuber". 0:00:31.682,0:00:35.412 For three and a half years now, [br]I've been making YouTube videos 0:00:35.432,0:00:39.332 in which I share my concerns,[br]my soul-searching, 0:00:39.368,0:00:41.604 and lots of things[br]about the human experience 0:00:41.639,0:00:44.202 because this what I do all the time: 0:00:44.232,0:00:47.851 wondering and trying to understand[br]the how, why and what 0:00:47.876,0:00:50.356 of absolutely everything[br]that happens to me. 0:00:50.870,0:00:55.270 I read a book, "Heal your wounds [br]and find your true self" 0:00:55.291,0:00:58.371 that helped me change[br]my relationship with myself 0:00:58.391,0:01:00.885 and thus my relationships[br]with others as well. 0:01:01.302,0:01:03.956 Before we begin, I'd like[br]to make a disclaimer 0:01:03.986,0:01:06.306 as I usually do in my videos. 0:01:06.661,0:01:10.366 It's that I'm going to present[br]a model that I consider simple, 0:01:10.396,0:01:14.396 understandable, and very attainable[br]that really speaks to me. 0:01:14.426,0:01:19.686 However, this model is presented among[br]a bunch of the author's other beliefs 0:01:19.704,0:01:22.595 that are a matter of faith. 0:01:22.625,0:01:24.574 For example, she talks[br]about reincarnation 0:01:24.584,0:01:28.204 about the apparition[br]of wounds on the body, etc., 0:01:28.252,0:01:30.746 things in which I personally[br]do not believe. 0:01:30.786,0:01:33.215 So you need to take some[br]distance while you read it. 0:01:33.224,0:01:35.055 If it speaks to you then good for you, 0:01:35.075,0:01:38.055 otherwise take away what you can,[br]it's still very interesting. 0:01:38.095,0:01:40.415 So, what does Lise Bourbeau talk about? 0:01:40.447,0:01:43.707 As the book's title indicates,[br]she talks about the soul's wounds. 0:01:44.418,0:01:48.028 In our society as we know it, 0:01:48.043,0:01:53.378 it is true that the emotional body[br]is often put on the back burner 0:01:53.419,0:01:57.309 in terms of the attention[br]and care that we give it. 0:01:57.345,0:01:59.585 But of course, if we get hurt - 0:01:59.609,0:02:03.467 although some of you may put off[br]going to the doctor or hospital - 0:02:03.499,0:02:06.499 usually when we get hurt,[br]we seek treatment 0:02:06.520,0:02:09.670 such as when we break a limb[br]or feel pain somewhere. 0:02:10.065,0:02:12.245 But when it comes to the emotional body 0:02:12.256,0:02:15.426 and what's going on in[br]our minds and in our souls, 0:02:15.447,0:02:17.607 it is much more complicated to see 0:02:17.626,0:02:22.479 that indeed, we may have wounds,[br]and indeed, we may even suffer from them. 0:02:23.164,0:02:27.374 So Lise Bourbeau explains[br]that we can classify 0:02:27.394,0:02:29.474 the wounds made to the emotional body 0:02:29.478,0:02:32.508 into five large categories[br]of negative emotions. 0:02:32.713,0:02:36.053 Later on, I'll present them in detail[br]but just to list them, 0:02:36.069,0:02:42.157 these are betrayal, abandonment,[br]rejection, humiliation, and injustice. 0:02:42.622,0:02:46.422 We all pretty much know[br]what these emotions feel like. 0:02:46.651,0:02:48.641 We've all experienced them before. 0:02:48.666,0:02:52.318 But Lise Bourbeau says that these emotions 0:02:52.348,0:02:58.434 leave a mark on us from a very young age[br]and play a part in forming our ego. 0:02:59.059,0:03:01.648 Now there are plenty[br]of different definitions of "ego". 0:03:01.668,0:03:06.185 It depends on your affinity[br]with different fields 0:03:06.191,0:03:09.091 because you can study the ego[br]in a lot of different domains. 0:03:09.301,0:03:11.234 Lise Bourbeau explains that, in fact, 0:03:11.264,0:03:15.401 these wounds create in us[br]the need to protect ourselves. 0:03:15.445,0:03:18.405 How? By using what she calls "a mask". 0:03:18.431,0:03:20.561 I'll show you that later. 0:03:21.053,0:03:24.853 If we were to make a comparison[br]between this mask and a physical trait, 0:03:24.875,0:03:28.938 we could compare it to a glove[br]that we put on a wounded hand, 0:03:28.965,0:03:33.792 the wound being this emotion[br]that affected us as young children. 0:03:34.754,0:03:37.214 So I'm going to show you a little table. 0:03:37.235,0:03:41.415 There's a lot of information,[br]but I'm going to explain everything. 0:03:41.918,0:03:46.148 So she tells us that these wounds[br]that I was telling you about 0:03:46.157,0:03:51.878 are sometimes things[br]that we experienced unconsciously, 0:03:51.901,0:03:55.361 things that perhaps[br]we don't remember anymore 0:03:55.372,0:03:57.852 because it seems to me[br]that human memory 0:03:57.872,0:04:02.007 really begins around age five -[br]correct me if I'm wrong. 0:04:02.461,0:04:05.099 So obviously, within five years of living, 0:04:05.119,0:04:08.729 we've had the opportunity to experience[br]many different emotions. 0:04:09.078,0:04:12.578 These emotions that are listed[br]here in the first column, 0:04:12.595,0:04:15.955 create in us behaviors[br]aimed at protecting the ego, 0:04:15.963,0:04:19.043 listed in the second column,[br]that we call "the mask". 0:04:19.228,0:04:21.616 So this mask, according[br]to our previous metaphor, 0:04:21.636,0:04:24.746 is a glove with which we cover our wound. 0:04:24.778,0:04:28.058 We all know that when we get hurt,[br]to stop the pain we need treatment. 0:04:28.178,0:04:30.508 So in this case,[br]when we use the mask, 0:04:30.522,0:04:33.612 that is when we put[br]a glove over this wound, 0:04:33.637,0:04:38.328 we don't take into account the pain[br]that the wound can inflict upon us. 0:04:38.521,0:04:43.329 And sadly, if someone reaches out[br]to try to help us and touches it, 0:04:43.349,0:04:45.369 we are likely to have[br]a rejection response 0:04:45.399,0:04:48.360 and react in a way where we[br]misunderstand the other person. 0:04:48.390,0:04:51.274 We're going to say, "Why are you[br]hurting me? Don't touch me." 0:04:51.304,0:04:54.164 But others can't know[br]that we're hurt if we wear a glove. 0:04:54.187,0:04:55.848 They only see that we're hurt. 0:04:55.918,0:04:58.895 And so Lise Bourbeau's model[br]helps us understand 0:04:58.925,0:05:03.625 how these masks 0:05:03.660,0:05:08.050 create a barrier between us and others[br]but also between us and ourselves 0:05:08.061,0:05:10.571 because oftentimes,[br]we're not aware of them. 0:05:10.591,0:05:12.518 We don't know why we use them. 0:05:12.548,0:05:15.938 We don't know what they are[br]or what they are trying to protect. 0:05:16.127,0:05:19.107 Now rest assured,[br]we don't always wear these masks. 0:05:19.336,0:05:23.336 We only wear them in situations in which[br]the ego is afraid of getting hurt again 0:05:23.362,0:05:26.822 and suffering from these large wounds[br]that we carry within ourselves. 0:05:27.267,0:05:30.068 So, for the first ... 0:05:31.536,0:05:37.418 For the first wound, the associated mask[br]is the mask of "the controller". 0:05:37.570,0:05:40.340 Personally, I relate to this one. Why? 0:05:40.670,0:05:44.600 Because acting in a controlling[br]manner in any situation, 0:05:44.621,0:05:47.538 wanting to keep control of it, 0:05:47.568,0:05:52.104 is a way of ensuring that nothing[br]and no one can betray us. 0:05:52.299,0:05:55.779 Obviously, if I call over and over[br]to be sure that we'll be on time, 0:05:55.799,0:05:59.878 that we'll be at the given place,[br]that I'm not going to be let down, etc., 0:05:59.901,0:06:04.421 I'm making sure that I won't be betrayed,[br]so I'm wearing the mask of the controller. 0:06:04.756,0:06:09.379 For the second wound, abandonment,[br]we will use the mask of "the dependent". 0:06:09.459,0:06:10.944 Why? 0:06:10.954,0:06:13.979 Because if I act as if[br]I depend on the other, 0:06:14.011,0:06:17.181 this way I reassure myself[br]that he or she will not abandon me. 0:06:17.308,0:06:22.038 It's a way of ensuring I won't be alone[br]and this person won't let me down 0:06:22.072,0:06:25.213 in the same circumstances[br]where I felt abandoned in the past. 0:06:25.240,0:06:29.446 And so the dependent mask serves[br]to hide the wound of abandonment. 0:06:29.830,0:06:34.731 For the third wound, rejection,[br]we'll use the mask of "the fugitive". 0:06:34.851,0:06:36.312 Why? 0:06:36.322,0:06:41.810 Because when we flee a situation, it's[br]a way of anticipating getting rejected. 0:06:42.686,0:06:47.672 If I'm facing someone and start imagining[br]that this person is going to reject me, 0:06:47.690,0:06:52.560 by fleeing, I deprive him or her[br]of the opportunity to reject me. 0:06:53.257,0:06:58.837 By doing so, I avoid the situation[br]in which I might feel rejected. 0:06:59.884,0:07:03.184 For the fourth wound, humiliation, 0:07:03.222,0:07:05.729 the mask is that of "the masochist". 0:07:06.043,0:07:10.787 The masochist is the person who always[br]puts himself down, belittles himself, 0:07:10.807,0:07:13.092 or may excessively self-deprecate. 0:07:13.277,0:07:16.023 And consequently, like the fugitive, 0:07:16.042,0:07:19.632 the masochist prevents[br]others from doing it. 0:07:19.671,0:07:24.450 If I spend my time putting myself down,[br]making bad jokes about myself, 0:07:24.467,0:07:28.467 and showing that I am[br]stupid, ugly, and so on, 0:07:28.487,0:07:32.063 it doesn't leave room for others to[br]humiliate me since I'm already doing it. 0:07:32.073,0:07:35.617 So this allows me to protect myself[br]from the wound of humiliation. 0:07:35.739,0:07:38.839 And to conclude,[br]the fifth wound, injustice, 0:07:38.849,0:07:43.153 is associated with[br]the mask of "the rigid". 0:07:43.552,0:07:45.531 When we act in an unyielding way, 0:07:45.551,0:07:49.314 consistently within a framework[br]or a protocol so to speak, 0:07:49.334,0:07:52.714 and when we don't want to leave[br]our little boxes or our beaten tracks, 0:07:52.734,0:07:58.374 it's a way of making sure[br]that there won't be any injustice 0:07:58.384,0:08:00.326 and that we won't[br]experience unfairness. 0:08:00.347,0:08:04.692 It's similar to the controller[br]but in a more precise context 0:08:04.712,0:08:07.162 and within very precise limits. 0:08:08.003,0:08:13.653 So Lise Bourbeau says that, unfortunately, 0:08:13.662,0:08:17.802 one of these five wounds is likely[br]to dominate over the others. 0:08:18.071,0:08:21.841 Maybe you can see yourself[br]in one of those five, or maybe in several, 0:08:21.858,0:08:26.168 in any case, some are usually[br]more present than others. 0:08:26.261,0:08:30.731 Often, we created these wounds during[br]our first encounters with humans 0:08:30.749,0:08:33.099 when we arrived on little Planet Earth. 0:08:33.792,0:08:37.084 It could be the presence of our parents[br]and our relationship with them 0:08:37.114,0:08:38.776 just as it could be their absence. 0:08:38.796,0:08:41.274 You can imagine that if I was[br]a child born an orphan, 0:08:41.304,0:08:45.780 the main wound would perhaps[br]be that of abandonment or rejection. 0:08:45.847,0:08:48.160 But the fact remains[br]that even if we had parents, 0:08:48.190,0:08:50.971 and even if we had[br]the opportunity to live with them, 0:08:51.001,0:08:53.054 our first interaction with them 0:08:53.074,0:08:57.334 can potentially cause these wounds[br]in our emotional body. 0:08:57.409,0:09:00.729 And so we grow up through our life 0:09:00.739,0:09:04.989 with behaviors sometimes[br]protective and sometimes not, 0:09:04.999,0:09:07.979 but behaviors that seem[br]completely innate, natural to us, 0:09:07.999,0:09:10.830 that are part of our identity[br]our personality, 0:09:10.840,0:09:13.126 while in fact, for many of them, 0:09:13.158,0:09:16.628 it"s just a way to believe[br]that we are protecting ourselves 0:09:16.638,0:09:19.618 and doing all we can to not suffer. 0:09:20.711,0:09:23.345 So, this prevents us[br]from getting to the third column, 0:09:23.371,0:09:26.151 which I named "Solution". 0:09:27.387,0:09:31.472 In the solutions - again, I'm going[br]to go through them one by one - 0:09:31.492,0:09:34.862 we can see how we need to let go 0:09:34.875,0:09:39.585 if we use the mask of controller[br]to hide the wound of betrayal. 0:09:39.938,0:09:43.436 It's very difficult, and I'm proof[br]when it comes to betrayal. 0:09:43.489,0:09:46.087 It's true that many times in my life, 0:09:46.103,0:09:48.623 I had a hard time letting go[br]in certain situations 0:09:48.653,0:09:50.793 because I always wanted[br]to control everything. 0:09:50.813,0:09:54.029 Ultimately, instead of truly[br]protecting myself from suffering, 0:09:54.046,0:09:55.783 it kept me from being happy 0:09:55.793,0:09:59.183 when I should have let go[br]in certain situations when I needed to. 0:09:59.347,0:10:01.897 For the second, how[br]can we become autonomous 0:10:01.908,0:10:03.638 in circumstances in which we should, 0:10:03.658,0:10:08.515 if we always use the mask of dependency[br]to ensure we won't be abandoned ? 0:10:08.553,0:10:10.253 That's quite difficult! 0:10:10.433,0:10:12.197 For the third, 0:10:12.207,0:10:17.731 having to confront situations is something[br]extremely painful and hard to do 0:10:17.751,0:10:21.898 if we always use the mask of the fugive[br]to avoid the wound of rejection. 0:10:22.473,0:10:25.883 It's the same for self-esteem[br]regarding the wound of humiliation: 0:10:25.883,0:10:29.482 How can we develop self-esteem when[br]we spend our time putting ourselves down 0:10:29.502,0:10:32.374 and end up believing[br]what we say about ourselves? 0:10:32.510,0:10:35.118 We often say that[br]it's humorous and for fun, 0:10:35.138,0:10:39.579 and we know it makes people laugh,[br]but in reality, there's a big chance 0:10:39.614,0:10:43.524 that when we put ourselves down,[br]there's some truth behind it, 0:10:43.544,0:10:45.423 or we end up believing it. 0:10:45.456,0:10:48.606 So that's what we use to hide,[br]the wound of humiliation. 0:10:50.307,0:10:52.057 And the last is flexibility. 0:10:52.071,0:10:55.641 How to succeed in having a certain[br]degree of flexibility in any situation, 0:10:55.676,0:10:59.766 if we spend our time having a strict[br]behavior so as to avoid injustice? 0:10:59.798,0:11:01.838 It's quite complicated. 0:11:02.616,0:11:06.986 Personally, reading [br]this book helped me a lot, 0:11:07.018,0:11:12.715 to the extent that I guess, studies have[br]been made in psychology and neuroscience 0:11:12.735,0:11:16.469 that have tried to explain this in a much[br]more Cartesian and scientific manner. 0:11:16.511,0:11:22.711 It helped me a lot because it allowed me[br]to stop identifying with my suffering, 0:11:22.733,0:11:29.753 and stop believing that I was inherently[br]somebody like this, that is, controlling - 0:11:29.796,0:11:33.036 indeed, I do have concerns[br]for others, don't worry. 0:11:34.074,0:11:38.814 So she enabled me to realize[br]that there are times 0:11:38.824,0:11:42.124 where we can spot[br]ourselves using our masks. 0:11:42.446,0:11:45.293 There's certainly a moment[br]in your lives or maybe several, 0:11:45.313,0:11:48.353 when you've asked yourself[br]more or less regularly, 0:11:48.383,0:11:52.401 "Why on Earth did I react like that?[br]That didn't make sense." 0:11:52.530,0:11:56.019 Sometimes, a misunderstanding occurred[br]with people who didn't mean harm, 0:11:56.049,0:12:01.193 but we had no doubt that they wanted[br]to abandon us, reject us, humiliate us, 0:12:01.216,0:12:04.396 or we deemed the situation unjust[br]or they had betrayed us. 0:12:04.408,0:12:07.739 Yet, on their side,[br]that was not necessarily the case. 0:12:09.074,0:12:14.254 Therefore, instead of protecting us,[br]these masks do nothing more than limit us. 0:12:14.487,0:12:16.717 Now this does protect us at times. 0:12:16.927,0:12:20.377 The ego protects us in some cases[br]and it's necessary. 0:12:20.865,0:12:23.495 But very often, it's just an obstacle 0:12:23.506,0:12:27.556 in our personal fulfillment[br]and in our self-understanding. 0:12:27.973,0:12:32.333 Once we realize when we wear the mask,[br]we can ask ourselves where it comes from, 0:12:32.369,0:12:35.849 where it originates,[br]when did we start wearing it, 0:12:35.870,0:12:39.637 with whom do we wear it,[br]in which moments of our lives, 0:12:39.657,0:12:43.832 and when was it[br]most difficult to take it off. 0:12:44.183,0:12:49.053 This enables us to get past[br]our toxic behaviors towards ourselves 0:12:49.074,0:12:53.534 and even sometimes the wall[br]we put between ourselves and others, 0:12:53.558,0:12:56.228 so that we can try to discover[br]another part of us, 0:12:56.238,0:12:58.519 another facet of our personality, 0:12:58.539,0:13:02.043 that matches more closely[br]with the person we'd like to be. 0:13:02.123,0:13:06.412 So if you're interested, I invite you[br]to read Lise Bourbeau's work, 0:13:06.559,0:13:11.809 but also see if you can find this kind of[br]model in other fields - I'm sure there is. 0:13:12.080,0:13:15.290 But most importantly,[br]I invite you to take off your mask. 0:13:15.530,0:13:17.490 Thank you.