[suspenseful music]
[sprightly music]
[speaking German]
- Oh, Junior, Bulgaro, double joy.
[trumpet fanfare]
[men arguing]
Allo!
[speaking Russian]
[speaking Italian]
[chuckles]
[speaking French]
- What's all this fuss about, Charters?
- I'm hanged if I know.
[speaking German]
- Danke schoen. Danke schoen.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm very sorry.
The train is little bit uphold,
and if you wish to stay in my hotel,
you have to register immediately.
- Why the deuce didn't he say so in the first place?
- Ah!
Oh, how do you do,
Miss Henderson?
How do you do, ladies?
It's a great honor to have you with us again.
- It's nice to see you too, Boris.
You haven't changed a bit since last Friday.
- Mm, I see you haven't shaved either.
- Is everything ready?
- Everything is ready. I didn't change anything.
- Not even the sheets. We know.
Lead on, Boris.
- You see, I didn't expect you to come so quickly.
- Well, our legs gave out on us.
We had to do the last lap in a farm cart.
- Oh!
- I see we've got company.
Don't tell me Cook's are running cheap tours here.
- What is it, Boris?
- It's the avalanche.
- Have a lunch?
- Avalanche, Boris, avalanche.
- You see, in the spring, we've got many avalanches.
You know, the snow goes like that, bloop,
and everything disappear.
Even train disappear under the avalanche.
- But I'm going home tomorrow.
How long before they dig it out?
- By morning. It's lucky for you.
You can leave by this train instead of your own.
How you said it?
It's a bad wind that blow nowhere no good.
- Well, talking of wind, we haven't eaten since dawn.
- Serve us some supper, Boris, in our room.
- I could eat a horse.
- Don't put ideas into his head.
Some chicken, Boris,
and a magnum of champagne.
- Absolutely.
- And make it snappy.
Bandrika may have a dictator,
but tonight, we're painting it red.
- Meanwhile, we have to stand here
cooling our heels, I suppose, eh?
Confounded impudence.
- Well, third-rate country, what do you expect?
- Wonder who those women were.
- Hmm, possibly American, don't you think?
You know, almighty dollar, old man.
- I suppose we'll have to wait here.
If only we hadn't missed that train at Budapest.
- Well, I don't want to rub it in,
but if you hadn't insisted on standing up
until they'd finished their national anthem--
- Yes, but you must show respect, Caldicott.
If I'd known it was going to last 20 minutes...
- Well, it's always been my contention
that the "Hungarian Rhapsody" is not their national anthem.
Any case, we were the only two standing.
- That's true.
- Well, I suppose we shall be in time after all.
- I doubt it.
That last report was pretty ghastly.
Do you remember: "England on the brink"?
- Yes, but that's newspaper sensationalism.
The old country's been in some tight corners before.
- It looks pretty black.
I mean, even if we get away first thing tomorrow morning,
there's still the connection at Basle.
We'll probably be hours.
- Mm, that's true.
- Well, somebody surely can help us.
Oh, sir, do you happen to know
what time the train leaves Basle for England?
- [speaking German]
- Oh, really.
Fellow doesn't speak English.
[people clamoring]
- [speaking French]
[speaking French]
Allo, Alex?
[speaking Bandrikan]
Champagne, Miss Henderson.
[speaking Bandrikan]
[speaking French]
[woman speaking French]
- Here's one leaves Basle 21:20.
- 21:20.
20, 20. 12 from 21 is...
21:20.
11, no. Yes, it is.
- One, two, three, four.
- I regret, sir, there is only left
two single room in front
or a little double room at the back.
- We'll take the two singles.
- Very well, sir. Here is it.
- Thank you. - Thank you.
- At least you might have asked me which I preferred.
- My dear, a small double room at the back
in a place like this?
- You weren't so particular in Paris last autumn.
- Oh, it was quite different then.
The exhibition was at its height.
- I realize that now.
There's no need to rub it in.
- We want a private suite with a bath.
- Facing the mountain.
- With a shower, of course.
- Hot and cold.
- And a private thingummy if you've got one.
- Well, I'm sorry, gentlemen.
The only things I've got is the maid room.
- The what? - Maid room?
- Well, I'm sorry.
The whole hotel is packed, jammed to the sky.
- Oh, but that's impossible. We haven't fixed up yet.
- Hang it all; you can't expect
to put the two of us up in the maid's room.
- Well, don't get excited. I'll remove the maid out.
- Yes, I should think so.
What?
What are you talking about?
- Look, I think I'd sooner sleep on the train.
- There is no eating on the train.
- No eating on the train?
- Yes, I mean ha...heating. Brr.
- Oh, heating, there's no heating on the train.
- Oh, that's awkward.
All right, we'll take it.
- Just a minute. One condition.
You have to have the maid who comes to your room
remove her wardrobe.
Anna!
She's a good girl, and I don't want to lose her.
[speaking Bandrikan]
[mumbling and chuckling]
- We'd better go and dress.
- Rather primitive humor, I thought.
- All grown-up children, you know?
That was rather an awkward situation over that girl.
- Pity he couldn't have given us one each.
- Eh?
- I mean a room apiece.
- Oh.
- I, Iris Matilda Henderson,
a spinster of no particular parish,
do hereby solemnly renounce my maidenly past
and do declare that on Thursday next,
the 26th inst, being in my right mind,
I shall take the veil and the orange blossom
and change my name to Lady Charles Fotheringail.
- Can't you get him to change his name instead?
The only thing I like about him is his moustache.
- You're a couple of cynics. I'm very fond of him.
- Well, I'm fond of rabbits, but they have to be kept down.
- Rudolph, give me a hand.
- Have you ever read about that little thing called love?
- It used to be very popular.
- Child, the carpet is already laid
at St. George's, Hanover Square,
and Father is simply aching
to have a coat of arms on the jam label.
- To Iris and the happy days she's leaving behind.
- And the blue-blooded check chaser
she's dashing to London to marry.
- The blue-blooded check chaser.
- I've no regrets.
I've been everywhere and done everything.
I've eaten caviar at Cannes, sausage rolls at the dogs.
I've played baccarat at Biarritz
and darts with the rural dean.
What is there left for me but...marriage?
[both speaking Bandrikan]
- [scoffs]
- It's this hanging about that gets me.
If only we knew what was happening in England.
- Mustn't lose grip, Charters.
[knock at door]
Come in.
- [speaking Bandrikan]
[groans]
[speaking Bandrikan]
- Did you follow that?
- I did.
Tell her this has gone far enough.
- No...no change...
change here.
Um, outside.
- [speaking Bandrikan]
- She doesn't understand.
- No. Come on.
thud!
Nothing newer than last month.
- I don't suppose there is such a thing
as a wireless set hereabouts.
- Awful being in the dark like this, you know, Caldicott,
our communications cut off in a time of crisis.
- Allo, allo, allo, London?
You want Mr. Seltzer?
Yes. Hold on.
I'm going right to find where he is.
- London.
- Go on. Risk it.
- Hello, hello, you, you in London.
Huh? No, no, no, I'm not Mr. Seltzer.
Name's Charters.
I don't suppose you know me.
Huh?
Well, you needn't worry. They've just gone to fetch him.
Tell me, what's happening to England?
Blowing a gale?
No, you don't follow me, sir.
I'm inquiring about the test match in Manchester.
Cricket, sir, cricket!
What, you don't know?
You can't be in England and not know the test score.
Fellow says he doesn't know.
- Oh, silly arse.
- Hello, can't you find out?
Oh, nonsense. It won't take a second.
All right, if you won't, you won't.
Wasting my time. The fellow's an ignoramus.
- Mr. Seltzer, at last your call come through to London.
Hello!
Hello, hello!
[speaking Bandrikan]
[man and woman speaking a foreign language]
- [speaking Bandrikan]
- Thank you, waiter.
- [repeating Bandrikan phrase]
- What would you say to a grilled steak?
- That's a very good idea.
- Well done for me, please.
- On the red side for me.
- [repeating Bandrikan phrase]
- These people have a passion for repeating themselves.
- Ahem. I beg your pardon.
- He's trying to explain to you
that owing to the large number of visitors,
there's no food left.
- No food?
What sort of place is this?
They expect us to share a blasted dog box
with a servant girl on an empty stomach?
Is that hospitality? Is that organization?
Oh, thank you.
- I'm hungry, you know.
- What a country.
I don't wonder they have revolutions.
- You're very welcome to what's left of the cheese.
Of course, it's not like beefsteak,
but it's awfully rich in vitamins.
- Oh, really, thank you very much.
- I'm afraid they're not accustomed
to catering for so many people.
Bandrika is one of Europe's few undiscovered corners.
- Yes, that's probably because there's nothing
worth discovering, I should think.
- You may not know it as well as I do.
I'm feeling quite miserable at the thought of leaving it.
- After you with the cheese, please.
- Certainly, old man. Why not?
So you're going home.
- Tomorrow.
My little charges are quite grown up.
I am a governess and music teacher, you know.
In the six years I've lived here,
I've grown to love the country, especially the mountains.
I sometimes think they're like very friendly neighbors,
you know, the big father and mother mountain
with their white snow hats
and their nephews and nieces, not quite so big,
with smaller hats,
right down to the tiniest hillock
without any hat at all.
Well, of course, that's just my fancy.
- Oh, really?
- I like to watch them from my bedroom
every night when there's a moon.
I'm so glad there's a moon tonight.
Do you hear that music?
[man vocalizing]
Everyone sings here.
The people are just like happy children,
with laughter on their lips and music in their hearts.
- It's not reflected in their politics, you know.
- I never think you should judge any country by its politics.
After all, we English are quite honest by nature,
aren't we?
You'll excuse me if I run away?
- Good night. Good night.
- Good night.
Queer sort of bird.
- Trifle whimsical, I thought.
- After six years in this hole, we'd be whimsical.
- Oh, I don't think so, old man.
She was very decent about that cheese.
- I see she's finished the pickles.
- Good night, Iris.
Listen, someone's serenading.
- Oh, let him.
Nothing will keep me awake tonight.
Good night, my children.
[door clicks shut]
[man vocalizing]
[loud rhythmic thumping]
- What's happening, an earthquake?
- That would hardly account for the music, would it?
What a horrible noise.
What could they be doing?
- I don't know, but I'll soon find out.
Hello.
Musical country, this.
- Yes, I feel quite sorry for that poor singer outside,
having to compete with this.
- Boris, Miss Henderson speaking.
Look, someone upstairs
is playing musical chairs with an elephant.
Move one of them out, will you? I want to get some sleep.
All right.
That ought to settle it.
- Thank you so.
Some people have so little consideration for others,
which makes life so much more difficult than it need be.
Don't you think?
Good night. Thank you so much.
I expect you'll be going for the train in the morning?
- Yes.
- I hope we shall meet again under quieter circumstances.
Good night.
- Good night.
[speaking Italian]
[speaking Bandrikan]
Miss, please, I'll fix everything.
- You'd better.
[knocking]
- Hold it.
Splendid, don't move. Don't move.
- [clears throat] Uh...
If you please, sir.
- Get out!
One, two.
[music and stomping resume]
- Please, sir, will you kindly stop?
They are all complaining
in the hotel.
You make too much noise.
- Too much what?
- [meekly] Too much noise.
- You dare to call it a noise,
the ancient music with which your peasant ancestors
celebrated every wedding for countless generations.
They danced--
they danced when your father married your mother,
always supposing you were born in wedlock, which I doubt.
Look at them.
I take it you're the manager of this hovel.
- Sure, I am the manager of this hotel.
- Well, fortunately, I'm accustomed to squalor.
Tell me, who's complaining?
- This young English lady underneath.
- Well, you tell the young English lady underneath
that I am putting on record for the benefit of mankind
one of the lost folk dances of central Europe,
and furthermore, she does not own the hotel.
- But, sir, don't you understand?
- Now, one, two...
[music and stomping resume]
- You know what he said?
"Who she think she is, the queen of Sheba?
She think she owns this hotel?"
- Well, can't you get rid of him?
- Impossible.
- Are you sure?
- I begin to wonder...
It's come back to me. I've got an idea.
You see, the German lady,
she will call him up on the telephone,
and she say, "Young man, it's my room.
I did pay for it. Get out quickly."
How's that, huh?
- Good enough.
We'll eject him with a little...
He'll never forget as long as he live.
- Nothing but baseball.
You know, we used to call it rounders.
Children play it with a rubber ball and a stick.
Not a word about cricket.
Americans got no sense of proportion.
[knock at door]
Come in.
[whistling]
- Gute Nacht.
I can't stand this ridiculous lack of privacy.
Lock the door.
- [speaking Bandrikan]
- Oh!
- Gute Nacht.
- Who are you?
What do you want?
[plays jaunty tune]
- Recognize the signature tune?
- Will you please get out?
- Oh, this is a much better room.
Definitely an acceptable room.
- What exactly do you think you're doing?
Keep away.
- Would you hold those for a minute?
- Put those back at once.
- Now, which side do you like to sleep?
- Do you want me to throw you out?
- Oh, in that case, I'll sleep in the middle.
Smart of you to bribe the manager.
An eye for an eye and a tooth for a toothbrush.
- I suppose you realize
you're behaving like a complete cad.
- On the contrary.
You're perfectly at liberty to sleep in the corridor
if you want to.
- Hello.
- Oh, I shouldn't if I were you.
I'd only tell everyone you invited me here.
And when I say everyone, I mean everyone.
And I have a powerful voice.
- Come out of there at once!
- Not until you bribe the manager to restore me to my attic.
- Come out of that bathroom!
- [humming]
- Hello, Boris?
Look, I was thinking I might change my mind
about that room upstairs if--
- Oh, by the way,
you might have my things taken upstairs.
Would you?
- You're the most contemptible person
I've ever met in all my life!
- [whispering] Well, confidentially,
I think you're a bit of a stinker too.
[man humming]
- Ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah-ah
Ah-ah-ah, ah, ah-ah
Ah-ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah
Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah-ah
[grunts]
[coin clinks]
Da-da-da, da, da-da-dee-dee
Da-da-da, da, da-dee
Da-da-da, da, da-da-dee-dee
- Well, if we get to Basle on time,
we should see the last day of the match.
- I hope the weather's like this in Manchester.
Perfect wicket for our fellows.
- Isn't it somewhere along here?
- If you don't hurry, Margaret,
we shan't get that compartment to ourselves.
- Does it matter?
- Well, there's still time to change your mind, Iris.
- Yes, why not send Charles a greetings telegram
and tell him he's all washed up?
- No, it's too late.
This time next week, I shall be a slightly sunburnt offering
on an altar in Hanover Square.
I shan't mind, really.
- Oh, good morning.
I can't find my bag.
It's a brown holdall, you know.
Have you seen--
No, of course not. Thank you.
Well, I gave it to the porter.
I can't imagine where he left it.
- Oh, she dropped her glasses.
Say, you dropped your glasses.
- Oh, thank you, my dear.
Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear!
- Darling, are you hurt?
- I don't know.
What was it?
[man muttering in Bandrikan]
- Never mind about that.
This cockeyed station of yours
has practically brained my friend.
- Yes, indeed.
- Well, what are you going to do about it?
[man mutters]
- He says he cannot hold the train.
[train whistle shrills]
- Hurry up. It's going.
- I'll be all right, really.
- Are you sure?
Be careful, now. Be careful.
- Don't worry. I'll look after her.
Such carelessness.
- Are you sure you're all right?
- Send us a copy of the "Times."
- Write and tell us all about it.
- Good luck.
Look after yourself.
- There, there.
You'll be all right in a minute.
Just take everything quietly.
Put some of this eau de cologne on your head.
Do you feel any better?
- Yes, thank you. I'm all right now.
- What you need is a good strong cup of tea.
I'll ring for the attendant.
- No, no, please don't bother.
I'll go to the dining car myself.
I need some air.
- Oh, well, in that case, I'll come with you--
if you don't mind, that is.
- No, of course not.
- Oh, I beg your pardon.
I'm so sorry.
You can always tell a honeymoon couple, you know.
They're so shy.
- Why did you do that?
- We don't want people staring at us.
- Anyone would think the whole legal profession
were dogging you.
- One would be enough.
- You even thought that beggar in Damascus
was a barrister in disguise.
- I merely said his face
was distinguished enough for a judge.
- You hurried off in the opposite direction,
I noticed.
- That's not true.
I was looking for a street called Straight.
- You weren't so careful the first few days.
- I know. I know.
- And anyway, as for you meeting someone you know,
what about me?
Robert thinks I'm cruising with Mother.
- If one's feeling a little bit shaky,
I always think it's best to sit in the middle of the coach,
preferably facing the engine.
A pot of tea for two, please.
- Very good.
- Oh, and just a minute.
Will you please tell them to make it from this?
I don't drink any other.
And make absolutely sure
that the water is really boiling.
You understand?
It's a little fad of mine.
My dear father and mother, who I'm thankful to say
are still alive and enjoying good health,
invariably drink it,
and so I followed their footsteps.
Do you know a million Mexicans drink it?
At least that's what it says on the packet.
- It's very kind of you to help me like this.
I don't think we've introduced ourselves.
My name's Iris Henderson.
I'm going home to be married.
- Really? Oh, how very exciting.
I do hope you'll be happy.
- Thank you.
- You'll have children, won't you?
They make such a difference.
I always think it's being with kiddies so much
that's made me, if I may say so, young for my age.
I'm a governess, you know.
My name's Froy. [train whistle shrills]
- Did you say Freud?
- No, O-Y, not E-U-D.
Froy.
- I'm sorry. I can't hear.
- Froy.
It rhymes with "joy."
Thank you.
Please reserve two places for lunch, will you?
That is if you'd care to have it with me.
- Of course.
- There's nothing moot about it.
Simply wasn't out, that's all.
But for the umpire's blunder, he'd probably still be batting.
- What do you mean? I don't understand.
- I'll show you. Look here.
I saw the whole thing.
Now, then, there's Hammond.
There's the bowler.
There's the umpire.
- Sugar?
- Two, please.
- Dear me.
There is no sugar.
- Now, watch this very, very carefully, Caldicott.
Grimmett was bowling.
- May I trouble you for the sugar, please?
- What?
- The sugar, please.
Thank you so much.
If I were you, I'd try and get a little sleep.
It'll make you feel quite well again.
There's a most intriguing acrostic in the "Needlewoman."
I'm going to try and unravel it before you wake up.
[laughter]
[Froy humming]
Da-da-da, da, da-da-dee-dee
Da-da-da, da
[train whistle shrills]
[man speaking a foreign language]
- Reservations for lunch, please.
- Have been made.
- Da?
- Bin da.
- Madame has booked for lunch?
- Oh, I think my friend did.
She's got the tickets.
Have you seen my friend?
- No.
- My friend, where is she?
La signora inglese,
the English lady, where is she?
- There has been no English lady here.
- What?
- There has been no English lady here.
- But there has. She sat there in the corner.
You saw her. You spoke to her.
She sat next to you.
But it's ridiculous.
She took me to the dining car and came back here with me.
- You went and came back alone.
- Maybe you don't understand.
I mean the lady who looked after me
when I was knocked out.
- Ah, perhaps it make you forget, eh?
- Well, I may be very dense,
but if this is some sort of a joke,
I'm afraid I don't see the point.
Oh, steward, you served me tea just now.
- Yes, madame.
- Well, have you seen the lady I was with,
the English lady?
- But madame was alone.
- [man speaking Bandrikan]
Pardon, madame. He make mistake.
- Well, of course.
He must remember the little English lady.
She ordered the tea and paid for it.
- No, it is you who paid.
[both speaking Bandrikan]
- He say to look at the bill. I will look, madame.
- But she gave you a special packet of tea.
You can't have forgotten that.
- The tea was ours, madame. I received no packet.
- But you did. I know what happened.
- Pardon, madame, the bill: tea for one.
- But that's not right.
- Perhaps madame would care to examine the bills herself.
- No, I wouldn't. The whole thing's too absurd.
Please, have you seen a lady pass through?
Oh.
- Well, well, if it isn't old stinker.
If I thought you were going to be on this train,
I'd have stayed another week in the hotel.
Lady? No, why?
- It doesn't matter.
You probably wouldn't recognize one anyway.
- Hello. Feeling queer?
- It's that pipe of yours, George.
Why don't you throw your old socks away?
Never mind.
Thanks for the help all the same.
Come on, sit down. Take it easy.
What's the trouble?
- If you must know, something fell on my head.
- When, infancy?
- At the station.
- Oh, bad luck. Can I help?
- No, only by going away.
- No, no, no, no, my father always taught me:
never desert a lady in trouble.
He even carried that as far as marrying Mother.
- I say, did you see a little lady
last night in the hotel in tweeds?
- I only saw one little lady.
She was hardly in tweeds.
- Yes, but she was in my compartment,
and now I can't find her.
- She must be still on the train.
We haven't stopped since we started.
- Of course she's still on the train; I know that.
- All right, all right. Nobody said she isn't.
- Yes, but that's just what they are saying.
- Who?
- The rest of the people in the compartment
and the stewards.
They insist they never saw her.
- All of them? - All of them.
- You were saying you got a knock on the head?
- What do you mean?
- Never mind. Do you talk the lingo?
- No.
- Oh, well, they probably thought
you were trying to borrow some money.
Come on, let's knock the idea out of their stupid heads.
A most unfortunate remark. I beg your pardon.
[speaking Italian]
- That's one of them, the little dark man.
- I say, excuse me.
I think there's been a little misunderstanding.
This young lady seems to have lost her friend.
- Yes, I have heard.
This gentleman has been explaining to me.
It's most interesting.
And I think, under the circumstances,
we shall all introduce ourselves.
- I am Italian citizen.
My wife and child.
- How do you do?
Oh, bonny little chap. How old is he?
- 1934 class, si.
And the lady in the corner: Isabel Nisatona.
- Oh, yes, I met her husband.
He presented prizes at the Folk Dance Festival.
Minister of Propaganda.
- And I am Dr. Egon Hartz of Prague.
You may have heard of me.
- Not the brain specialist.
- Yes, the same.
- Oh, yes, you flew over to England the other day
and operated on one of our cabinet ministers.
- Oh, yes.
- Tell me, did you find anything?
- A slight cerebral contusion.
- Oh, well, that's better than nothing.
- But I am picking up a similar case
at the next station
but so much more complicated.
I shall operate at the National Hospital tonight.
Among other things,
a cranial fracture with compression.
Do you understand?
- Oh, yes, a wallop on the bean.
- I suppose you haven't seen my friend.
- Unfortunately, no.
- I'll just take a word with the baroness.
Excuse me.
[speaking Bandrikan]
[speaking Italian]
- What do they say?
- Well, they both say they've never seen her.
- But that's not true. She was sitting where you are.
- Can you describe her?
- Well, it's a bit difficult, you see.
She was sort of middle-aged and ordinary.
- Well, what was she wearing?
Tweeds, oatmeal flecked with brown,
a three-quarter coat with patch pockets,
a scarf, felt hat, brown shoes, a tussah shirt,
and a small blue handkerchief in her breast pocket.
I can't remember any more.
- You couldn't have been paying attention.
Now, listen.
You both went along to tea?
- Yes.
- Well, surely you met somebody.
- Well, I suppose we did, but--
Wait a moment. Let me think.
Oh, yes, there was an Englishman who passed the sugar.
- Right you are.
Now, let's go along and dig him out.
- Pardon. May I come with you?
This is most interesting to me.
- Well, we don't like people muscling in,
but we'll make you a member.
- Wait a moment. There was somebody else.
As we passed this compartment, Miss Froy stumbled in.
There was a tall gentleman and a lady.
- All right, now we're getting somewhere.
If we can really find someone who saw her,
we'll have the place searched.
- Can I be of any assistance?
- That's the gentleman.
- Well, do you happen to remember seeing this young lady
pass the compartment with a little Englishwoman?
- I'm afraid not.
- But you must have!
She almost fell into your compartment.
Surely you haven't forgotten.
It's very important.
Everybody's saying she wasn't on the train,
but I know she is, and I'm going to find her
even if I have to stop the train to do it.
[knocks]
- I say, Caldicott, this is Charters.
Can I come in?
You know that girl we saw at the hotel?
She's back there kicking up a devil of a fuss.
Says she's lost her friend.
- Well, she hasn't been in here, old man.
- But the point is, she threatens to stop the train.
- Oh, Lord.
- If we miss our connection at Basle,
we'll never make Manchester in time.
- This is serious.
- Let's hide in here.
- I'm sorry, I haven't the faintest recollection.
You must be making a mistake.
- Well, he obviously doesn't remember.
Let's go and look for the other fellow.
- Who were you talking to outside?
- Hmm?
Oh, nobody, just some people in the corridor arguing.
- There he is. That's the man.
- Oh, oh, I say. I'm so sorry.
I wonder if I can bother you.
I wonder if you can help us.
How?
- Well, I was having tea about an hour ago
with an English lady.
You saw her, didn't you?
- Well, I don't know, I mean, definitely.
I was talking to my friend, wasn't I?
- Indubitably.
- Yes, but you were sitting at the next table.
She turned and borrowed the sugar.
You must remember.
- Oh, yes, I recall passing the sugar.
- Well, then you saw her.
I repeat, we were deep in conversation.
We were discussing cricket.
- Well, I don't see how a thing like cricket
can make you forget seeing people.
- Oh, don't you?
Well, if that's your attitude,
obviously there's nothing more to be said.
Come, Caldicott.
"Thing like cricket."
- Hmm, wrong tactics.
We should have told him
we were looking for a lost cricket ball.
- Yes, but he spoke to her.
There must be some explanation.
- There is.
Please forgive me.
I'm quite possibly wrong, but I have known cases
where a sudden shock or blow
has induced the most vivid impressions.
- I understand.
You don't believe me.
- Oh, it's not a question of belief.
Even a simple concussion
may have curious effects upon an imaginative person.
- Yes, but I can remember every little detail:
her name, Miss Froy-- everything.
- So interesting.
You know, if one had time,
one could trace the cause of the hallucination.
- Hallucination?
- Oh, precisely.
There is no Miss Froy.
There never was a Miss Froy, merely a vivid subjective image.
- But I met her last night at the hotel.
- You thought you did.
- Yes, but what about the name?
- Oh, some past association:
an advertisement or a character in a novel
subconsciously remembered.
No, there is no reason to be frightened
if you are quiet and relaxed.
- Thank you very much.
- Well, if you will excuse me,
this is where my patient comes aboard.
Excuse me.
Most interesting.
- We're stopping.
- This is the first stop, isn't it?
- Mm-hmm.
- Well, then Miss Froy must still be on the train.
Look, you look out of this window
and see if she gets off this side.
I'll take the other.
- Most interesting.
- Oh.
- What was she dressed in?
Scotch tweeds, wasn't it?
- Oatmeal tweeds.
- Oh, I knew it had something to do with porridge.
[speaking Bandrikan]
- How long does it take to get a divorce?
Eric.
- Hmm? Oh, I beg your pardon. I wasn't listening.
- I said how long does it take to get a divorce?
- Oh, that depends. Why?
- I was only wondering
whether we could take our honeymoon next spring.
I mean the official one.
- The difficulties are considerable.
For one thing, the courts are very crowded just now.
Although I suppose we barristers
ought not to complain about that.
[clears throat]
As a matter of fact, with conditions as they are now,
my chances of becoming a judge are very rosy.
You know, that is if nothing untoward occurs.
- Such as you being mixed up in a divorce case yourself.
- Well, yes.
- In that first careless rapture of yours,
you said you didn't care what happened.
- My dear, you must think of it from my point of view.
The law, like Caesar's wife, must be above suspicion.
- Even when the law spends six weeks with Caesar's wife?
- Look here.
- Now I know why you've been running around
like a scared rabbit,
why you lied so deliberately a few minutes ago.
- I lied?
- Yes, to those people in the corridor.
I heard every word you said.
- It was merely that I didn't wish to be mixed up in any inquiry.
- Inquiry?
Just because a little woman can't be found?
- That girl was making a fuss.
If the woman had disappeared
and I'd admitted having seen her,
we might become vital witnesses.
Why, my name might even appear in the papers,
coupled with yours.
Why, a scandal like that might lead anywhere,
anywhere.
- Yes, I suppose it might.
[train whistle shrills]
- Nobody?
- Nobody.
- Well, the only thing that came out my side
was two bits of orange peel and a paper bag.
- I know there's a Miss Froy. She's as real as you are.
- Yes, that's what you say, and you believe it,
but there doesn't appear to be anybody else who's seen her.
- I saw her,
I think.
- You did?
- A little woman in tweeds.
- Yes.
- Wearing a three-quarter coat.
- With a scarf? - That's right.
I saw her with you when you passed the compartment.
- I knew I was right.
But your husband said he hadn't see her.
- Oh, he didn't notice,
but as soon as he mentioned it, I remembered at once.
- You win.
You know, this calls for action.
Do you prefer to make a statement?
- Of course, if it helps.
- Pardon, my patient has just arrived,
the most fascinating complication.
- We have some news for you.
- This lady actually saw Miss Froy.
- So.
- We're going to have the train searched.
- You'll have to think of a fresh theory now, Doctor.
- It is not necessary.
My theory was a perfectly good one.
The facts were misleading.
I hope you will find your friend.
Excuse me.
- I'll be in here if you want me.
- Right you are. Come along.
- Eric.
I was only going to mention
that I told that girl I'd seen her friend.
- What's that?
Have you taken leave of your senses?
- On the contrary, I've come to them.
- What do you mean?
- If there's a scandal, there'd be a divorce.
You couldn't let me down, could you?
You'd have to do the decent thing
as reluctantly as only you know how.
- You forget one very important thing, Margaret:
your husband would divorce you, I've no doubt.
But whatever happens, my wife will never divorce me.
- Yes, well, it might seem crazy to you, but I tell you,
you're going to search the train.
- Ah, Signorina...
[speaking Bandrikan]
Your friend, she come back.
- Come back? - Si, si.
- But what happened?
- Oh, you go see. She tell you.
- Scusi. - Thanks.
All right, Athleston, relax. The crisis is over.
Come on, let's join the lady.
Here we are.
- Miss Froy.
That isn't Miss Froy.
- Isn't it?
- No.
- I say, this is a silly thing to say,
but are you Miss Froy?
- No, I am Madame Kummer.
[speaking Bandrikan]
- She says she helped you into the carriage
after you got the biff on the head
and then went to see some friends.
- [speaking Bandrikan]
- The baroness says that as you spoke about the English lady,
she didn't connect her with Madame Kummer.
- But she wasn't the lady I saw. It was Miss Froy.
- Oatmeal tweeds, blouse, blue silk handkerchief--
- Yes, I know, everything's the same,
but it isn't her.
- I beg your pardon.
When did you say you first met this Miss Froy?
- Last night at the hotel.
- Oh, and was she wearing a costume like this?
- Yes, I think so.
- Then I must apologize.
You did meet her after all.
- Then--
- But not on this train.
In your subconscious mind,
you substituted for the face of Madame Kummer
that of Miss Froy.
- But I didn't. I couldn't have, I tell you.
I talked to her here.
- That's very easily settled.
There's an Englishwoman on the train
who said she saw her.
If this lady wouldn't mind, Madame--
[speaking Bandrikan]
- [speaking Bandrikan]
- [speaking French]
What a gift for languages the fellow's got.
[knocks]
I'm so sorry.
Would you tell us, please, is this the woman you saw?
- It isn't a bit like her, is it?
- Yes, she's the woman.
- But it isn't, I tell you. It isn't.
- Are you sure?
- Perfectly.
- She isn't. She isn't.
[both speaking Bandrikan]
- Well, come on, then.
I'm so sorry to have troubled you.
- Well, aren't you going to say anything?
You might at least gloat if nothing else.
- What am I expected to say?
You only did it to save your own skin.
- She was lying. I saw it in her face.
They're all lying. But why, why?
- Now, now, why don't you sit down and take it easy?
- Do you believe this nonsense about substituting
Miss Froy's face for Madame Kummer's?
- Well, I think any change would be an improvement.
- Listen, Miss Froy was on this train, I know she was,
and nothing will convince me otherwise.
Must you follow me around like a pet dog?
- Oh, well, let's say a watchdog.
I've got all the better instincts.
- Good-bye.
The doctor was right. You're all right.
I never saw Miss Froy on the train.
It didn't happen, I know now.
- Ah, I'm glad you're going to take it like that.
What you want to do is to forget all about it.
Just make your mind a complete blank.
You know? Watch me. You can't go wrong.
What about a spot of something to eat?
- Anything.
- That's right. Come along.
- Ah, this way, please.
- Oh, thank you. - Merci.
Would you like a little air?
- Thanks.
- Do you think you can eat anything?
- I could try.
- That's the spirit.
You'll feel a different girl tomorrow.
- I hope so.
I don't want to meet my fiance a nervous wreck.
- Your what?
- I'm being married on Thursday.
- Quite sure you're not imagining that?
- Positive.
- Oh, I was afraid so.
Aha, food.
- I couldn't face it.
- Well, you well best.
Do you mind if I talk with my mouth full?
- If you must.
- Well, now, would you like to hear about my early life?
- I don't think so.
- Well, since you press me, I'll begin with my father.
You know, it's remarkable
how many great men began with their father.
Oh, something to drink?
- No--
Oh, yes, I will. A cup of tea, please.
- [speaking Bandrikan]
You know, my father was a very colorful character.
Amongst other things, he was strongly addicted to...
you'll never guess.
- Harriman's Herbal Tea.
- No, wrong, double scotch.
- A million Mexicans drink it.
- Maybe they do, but Father didn't.
- Miss Froy gave the waiter a packet of it.
- A packet of what?
- Harriman's Herbal Tea.
She said it was the only sort she liked.
- Now, look here, I thought we'd agreed
that you were going to make your mind a complete blank.
- But it's so real. I'm sure it happened.
- Did we or did we not?
- We did.
Sorry.
Go on telling me about your father.
- Well, my father was a very remarkable man.
- Did he play the clarinet?
- Incessantly.
In fact, he never put it down
unless it became absolutely necessary.
Well, naturally,
I couldn't help inheriting his love of music.
- Why not?
- Well, that was all he left me.
You know, you're remarkably attractive.
Has anyone ever told you?
- We were discussing you.
- Ah, yes, of course.
Do you like me?
- Not much.
- Well, after I'd paid my father's debts,
I started to travel
until they tried to cash the checks.
For the moment, you know,
I'm writing a book on folk dancing.
Would you like to buy a copy?
- I'd love to.
When does it see the light of day?
- About four years.
- That's a very long time.
- It's a very long book.
Do you know why you fascinate me?
I'll tell you.
You've got two great qualities I used to admire in Father.
You haven't any manners at all,
and you're always seeing things.
What's the matter?
- Look!
[train whistle shrills]
It's gone!
- What's gone?
- Miss Froy's name on the window.
You saw it. You must have seen it.
She's on the train.
- Now, steady, steady.
Excuse me. Thank you very much.
- No, no, we've got to find her.
Something's happening to her.
Stop the train.
Listen, everybody.
There's a woman on this train, Miss Froy.
Some of you must have seen her.
They're hiding her somewhere.
I appeal to you, all of you, to stop the train.
Please help me.
Please make them stop the train.
Do you hear?
Why don't you do something before it's too late?
- Please, please.
- I know you think I'm crazy, but I'm not. I'm not!
For heaven's sake, stop this train.
- Now, come.
- Leave me alone. Leave me alone!
[train whistle shrills]
[brakes screeching]
- Huh, ten minutes late thanks to that fool of a girl.
If she gets up to any more of her tricks,
we shall be too late for the last day of the match.
- I suppose you couldn't put it to her in some way.
- What?
- Well, people just don't vanish and so forth.
- But she has.
- What?
- Vanished.
- Who?
- The old dame.
- Yes.
- Well?
- Well, how could she?
- What?
- Vanish.
- I don't know.
- That just explains my point.
People don't just disappear into thin air.
- It's done in India.
- What?
- The rope trick.
- Oh, that.
It never comes out in a photograph.
- Look, now, in half an hour,
we'll stop at Morsken, just before the border.
I will leave there with my patient
for the National Hospital.
If you will come with me,
you could stay overnight in a private ward.
You need peace and rest.
- Sorry, nothing doing.
- Isn't there anything we can do?
- Yes, find Miss Froy.
- I tell you, my friend,
if she does not rest, I will not answer for her.
It will be best if you persuade her.
She likes you.
- I'm just about as popular as a dose of strychnine.
- Well, if you coat it with sugar, she may swallow it.
- Cosmopolitan train, this.
People of all nations.
I've just seen at least a million Mexicans
in the corridor.
Well, I thought I'd look in
to tell you to think over what Dr. Hartz said.
If you feel like changing your mind,
I'll be hanging around.
- What's all the mystery?
- You're right. Miss Froy is on this train.
I've just seen the packet of tea that you were talking about.
They chucked it out with the rubbish.
- Trifle late, aren't you? She may be dead by now.
- Dead or a--
Of course, for sheer variety, give me an English summer.
I remember once spending a bank holiday at Brighton.
We're going to search this train.
There's something definitely queer in the air.
Ooh, looks like supply service for trunk murderers.
- Look at that.
- It's all right, Miss Froy. It's only us.
- Hurry up. Quickly.
[both laughing]
- Well, perhaps it's Miss Froy bewitched.
You never know.
Well, anyway, I refuse to be discouraged.
Faint hearts never find old ladies.
Wait.
By the way, do you know anything about her?
- No, only that she was a governess going back home.
What is this thing?
- Can't imagine.
Anyway, there might be something down here.
both: Oh!
- What on Earth?
- Our Italian friend.
I've got it. Wait a minute.
- There you are, the Great Doppo.
[muttering quietly]
His visiting card. Look.
- What's it say?
- "The Great Doppo,
"magician, illusionist, mind reader,
"will visit all principal towns and cities.
"See his fascinating act, The Vanishing L--
Lady."
- The Vanishing Lady.
- Perhaps that's the explanation.
- What?
- Maybe he's practicing on Miss Froy.
- Well, perhaps it's a publicity stunt.
- No, I don't think so.
That wouldn't account for the Baroness or Madame Kummer.
- Well, what's your theory?
- Oh, I don't know. My theory?
I'll tell you.
- Oh, dear.
I can't get this one.
That one.
Where are you?
- I'm in here with a strong smell of camphor balls.
- I can't see you.
- I'm about somewhere.
Here I am.
Where are you?
- I don't know.
- This is what comes of not saying "abracadabra."
- Ooh!
- Are you hurt?
- Ouch!
- Come on, out of it, Oscar.
- Not much.
- Come and sit down over here.
- What is that thing?
- Well, in magic circles,
we call it a disappearing cabinet.
You get inside and vanish.
- Mm, so I noticed.
You were about to tell me of your theory.
- Oh, my theory.
Well, my theory, my dear Watson,
is that we are in very deep waters indeed.
- Ahem.
- Oh, thank you very much.
Let us marshal our facts
over a pipeful of Baker Street shag.
In the first place, a little old lady disappears.
Everyone that saw her promptly insists
that she was never there at all.
Right? - Right.
We know that she was.
Therefore, they did see her.
Therefore, they are deliberately lying.
Why?
- I don't know. I'm only Watson.
- Well, don't bury yourself in the part.
I'll tell you why.
Because they daren't face an inquiry,
because Miss Froy is probably still somewhere on this train.
- I told you that hours ago.
- Ah, yes, so you did.
For that, my dear Watson,
you shall have a trichinopoly cigar.
- Mm, thank you.
- Now, there's only one thing left to do, you know:
search the train in disguise.
- As what?
- Well... [clears throat]
Old English gentleman.
- They'd see through you.
- Perhaps you're right.
- Aha.
Will Hay, for instance.
"Now, boys, boys, which of you has stolen Miss Froy?
Own up. Own up."
- Those glasses. - What?
- Give them to me. - Why?
- They're Miss Froy's. - Are you sure?
- Yes, they're exactly the same, gold-rimmed--
Where did you find them?
- Well, down here on the floor. The glass is broken.
- Well, probably in the struggle.
- Pick up the glass.
Do you realize that this is our first piece
of really tangible proof?
That's the lot.
- Will you please give me those spectacles?
They belong to me.
My spectacles, please.
- Yours? Are you sure?
- [speaking Italian]
- Ah, naughty, naughty.
You know, that's a very large nose
for a very small pair of spectacles.
That's the game, is it? We'll see about that.
Those are Miss Froy's glasses, and you know it.
She's been in here, and you know that too.
Don't stand hopping about there like a referee; cooperate.
Kick him. See if he's got a false bottom.
Ow! That doesn't help.
Quick, pull his ears back.
Give them a twist.
That's it.
Now I've got him.
Look out! He's got a knife!
Quick, get ahold of it before he cuts a slice off me.
- Ah!
I can't reach it.
- Well done.
We know how that thing works.
Come out of there.
Well, is he out, do you think?
Anyway, we've got to hide him somewhere.
What's in here?
- Hurry up, quick, before he comes to.
- It's empty. Bring him along.
Come on.
- [gasps]
- Oh, no, you don't.
Oh.
- What's the matter?
Garlic. I'll be all right in a minute.
Here, hold on to this. - Oh, yes.
- Let's tie him up.
Ah, well, we're getting somewhere at last.
We definitely know that Miss Froy was on this train,
and we know that our friend in here
had something to do with it.
That ought to keep him quiet until we find her.
Ah, hard work but worth it.
Let's have the evidence.
- Evidence?
- Yes, the glasses.
- You've got them.
- No, I haven't got them.
Oh.
He's got them.
- He isn't there.
- Where--
Snookered. It's a false bottom.
That little twister. He's a contortionist.
- He's gone, all right.
- Yes, to find the others and make more trouble.
We're in a nasty jam, my dear.
We can't fight the whole train. We need allies.
- Yes, but who can we trust?
- Well, that's the snag.
- There's that Dr. Hartz person.
- Yes, you're right. He might help.
Come along. Let's tell him the symptoms.
- All right. Oh, wait a minute.
- This is the one.
He's not there.
Listen, I've just had a particularly idiotic idea.
- I quite believe that.
Well, suppose that patient in there is Miss Froy.
- Yes, but it didn't come on the train
till after Miss Froy disappeared.
- Yes, yes, that's why it's an idiotic idea.
Come on, let's find the doctor.
- No, no, no, wait a minute.
- What is it?
- Did you notice anything wrong about that nun?
- No.
- I don't think she's a nun at all.
They don't wear high heels.
- Yes, you're right.
Listen, did you see Madame Kummer get on the train?
- No.
- Well, supposing they decoyed Miss Froy
into the luggage van and hid her there.
The first stop, the patient comes aboard,
head injury, all wrapped up.
The patient is Madame Kummer.
Madame Kummer becomes Miss Froy.
Miss Froy becomes that.
- Yes, but why should they go to all this trouble
to kidnap a harmless little governess?
- Maybe it isn't a governess at all.
Perhaps it's some political thing, you know?
Come on. Let's investigate.
Parlez-vous francais?
Sprechen Sie Deutsch?
[speaking Bandrikan]
Oh, well, you'll just have to put up with it in English.
Can we take a look at your patient, please?
Thank you.
Keep an eye on the nun.
- What are you doing here?
Why are you in here?
This is the most serious accident case.
You have no business to be here at all, neither of you.
- Dr. Hartz, we want you to undo those bandages
and let us take a look at your patient's face.
- Are you out of your senses?
There is no face there,
nothing but lumps of raw flesh.
Already the case has lost so much blood.
Nothing but a transfusion can save him.
What do you want me to do, murder my patient?
You're quite sure that this is your patient?
- We believe it's Miss Froy.
- Miss Froy?
You can't be serious.
Whatever put such ideas into your heads?
I understand she is deaf and dumb.
- But she may lip-read.
- Oh, that's possible.
- Well, in that case,
perhaps you will join me in the dining car.
I'll be with you in a moment.
I want to be certain my patient hasn't been disturbed.
[speaking Bandrikan]
- How the devil do I know how they cottoned on?
Somebody must have tipped them off.
You never said the old girl was English.
- What difference does that make?
In a few moments,
I shall order three drinks in the dining car.
Mine will be Chartreuse.
Now, one of the stewards is working for us.
Now, listen carefully.
- There's that girl again.
- Seems to have recovered.
Lucky it blew over.
- And now perhaps you'll tell me what's all about.
- Now, listen, Doctor,
have you ever actually seen your patient?
- No, I merely received a message to pick the case up
and operate at Morsken.
- How do you know that it's not Miss Froy?
- We believe there's been a substitution, Doctor.
- Really, you mean to say that you think that someone has--
- Dum, dum, dum.
- Oh, I want a green Chartreuse.
Won't you join me?
- Oh, thanks, I'd like a large brandy.
- And you?
- Oh, I don't want any, thank you.
- Oh, come on, it'll do you good.
- No, really, I don't.
- You're very tired. It'll pick you up.
- All right, then, just a small one.
- Two brandies and a Chartreuse.
- Tell me, do you know anything about the nun
who is looking after your patient?
- Nun?
No, only that she is from a convent
close to where the accident occurred.
- Don't you think it's rather peculiar
that she's wearing high-heeled shoes?
- Oh, is she?
Well, that is rather curious, isn't it?
- It's a conspiracy. That's all it can be.
All these people on the train say they haven't seen Miss Froy,
but they have.
We know that because just now in the luggage van...
- She's off again.
- Hope she doesn't create another scene.
Put the lid on our getting back in time if she did.
- And then this fellow from the carriage--
Doppo's his name--
he came along and grabbed the glasses.
- Yeah, we went for him and had a bit of a fight.
- Oh, a fight? - Mm-hmm.
- We knocked him out.
- Oh!
- Shh!
- He seems to have made a speedy recovery.
- Yes, all that's just bluff.
- Here.
- Grazie.
- Oh, but how could he be involved in a conspiracy?
Look at him, the poor fellow.
He's just a harmless traveler.
- He's also a music hall artist making a tour of Bandrika.
- Well?
- The baroness' husband is minister of propaganda.
One word from her, and his tour will be canceled.
- Oh, I see.
- Yes, well, the stewards, if they don't do what they're told,
they've got a nice cozy brick wall to lean up against.
- But tell me about the two English travelers.
They also denied seeing her?
- Yes, just British diplomacy, Doctor.
Never climb a fence if you can sit on it.
It's an old Foreign Office proverb.
- What I cannot understand is,
why should anyone want to dispose of the old lady?
- Yes, well, that's just what stumps us,
but all we know is that she was here on this train,
and now she's...
gone.
- Well, if you're right,
it means the whole train is against us.
- Well, what are we going to do?
- Well, in view of what you just told me,
I shall risk examining the patient.
- Come on, now.
- One moment.
We mustn't act suspiciously.
Behave as if nothing had happened.
Drink; that'll steady your nerves.
- Oh, sorry.
- To our health.
And may our enemies, if they exist,
be unconscious of our purpose.
Let's go. We must hurry now.
- Come on, drink up.
- Wait in here.
- Right you are.
- Anything wrong?
- Nothing,
except they noticed you were wearing high heels.
However, it makes no difference.
We shall reach Morsken in three minutes.
Quite an eventful journey.
- Well?
- Yes, the patient is Miss Froy.
She will be taken off the train at Morsken,
about three minutes.
She will be removed to the hospital there
and operated on.
Unfortunately, the operation will not be successful.
Oh, I should perhaps have explained.
The operation will be performed by me.
You see, I am in this conspiracy,
as you term it.
You are a very alert young couple,
but it's quite useless for you to think,
as you are undoubtedly doing, of a way out of your dilemma.
The drinks you had just now, I regret to say,
contained a quantity of hydrocin.
For your benefit,
hydrocin is a very little-known drug
which has the effect in a small quantity
of paralyzing the brain
and rendering the victim unconscious
for a considerable period.
In a slightly larger quantity, of course, it induces madness.
However, you have my word
the dose was a normal one.
In a very few moments now, you will join your young friend.
Need I say how sorry I am
having to take such a-- how shall I say--
melodramatic course?
But your persistent meddling made it necessary.
- Are you all right?
You must have fainted.
- Did I?
- Listen, there's a woman next door going to be murdered,
and we've got to get moving before this stuff takes effect.
- I did read once
that if you keep on the go, you can stay awake.
- Right, come on, let's get going.
- It's locked.
We can't go that way. We'd be spotted.
- You can't do that!
- Don't worry, it's only next door.
You carry on keeping fit.
Touch your toes; stand on your head.
Do anything, only whatever you do, don't fall asleep.
[train whistle shrills]
- Go on. You needn't be afraid.
It is Miss Froy.
It's all right. You haven't been drugged.
He told me to put something in your drink,
but I didn't do it.
- Who the devil are you? He said you were deaf and dumb.
- Oh, never mind about that now.
If you want to save her, you've got to hurry.
Hartz will be back in a minute.
What's going to happen then?
- If we can hold them off till we get past Morsken,
the frontier's a few miles beyond the station.
[Madame Kummer gasps]
- Look, come on, there's still time.
[both speaking Italian]
- [speaking Bandrikan]
- That's Morsken.
Have you finished?
Come on, Miss Froy.
slap! - Ouch!
- Cut it out, kid, you're not drugged.
I'll explain later.
Abracadabra.
- Miss Froy!
Oh, I can't believe it.
- Thank you, my dear.
Thank you very much.
- Careful.
- Ready?
- Yes.
- [speaking Bandrikan]
[speaking Bandrikan]
- Are you all right, Miss Froy?
- Yes, thank you.
It's rather like the rush hour on the Underground.
- Careful. We're slowing down.
[brakes screeching]
Drat.
- [speaking Bandrikan]
I'm sorry you've had
such an uncomfortable journey, Miss Froy.
[speaking Bandrikan]
Get back on the train.
- I hope nothing goes wrong.
Aren't we stopping rather a long time?
- The ambulance is going. We'll be off in a jiffy.
[train whistle shrills]
In another couple of minutes, we'll be over the border.
- [speaking Bandrikan]
- I know I've been well paid,
and I've done plenty of dirty work for it,
but this was murder, and she was an Englishwoman.
- You are Bandrikan.
- My husband was, but I'm English.
And you were going to butcher her in cold blood.
- Your little diversion made it necessary
not only to remove the lady in question
but two others as well.
- You can't do that.
- Also, it would be unwise of us
to permit the existence of anyone who cannot be trusted.
- You wouldn't dare. I know too much.
- Precisely.
- Well, I think we're over the border now.
You can come out, Miss Froy.
- Oh, bless me.
What an unpleasant journey.
- Never mind.
You shall have a corner seat for the rest of the way.
There you are.
Look here, now that it's over,
I think you ought to tell us what it's all about.
[woman screams]
What was that scream?
- Surely it was only the train whistle.
- It wasn't. It was a woman.
- Be careful.
They've rumbled.
We're on a branch line,
and they've slipped the rear part of the train.
- Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
- Look here, who are you,
and why are these people going to these lengths
to get hold of you?
- I haven't the faintest idea.
I'm a children's governess, you know.
I can only think they've made some terrible mistake.
- Why are you holding out on us? Tell us the truth.
You got us involved in this fantastic plot.
You might at least trust us.
- I really don't know. I--
- I wonder if there's anybody else left on the train.
- Well, there's only the dining car in front,
but there won't be anybody there now.
- What do you make it?
- Teatime. All the English will be there.
I'm going to take a look.
Come on, we'd better stick together.
- There's the old girl turned up.
- Told you it was a lot of fuss about nothing.
Bolt must have jammed.
- I've got something to say. Will you all please listen?
An attempt has been made
to abduct this lady by force.
I've got reason to believe that the people who did it
are going to try again.
- What the devil is the fellow driveling about?
- Well, if you don't believe me, you can look out of the window.
This train's been diverted onto a branch line.
- What are you talking about?
Abductions, diverted trains...
- We're telling you the truth.
- I'm not in the least interested.
You've annoyed us enough with your ridiculous story.
- My dear chap, you must've got hold
of the wrong end of the stick somewhere.
- Yes, things like that just don't happen.
- We're not in England now.
- I don't see what difference that makes.
- We're stopping.
- Look, do you see those cars?
They're here to take Miss Froy away.
- Nonsense.
Look, there go a couple of people.
The cars have obviously come to pick them up.
- Well, in that case, why go to the trouble
of uncoupling the train and diverting it?
- Uncoupling?
- There's nothing left of the train beyond the sleeping car.
- There must be.
Our bags are in the first class carriage.
- Not any longer. Would you like to come and look?
- If this is a practical joke,
I warn you I shan't think it very funny.
Good Lord!
- Let's have some of that brandy.
- You don't suppose there's something
in this fellow's story, Caldicott, do you?
- Seems a bit queer.
- I mean, after all, people don't go about tying up nuns.
- [coughs]
Thank you.
- Someone's coming.
- Well, they can't possibly do anything to us.
We're British subjects.
- I have come to offer the most sincere apologies.
An extremely serious incident has occurred.
An attempt has been made
to interfere with passengers on this train.
Fortunately, it was brought to the notice
of the authorities,
and so if you will be good enough
to accompany me to Morsken,
I will inform the British embassy at once.
Ladies and gentlemen, the cars are at your disposal.
- We're very grateful.
It's lucky some of you fellows understand English.
- Well, I was at Oxford.
- Really? So was I. What year?
- Hold on.
This woman seems to be trying to say something.
I don't understand the language, and it may be important.
- Would you...
- Certainly.
- That's fixed him.
It's all right. He's only stunned.
- What the blazes did you do that for?
- I was at Cambridge.
- What's that got to do with it?
You heard what he said, didn't you?
- I heard what she said.
That was a trick to get us off the train.
- I don't believe it.
The man's explanation was quite satisfactory.
- A thing like this might cause a war.
- [speaking Bandrikan]
- I'm going outside, tell them what's occurred.
It's up to us to apologize and put the matter right.
- [speaking Bandrikan]
[gunshot]
- You were right.
Do you mind, old man?
- Certainly.
- Looks as if they mean business.
- I'm afraid so.
- Well, they can't do anything.
It would mean an international situation.
- It's happened before.
- They're coming.
- Don't let them in.
They'll murder us.
They daren't let us go now.
- I order you to surrender at once.
- Nothing doing.
If you come any nearer, I'll fire.
I've warned you.
[gunshot]
Better take cover.
They'll start any minute now.
- Nasty jam, this.
Don't like the look of it.
- Got plenty of ammunition?
- A whole pouch full.
- Good.
- Duck down, you.
- I'm not going to fight. It's madness.
- It'll be safer to protest down here.
- Oh, no, they're trying to work round to the other side.
- You're behaving like a pack of fools.
What chance have we got against a lot of armed men?
- You heard what the Mother Superior said.
If we surrender now, we're in for it.
[gunshots]
[gunfire]
- We'll never get to the match now.
- Give it to me.
Give it to me.
[gunfire]
- What's going on here?
- He's got a gun, and he won't use it.
- What's the idea?
- Well, I told you.
I won't be a party to this sort of thing.
I don't believe in fighting.
- Pacifist, eh?
Won't work, old boy.
Early Christians tried it and got thrown to the lions.
Come on, hand it over.
[gunfire]
- I'm not afraid to use it.
- Probably more used to it.
I once won a box of cigars.
- He's talking rot. He's a damn good shot.
[gunfire]
- Hope the old hand hasn't lost its cunning.
You know, I'm half inclined to believe
that there's some rational explanation to all this.
[gunshot]
Rotten. Only knocked his hat off.
- Do you mind if I talk to you for a minute?
- What now?
- Yes, I--please forgive me, but it's very important.
[gunfire]
- Hang on to this for me, will you?
- All right, I'll hold the fort.
- I think it's safer along here.
You come too.
- Keep your head low.
[gunfire]
- I just wanted to tell you
that I must be getting along now.
- But you can't. You'll never get away.
You'll be shot down.
- I must take that risk.
Listen carefully.
In case I'm unlucky and you get through,
I want you to take back a message to a Mr. Callendar
at the Foreign Office in Whitehall.
- Then you are a spy.
- I always think that's such a grim word.
- Well, what is the message?
- It's a tune.
- Tune?
- It contains, in code, of course,
the vital clause of a secret pact
between two European countries.
I want you to memorize it.
- Well, go ahead.
The first part of it goes like this.
Da-da-da, da, da-da-dee
[gunshot]
Oh, perhaps I'd better write it down.
Have you got a piece of paper?
- No, don't bother. I was brought up on music.
I can memorize anything.
- Very well. Da-da-dum, da
Da-da-dee-dee
- Hello, the old girl's gone off her rocker.
- I don't wonder.
Why don't you face it?
Those swine out there will go on firing
till they've killed the lot of us.
- For goodness' sake, shut up, Eric.
- Da-da-dum, da, da-da-dee
- That's right.
Now we've got two chances instead of one.
- You bet.
- You're sure you'll remember it?
- Oh, don't worry. I won't stop whistling it.
- I suppose this is my best way out.
- Yes, just about.
- But you may be hit, and even if you do get away,
they'll stop you at the frontier.
We can't let her go like this.
- You know, this is a hell of a risk you're taking.
- In this sort of job, one must take risks.
[gunshots]
I'm very grateful to you both for all you've done.
I do hope and pray no harm will come to you
and that we shall all meet again one day.
- I hope so too.
Good luck.
- Good luck.
- Will you help me out?
- Yes, rather.
Now, you take the weight on top.
Right you are. I've got you.
- Good-bye.
[gunfire]
- [speaking Bandrikan]
- Was she hit?
- I'm not sure.
- Well, that's the end of my 12.
- There's not much left here either.
- Listen, we've only got one chance now.
Got to get this train going.
Drive it back to the main line
and then try and cross the frontier.
- That's a bit of a tall order, isn't it?
Those driver fellows are not likely
to do as you tell them, you know.
- Then we'll bluff them with this. Who's coming with me?
- Well, you can count on me.
- Me too.
- Oh, we can't all go.
You stay here and carry on.
And if we have any luck,
we'll stop the train when we reach the points,
and you'll jump out and switch them over.
- Okay.
- You idiots, you're just inviting death.
I've had enough.
Just because I have the sense to try and avoid being murdered,
I'm accused of being a pacifist.
All right, I'd rather be called a rat than die like one.
Think for a moment, will you?
If we give ourselves up,
they daren't murder us in cold blood.
They're bound to give us a trial.
- Stop gibbering, Eric.
Nobody's listening to you.
- Very well.
You go your way. I'll go mine.
- Hey, where are you off to?
- I know what I'm about.
I'm doing the only sensible thing.
- Oh, let the fellow go if he wants to.
[gunshot]
[muttering]
[gunfire]
- Oh, please.
Why aren't we going?
They said we were going. Why aren't we?
- If only he can get us away now.
He must.
- Only one left. I'll keep that for a sitter.
- They're moving away from the cars.
They're coming towards us.
- Pity we haven't a few more rounds.
- It's funny.
I told my husband when I left him
that I wouldn't see him again.
- Gilbert.
Gilbert!
- Egad, we're off.
- This gives us a chance.
- Go on, keep going.
[gunshot]
[gunshots]
[steam hissing]
- I say, do you know how to control this thing?
- I watched the fellow start it.
Anyway, I know something about it.
Once drove a miniature engine on the Dymchurch line.
- Oh, good. I'll look out for the points.
- The blighters are chasing us. Look.
- We can't have far to go.
- It's time for my little job changing the points.
Thank heavens we shall be in neutral territory.
- That will not be necessary.
I'm sorry, but the points, as you call them,
will not be changed over.
Will you please be seated?
- There they are, just ahead of us.
Think you can stop it?
- Hope so.
- You'll keep quite still until my friends arrive.
If anyone moves, I'm afraid I shall have to shoot.
- There's just one thing you don't know, Captain.
There's only one bullet left in that gun,
and if you shoot me, you'll give the others a chance.
You're in rather a difficult position, aren't you?
- Sit down, please.
- All right.
- Where the devil's Charters?
[gunshots]
Go ahead. She's done it.
[gunshots]
Quick!
[gunshots]
- Oh!
It's all right. It's just my leg.
[both speaking Bandrikan]
- Or as they say in English, jolly good luck to them.
[whistling]
- Well, well, I'm glad all that's over, aren't you?
Heaven knows what the government will say about all this.
- Nothing at all. They'll hush it up.
- What?
[train whistle shrills]
- Hey, take your hand off that thing.
I've got to remember a tune.
- Remember...
[whistling]
[humming]
- Porter, sir?
- No, thanks.
- Well, we're home, Gilbert.
- Mm-hmm-hmm, hmm
- Can't you stop humming that awful tune?
You must know it backwards.
- I'm not taking any risks.
[hums]
Charles will be here to meet you?
- I expect so.
- [hums]
You'll be pretty busy between now and Thursday.
- I could meet you for lunch or dinner, if you'd like it.
- I'm sorry, I didn't mean that.
No, as a matter of fact,
I've got to deliver this theme song from Miss Froy.
When I've done that, I'm going to dash off to Yorkshire
and finish my book.
- I see.
- Ready?
- Yes.
- Ample time to catch the 6:50 to Manchester after all.
- Da-da-dum, dum, da-da-dum, da
Da-da-dum, da
Any sign of Charles yet?
- No, I can't see him.
- Well, this is where we say good-bye.
Oh, what's the matter?
Charles?
- Yes, you heartless, callous, selfish, swollen-headed beast.
- Are you going anywhere?
- Foreign Office.
[laughter]
- Where are we going for our honeymoon?
- I don't know.
Somewhere quiet, somewhere where there are no trains.
[laughter]
- Mr. Callendar will see you now.
- Wait a minute.
It's gone. - What's gone?
- The tune. I've forgotten it.
- No. Oh, no!
- Well, wait a minute. Let me concentrate.
[hums]
- No, no, no, no, that's the "Wedding March."
- This is awful.
I've done nothing else but sing it
since the day before yesterday,
and now I've forgotten it completely.
[piano playing the tune]
- Miss Froy!
- Well, I'll be hanged.