[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:33.37,0:00:37.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Personal Boundaries vs Oneness\N
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.27,0:00:40.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hello everyone.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:40.97,0:00:42.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Today, I've decided\Nto answer a question
Dialogue: 0,0:00:42.86,0:00:44.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I've been getting\Nagain and again
Dialogue: 0,0:00:44.64,0:00:45.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for the last 2 years.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:45.80,0:00:47.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The question is about boundaries.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:47.90,0:00:49.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What are boundaries?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:49.45,0:00:51.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How do I set healthy boundaries?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:51.49,0:00:54.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And most especially how do I\Nrectify the idea of boundaries
Dialogue: 0,0:00:54.96,0:00:58.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with the idea that we live\Nin a Universe that is all one.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.38,0:01:02.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We exist in a third-dimensional\Nphysical reality
Dialogue: 0,0:01:02.38,0:01:04.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and thus we perceive a self.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:04.30,0:01:07.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This gives rise to the perception\Nof a boundary
Dialogue: 0,0:01:07.45,0:01:12.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,i.e. a separation between ourselves\Nand that which we see as other.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.70,0:01:15.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What are boundaries?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:15.71,0:01:17.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Boundaries are guidelines
Dialogue: 0,0:01:17.53,0:01:20.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for how someone relates the \Nself to the rest of the world.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.51,0:01:22.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They are rules of conduct
Dialogue: 0,0:01:22.07,0:01:24.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,built out of a mix\Nof beliefs, opinions,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:24.42,0:01:27.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,attitudes, past experiences,\Nand social learning.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:27.94,0:01:30.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Personal boundaries operate\Nin two directions
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.80,0:01:34.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,affecting both incoming and \Noutgoing interactions between people.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:34.80,0:01:40.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Boundaries help to define an individual\Nby outlining likes and dislikes
Dialogue: 0,0:01:40.11,0:01:43.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what is right for a person personally\Nor wrong for them personally.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:43.36,0:01:45.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Defining these things\Nhelps us to know
Dialogue: 0,0:01:45.93,0:01:49.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how we will and won't allow ourselves\Nto be treated by others.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:49.35,0:01:53.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Here are some signs that you might\Nhave unhealthy boundaries.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:53.35,0:01:58.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Saying "no" when you mean "yes".\NOr "yes" when you mean "no".
Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.02,0:02:00.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Feeling guilty when you say "no"
Dialogue: 0,0:02:00.76,0:02:04.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,acting against your integrity or values\Nin order to please others.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:04.76,0:02:07.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not speaking up when you have \Nsomething to say.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:07.44,0:02:11.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Adopting another person's beliefs\Nor ideas so you are accepted.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:11.44,0:02:14.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not calling out someone who \Nhas mistreated you
Dialogue: 0,0:02:14.50,0:02:19.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,accepting physical touch or sex\Nwhen you don't want it.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:19.25,0:02:23.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Allowing yourself to be interrupted or\Ndistracted to accommodate someone else.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:23.25,0:02:25.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or their immediate \Nwants and needs.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.63,0:02:28.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Giving too much just to \Nbe perceived as useful.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:28.97,0:02:32.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Becoming overly involved in someone's \Nproblems or difficulties.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:32.44,0:02:36.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not defining and communicating your \Nemotional needs in relationships.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.66,0:02:40.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But it's important to understand\Nthat the biggest problem
Dialogue: 0,0:02:40.47,0:02:42.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is not that other people violate\Nour boundaries
Dialogue: 0,0:02:42.95,0:02:45.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's that we violate \Nour own boundaries.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:45.57,0:02:47.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When you let someone \Nviolate your boundaries,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:47.86,0:02:50.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you are violating \Nyour own boundaries.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:50.45,0:02:54.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You are not staying true to \Nwhat feels good to you.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.24,0:02:57.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is self-betrayal.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.47,0:03:00.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you go against your \Npersonal boundaries
Dialogue: 0,0:03:00.30,0:03:03.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you violate yourself,\Nyou abandon yourself.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.39,0:03:06.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Boundaries can get very complicated\Nif we were defining boundaries
Dialogue: 0,0:03:06.67,0:03:09.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,according to cerebral concepts \Nof right or wrong,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:09.26,0:03:10.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,wanted or unwanted.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:10.79,0:03:14.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or according to boundaries other \Npeople think are or aren't healthy.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:14.52,0:03:18.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,After all, there are physical boundaries, \Nemotional boundaries, mental boundaries,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:18.83,0:03:21.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,spiritual boundaries and \Nsexual boundaries.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:21.84,0:03:24.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I'm going to make \Nit very easy for you.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:24.11,0:03:29.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Your boundaries are defined and \Nare no different than your feelings.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:29.35,0:03:31.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Your feelings will \Nalways tell you
Dialogue: 0,0:03:31.78,0:03:34.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whether a boundary \Nhas been violated.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:34.57,0:03:36.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So as long as you are listening \Nto your emotions,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:36.95,0:03:39.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you know exactly what \Nyour boundaries are.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:39.54,0:03:42.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For example, if someone \Nsaid something that hurt you
Dialogue: 0,0:03:42.88,0:03:44.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they crossed an emotional boundary.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:44.99,0:03:47.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You will feel hurt, \Nwhich is your indication
Dialogue: 0,0:03:47.47,0:03:50.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that your boundaries \Nneed to be reassessed.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:50.64,0:03:52.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or if someone asks \Nyou to a party,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:52.35,0:03:54.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you feel as if you \Ndon't want to go
Dialogue: 0,0:03:54.26,0:03:55.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but you go anyway,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:55.65,0:03:57.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you have violated \Nyour own boundary,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:57.83,0:04:02.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and your emotions will reflect that to you\Nby making you feel negative emotion.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:02.28,0:04:05.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is why it is so crucial to be\Nin touch with how you feel
Dialogue: 0,0:04:05.56,0:04:07.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,all day every day.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:07.85,0:04:12.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So we can think of a boundary as a line \Nthat uniquely defines and separates
Dialogue: 0,0:04:12.38,0:04:14.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your personal happiness,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:14.16,0:04:17.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your personal integrity, \Nyour personal desires,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:17.37,0:04:18.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your personal needs,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:18.97,0:04:22.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and therefore, most importantly \Nyour personal truth from the rest
Dialogue: 0,0:04:22.36,0:04:24.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of the universe.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:24.26,0:04:28.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He who does not listen to and \Nrespect what they themselves feel,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:28.00,0:04:30.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,violates his own boundaries.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:30.20,0:04:33.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He who does not listen to and \Nrespect what others feel,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:33.21,0:04:35.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,violates other people's boundaries.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:35.46,0:04:37.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is as simple as that.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:37.31,0:04:39.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Practice feeling how things feel.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:39.81,0:04:42.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Listen to how you feel. \NListen to your emotions.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:42.91,0:04:46.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because your feelings and your \Nemotions are the indication
Dialogue: 0,0:04:46.91,0:04:48.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of what your boundaries are.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:48.65,0:04:54.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is very important that you start to \Nlisten to and heed those emotions,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:54.15,0:04:57.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if you want to live the kind \Nof life that's worth living.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:57.66,0:05:00.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you want to enjoy \Nyour experience.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:00.02,0:05:03.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you want to stay In alignment\Nwith your own personal truth.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:03.50,0:05:07.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But it's important to understand\Nthat personal truth,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:07.04,0:05:09.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is what boundaries really are,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:09.50,0:05:12.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,can only be told \Nto you by you.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:12.39,0:05:15.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Society can't tell you what \Nyour boundaries are.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:15.37,0:05:17.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Your parents can't tell you \Nwhat your boundaries are.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:17.94,0:05:20.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Your friends can't tell you \Nwhat your boundaries are.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:20.48,0:05:23.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Only you can know what \Nyour boundaries are.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:23.25,0:05:25.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But this is what \Nsociety tries to do.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:25.28,0:05:27.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is what your \Nfriends try to do.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:27.34,0:05:29.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is what your \Nfamily tries to do.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:29.29,0:05:31.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is what your \Nmate tries to do.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:31.21,0:05:34.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They try to tell you what your \Nboundaries should and shouldn't be
Dialogue: 0,0:05:34.35,0:05:35.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or are and aren't.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:35.92,0:05:38.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But they can't step into \Nyour body feel for you.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:38.69,0:05:42.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is crucial that we not \Nonly know who we are
Dialogue: 0,0:05:42.19,0:05:43.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and what we really want,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:43.97,0:05:47.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but also that we know that we \Nare known for who we are,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:47.97,0:05:50.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and what we really \Nwant, by others.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:50.25,0:05:53.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When we are ashamed of who \Nwe are and what we want
Dialogue: 0,0:05:53.07,0:05:55.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we have poor boundaries.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:55.09,0:05:58.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We are ashamed out of our \Ntrue sense of self as children,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:58.25,0:05:59.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in order to fit \Ninto the family
Dialogue: 0,0:05:59.94,0:06:01.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and into society.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:01.19,0:06:02.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We had to develop an identity
Dialogue: 0,0:06:02.77,0:06:05.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that was acceptable to \Nthe people around us.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:05.25,0:06:06.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A false self.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:06.82,0:06:08.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is a survival strategy.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:08.88,0:06:11.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We become the person we \Nthink we're supposed to be,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:11.54,0:06:14.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and shame the person \Nthat we really are.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:14.43,0:06:17.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How do you know if you \Nhave set up a false self?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:17.15,0:06:20.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You fear other people thinking \Nnegatively of you.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.28,0:06:22.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you know what \Nyou really want?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:22.20,0:06:25.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you let other people tell you\Nwhat to think or believe,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:25.80,0:06:27.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or how to feel?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:27.30,0:06:30.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you do things that you \Ndon't really want to do,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:30.60,0:06:32.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and say yes when you \Nreally want to say no?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:32.79,0:06:35.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or say no when you really\Nwant to say yes?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:35.17,0:06:37.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Are you afraid to let people \Nknow how you really feel?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:37.77,0:06:40.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Are you afraid of people \Nthinking negatively of you?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:40.83,0:06:44.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When most people think of a\Nboundary violation, they think
Dialogue: 0,0:06:44.83,0:06:47.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of an intrusive boundary violation,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:47.50,0:06:48.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like a rape,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:48.66,0:06:50.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when someone does \Nsomething to you,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:50.64,0:06:54.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it's almost a towards \Nyou, directional violation.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:54.28,0:06:58.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But there are also other \Nkinds of violation.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:58.08,0:07:02.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There is a violation that's called \Na distancing violation as well.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:02.96,0:07:07.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What that is, is when someone whom \Nyou are close to withdraws from you.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:07.53,0:07:11.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They cross an emotional boundary \Ngoing outwards, away from you.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:11.94,0:07:14.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That is also a boundary violation,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:14.58,0:07:17.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it is sometimes the \Nmost painful kind.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:18.30,0:07:21.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Those of us who had \Ninvalidating parents
Dialogue: 0,0:07:21.06,0:07:24.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,have a very difficult time \Nsetting healthy boundaries.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:24.15,0:07:27.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We may violate our boundaries and \Nlet other people violate our boundaries
Dialogue: 0,0:07:27.100,0:07:29.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,all the time.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:29.42,0:07:31.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We may lack them altogether.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:31.91,0:07:33.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Here's a common scenario;
Dialogue: 0,0:07:33.98,0:07:37.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A child begins to feel angry because \Ntheir parent is always working
Dialogue: 0,0:07:37.28,0:07:39.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and never has time \Nto be with them.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:39.32,0:07:42.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The child expresses that \Nanger and is invalidated.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:42.40,0:07:44.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The parent says, "I spend \Nmore time with you
Dialogue: 0,0:07:44.100,0:07:47.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,than any other parent I know\Nspends with their children."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:47.68,0:07:50.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the child is shamed\Nthen, for being ungrateful.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:50.71,0:07:53.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The child learns that the \Nway they feel is "not true,"
Dialogue: 0,0:07:53.31,0:07:56.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that they should be ashamed\Nfor feeling the way they feel.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:56.37,0:07:58.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Anger is not acceptable,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:58.07,0:08:01.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so the child creates a false self\Nthat cannot express anger.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:01.51,0:08:05.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Potentially, a false self that\Nsays, "thank you," all the time.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:05.78,0:08:07.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Over time, he or she believes
Dialogue: 0,0:08:07.96,0:08:10.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that who they really are \Nis happy and grateful.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:10.38,0:08:14.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They have never really admitted the fact\Nthat deep down, they are truly angry.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:14.68,0:08:16.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is hard for people \Nto set boundaries
Dialogue: 0,0:08:16.79,0:08:20.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because, number one, we put other \Npeople's needs and feelings first.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:20.79,0:08:22.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Number two, we \Ndon't know ourselves.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:22.78,0:08:25.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Number three, we don't \Nfeel as if we have rights.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:25.17,0:08:28.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Number four, we believe that setting\Nboundaries jeopardizes the relationship,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:28.82,0:08:33.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and number five, we never learn \Nto have healthy boundaries.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:33.53,0:08:35.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Most of us were told \Nwhen we were young
Dialogue: 0,0:08:35.91,0:08:38.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that how we felt was \Neither not how we felt,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:38.54,0:08:40.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or was not okay to feel.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:40.27,0:08:43.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Most of us were told that \Nwhat we saw, we did not see.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:43.73,0:08:47.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Most of us were told that \Nwhat we think we wanted
Dialogue: 0,0:08:47.06,0:08:49.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is not what we really wanted.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:49.16,0:08:51.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or that it was not okay to \Nwant what we wanted.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:51.44,0:08:53.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we lived lives where our \Nown personal truth
Dialogue: 0,0:08:53.78,0:08:56.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was invalidated again \Nand again and again.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:56.97,0:08:59.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This made most \Nof us feel crazy
Dialogue: 0,0:08:59.03,0:09:00.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and as if we could \Nnot trust ourselves.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:00.93,0:09:02.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So we began to go \Nagainst the way we fet
Dialogue: 0,0:09:02.99,0:09:05.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the things we wanted \Nand in doing so,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:05.34,0:09:07.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we did not stay \Ntrue to ourselves.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:07.04,0:09:11.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this internal self betrayal is what \Ncaused us to stop trusting ourselves.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:11.46,0:09:14.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Self trust is all about boundaries.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:14.77,0:09:16.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's all it really is.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:16.35,0:09:17.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you don't trust yourself,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:17.89,0:09:21.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you have not so good, \Nnot so healthy boundaries.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:21.03,0:09:23.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It means that you are \Nin the habitual pattern
Dialogue: 0,0:09:23.36,0:09:26.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of abandoning your own personal \Ntruth and the way you feel.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:26.98,0:09:30.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This internal self betrayal makes \Nyou feel unsafe with you.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:30.66,0:09:34.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We don't trust ourselves when \Nwe feel unsafe with ourselves.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:34.17,0:09:37.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And who would really feel unsafe with \Nsomeone who abandoned them?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:37.43,0:09:40.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's what you've \Nbeen doing to you.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:40.16,0:09:42.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No wonder you don't trust yourself.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:42.61,0:09:45.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We feel unsafe with ourselves \Nwhen we watch ourselves
Dialogue: 0,0:09:45.37,0:09:47.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,make decisions that \Ndon't feel good.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:47.27,0:09:50.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or act in a way that doesn't \Nrepresent our true selves.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:50.37,0:09:52.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When we ignore the \Nway we really feel,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:52.28,0:09:53.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and abandon our personal truth,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:53.94,0:09:56.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we become in essence, \Nuntrustworthy to ourselves.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:56.78,0:09:59.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The only way to begin \Ntrusting yourself,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:59.25,0:10:02.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is to learn how to tune \Nback in to how you feel
Dialogue: 0,0:10:02.12,0:10:04.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and to honor how \Nyou truely feel.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:04.85,0:10:08.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maintaining a false self by \Ndenying who we truly are,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:08.59,0:10:10.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,denying what we truly want,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:10.46,0:10:12.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,denying how we truly feel,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:12.57,0:10:14.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is a barrier to intimacy.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:14.98,0:10:18.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We cannot have good relationships \Nwith other people,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:18.50,0:10:21.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because our false selves \Nbecome like a mask,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:21.30,0:10:23.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a mask that we won't \Nlet anyone past.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:24.11,0:10:26.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Much more than that,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:26.02,0:10:28.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's a mask we won't \Nlet ourselves past.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:28.96,0:10:31.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We become convinced \Nthat the mask is us.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:31.95,0:10:35.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it takes over our personality, \Nit takes over our identity,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:35.38,0:10:37.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it takes over our sense of self,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:37.57,0:10:40.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to the degree where we have no \Nidea who we are, what we want...
Dialogue: 0,0:10:40.94,0:10:43.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We're confused, we're \Nblundering through life.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:43.81,0:10:47.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,To have intimacy, to have a \Ndeep relationship with someone,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:47.87,0:10:53.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is to let the truth, the full, total, \Nunrestricted truth of who you are,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:53.42,0:10:55.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,meet someone else \Nat the heart center.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:55.86,0:10:59.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can't do that when there's a \Nmask in between you and them.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:59.45,0:11:02.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We want someone in \Nour lives, desperately,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:02.95,0:11:04.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that understands how we feel.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:04.91,0:11:07.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But we don't even \Nunderstand how we feel.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:07.95,0:11:11.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We wind up having a relationship \Nof convenience with ourselves.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:11.65,0:11:13.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We only listen to our \Nown personal truth
Dialogue: 0,0:11:13.91,0:11:16.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when it doesn't cause \Ntrouble or difficulty.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:16.15,0:11:19.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We don't realize that we are \Ncausing the very difficulty
Dialogue: 0,0:11:19.39,0:11:21.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we are trying to avoid
Dialogue: 0,0:11:21.31,0:11:23.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by not listening to our \Nfeelings a personal truth,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:23.80,0:11:28.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,all the time, regardless of whether \Nit causes difficulty or not.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:28.58,0:11:30.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The bottom line is:
Dialogue: 0,0:11:30.41,0:11:33.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is impossible to \Nknow who you are,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:33.37,0:11:35.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and what you like,\Nand what you believe,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:35.26,0:11:36.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and what you want, \N
Dialogue: 0,0:11:36.73,0:11:39.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,unless you know exactly \Nhow you feel.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:39.55,0:11:42.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,People must have \Nhealthy boundaries,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:42.01,0:11:44.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in order to have \Nhealthy relationships.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:44.17,0:11:47.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's the only way you're going \Nto get into a relationship,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:47.08,0:11:49.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and not lose yourself completely.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:49.22,0:11:51.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So how does this \Nidea of boundaries
Dialogue: 0,0:11:51.23,0:11:53.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,fit into the idea that \Nwe live in a universe,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:53.45,0:11:55.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in and of a universe, \Nwhich is all one?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:55.90,0:11:58.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It seems like a contradiction, \Nbut not so fast.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:58.81,0:12:02.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If I am embracing \Nwhat I truly am,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:02.08,0:12:04.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what I truly want,\Nwhat I truly need,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:04.10,0:12:05.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what I truly feel,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:05.48,0:12:08.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am embracing the unique \Nexpression of source energy
Dialogue: 0,0:12:08.96,0:12:10.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I truly am.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:10.45,0:12:13.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am actually more in alignment \Nwith a universe that is one,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:13.94,0:12:16.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,than if I am losing my boundaries.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:16.39,0:12:19.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because I am denying the \Ntrue expression of myself
Dialogue: 0,0:12:19.80,0:12:21.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as an extension of source.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:21.96,0:12:26.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In other words, I am embracing the \Nunique expression of source that I am,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:26.31,0:12:29.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,rather than seeing myself as separate \Nfrom others or from source.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:29.50,0:12:33.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so, personal boundaries are \Nnot a contradiction to spirituality.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:33.78,0:12:36.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We are simply using \Nthe word boundary
Dialogue: 0,0:12:36.40,0:12:39.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which we associate with resistance.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:39.11,0:12:40.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,~ giggles ~
Dialogue: 0,0:12:40.46,0:12:42.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In one sense, to \Nhave boundaries
Dialogue: 0,0:12:42.46,0:12:44.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you have to differentiate \Nbetween yourself,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:44.62,0:12:46.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and between the \Nrest of the world.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:46.37,0:12:49.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But we don't really have to \Nworry about doing this, do we?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:49.18,0:12:51.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because our physical \Nbrains do it for us.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:51.21,0:12:53.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The minute you come down \Ninto a physical experience,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:53.73,0:12:55.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as a physical human,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:55.16,0:12:57.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your experience will tell you
Dialogue: 0,0:12:57.14,0:12:59.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that you are separate from \Nthe rest of the universe.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:59.68,0:13:03.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So it doesn't take much thought \Nto see yourself as a self.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:05.01,0:13:08.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was always the plan for you \Nto experience a separate self,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:08.06,0:13:10.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because this perspective \Nserves the expansion
Dialogue: 0,0:13:10.60,0:13:13.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of the universe's own\Nprocess of self- awareness.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:14.02,0:13:17.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So we all already do experience \Na self and other.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:17.42,0:13:20.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This perspective creates a \Ngood deal of unhappiness,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:20.05,0:13:23.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,until we allow ourselves to go in the \Ndirection of individual happiness.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:23.71,0:13:26.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Which ultimately leads to our \Ndiscovery that we're all one,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:26.79,0:13:29.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that whatever serves \Nour individual happiness,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:29.30,0:13:31.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,serves all else that is.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:31.35,0:13:34.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But here's the thing \Nthat really matters.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:34.10,0:13:38.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A boundary is not about resisting \Nwhat you do not want.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:38.45,0:13:42.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is why most people see \Nboundaries as unhealthy.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:42.84,0:13:45.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because we associate \Nthem with resistance.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:45.41,0:13:47.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I can tell you that \Nif you're in resistance
Dialogue: 0,0:13:47.72,0:13:49.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to something that is unwanted,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:49.59,0:13:51.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then you are not in alignment.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:51.37,0:13:53.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that's not a \Nhealthy boundary.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:53.20,0:13:55.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's an unhealthy boundary.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:55.77,0:13:58.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So the people who walk \Nthrough this world
Dialogue: 0,0:13:58.13,0:14:01.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,having resistance to people \Nviolating them in any way,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:01.17,0:14:03.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are not a measure of health.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:03.43,0:14:05.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they're a measure \Nof unhealth.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:05.61,0:14:07.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Those people are focussed \Non what is unwanted.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:07.86,0:14:09.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Pushing against \Nwhat is unwanted.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:09.64,0:14:12.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,their boundaries are erected \Nto keep out what is unwanted.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:12.53,0:14:15.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Their boundaries don't \Nexist to keep them happy.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:15.42,0:14:17.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They only think they do.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:17.68,0:14:21.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is as unhealthy to have \Nresistance towards violation,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:21.68,0:14:23.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that could be imposed \Non you by the world,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:23.80,0:14:25.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as it is to have no boundaries,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:25.61,0:14:28.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and let the world constantly \Ntrespass on your reality.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:28.29,0:14:30.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,People who build walls \Nagainst intimacy,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:30.78,0:14:33.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are not exhibiting healthy boundaries.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:33.75,0:14:36.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They are in resistance \Nto the world.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:36.14,0:14:38.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,An unhealthy boundary \Npushes against the world
Dialogue: 0,0:14:38.54,0:14:40.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and tells others how they \Ncan and can't behave.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:40.100,0:14:43.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But we have no control \Nover how they behave.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:43.35,0:14:45.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And what they do \Nand don't do.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:45.03,0:14:48.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We only have control over \Nwhat we do and don't do.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:49.16,0:14:51.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So healthy boundaries, \Nunlike most boundaries,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:51.90,0:14:54.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we're used to, such \Nas fences or rules,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:54.23,0:14:56.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are non resistant in nature,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:56.31,0:14:59.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and thus they're in \Nalignment with oneness.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:59.12,0:15:01.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Healthy boundaries are \Nnot about controlling
Dialogue: 0,0:15:01.30,0:15:03.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what other people can \Nand can't do to you,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:03.50,0:15:05.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They are entirely about \Nyou personally defining
Dialogue: 0,0:15:05.83,0:15:08.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then following your \Nindividual sense of happiness
Dialogue: 0,0:15:08.50,0:15:10.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and desires, and personal truth.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:10.79,0:15:14.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is a state of self- awareness, \Nintegrity, and self love.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:14.66,0:15:16.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can't have any \Nof those things
Dialogue: 0,0:15:16.76,0:15:18.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if you are pushing \Nagainst the world,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:18.56,0:15:21.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you can't have them if \Nyou are letting the world define
Dialogue: 0,0:15:21.40,0:15:23.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who you are, what you \Nwant and how you feel.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:23.56,0:15:25.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Having a healthy sense of \Nself serves not only you,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:25.99,0:15:27.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but also the universe.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:27.20,0:15:30.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And ultimately your happiness is, \Neveryone else's happiness as well,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:30.52,0:15:32.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because we're all one.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:33.21,0:15:35.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want you to engage \Nin an activity for me.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:35.75,0:15:38.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Take out a piece of \Npaper and a pen,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:38.57,0:15:41.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and write down ten things that \Nyou are the most unhappy about
Dialogue: 0,0:15:41.87,0:15:43.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in your current reality.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:44.32,0:15:47.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe they're things that people \Nare doing to you that you don't like,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:47.71,0:15:50.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,maybe it's just a situation \Nthat you're not enjoying.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:50.61,0:15:53.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then relative to this list,\NI want you to ask yourself:
Dialogue: 0,0:15:53.57,0:15:58.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Are there any boundaries that \NI am crossing in this experience
Dialogue: 0,0:15:58.64,0:16:02.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is giving rise to this \Nnegative emotion that I have?"
Dialogue: 0,0:16:02.78,0:16:06.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"How do I really feel \Nabout these experiences
Dialogue: 0,0:16:06.62,0:16:10.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or these things, items, that \NI've written down on this list?"
Dialogue: 0,0:16:10.83,0:16:12.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,An example may be:
Dialogue: 0,0:16:12.48,0:16:15.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,," My spouse watches the television \Nafter coming home from work
Dialogue: 0,0:16:15.55,0:16:16.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and ignores me."
Dialogue: 0,0:16:16.95,0:16:18.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"This makes me feel \Nrejected and unloved.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:18.99,0:16:21.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Like a void of loneliness \Nis welling up inside me."
Dialogue: 0,0:16:21.46,0:16:24.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"By doing this he is violating \Nan emotional boundary,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:24.14,0:16:27.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I'm not ok with \Npeople treating me like this."
Dialogue: 0,0:16:27.23,0:16:31.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"So I am going to write him a \Nletter, expressing how I feel."
Dialogue: 0,0:16:31.10,0:16:33.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This last part is especially crucial.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:33.70,0:16:35.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's an action step.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:35.42,0:16:37.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's you deciding what \Nit's going to take
Dialogue: 0,0:16:37.55,0:16:41.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for you to pull yourself back into \Nalignment with your personal truth.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:41.55,0:16:44.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And to honor how \Nyou feel now.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:45.31,0:16:49.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's crucial to make changes \Nbased on how you really feel.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:49.50,0:16:52.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,To decide specific \Nactions you can take.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:52.29,0:16:55.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Self expression is paramount \Nin this circumstance.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:55.74,0:16:58.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In this case, you may \Ndecide to say no
Dialogue: 0,0:16:58.02,0:17:00.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,next time someone asks \Nyou to do something.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:00.22,0:17:01.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe you'll make \Na phone call
Dialogue: 0,0:17:01.70,0:17:03.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and back out of a \Ncommitment you made.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:03.70,0:17:05.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe you'll set a boundary \Nby saying something
Dialogue: 0,0:17:05.100,0:17:07.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to the next time \Nthey hurt you.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:07.53,0:17:10.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Such as: "Please don't derail my \Nefforts to give up smoking,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:10.63,0:17:12.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or remind me how \Nmany times I failed.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:12.71,0:17:16.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or, you could assert a boundary \Nby asserting a positive request.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:16.71,0:17:20.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Such as: " I'd really appreciate your \Nhelp to succeed this time."
Dialogue: 0,0:17:20.44,0:17:23.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want you to remember \Nthat as time goes on,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:23.41,0:17:25.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your boundaries will \Nbe reassessed.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:25.48,0:17:27.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Boundaries aren't \Nmeant to be static,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:27.36,0:17:29.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they're meant to be \Nconstantly evolving.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:29.38,0:17:31.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe as things \Nchange in your life,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:31.38,0:17:34.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,maybe a new relationship, or \Na new baby in the house,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:34.51,0:17:36.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you'll have to reassess \Nyour boundaries.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:36.74,0:17:40.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because your feelings relative to \Nwhat you want to do and not do,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:40.10,0:17:41.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are going to change.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:41.92,0:17:43.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Allow this to happen.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:43.53,0:17:45.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Your boundaries will change \Nthroughout your life.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:45.96,0:17:49.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But it's very important that \Nas your boundaries change,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:49.29,0:17:51.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They change according \Nto your feelings.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:51.51,0:17:54.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not according to how other \Npeople think you should feel.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:54.23,0:17:55.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or change.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:55.89,0:18:00.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We can rehabilitate each other \Nrelative to boundaries, as well.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:00.96,0:18:02.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it's very easy.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:02.84,0:18:04.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just remember this:
Dialogue: 0,0:18:04.60,0:18:07.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Whenever you're in a \Nconversation with someone,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:07.05,0:18:12.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,stop and tell them that you want \Nthem to tell you exactly how they feel,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:12.41,0:18:15.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,without being afraid of how \Nyou're going to respond.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:15.65,0:18:18.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Reassure them that \Nwhat you really want
Dialogue: 0,0:18:18.26,0:18:21.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is for them to stay in alignment \Nwith how they truly feel.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:21.65,0:18:23.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And what they truly want.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:23.69,0:18:26.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This gives them permission \Nto be themselves,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:26.17,0:18:30.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and to actually define their boundaries, \Nwhen they're in your presence.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:30.17,0:18:32.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Think about what kind \Nof world this would be
Dialogue: 0,0:18:32.30,0:18:35.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if we were all giving each other \Nthis kind of permission.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:35.04,0:18:37.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Instead of walking around \Ntrying to tell other people
Dialogue: 0,0:18:37.59,0:18:39.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what their boundaries \Nshould and shouldn't be.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:39.81,0:18:42.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The bottom line is, if we \Nwant to live happy lives,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:42.29,0:18:44.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and make the right choices \Nfor ourselves personally
Dialogue: 0,0:18:44.76,0:18:47.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we need to know how we feel, \Nadmit to how we feel,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:47.39,0:18:49.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and express how we feel.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:49.21,0:18:53.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Developing boundaries is a crucial \Npart of finding our true selves.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:53.47,0:18:58.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is therefore a crucial part of \Nspiritual practice and life success.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:58.44,0:19:01.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We do not need to \Nresist others to do it,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:01.02,0:19:03.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,instead we need to \Nfully allow ourselves,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:03.04,0:19:06.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and to express the truth \Nof ourselves at all times.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:06.08,0:19:12.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As I said before, defining \Nboundaries can be complicated,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:12.02,0:19:14.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,until you simplify it, \Nand understand,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:14.61,0:19:16.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that your boundaries \Nare always reflected
Dialogue: 0,0:19:16.79,0:19:18.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by virtue of how you feel.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:18.78,0:19:21.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Your boundaries are no \Ndifferent than how you feel.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:22.12,0:19:24.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you feel like doing something,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:24.41,0:19:25.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then do it.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:25.91,0:19:27.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And you are not \Nviolating a boundary.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:27.79,0:19:31.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you feel like not doing \Nsomething, and you do it,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:31.03,0:19:33.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you are violating a boundary.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:33.03,0:19:35.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is as simple as that.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:35.12,0:19:40.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As a spiritual luminary \Nmy job is to offer to you
Dialogue: 0,0:19:40.04,0:19:44.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,some advice for how to live \Na life which you enjoy living.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:45.07,0:19:49.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And my number one suggestion, \Nis to follow happiness.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:49.38,0:19:52.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Which is the same as \Nfollowing how you feel.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:52.08,0:19:55.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can't deny who \Nyou truly are.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:55.09,0:19:57.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can't deny who \Nyou truly want.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:57.08,0:19:59.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can't deny your feelings.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:59.85,0:20:05.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Without also experiencing a \Ndecrease in your level of happiness.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:05.32,0:20:08.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So the more in alignment you \Nare with your personal truth,
Dialogue: 0,0:20:08.70,0:20:11.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the more you \Nhonor your feelings,
Dialogue: 0,0:20:11.28,0:20:13.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the happier you will be.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:13.66,0:20:16.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is my ultimate promise.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:16.08,0:20:17.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Have a good week.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:52.90,0:20:55.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Transcribed by: \NSasha Silverman & Tanya Duarte