EPISODE 2 "THE HARVEST"
- Hey Maria. - Hi Negro, come in.
I bet the fucker's still asleep.
No, he's up,
he even went to the shop this morning!
Have a seat and wait. I think he's showering.
Everything's so strange today!
Maria is Lefty's sister.
She ran away from home aged 15, and was missing for 14 years.
Nobody knows what she did those years, but she is tough, a fighter!
Maybe thats why she makes me so horny...
..well that and her ass is hot!
Negro! Would you like to fuck me all night?
What?
Do you want some toast? Man, you're always so dozy!
No, thanks, I never eat before smoking.
Ok I'm going, tell Lefty...
Hey man, hurry up, Negro's waiting!
I'm going now! See you.
(Music) Suck me! Suck me!
(Music) But don't let me see your face!
- What's up! - Hey man!
- She's gone right? - Yeah man.
At this time each year we go on a "harvest" trip.
Lefty usually deals with Barbara.
She travels to Morocco once a month, to bring gear back to our neighbourhood.
Barbara's known in the neighbourhood for the quality and quantity she brings.
Next!
She transports it in her vagina.
Over the years it has grown...
..to around the size of a Great Dane puppy.
Over time she learned to benefit from her baggy vagina.
She'll never need to carry a bag around again.
However, in October we travel South, to find freshly harvested marijuana.
Which is drying, waiting for collection. For four years it's been our ritual.
Is Sentry not coming?
I'm calling him, but he doesn't answer.
Probably fell asleep.
Lefty does the business, I check the product,
and in case of problems...
..we bring Khaki.
Khaki is the violent type.
He was in the army then in prison. I suppose that'll harden anybody.
He walked into prison, but came out in a wheelchair,
which shortened his sentence.
He tells the story of a hard fight in the prison yard.
He took out five guys,
then some coward broke his spine with a metal bar.
There's another rumour about his injury,
that it hapenned in the shower not the yard,
and it was a slip not a lethal fight.
They also say the pole wasn't metal,
but you all know how rumours work...
Mate, need help?
What mate?
What mate? I'm not you're mate! You faggot! Stinky fucking hippy!
You think I can't cross the fucking street?
Help! You want some help? Well fucking have some!
Fucking hippy! I'm gonna get you and kill you!
You want my help?
I only met him after he had the chair,
so I don't know if that's the reason for his anger and raging temper.
He's a really dangerous guy, especially because you wouldn't guess so.
Have you heard about that guy that made some machine,
that's going to destroy the world? Or something?
Those arseholes shouldn't fuck around with the world so much.
Stephen Hawking should create a hydraulic system for his boner,
not help those studies.
But what's the name?
Steven Hawking! The one on four wheels, looks like he's drinking from a tap!
No the other thing!
Ah, the actual thing.
From the study about the big bang and the galaxy, and all that shit.
Who cares? Everyone knows whats going to happen.
But what's it called?
Black holes man!
They suck everything they find, just like your mum!
But what's the machine called?
The accelerator?
- What accelerator? - Proton accelerator!
Well, pull my alligator!
- What's up with him? - He's in love with a beast.
Man! Fuck off Negro!
You know what happens...
Go to hell man!
Mate Lefty, Jesus man.
That's like...
..like when you watch a film... ..and you cry.
It means you really liked the film, you know?
But you ... you don't say so.
You don't tell anyone! You just don't divulge that information!
You only rent it, and if anyone sees you say...
Oops, I got confused and I made a mistake. I wanted a Steven Seagal film.
You're retards!
Lefty has always thought about things a lot.
He isolated himself as a kid, trapped in his own imagination.
He even had an imaginary friend.
A black kid called Will.
Yeah nigger, you're fucking ace bro!
His dad was a country man, a man of few words,
a man who worked hard to support his family.
After the early rebellion of his daughter, Maria,
he had other plans for young Lefty.
There's... something I want us to talk about son.
Look I think the time has come .. that we had a talk .. man-to-man,
understand?
This...
This family has a long tradition, well, in an ancient profession.
By ancient I mean, the profession, well it's hundreds of years old.
Our "Antunez" family is...
..well, we are...
..we are and will be...
well... "breeding hands".
Guides horse's member during copulation. (THE GUY WHO HELPS HORSES FUCK)
I'm the town's "breeding hand." You've known that since you were small.
And, well, your grandfather was, well let's see,
one of the most famous "hands" in the country.
And... Ernesto... Ernesto Antunez, your great-grandfather.
My grandfather.
Well, Ernesto...
..he was...
..overall, well he was, the best in the world.
The best "breeding hand" in the world was your great-grandfather,
my grandfather. So...
..well... I think it's time you... learnt the ... profession, right?
Because, well it's tied to your surname, the name Antunez.
You'll see. Come here, I'll teach you the first lesson.
The first thing a "breeding hand" does is roll up their sleeves.
You'll see the "tools of the trade."
Then, our objective is to... ..help the beast, so it doesn't suffer.
So, say this is the beast, and here's it's apparatus.
You're in front of the apparatus, so with the left hand, the finger,
you open it, because were going to lubricate it,
first we lubricate and dilate it, so the male can penetrate the female.
So with the thumb, we open the apparatus, alright? And we introduce our tool.
We insert it really deep, ok? Then deeper, there, further, further.
There, inside, there, ok? So it's easier for the beast.
So when it starts...
Eh? Don't run away!
Let me go girl!
Stop running! Don't run away!
Lefty would have had a different life if his saviour was a policeman,
a nice old lady,
or a priest.
However, what appeared was a species, very abundant in Spain in the 80's.
No way! A kid!
Kid, what you doing here?
You haven't got a lighter, have you?
His new tutor explains how Lefty ended up the way he did.
Guys, we're there.
Merysvilla is a unique place. With a population of 250,
in the countryside,
it grows the most marijuana per head in the country.
It's so far from everything, that it isn't even on most maps.
This removes the fear.
"Fatty Ramon" is our contact in town.
The largest grass producer,
in every sense.
A man dedicated to his land,
respected and feared by his people.
He negotiates without fear, cultivating in the open,
and transporting in bags of 5kg.
How are things gents?
Good Fatty. We're here to see you, Like every year.
Negro, you're anxious to try the gear, right?
You know me so well, Fatty.
The tubs on the shelf have the different varieties.
Not that one! You want that one!
Those are my mum's ashes.
Lefty, you know she liked to put grass between my clothes,
and to burn some for Christ, for it's aroma.
Much better than incense. Sorry about your mum I didn't know.
It was four months ago. She burnt more than grass.
She burnt her bedroom.
Gentlemen, I'm going for a piss.
Hey, you want help?
Your mum needs help!
Leave him Ezequiel, he knows how to go alone.
I'm getting a whitey. I'm really dizzy.
I need sugar.
They did shopping yesterday.
Yeah? So I'm going to make myself a sandwich with white chocolate spread.
What's wrong?
Nutella, on sale, three for two.
What?
Where are your standards?
Where are your principles?
So are we going to roll our joints with rizla?
Am I going to start drinking my whisky with Pepsi!?
If it has a discount we'll buy skimmed milk?
Shall we do the deal Ramon? As usual, right?
As you know, production has been bad this year.
The rain was out out of season, and because the crops were infected.
The price needs to go up a little.
How much is a little?
Five hundred.
- You're joking! - It hurts me more than you.
No, you mean you're trying to hurt me!
How many years did I buy here? Not one, nor two, nor three, but three!
Look, there are 249 people out there who would sell to me for a good price.
You know I'm cheaper than them.
You were. Now you want to fuck me over.
In this town you wont find any cheaper.
Well, I can always ask, we might be in for a surprise!
You're bluffing.
Come on Negro.
Ok! Ok! Ok! wait there! I'll leave it at the same price as usual.
Fucking bastard!
I knew we'd agree in the end.
I'm not posh like your other clients that you screw over.
I'm from the street!
And my teacher, well he was a street rat who...
Lefty, because he has two left hands...
Let's go Khaki!
Fucker!
- Let me at him! - I'm going to fucking shoot you!
Leave me Negro, I'll waste him! Please leave me, I'll kill him!
Sons of bitches!
Negro! The chair, come on put it in quick!
You! Start the engine!
Jesus Christ.
Look what they did to the sandwich.
Euch!
You want it?
Eat.
No way! Man!
I think I'm hit!
- You're hit? - Fucking Fatty hit me!
- You injured or what? - But it was in the leg!
I don't feel it man!
Look Negro!
Put your finger in! Come here, put your finger in!
- No way Khaki! - Put you finger in!
- No Khaki, no way! - Come on put your fucking finger in!
It's sweet man! It's kind of warm.
- You see. - Yeah, you try Lefty.
There's absolutely no chance!
Try it.
Put it in man! You wont regret it.
Wow... ..that's amazing! It's like a little fanny, isn't it?
Do you know what this reminds me of? When I was on a manoeuvre.
There wasn't one single fucking woman within a 30Km radius.
There was just sun, a lot of heat, and melons.
A load of melons. Do you know what we did?
After sitting in the sun we put a little hole in the melons,
and Bam!
Slip the salami in!
That's called phytophilia.
- Phytophilia? - Yep, fucking fruit.
Remember? That was on channel 47.
Guys with masks waiting their turn, then fucking melons.
Yeah man, and they say things changed...
True.
Hey Khaki, and the melons...
- ..did they need to be a certain type? - Of course, those sweet yellow ones.
- Did you eat them after? - Of course.
Hey, you two! Cocksuckers!
Look in the car boot.
It's strange. Sometimes luck just appears,
but sometimes it has a body and...
Shut your face Negro!
You've talked for the whole fucking episode.
You know the grumpy guy who doesn't like people to piss him off,
trained to kill with one hand,
phytophiliac, a Stephen Seagal fan who acts tough?
Gents, I'm going for a piss.
The guy who put the merchandise in the car to save time.
Just so he could say, tada!
It's ok, it's already done.
Well that's me!
And fuck you, motherfucker!