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"if you must blink, do it now," is probably
one of the best lines in Kubo an.d the Two Strings

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I'm going to explain the
title of my vlog

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despite the fact that the movie did a
crap job of explaining its title.

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And I'm gonna tell you right now, this is a negative
movie review.

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Vlogging Every Day in August!

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Whoo! LA edition! So angry!

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The Game hosted an advance showing of
Kubo and the Two Strings in LA yesterday.

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There's a link to an article about it in
the description. I went to that advanced

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screening because I definitely wasn't
sure I wanted to spend money on what looked

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like an incredibly appropriative film,
just pulling all sorts of stuff from

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Japanese culture while giving nothing
back. And I'm glad because that's exactly

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what it is! Let me tell you the positive
first: The same production company LAIKA

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that made Coraline and ParaNorman (good
movies) and then Box Trolls which had

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transphobia has its villain, and then now
Kubo and the Two Strings --this production

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company has made a beautiful movie.
Visually stunning! It looks like silk

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paintings from Japan have come to life!

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However, not a damn single person in the
main cast of this movie is asian, let

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alone Japanese. Animation takes a long
time to finish so this is a film that I

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read was about a decade in production. 10
years ago were they aware that they

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should not be casting all white people

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Yes, they were still aware of that! But
they did it because they think that the

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draw of a big-name white Hollywood person
is important enough to ignore the

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appropriative aspects of casting
nothing but white people to voice

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definitely Asian characters. I mean two of
their names are Kubo and Hanso! Those are

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Japanese people. The beetle and the
monkey are definitely Japanese

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characters. The girls wearing Noh masks?
They're definitely Japanese characters!

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The entire village was full of Japanese
people and I believe only two Asian

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voice actors! George Takei was one of
them.

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He's great,

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but come on! It was nothing but
MacGuffins! They didn't make any sense!

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The, the structure as it goes from
one act to the next doesn't make any

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sense!

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I'm gonna talk about a spoiler here: how
can an origami figure, brought to life by

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apparently the spirit of Hanso, lead
the characters to the armor parts when

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Hanso himself didn't succeed in doing
that and became a giant beetle? What?! Why

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does nobody care that Kubo has magic? At
least people freaked out about a talking

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monkey but then they didn't seem to
really freak out that much at a giant

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man beetle? What? They never explain the
title! Samisen, the three stringed lute

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from Japan, has three strings. The
instrument that we see Kubo playing

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throughout the entire movie always has
three strings he does pull two bracelets

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off of his wrist to use at the end that
are the hair of his, I think mom and a

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hair of the monkey? And I thought, "Okay,
here's where it's going to turn into a two stringed

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instrument!" But, no, he pulls his own hair
in to make a third-string leaving it

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still a samisen, a three-stringed instrument! The, 
the title doesn't make any sense and

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requires that you know that samisen means
"three strings" as it is a play on that,

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which again says that they are appropriating
Japanese culture! It's a purposeful

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appropriation of Japanese culture and
folklore while doing shit for Japanese

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people. And then the climax doesn't make
any sense.

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Kubo can somehow fight against a god, the
moon king, with just his magical Samisen

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playing abilities?

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That's-- Is Kubo a God? What? Then at
the end, even though his parents are dead,

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he can somehow repre-- resurrect
ghosts of them that looked as they did as humans...

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and that's somehow a good end-- that's not
a good ending! So I guess if you, if you

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want to see really gorgeous animation,
that's a reason to see it? And maybe

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you'll love the story, I don't know. I
found it-- just-- I had to grit my teeth

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through the whole--

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Also, the jokes didn't land--

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The jokes didn't land, except for the
visual jokes! That means the people who

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are voicing the characters didn't tell
the jokes well! Nobody laughed in my

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theater at any of the verbal jokes, only
the visual ones! Oh my gaaaah! In case you

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didn't know Big Hero 6 had actual Asian
actors voice the Asian characters. Steven

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Universe right now has a couple Asian
voicing[?] actors on their show.

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Fresh Off the Boat is a mainstream TV show that is
full of Asian actors! Don't tell me this

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bullshit about how these white people
were the best possible choices, because

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they flipping weren't! If you must see Kubo and
the Two Strings, please offset that

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action by, I don't know, buying a digital
copy of Big Hero 6 or subscribing to a

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season of Fresh Off the Boat, so that at
least actual Asian people will get some

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of your money.

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I hated that movie despite the fact that
is beautiful.

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Tell me your comments. Have you seen
Kubo and the Two Strings? How wrong am I or

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how right am i? How do you feel about
what I'm describing here? Or tell me

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anything that matters because i want to
know what matters to you.

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Thank you for watching all the way to
the end of this vlog. The end is where I

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always say:

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Tomorrow

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will be even better!