"if you must blink, do it now," is probably
one of the best lines in Kubo an.d the Two Strings
I'm going to explain the
title of my vlog
despite the fact that the movie did a
crap job of explaining its title.
And I'm gonna tell you right now, this is a negative
movie review.
Vlogging Every Day in August!
Whoo! LA edition! So angry!
The Game hosted an advance showing of
Kubo and the Two Strings in LA yesterday.
There's a link to an article about it in
the description. I went to that advanced
screening because I definitely wasn't
sure I wanted to spend money on what looked
like an incredibly appropriative film,
just pulling all sorts of stuff from
Japanese culture while giving nothing
back. And I'm glad because that's exactly
what it is! Let me tell you the positive
first: The same production company LAIKA
that made Coraline and ParaNorman (good
movies) and then Box Trolls which had
transphobia has its villain, and then now
Kubo and the Two Strings --this production
company has made a beautiful movie.
Visually stunning! It looks like silk
paintings from Japan have come to life!
However, not a damn single person in the
main cast of this movie is asian, let
alone Japanese. Animation takes a long
time to finish so this is a film that I
read was about a decade in production. 10
years ago were they aware that they
should not be casting all white people
Yes, they were still aware of that! But
they did it because they think that the
draw of a big-name white Hollywood person
is important enough to ignore the
appropriative aspects of casting
nothing but white people to voice
definitely Asian characters. I mean two of
their names are Kubo and Hanso! Those are
Japanese people. The beetle and the
monkey are definitely Japanese
characters. The girls wearing Noh masks?
They're definitely Japanese characters!
The entire village was full of Japanese
people and I believe only two Asian
voice actors! George Takei was one of
them.
He's great,
but come on! It was nothing but
MacGuffins! They didn't make any sense!
The, the structure as it goes from
one act to the next doesn't make any
sense!
I'm gonna talk about a spoiler here: how
can an origami figure, brought to life by
apparently the spirit of Hanso, lead
the characters to the armor parts when
Hanso himself didn't succeed in doing
that and became a giant beetle? What?! Why
does nobody care that Kubo has magic? At
least people freaked out about a talking
monkey but then they didn't seem to
really freak out that much at a giant
man beetle? What? They never explain the
title! Samisen, the three stringed lute
from Japan, has three strings. The
instrument that we see Kubo playing
throughout the entire movie always has
three strings he does pull two bracelets
off of his wrist to use at the end that
are the hair of his, I think mom and a
hair of the monkey? And I thought, "Okay,
here's where it's going to turn into a two stringed
instrument!" But, no, he pulls his own hair
in to make a third-string leaving it
still a samisen, a three-stringed instrument! The,
the title doesn't make any sense and
requires that you know that samisen means
"three strings" as it is a play on that,
which again says that they are appropriating
Japanese culture! It's a purposeful
appropriation of Japanese culture and
folklore while doing shit for Japanese
people. And then the climax doesn't make
any sense.
Kubo can somehow fight against a god, the
moon king, with just his magical Samisen
playing abilities?
That's-- Is Kubo a God? What? Then at
the end, even though his parents are dead,
he can somehow repre-- resurrect
ghosts of them that looked as they did as humans...
and that's somehow a good end-- that's not
a good ending! So I guess if you, if you
want to see really gorgeous animation,
that's a reason to see it? And maybe
you'll love the story, I don't know. I
found it-- just-- I had to grit my teeth
through the whole--
Also, the jokes didn't land--
The jokes didn't land, except for the
visual jokes! That means the people who
are voicing the characters didn't tell
the jokes well! Nobody laughed in my
theater at any of the verbal jokes, only
the visual ones! Oh my gaaaah! In case you
didn't know Big Hero 6 had actual Asian
actors voice the Asian characters. Steven
Universe right now has a couple Asian
voicing[?] actors on their show.
Fresh Off the Boat is a mainstream TV show that is
full of Asian actors! Don't tell me this
bullshit about how these white people
were the best possible choices, because
they flipping weren't! If you must see Kubo and
the Two Strings, please offset that
action by, I don't know, buying a digital
copy of Big Hero 6 or subscribing to a
season of Fresh Off the Boat, so that at
least actual Asian people will get some
of your money.
I hated that movie despite the fact that
is beautiful.
Tell me your comments. Have you seen
Kubo and the Two Strings? How wrong am I or
how right am i? How do you feel about
what I'm describing here? Or tell me
anything that matters because i want to
know what matters to you.
Thank you for watching all the way to
the end of this vlog. The end is where I
always say:
Tomorrow
will be even better!