WEBVTT

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Today's Great Epidemic

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Hello there.

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The collective consciousness of mankind

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has been evolving for 
centuries and centuries.

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We have seen many dark ages

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and many awakenings.

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And welcome to today.

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We're in the midst of one such dark age.

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The name of this dark age

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is the emotional dark age.

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If you're even see in this video,

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you're in the process of awakening

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from this dark age.

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So what exactly is the emotional dark age?

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It's the age of ignorance 
relative to emotions.

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Most people on earth do 
not understand emotions.

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They're not terribly conscious of them,

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they do not know what function serve,

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they do not know what to do with them.

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This is a serious problem

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considering that emotions 
are the very basis

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of every person life's experience.

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There are many awakenings

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which must occur

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when we awaken to the idea of emotions.

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But today I'm going to trigger

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one of these awakenings for you,

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because this particular

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dysfunctional or emotional ignorance

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is at the very basis

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of our adult dysfunctions

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in our day to day life.

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I'm going to call this type
of emotional ignorance

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The Great Epidemic.

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Because it quite literally is.

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It is to blame

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for more clonic unhappiness and suicide,

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than all other causes combined.

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Many of you who are 
watching this movie today

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are aware of emotional abuse.

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This like deliberate threatening, shaming,

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humiliating, exploiting and isolating

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to name a few.

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But there is another form 
of emotional abuse

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that goes towards people which
is harder to recognize,

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and it leaves even deeper scars.

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It is this form of abuse

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that is today's epidemic

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and it is called:

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Emotional Neglect.

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The best way to understand 
emotional neglect is this:

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It is trauma that is created

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by what is not done,

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instead of trauma that is created

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as a result of what is done.

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Now, keep in mind,

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that your traditional forms 
of emotional abuse

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can go hand in hand 
with emotional neglect.

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But a person can be 
emotionally neglectful,

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without ever being

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overtly emotionally abusive,

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in the traditional sense.

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Yes you guessed it,

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emotional neglect like most things,

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begins in our childhood,

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and so we are going 
to begin in childhood.

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But not before we examine 
the life of someone

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who did suffer emotional 
neglect in their childhood.

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The person who we are going to study

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is named Mary.

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Mary holds a very successful position

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at a law firm.

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So, her life is pretty comfortable,

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especially financially.

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She came from a very 
small town in Colorado.

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A town which was peaceful.

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She is the last of three children.

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When she looks back at her life,

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things seem pretty good,

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her childhood never had

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any real identifiable trauma,

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associated with it.

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Her family was financially successful,

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she never wanted for anything,

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her parents who are still married 
to this day, never argued.

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They had low tolerance for 
negativity of any kind, in fact.

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When any of the children 
would wine or complain or cry,

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they were promptly sent to their rooms.

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So Mary is confused about why she is

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the way she is.

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She's confused about why she 
goes to bars on the weekends

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and drinks until she blacks out.

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She's confused about why

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she can't seem to create a 
successful relationship with a man.

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She's confused about why she 
often fantasizes about suicide.

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You may confused as well,

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but let's look at Mary's life,

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but this time, under the lens

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of emotional neglect.

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It is a parent's responsibility

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relative to their child,

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to be attuned to that child's needs.

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Now it's quite obvious,

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the physical needs that a child has,

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things like food, and shelter,

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and water, and clothing, and bathing.

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But what about emotional needs?

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Chances are when I just said:

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"What about emotional needs?",

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your first response was:

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"What are emotional needs?"

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If that doesn't tell you

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just how deep in the dark
age of emotions we are,

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I don't know what does.

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That being said,

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we all have emotional needs.

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Every child has emotional needs,

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and if those needs are not met,

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we end up feeling empty.

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For this very reason,

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if you struggle with emptiness,

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I want you to watch my 
video on YouTube titled:

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Emptiness

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When a parent does not meet

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their child's emotional needs,

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the message that they're 
unintentional sending that child,

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is that the child is unimportant to them.

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This child does not feel 
seen, heard, or felt.

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There's no intimacy in the relationship

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and so this child lacks the knowledge

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about how to form intimate relationships.

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When a child is shamed for having 
emotional needs from the parent,

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the message the child receives is:

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"There's something wrong 
and unlovable about me."

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And this child grows up 
being completely blind

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To his or her own emotional needs,

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as well as being very afraid 
of their own emotions.

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It's a parents job to establish 
emotional connection with their child,

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to give undivided attention to their child

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seeing them as a unique 
separate individual,

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who has a right to feel the way they feel,

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and to use this emotion 
connection and attention

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to respond to the emotional need

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that their child is currently displaying.

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This can sound like a tall order

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if you yourself have never experienced

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someone being emotionally 
attentive to you.

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But it is my promise that you can learn.

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Now when we look back at Mary's childhood.

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We can easily see

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how her well meaning parents

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unintentionally taught her a lesson,

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and all their children,

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which is that if they have 
something emotional

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going on that's negative,

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or negative thoughts,

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they had better keep them to themselves.

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Negative emotion was bad 
and not to be tolerated.

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Every time Mary had these feelings

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she would feel ashamed of them,

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Should isolate herself and not
let anyone else see them.

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she would try to escape them by drinking,

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And she was so intent on hiding 
the shameful aspect of herself,

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believing that if anyone saw 
this side of her that felt bad,

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they would abandon her,

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that she never got past 
the third date with a man.

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She was lonely and regardless 
of whether or not

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Mary's parents did actually love her,

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she did not feel loved as a child.

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Remember of course that 
we know a parent loves us

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without feeling that a parent loves us.

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Mary felt isolated did from the world.

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Like she was on the outside looking in

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and like no one really knew her.

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And so, she often thought:

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"What's the point of being alive?"

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And one day when Mary was feeling 
lonely enough, she did commit suicide.

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And no one saw it coming.

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It was a shock to everyone,

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because no one knew how 
much pain she was really in.

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Mary's parents did in fact love Mary.

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As well as all of their other children.

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In fact, from the outside,

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her childhood looked idyllic,

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even enviable.

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But the real truth,

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which no one could see,

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is that underneath that veneer,

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these parents had no idea

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how to emotionally parent their child.

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They didn't know how to meet 
their emotional needs.

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And as a result,

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quite unintentionally,

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their children, Mary included,

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Mary especially,

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was taught lessons,

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that led to her death.

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Most people who suffer emotional neglect,

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either suffer in silence,
keeping that internal world

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away from absolutely 
everything and everyone,

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or they go from 
psychiatrist to psychologist,

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trying endlessly to figure out

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what the hell is wrong with them.

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When they look back at their life,

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they can't see what possibly 
could have happened

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to make them the way that they are.

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So there must be something 
wrong with them.

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This is because emotional neglect

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is not what you see.

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It is what you don't see.

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It is the encouragement 
that didn't happen.

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It is the comforting that wasn't given.

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It is the loving support 
that wasn't offered.

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The loving words that were not said.

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It is the sense of belonging 
that was never granted.

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The understanding that 
was never reached for.

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You can't see what isn't there.

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And so you can't remember 
what isn't there.

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And until you see what 
could have been there,

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you wouldn't even know 
that anything was missing.

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At this particular point in history,

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all parents will emotionally 
fail their children

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on occasion.

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It isn't these occasional failures

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which corrode the very foundation

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that a child life is built on,

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so as to make their adulthood crumble.

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It's the chronic failure

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to meet emotional needs.

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Now I can promise you

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that the more aware you 
become of emotional neglect,

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the more you're going to beat 
yourself up as a parent.

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Because you're going to see the ways

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that you're emotionally failing your child

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because you'll suddenly 
recognize the way that you

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were emotionally failed as a child.

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Just why is this such an epidemic?

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It's an epidemic because it is rampart.

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Not only that,

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it is passed from generation to generation

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to generation, and everyone

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is completely unaware of it.

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They are unaware of it

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until the day that one person becomes

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aware and conscience of it.

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If your emotional needs 
were not met in childhood ,

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you'll have a very difficult time

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meeting your own needs in adulthood.

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That's why emotional neglect is in fact,

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the number one cause of 
codependency in adulthood.

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Now, if you're the kind of person

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who heard that just now and said:

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"Whoa wait a minute, I'm the most 
independent person that I know.

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"I must not have been emotionally
neglected, thank God,

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because, definitely not dependent.

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You can go ahead and think again,

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because independent people

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tend to be the worst 
at meeting their needs

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for intimacy and close 
connection with others.

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These are still needs,

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still needs that you have.

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We tend to swing to one 
direction or the other

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when we have experienced 
emotional neglect.

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We either become extremely dependent,

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or become extremely independent.

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There are many many symptoms
of emotional neglect,

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but here's a list of some common things

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that will occur in adulthood

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if you have suffered from 
emotional neglect in childhood.

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Feeling like you do not belong,

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feeling chronic shame,

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feeling an insatiable sense of emptiness,

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difficulty asking for help,

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chronically unhappy relationships,

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or the inability to form 
lasting relationships,

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you're either too dependent on others,

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or pride yourself on being 
completely independent,

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the feeling that you're a fraud,

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feeling either like you're safer alone,

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or that you absolutely 
cannot stand being alone,

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judging yourself more harshly 
than you judge others,

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having a hard time figuring 
out what you're feeling,

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what you're feeling you are 
on the outside of life looking in,

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suicidal feelings or thoughts,

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difficulty calming yourself 
or self soothing,

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feeling a great deal of 
self blame or self hatred,

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feeling as if something in you
is defective or unlovable,

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"there's is something wrong with me",

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feeling either like you 
are too self disciplined,

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or that you struggle with 
self discipline and are lazy,

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having difficulty nurturing others

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or providing adequate affection,

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you feel unhappy for no obvious reason.

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If you suspect that you
were emotional neglected

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in your childhood,

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I implore you to watch the video

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which I created on YouTube titled:

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Meet Your Needs!

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The more aware you become

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of what your emotional 
needs actually are,

00:12:18.320 --> 00:12:19.920
the easier it is to identify

00:12:19.920 --> 00:12:21.930
how those needs were not met in childhood,

00:12:21.930 --> 00:12:24.160
and thus the specific type

00:12:24.160 --> 00:12:26.580
of emotional neglect that you suffered

00:12:26.580 --> 00:12:28.190
in your childhood.

00:12:28.190 --> 00:12:30.450
Learning how to self care

00:12:30.450 --> 00:12:32.850
and also how to let others care for you,

00:12:32.850 --> 00:12:34.880
learning how to meet your needs,

00:12:34.880 --> 00:12:36.800
let other people meet your needs

00:12:36.800 --> 00:12:38.310
and meet other people's needs,

00:12:38.310 --> 00:12:39.925
is an important part

00:12:39.925 --> 00:12:42.100
of overcoming emotional neglect.

00:12:42.100 --> 00:12:44.860
Also it might enlightening for 
you to do a little research

00:12:44.860 --> 00:12:46.820
on your own time, 
about emotional neglect

00:12:46.820 --> 00:12:49.770
and about the many different 
family dynamics and circumstances

00:12:49.770 --> 00:12:51.790
that are emotionally neglectful.

00:12:51.790 --> 00:12:54.080
You may just finally be 
able to connect the dots

00:12:54.080 --> 00:12:55.750
between what you've experienced,

00:12:55.750 --> 00:12:57.930
or should I say, didn't get to experience,

00:12:57.930 --> 00:12:59.800
and why you feel the way you feel.

00:12:59.800 --> 00:13:01.970
If you have suffered 
from emotional neglect,

00:13:01.970 --> 00:13:03.440
do not despair.

00:13:03.440 --> 00:13:04.920
You can in fact,

00:13:04.920 --> 00:13:07.270
heal from this particular trauma.

00:13:07.270 --> 00:13:08.690
The first step,

00:13:08.690 --> 00:13:10.895
is to dive directly

00:13:10.895 --> 00:13:12.850
into the world of emotions.

00:13:13.790 --> 00:13:15.790
Obviously with emotional neglect,

00:13:15.790 --> 00:13:17.430
emotions is the aspect of our life

00:13:17.430 --> 00:13:19.340
that we'll struggle the most with.

00:13:19.340 --> 00:13:20.710
So what we have to do,

00:13:20.710 --> 00:13:23.230
is to become aware of our own emotions.

00:13:23.550 --> 00:13:25.780
We have to start noticing how we feel,

00:13:25.780 --> 00:13:27.250
caring how we feel,

00:13:27.250 --> 00:13:30.610
we have to look into the 
purpose of emotions,

00:13:30.610 --> 00:13:32.740
what to do with them 
when they come up,

00:13:32.740 --> 00:13:34.090
how to express them.

00:13:34.090 --> 00:13:36.910
We need to develop our 
emotional intelligence.

00:13:38.060 --> 00:13:40.660
If you want some assistance in doing this,

00:13:40.660 --> 00:13:43.720
you can seek out a Somatic Therapist

00:13:43.720 --> 00:13:45.705
or a Hacomi Therapist

00:13:45.705 --> 00:13:47.250
in your area.

00:13:47.530 --> 00:13:50.250
You also may want to watch
my YouTube videos titled:

00:13:50.250 --> 00:13:53.000
Positively Embrace Your Negative Emotions,

00:13:53.000 --> 00:13:55.450
How To Emotion Your Emotions

00:13:55.450 --> 00:13:58.080
&, How To Heal The Emotional Body.

00:13:58.080 --> 00:14:00.945
Next, you need to learn about emotions

00:14:00.945 --> 00:14:02.740
and relationships.

00:14:03.610 --> 00:14:06.480
If we want our society to improve,

00:14:06.480 --> 00:14:08.040
and emotional neglect,

00:14:08.040 --> 00:14:11.050
to no longer be a function
of Human Society,

00:14:11.060 --> 00:14:14.260
we must learn how to meet 
our own emotional needs,

00:14:14.260 --> 00:14:16.970
meet each other's emotional needs,

00:14:16.970 --> 00:14:20.290
and let our emotional needs be met.

00:14:20.750 --> 00:14:22.410
For this very reason,

00:14:22.410 --> 00:14:24.580
I want you to watch the YouTube video

00:14:24.580 --> 00:14:26.900
that I created, that is titled:

00:14:26.900 --> 00:14:29.320
Emotional Wake Up Call.

00:14:29.650 --> 00:14:32.110
Since emotional neglect 
affects our ability

00:14:32.110 --> 00:14:33.320
to be authentic

00:14:33.320 --> 00:14:35.120
and our ability to be intimate,

00:14:35.120 --> 00:14:37.690
learning how to be authentic and intimate,

00:14:37.690 --> 00:14:39.075
is a key ingredient

00:14:39.075 --> 00:14:41.590
to overcoming emotional neglect.

00:14:42.520 --> 00:14:44.170
Keep in mind that intimacy

00:14:44.170 --> 00:14:45.785
is not about sex.

00:14:45.785 --> 00:14:49.100
Intimacy is about seeing another person,

00:14:49.100 --> 00:14:50.260
feeling them,

00:14:50.260 --> 00:14:52.270
really listening and hearing them,

00:14:52.270 --> 00:14:53.950
understanding them.

00:14:53.950 --> 00:14:56.210
It's about touching the internal world

00:14:56.210 --> 00:15:00.280
and conversely it's about being seen,

00:15:00.280 --> 00:15:01.510
being felt,

00:15:01.510 --> 00:15:03.010
being understood,

00:15:03.010 --> 00:15:04.270
being heard,

00:15:04.270 --> 00:15:06.990
allowing people to touch 
our internal world.

00:15:07.400 --> 00:15:08.770
In this universe,

00:15:08.770 --> 00:15:11.610
there is simply the presence of something

00:15:11.610 --> 00:15:14.220
and the lack of that very same something.

00:15:14.220 --> 00:15:16.760
This is the true polarity that exists.

00:15:16.760 --> 00:15:18.000
So one could say,

00:15:18.000 --> 00:15:19.595
that darkness is nothing more,

00:15:19.595 --> 00:15:21.540
than the absence of light.

00:15:21.780 --> 00:15:23.200
The vibration of lack

00:15:23.200 --> 00:15:24.980
is the furthest vibration

00:15:24.980 --> 00:15:26.800
from the vibration of source

00:15:26.800 --> 00:15:28.450
or what many call God.

00:15:28.450 --> 00:15:30.400
Therefore, it is emotionally

00:15:30.400 --> 00:15:33.630
the most painful vibration 
you can experience.

00:15:34.050 --> 00:15:36.140
More damage can be done to you

00:15:36.140 --> 00:15:37.950
by what is not done,

00:15:37.950 --> 00:15:41.330
that was ever done to you,
by virtue of what was done.

00:15:41.950 --> 00:15:44.460
It is my desire,

00:15:44.460 --> 00:15:46.350
that by becoming aware of this

00:15:46.350 --> 00:15:48.660
epidemic within the human race,

00:15:48.660 --> 00:15:50.305
we can shift our focus

00:15:50.305 --> 00:15:52.800
to the awareness of emotions.

00:15:52.800 --> 00:15:54.550
We can shift our focus

00:15:54.550 --> 00:15:56.480
towards meeting our own needs,

00:15:56.480 --> 00:15:58.200
meeting the needs of our children,

00:15:58.200 --> 00:16:00.320
and meeting the needs of each other.

00:16:00.320 --> 00:16:02.710
And it my hope that you live long enough

00:16:02.710 --> 00:16:04.850
to see what becomes of this society,

00:16:04.850 --> 00:16:07.080
when we achieve this state.

00:16:07.460 --> 00:16:08.930
Have a good week.

00:16:42.185 --> 00:16:46.595
Subtitles by: Isabelle Montigny &
Tanya Duarte (www.tanyaduarte.com)