[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.96,0:00:02.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(salesman) Actually I'm gonna\Nbe quick like Nestle
Dialogue: 0,0:00:02.86,0:00:04.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and beat it like Michael Jackson.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:04.05,0:00:05.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's why your neighbor\Nsaid I reminded him of Nicolas Cage,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:05.95,0:00:08.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'cause I'm gone in 60 seconds.\NSo watch this right here, Dad, look.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:08.82,0:00:10.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Who does this the\Nmost on the window:
Dialogue: 0,0:00:10.44,0:00:12.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the kids, the dogs, or the ugly black guys\Nthat eat fried chicken?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:12.94,0:00:14.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Now you see these water spots? Look!\N-(customer) Yeah.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:14.64,0:00:16.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(salesman) They get whiter than\Nmy elbows without lotion.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.35,0:00:17.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Watch this [indistinct]
Dialogue: 0,0:00:17.72,0:00:19.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'Cause Stevie Wonder\Nsays "seein' is believin',"
Dialogue: 0,0:00:19.64,0:00:22.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I got a disease called enthusiasm,\Nso I'm gonna cut straight to the mustard.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:22.66,0:00:24.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Watch this, though.\NDon't laugh too hard,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:24.32,0:00:26.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'cause the neighbors gonna see this\Nblack kid scrubbin' your window, okay?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:26.42,0:00:27.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(customer laughing)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:27.14,0:00:29.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But look, wax on, wax off, like Mr. Miyagi.\NRemember the Karate Kid?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:29.61,0:00:32.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now watch this-- the air dry, look,\Nit puts a coating on your window.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:32.42,0:00:35.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No water spots, no fingerprints,\Nno streaks.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:35.42,0:00:39.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's why we can't sell it to criminals.\NDon't tell O.J. or Tiger Woods, okay?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.04,0:00:40.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(customer laughing) High five there!\NThey been lovin' this stuff!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:40.69,0:00:44.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now there, y'all, you and Mom, y'all,\Nwould agree -- oh my god!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:44.59,0:00:49.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You see this right here!\NWho did that?! Who did that?!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:49.07,0:00:50.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-(customer) I did.\N-(salesman) Okay, watch this.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:50.61,0:00:53.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, my mom said if it's darker than me\Nand it don't pay the bills,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.18,0:00:54.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it shouldn't be there, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:54.19,0:00:56.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(customer laughing)\NSalesman: God bless you, hahaha.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:56.49,0:00:58.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now look, this right here--\Nwe just upgraded like Beyonce.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.72,0:01:00.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is our new surfactant.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:00.34,0:01:02.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hold this and watch this,\N'cause this should be the main reason
Dialogue: 0,0:01:02.23,0:01:04.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,why you get the HBO special.\NYou know what "HBO" means?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:04.95,0:01:05.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(customer) No.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:05.67,0:01:08.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(salesman) You get to help a brother out.\N(both laughing)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:08.62,0:01:10.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, I've been on the roll\Nlike toilet paper.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:10.02,0:01:11.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Half of your neighbors in the community--\Nthey said they just gonna get it
Dialogue: 0,0:01:11.88,0:01:13.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'cause I'm funny,\N'cause this stuff sells itself.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.54,0:01:16.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Look, you just go back and forth\Nlike a argument.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:16.66,0:01:19.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now I ain't Jesus, but look how\NI split that like Moses did the Red Sea.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:19.54,0:01:21.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Paint me green and call me a pickle.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:21.22,0:01:24.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And look at this right here, look.\NGoes good with chicken.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:24.05,0:01:25.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Don't drink it, though,\Nor it will give you the Hershey squirts.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:25.78,0:01:28.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But look, that one bottle will last you\Nlonger than my last relationship.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:28.54,0:01:29.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Y'all got water, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:29.75,0:01:30.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(customer)(laughing) Yeah.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.98,0:01:33.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,High five, you qualified to use it!\NOver here, mama.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:33.17,0:01:35.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, this is my last demo\Nand I'm out your hair
Dialogue: 0,0:01:35.12,0:01:36.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,quicker than your favorite shampoo.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:36.58,0:01:38.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Y'all familiar with these\Nright here-- Sharpies?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:38.38,0:01:39.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(customer) Yeah.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:39.45,0:01:41.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, watch this-- even though I'm black,\Nit ain't black magic. It just work.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:41.69,0:01:43.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'Cause look, say you got this in the\Nclothes or the carpets or the laundry.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:43.98,0:01:45.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Would you agree that's hard to get out?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:45.25,0:01:46.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(customer) Probably.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:46.16,0:01:48.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(salesman) Would you throw it out,\NShout it out, get O.J. to stab it out,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:48.35,0:01:49.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Mike Tyson to bite it out--
Dialogue: 0,0:01:49.37,0:01:50.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-(customer 2) Throw it out.\N-(salesman) --Kobe Bryant to--
Dialogue: 0,0:01:50.24,0:01:53.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-(salesman)(indistinct)\N-(customer 2) Oh, okay, you weren't done.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:53.40,0:01:55.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(salesman) It was a\Nmultiple choice funny joke.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.16,0:01:56.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'Cause you know you can't\Nthrow bleach on colors, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:56.80,0:01:57.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(customer) Sure.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:57.67,0:01:59.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(salesman) Look at this.\NThis is safe on colors.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:59.23,0:02:00.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's why we can't\Nsell it to Sammy Sosa.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:00.90,0:02:02.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(customer laughing)\NBut look, you just spray the spray, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:02.70,0:02:07.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, this right here takes out ink,\Nblood, coffee stains, grass stains,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:07.20,0:02:09.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Kool-Aid, lipstick, gum, blue candle wax.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:09.67,0:02:11.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Would you say that's whiter\Nthan the Colgate smile?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:11.54,0:02:13.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(customer laughing)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:13.21,0:02:15.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh my goodness, you see that?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:15.01,0:02:16.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(customer) Can I use it on my teeth?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:16.42,0:02:17.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(salesman) It ain't Jesus in a bottle.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.87,0:02:19.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I use it on mine, they turn brown.\NNo, I'm just kidding.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:19.79,0:02:22.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But no, you just use it on--\Nfor your house.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:22.07,0:02:23.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What's the hardest thing to clean?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:23.34,0:02:26.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Would it be carpet, the tile,\Nbarbecue grills, the shower doors,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:26.08,0:02:28.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that oil and rust in the driveway\Nthat's blacker than my mother
Dialogue: 0,0:02:28.30,0:02:30.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but not as beautiful,\Nor that calcium right there?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.69,0:02:34.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-(customer 2) Can I put this on YouTube?\N-(salesman) Yes, ma'am.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:34.92,0:02:37.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-(customer 2) What are you selling?\N-(salesman) Personality.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.36,0:02:39.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-(customer) Show them.\N-(salesman) But this sells itself, though.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:39.32,0:02:41.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's called Advantage to Wonder Cleaner,\Nbest thing since cake and ice cream.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:41.92,0:02:44.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, unlike Madonna,\Nit's never been touched,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:44.01,0:02:46.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so when you put two caps in a bottle--\N(customer laughing)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:46.43,0:02:47.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, I just come--\Nmost of your neighbors,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:47.64,0:02:48.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they just get it\N'cause they like me.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:48.98,0:02:50.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Y'all familiar with Tony Robbins?\N(customers) Yeah.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:50.30,0:02:51.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(salesman) See,\NI'm takin' his course
Dialogue: 0,0:02:51.57,0:02:53.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'cause this how Jamie Foxx\Nstarted off, door-to-door.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:53.54,0:02:55.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he said two years\Nof door-to-door sellin'
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.61,0:02:58.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is the equivalent of four years\Nof college communication,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:58.10,0:02:59.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how you interact with different people,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:59.36,0:03:01.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that's why half of the neighbors\Ndon't buy it 'cause it work;
Dialogue: 0,0:03:01.17,0:03:03.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they just buy it 'cause\Nthey like my tenacity,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.08,0:03:04.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'cause they said it ain't an easy task\Ngoin' door to door.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:04.95,0:03:06.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(customer 2) How much is it?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:06.27,0:03:08.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm pretty sure Windex and bleach\Nain't never knocked on ya'll door
Dialogue: 0,0:03:08.42,0:03:11.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and made you laugh while Mom went and\Ngot the camcorder just to tape it, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:11.40,0:03:13.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,High five, that's all I'm sayin'!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:13.77,0:03:15.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But what y'all do for a livin'?\NY'all must be in sales too!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:15.95,0:03:17.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Kind of. We--
Dialogue: 0,0:03:17.43,0:03:19.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know, 'cause your house bigger\Nthan my whole neighborhood!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:19.27,0:03:22.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Zig Ziglar say, "Every great salesperson\Nbuy from a good one," right?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:22.10,0:03:24.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,God bless you.\NBut that's why I said, just try the one.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:24.74,0:03:26.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You don't even gotta buy\Nthe case today like Madeline.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:26.58,0:03:28.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My mom said if you can't\Nget the whole chicken,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:28.23,0:03:30.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at least get the wing, right?\NOatmeal be eatin' oatmeal.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:30.71,0:03:33.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But like I said, you only put two caps,\Ntwenty ounces of water,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:33.34,0:03:35.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so that one bottle\Nmake you 68 sprayers.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:35.30,0:03:38.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But you should just save my autograph\Nbecause by the time you run out,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:38.07,0:03:39.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you probably see me\Non Last Comic Standing,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:39.71,0:03:41.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then you go to eBay\Nand get your money back.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:41.68,0:03:42.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(customer laughing)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:42.35,0:03:44.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, 'cause even Jesus said\Nif you give a person a fish,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:44.12,0:03:45.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you could feed him for a day,\Nbut if you teach him how to fish,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:45.86,0:03:47.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you could feed him\Nfor a lifetime, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:47.14,0:03:47.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sure.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:47.77,0:03:50.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,God bless you, but if y'all had it,\Nwhat would you try it on first,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:50.24,0:03:53.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that right here, or the hard water spot,\Nor just-- just something fun?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:53.36,0:03:56.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Huh, what? I don't know.\NHow much is it?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:56.73,0:03:58.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, the one bottle\Nis just $36 a bottle,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:58.91,0:04:01.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you get a spray bottle--\Nit makes you 68 bottles.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:01.21,0:04:03.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I just get 50% of that, because if\NI don't sell nothin', I don't get nothin'.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:03.50,0:04:04.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's why your neighbor, he said,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:04.62,0:04:05.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I'm just gonna get it\N'cause you're funny,"
Dialogue: 0,0:04:05.98,0:04:08.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'cause the one thing that your\Nneighbors didn't say-- look, right here.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:08.95,0:04:11.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, all of these cleaners--
Dialogue: 0,0:04:11.21,0:04:13.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this is another joke, though,\Nso tape this one.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:13.05,0:04:14.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But do you know all of these\Ncleaners right here y'all use?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:14.71,0:04:15.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Uh-huh.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:15.43,0:04:18.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They said this stuff is like a\Npregnant lady on welfare-- it don't work!
Dialogue: 0,0:04:18.00,0:04:18.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Okay.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:18.74,0:04:22.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You get it? 'Cause you know there's\NClorox, Simple Green, 409,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:22.11,0:04:24.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Comet, Spic 'n Span, Pine Sol--\Ny'all probably use a lot of those, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:24.86,0:04:25.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Mm-hmm.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:25.58,0:04:28.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now if you had a choice of grabbin' a solid dollar or a hundred pennies, what's easier?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:28.42,0:04:29.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Dollar.\N-High five there!
Dialogue: 0,0:04:29.74,0:04:31.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,See, you sharper than a Gillette,\Nthat's what I'm talking about!
Dialogue: 0,0:04:31.70,0:04:32.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(laughing)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:32.48,0:04:33.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, this should be really\Nthe check test for y'all, though.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:33.94,0:04:37.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, Mom, you see our door handle?\NThat brass?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:38.51,0:04:40.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh my god. Pull the door. Watch this.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:40.66,0:04:43.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This should be the main reason why\Ny'all get the get-rid-of-me special.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:43.08,0:04:43.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(customer) Alright.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:43.99,0:04:45.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(customer 2) Can you sell it for $30?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:45.49,0:04:47.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'll get fired right now,\Nbut what you can do, Mom,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:47.55,0:04:49.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you can write this off\Nfor fundraising, though.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:49.21,0:04:50.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's what most your\Nneighbors been doing.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:50.48,0:04:51.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(customer 2) What? What? What?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:51.61,0:04:52.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-(salesman) You get the right--\N-(customer 2) Was that a yes?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:52.80,0:04:55.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(chuckling) I like you, Mom.\NYou must be a teacher.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:55.02,0:04:56.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(customer 2) No.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:56.30,0:04:58.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'Cause you got a lot of class.\N(customer laughing)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:58.23,0:05:01.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But you see right here, though? For real?\NNo, you get to write it off, though.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:01.08,0:05:03.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's why a lot of your neighbors\Ndon't do it from they pocket;
Dialogue: 0,0:05:03.01,0:05:05.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they do it from they heart.\NBut I'll tell you what I can do.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.48,0:05:07.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If y'all get the one bottle,\NI'm going to throw in a free
Dialogue: 0,0:05:07.48,0:05:10.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Mary Kay / Christian Dior / Calvin Klein /\NLouis Vuitton spray bottle to go with it.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:10.73,0:05:12.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But this should be\Nthe check test, though--
Dialogue: 0,0:05:12.18,0:05:13.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you see this brass right here?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:13.38,0:05:14.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now I'm gonna be all--\Nwhen the last time
Dialogue: 0,0:05:14.87,0:05:16.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,y'all seen this look shiny\Nlike a baby heinie?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:16.77,0:05:18.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When y'all first bought the house?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:18.11,0:05:19.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,God bless you.\NWatch this right here.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:19.73,0:05:21.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(customer) It's so old.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:21.74,0:05:23.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(salesman) I know.\NNow it's about to be brand new.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:23.14,0:05:26.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's gonna go from 79 to 2010.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:26.36,0:05:28.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Look at that! Oh my goodness!
Dialogue: 0,0:05:28.91,0:05:30.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(customer) Are you shitting me?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:30.38,0:05:32.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(salesman) There--\Nthat's worth a bottle right there.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:32.34,0:05:33.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(customer) Can you wipe that off\Nthe door down there?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:33.36,0:05:34.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(salesman) Now don't panic; it's organic.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:34.58,0:05:36.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Remember, I told you,\Nit won't fade color.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:36.20,0:05:37.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Remember, that's why we couldn't--
Dialogue: 0,0:05:37.18,0:05:38.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that's why we could\Nsell it to Michael Jackson.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:38.93,0:05:42.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, our product meet\NOSHA, USDA, EPA, and PETA.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:42.49,0:05:44.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know this is safe around dogs,\Nunlike Michael Vick?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:44.74,0:05:47.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it's safe around kids,\Nunlike Pee-wee Herman.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:47.11,0:05:48.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,High five! Oh yeah!
Dialogue: 0,0:05:48.83,0:05:51.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Would you say this show alone worth me\Ngetting a commission off that one bottle?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:51.71,0:05:52.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(customer) Hell yeah!
Dialogue: 0,0:05:52.87,0:05:54.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(salesman) Well yeah, that's why\Nyou should do it from your heart.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:54.55,0:05:55.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You think I could do standup comedy?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:55.98,0:05:56.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh yeah!
Dialogue: 0,0:05:56.74,0:05:58.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's the only reason why I'm doing this.\NThis is a stepping stone for me!
Dialogue: 0,0:05:58.61,0:06:00.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because I get a commission\Nto pay for my acting school.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:00.70,0:06:01.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's why a lot of your neighbors--
Dialogue: 0,0:06:01.74,0:06:02.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Are you from around here?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:02.68,0:06:04.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm from my mama.\NDon't tell my daddy he a faggot, but I--
Dialogue: 0,0:06:04.46,0:06:06.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we stay out here now, yeah.\NWe stay on--
Dialogue: 0,0:06:06.91,0:06:08.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(customer 2) What's your name?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:08.14,0:06:09.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Kenny Brooks.\NWatch, you gonna see me on TV.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:09.48,0:06:11.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Make sure you tape that:\NKenny Brooks!
Dialogue: 0,0:06:11.11,0:06:14.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(customer) Well, 'cause, uh,\N'cause I think, if you're around,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:14.71,0:06:17.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'cause we play music and bands,\Nand we have a--
Dialogue: 0,0:06:17.87,0:06:20.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it'd be perfect to have you\Ncome up and, you know,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.94,0:06:22.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,between bands, and say some shit.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:22.95,0:06:25.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,High five there!\NWhy y'all so nice, man?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:25.08,0:06:26.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Y'all cooler than the\Nother side of the pillow!
Dialogue: 0,0:06:26.74,0:06:29.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Dang, if I had y'all hands,\NI'd cut my hands off.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.64,0:06:31.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'Cause your neighbors been\Nworkin' me like I'm black
Dialogue: 0,0:06:31.74,0:06:33.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and payin' me like I'm Mexican;\Nthat's what I'm trying to get off,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:33.52,0:06:35.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where I had one neighbor try\Nto make me clean the toilet.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:35.37,0:06:37.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(both laughing)\NI was like, "Dang."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:37.99,0:06:39.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But that's what I said, just try one,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:39.64,0:06:41.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'cause I know that ain't gonna\Ntake the cheese out y'all macaroni,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:41.70,0:06:44.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and Mom, it ain't like you can't use it,\Nthough, 'cause you use it on everything.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:44.27,0:06:47.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Only thing you can't use it on is\Ndirty man, dirty soul, and nosy neighbors--
Dialogue: 0,0:06:47.21,0:06:49.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that's why we ain't calledl it\N"Jesus in a bottle."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:49.14,0:06:51.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And there, you know them bugs that\Ncommit suicide on the front of your car?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:51.84,0:06:52.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:52.64,0:06:54.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They told me the bugs out here are\Nas bad as the morning breath.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:54.42,0:06:56.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Watch this right here--\N'cause see, it's unisex.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:56.30,0:06:56.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But, but--
Dialogue: 0,0:06:56.96,0:06:58.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-It's made for--\N-I have to leave, though.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:58.30,0:06:59.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Okay, we'll just try one.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:59.27,0:07:01.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can do cash, check, or chicken wings,\N'cause you're gettin' this right now.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:01.21,0:07:03.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You don't even have to wait on it.\NWe faster than UPS or FedEx.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:03.68,0:07:06.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Most your neighbor just been doin' cash\Nor makin' it out to the company.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:06.36,0:07:07.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Could you get it right now?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:07.59,0:07:09.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I'm gonna get y'all\Na spray bottle
Dialogue: 0,0:07:09.02,0:07:11.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just 'cause you ain't\Nmakin' me clean the toilet.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:11.23,0:07:12.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(customer 2) Okay.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:12.20,0:07:12.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,God bless you!