1 00:00:00,961 --> 00:00:02,861 (salesman) Actually I'm gonna be quick like Nestle 2 00:00:02,861 --> 00:00:04,052 and beat it like Michael Jackson. 3 00:00:04,052 --> 00:00:05,952 That's why your neighbor said I reminded him of Nicolas Cage, 4 00:00:05,952 --> 00:00:08,817 'cause I'm gone in 60 seconds. So watch this right here, Dad, look. 5 00:00:08,817 --> 00:00:10,437 Who does this the most on the window: 6 00:00:10,437 --> 00:00:12,939 the kids, the dogs, or the ugly black guys that eat fried chicken? 7 00:00:12,939 --> 00:00:14,641 -Now you see these water spots? Look! -(customer) Yeah. 8 00:00:14,641 --> 00:00:16,354 (salesman) They get whiter than my elbows without lotion. 9 00:00:16,354 --> 00:00:17,724 Watch this [indistinct] 10 00:00:17,724 --> 00:00:19,636 'Cause Stevie Wonder says "seein' is believin'," 11 00:00:19,636 --> 00:00:22,661 and I got a disease called enthusiasm, so I'm gonna cut straight to the mustard. 12 00:00:22,661 --> 00:00:24,316 Watch this, though. Don't laugh too hard, 13 00:00:24,316 --> 00:00:26,421 'cause the neighbors gonna see this black kid scrubbin' your window, okay? 14 00:00:26,421 --> 00:00:27,137 (customer laughing) 15 00:00:27,137 --> 00:00:29,607 But look, wax on, wax off, like Mr. Miyagi. Remember the Karate Kid? 16 00:00:29,607 --> 00:00:32,421 Now watch this-- the air dry, look, it puts a coating on your window. 17 00:00:32,421 --> 00:00:35,421 No water spots, no fingerprints, no streaks. 18 00:00:35,421 --> 00:00:39,044 That's why we can't sell it to criminals. Don't tell O.J. or Tiger Woods, okay? 19 00:00:39,044 --> 00:00:40,692 (customer laughing) High five there! They been lovin' this stuff! 20 00:00:40,692 --> 00:00:44,592 Now there, y'all, you and Mom, y'all, would agree -- oh my god! 21 00:00:44,592 --> 00:00:49,074 You see this right here! Who did that?! Who did that?! 22 00:00:49,074 --> 00:00:50,614 -(customer) I did. -(salesman) Okay, watch this. 23 00:00:50,614 --> 00:00:53,181 Now, my mom said if it's darker than me and it don't pay the bills, 24 00:00:53,181 --> 00:00:54,192 it shouldn't be there, right? 25 00:00:54,192 --> 00:00:56,492 (customer laughing) Salesman: God bless you, hahaha. 26 00:00:56,492 --> 00:00:58,723 Now look, this right here-- we just upgraded like Beyonce. 27 00:00:58,723 --> 00:01:00,345 This is our new surfactant. 28 00:01:00,345 --> 00:01:02,228 Hold this and watch this, 'cause this should be the main reason 29 00:01:02,228 --> 00:01:04,952 why you get the HBO special. You know what "HBO" means? 30 00:01:04,952 --> 00:01:05,668 (customer) No. 31 00:01:05,668 --> 00:01:08,623 (salesman) You get to help a brother out. (both laughing) 32 00:01:08,623 --> 00:01:10,015 Yeah, I've been on the roll like toilet paper. 33 00:01:10,015 --> 00:01:11,876 Half of your neighbors in the community-- they said they just gonna get it 34 00:01:11,876 --> 00:01:13,544 'cause I'm funny, 'cause this stuff sells itself. 35 00:01:13,544 --> 00:01:16,661 Look, you just go back and forth like a argument. 36 00:01:16,661 --> 00:01:19,544 Now I ain't Jesus, but look how I split that like Moses did the Red Sea. 37 00:01:19,544 --> 00:01:21,223 Paint me green and call me a pickle. 38 00:01:21,223 --> 00:01:24,046 And look at this right here, look. Goes good with chicken. 39 00:01:24,046 --> 00:01:25,784 Don't drink it, though, or it will give you the Hershey squirts. 40 00:01:25,784 --> 00:01:28,544 But look, that one bottle will last you longer than my last relationship. 41 00:01:28,544 --> 00:01:29,753 Y'all got water, right? 42 00:01:29,753 --> 00:01:30,983 (customer)(laughing) Yeah. 43 00:01:30,983 --> 00:01:33,168 High five, you qualified to use it! Over here, mama. 44 00:01:33,168 --> 00:01:35,122 Now, this is my last demo and I'm out your hair 45 00:01:35,122 --> 00:01:36,575 quicker than your favorite shampoo. 46 00:01:36,575 --> 00:01:38,377 Y'all familiar with these right here-- Sharpies? 47 00:01:38,377 --> 00:01:39,452 (customer) Yeah. 48 00:01:39,452 --> 00:01:41,691 Now, watch this-- even though I'm black, it ain't black magic. It just work. 49 00:01:41,691 --> 00:01:43,983 'Cause look, say you got this in the clothes or the carpets or the laundry. 50 00:01:43,983 --> 00:01:45,253 Would you agree that's hard to get out? 51 00:01:45,253 --> 00:01:46,161 (customer) Probably. 52 00:01:46,161 --> 00:01:48,346 (salesman) Would you throw it out, Shout it out, get O.J. to stab it out, 53 00:01:48,346 --> 00:01:49,366 Mike Tyson to bite it out-- 54 00:01:49,366 --> 00:01:50,242 -(customer 2) Throw it out. -(salesman) --Kobe Bryant to-- 55 00:01:50,242 --> 00:01:53,397 -(salesman)(indistinct) -(customer 2) Oh, okay, you weren't done. 56 00:01:53,397 --> 00:01:55,161 (salesman) It was a multiple choice funny joke. 57 00:01:55,161 --> 00:01:56,804 'Cause you know you can't throw bleach on colors, right? 58 00:01:56,804 --> 00:01:57,667 (customer) Sure. 59 00:01:57,667 --> 00:01:59,229 (salesman) Look at this. This is safe on colors. 60 00:01:59,229 --> 00:02:00,897 That's why we can't sell it to Sammy Sosa. 61 00:02:00,897 --> 00:02:02,697 (customer laughing) But look, you just spray the spray, right? 62 00:02:02,697 --> 00:02:07,199 Now, this right here takes out ink, blood, coffee stains, grass stains, 63 00:02:07,199 --> 00:02:09,667 Kool-Aid, lipstick, gum, blue candle wax. 64 00:02:09,667 --> 00:02:11,544 Would you say that's whiter than the Colgate smile? 65 00:02:11,544 --> 00:02:13,211 (customer laughing) 66 00:02:13,211 --> 00:02:15,013 Oh my goodness, you see that? 67 00:02:15,013 --> 00:02:16,421 (customer) Can I use it on my teeth? 68 00:02:16,421 --> 00:02:17,866 (salesman) It ain't Jesus in a bottle. 69 00:02:17,866 --> 00:02:19,791 I use it on mine, they turn brown. No, I'm just kidding. 70 00:02:19,791 --> 00:02:22,074 But no, you just use it on-- for your house. 71 00:02:22,074 --> 00:02:23,336 What's the hardest thing to clean? 72 00:02:23,336 --> 00:02:26,075 Would it be carpet, the tile, barbecue grills, the shower doors, 73 00:02:26,075 --> 00:02:28,304 that oil and rust in the driveway that's blacker than my mother 74 00:02:28,304 --> 00:02:30,683 but not as beautiful, or that calcium right there? 75 00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:34,921 -(customer 2) Can I put this on YouTube? -(salesman) Yes, ma'am. 76 00:02:34,921 --> 00:02:37,365 -(customer 2) What are you selling? -(salesman) Personality. 77 00:02:37,365 --> 00:02:39,324 -(customer) Show them. -(salesman) But this sells itself, though. 78 00:02:39,324 --> 00:02:41,921 It's called Advantage to Wonder Cleaner, best thing since cake and ice cream. 79 00:02:41,921 --> 00:02:44,013 Now, unlike Madonna, it's never been touched, 80 00:02:44,013 --> 00:02:46,428 so when you put two caps in a bottle-- (customer laughing) 81 00:02:46,428 --> 00:02:47,641 Well, I just come-- most of your neighbors, 82 00:02:47,641 --> 00:02:48,982 they just get it 'cause they like me. 83 00:02:48,982 --> 00:02:50,304 Y'all familiar with Tony Robbins? (customers) Yeah. 84 00:02:50,304 --> 00:02:51,574 (salesman) See, I'm takin' his course 85 00:02:51,574 --> 00:02:53,544 'cause this how Jamie Foxx started off, door-to-door. 86 00:02:53,544 --> 00:02:55,612 And he said two years of door-to-door sellin' 87 00:02:55,612 --> 00:02:58,105 is the equivalent of four years of college communication, 88 00:02:58,105 --> 00:02:59,365 how you interact with different people, 89 00:02:59,365 --> 00:03:01,173 that's why half of the neighbors don't buy it 'cause it work; 90 00:03:01,173 --> 00:03:03,081 they just buy it 'cause they like my tenacity, 91 00:03:03,081 --> 00:03:04,952 'cause they said it ain't an easy task goin' door to door. 92 00:03:04,952 --> 00:03:06,273 (customer 2) How much is it? 93 00:03:06,273 --> 00:03:08,421 I'm pretty sure Windex and bleach ain't never knocked on ya'll door 94 00:03:08,421 --> 00:03:11,396 and made you laugh while Mom went and got the camcorder just to tape it, right? 95 00:03:11,396 --> 00:03:13,774 High five, that's all I'm sayin'! 96 00:03:13,774 --> 00:03:15,952 But what y'all do for a livin'? Y'all must be in sales too! 97 00:03:15,952 --> 00:03:17,427 Kind of. We-- 98 00:03:17,427 --> 00:03:19,273 I know, 'cause your house bigger than my whole neighborhood! 99 00:03:19,273 --> 00:03:22,104 Zig Ziglar say, "Every great salesperson buy from a good one," right? 100 00:03:22,104 --> 00:03:24,742 God bless you. But that's why I said, just try the one. 101 00:03:24,742 --> 00:03:26,575 You don't even gotta buy the case today like Madeline. 102 00:03:26,575 --> 00:03:28,227 My mom said if you can't get the whole chicken, 103 00:03:28,227 --> 00:03:30,712 at least get the wing, right? Oatmeal be eatin' oatmeal. 104 00:03:30,712 --> 00:03:33,336 But like I said, you only put two caps, twenty ounces of water, 105 00:03:33,336 --> 00:03:35,304 so that one bottle make you 68 sprayers. 106 00:03:35,304 --> 00:03:38,074 But you should just save my autograph because by the time you run out, 107 00:03:38,074 --> 00:03:39,711 you probably see me on Last Comic Standing, 108 00:03:39,711 --> 00:03:41,681 and then you go to eBay and get your money back. 109 00:03:41,681 --> 00:03:42,351 (customer laughing) 110 00:03:42,351 --> 00:03:44,123 Well, 'cause even Jesus said if you give a person a fish, 111 00:03:44,123 --> 00:03:45,865 you could feed him for a day, but if you teach him how to fish, 112 00:03:45,865 --> 00:03:47,142 you could feed him for a lifetime, right? 113 00:03:47,142 --> 00:03:47,774 Sure. 114 00:03:47,774 --> 00:03:50,243 God bless you, but if y'all had it, what would you try it on first, 115 00:03:50,243 --> 00:03:53,365 that right here, or the hard water spot, or just-- just something fun? 116 00:03:53,365 --> 00:03:56,731 Huh, what? I don't know. How much is it? 117 00:03:56,731 --> 00:03:58,914 Well, the one bottle is just $36 a bottle, 118 00:03:58,914 --> 00:04:01,212 and you get a spray bottle-- it makes you 68 bottles. 119 00:04:01,212 --> 00:04:03,501 I just get 50% of that, because if I don't sell nothin', I don't get nothin'. 120 00:04:03,501 --> 00:04:04,624 That's why your neighbor, he said, 121 00:04:04,624 --> 00:04:05,982 "I'm just gonna get it 'cause you're funny," 122 00:04:05,982 --> 00:04:08,952 'cause the one thing that your neighbors didn't say-- look, right here. 123 00:04:08,952 --> 00:04:11,214 You know, all of these cleaners-- 124 00:04:11,214 --> 00:04:13,050 this is another joke, though, so tape this one. 125 00:04:13,050 --> 00:04:14,712 But do you know all of these cleaners right here y'all use? 126 00:04:14,712 --> 00:04:15,426 Uh-huh. 127 00:04:15,426 --> 00:04:18,004 They said this stuff is like a pregnant lady on welfare-- it don't work! 128 00:04:18,004 --> 00:04:18,743 Okay. 129 00:04:18,743 --> 00:04:22,106 You get it? 'Cause you know there's Clorox, Simple Green, 409, 130 00:04:22,106 --> 00:04:24,865 Comet, Spic 'n Span, Pine Sol-- y'all probably use a lot of those, right? 131 00:04:24,865 --> 00:04:25,575 Mm-hmm. 132 00:04:25,575 --> 00:04:28,421 Now if you had a choice of grabbin' a solid dollar or a hundred pennies, what's easier? 133 00:04:28,421 --> 00:04:29,737 -Dollar. -High five there! 134 00:04:29,737 --> 00:04:31,702 See, you sharper than a Gillette, that's what I'm talking about! 135 00:04:31,702 --> 00:04:32,483 (laughing) 136 00:04:32,483 --> 00:04:33,941 Now, this should be really the check test for y'all, though. 137 00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:37,136 Now, Mom, you see our door handle? That brass? 138 00:04:38,506 --> 00:04:40,661 Oh my god. Pull the door. Watch this. 139 00:04:40,661 --> 00:04:43,082 This should be the main reason why y'all get the get-rid-of-me special. 140 00:04:43,082 --> 00:04:43,988 (customer) Alright. 141 00:04:43,988 --> 00:04:45,488 (customer 2) Can you sell it for $30? 142 00:04:45,488 --> 00:04:47,550 I'll get fired right now, but what you can do, Mom, 143 00:04:47,550 --> 00:04:49,212 you can write this off for fundraising, though. 144 00:04:49,212 --> 00:04:50,482 That's what most your neighbors been doing. 145 00:04:50,482 --> 00:04:51,612 (customer 2) What? What? What? 146 00:04:51,612 --> 00:04:52,804 -(salesman) You get the right-- -(customer 2) Was that a yes? 147 00:04:52,804 --> 00:04:55,020 (chuckling) I like you, Mom. You must be a teacher. 148 00:04:55,020 --> 00:04:56,305 (customer 2) No. 149 00:04:56,305 --> 00:04:58,234 'Cause you got a lot of class. (customer laughing) 150 00:04:58,234 --> 00:05:01,075 But you see right here, though? For real? No, you get to write it off, though. 151 00:05:01,075 --> 00:05:03,014 That's why a lot of your neighbors don't do it from they pocket; 152 00:05:03,014 --> 00:05:05,483 they do it from they heart. But I'll tell you what I can do. 153 00:05:05,483 --> 00:05:07,482 If y'all get the one bottle, I'm going to throw in a free 154 00:05:07,482 --> 00:05:10,729 Mary Kay / Christian Dior / Calvin Klein / Louis Vuitton spray bottle to go with it. 155 00:05:10,729 --> 00:05:12,181 But this should be the check test, though-- 156 00:05:12,181 --> 00:05:13,384 you see this brass right here? 157 00:05:13,384 --> 00:05:14,873 Now I'm gonna be all-- when the last time 158 00:05:14,873 --> 00:05:16,774 y'all seen this look shiny like a baby heinie? 159 00:05:16,774 --> 00:05:18,106 When y'all first bought the house? 160 00:05:18,106 --> 00:05:19,731 God bless you. Watch this right here. 161 00:05:19,731 --> 00:05:21,743 (customer) It's so old. 162 00:05:21,743 --> 00:05:23,136 (salesman) I know. Now it's about to be brand new. 163 00:05:23,136 --> 00:05:26,365 It's gonna go from 79 to 2010. 164 00:05:26,365 --> 00:05:28,913 Look at that! Oh my goodness! 165 00:05:28,913 --> 00:05:30,383 (customer) Are you shitting me? 166 00:05:30,383 --> 00:05:32,336 (salesman) There-- that's worth a bottle right there. 167 00:05:32,336 --> 00:05:33,365 (customer) Can you wipe that off the door down there? 168 00:05:33,365 --> 00:05:34,581 (salesman) Now don't panic; it's organic. 169 00:05:34,581 --> 00:05:36,201 Remember, I told you, it won't fade color. 170 00:05:36,201 --> 00:05:37,181 Remember, that's why we couldn't-- 171 00:05:37,181 --> 00:05:38,927 that's why we could sell it to Michael Jackson. 172 00:05:38,927 --> 00:05:42,489 Well, our product meet OSHA, USDA, EPA, and PETA. 173 00:05:42,489 --> 00:05:44,743 You know this is safe around dogs, unlike Michael Vick? 174 00:05:44,743 --> 00:05:47,106 And it's safe around kids, unlike Pee-wee Herman. 175 00:05:47,106 --> 00:05:48,834 High five! Oh yeah! 176 00:05:48,834 --> 00:05:51,711 Would you say this show alone worth me getting a commission off that one bottle? 177 00:05:51,711 --> 00:05:52,866 (customer) Hell yeah! 178 00:05:52,866 --> 00:05:54,550 (salesman) Well yeah, that's why you should do it from your heart. 179 00:05:54,550 --> 00:05:55,982 You think I could do standup comedy? 180 00:05:55,982 --> 00:05:56,743 Oh yeah! 181 00:05:56,743 --> 00:05:58,607 That's the only reason why I'm doing this. This is a stepping stone for me! 182 00:05:58,607 --> 00:06:00,698 Because I get a commission to pay for my acting school. 183 00:06:00,698 --> 00:06:01,743 That's why a lot of your neighbors-- 184 00:06:01,743 --> 00:06:02,681 Are you from around here? 185 00:06:02,681 --> 00:06:04,459 I'm from my mama. Don't tell my daddy he a faggot, but I-- 186 00:06:04,459 --> 00:06:06,906 we stay out here now, yeah. We stay on-- 187 00:06:06,906 --> 00:06:08,136 (customer 2) What's your name? 188 00:06:08,136 --> 00:06:09,482 Kenny Brooks. Watch, you gonna see me on TV. 189 00:06:09,482 --> 00:06:11,106 Make sure you tape that: Kenny Brooks! 190 00:06:11,106 --> 00:06:14,712 (customer) Well, 'cause, uh, 'cause I think, if you're around, 191 00:06:14,712 --> 00:06:17,866 'cause we play music and bands, and we have a-- 192 00:06:17,866 --> 00:06:20,941 it'd be perfect to have you come up and, you know, 193 00:06:20,941 --> 00:06:22,952 between bands, and say some shit. 194 00:06:22,952 --> 00:06:25,075 High five there! Why y'all so nice, man? 195 00:06:25,075 --> 00:06:26,743 Y'all cooler than the other side of the pillow! 196 00:06:26,743 --> 00:06:29,637 Dang, if I had y'all hands, I'd cut my hands off. 197 00:06:29,637 --> 00:06:31,743 'Cause your neighbors been workin' me like I'm black 198 00:06:31,743 --> 00:06:33,523 and payin' me like I'm Mexican; that's what I'm trying to get off, 199 00:06:33,523 --> 00:06:35,366 where I had one neighbor try to make me clean the toilet. 200 00:06:35,366 --> 00:06:37,989 (both laughing) I was like, "Dang." 201 00:06:37,989 --> 00:06:39,637 But that's what I said, just try one, 202 00:06:39,637 --> 00:06:41,698 'cause I know that ain't gonna take the cheese out y'all macaroni, 203 00:06:41,698 --> 00:06:44,274 and Mom, it ain't like you can't use it, though, 'cause you use it on everything. 204 00:06:44,274 --> 00:06:47,213 Only thing you can't use it on is dirty man, dirty soul, and nosy neighbors-- 205 00:06:47,213 --> 00:06:49,136 that's why we ain't calledl it "Jesus in a bottle." 206 00:06:49,136 --> 00:06:51,835 And there, you know them bugs that commit suicide on the front of your car? 207 00:06:51,835 --> 00:06:52,637 Yeah? 208 00:06:52,637 --> 00:06:54,415 They told me the bugs out here are as bad as the morning breath. 209 00:06:54,415 --> 00:06:56,304 Watch this right here-- 'cause see, it's unisex. 210 00:06:56,304 --> 00:06:56,959 But, but-- 211 00:06:56,959 --> 00:06:58,305 -It's made for-- -I have to leave, though. 212 00:06:58,305 --> 00:06:59,274 Okay, we'll just try one. 213 00:06:59,274 --> 00:07:01,211 You can do cash, check, or chicken wings, 'cause you're gettin' this right now. 214 00:07:01,211 --> 00:07:03,681 You don't even have to wait on it. We faster than UPS or FedEx. 215 00:07:03,681 --> 00:07:06,365 Most your neighbor just been doin' cash or makin' it out to the company. 216 00:07:06,365 --> 00:07:07,593 Could you get it right now? 217 00:07:07,593 --> 00:07:09,015 And I'm gonna get y'all a spray bottle 218 00:07:09,015 --> 00:07:11,233 just 'cause you ain't makin' me clean the toilet. 219 00:07:11,233 --> 00:07:12,197 (customer 2) Okay. 220 00:07:12,197 --> 00:07:12,982 God bless you!