0:00:00.961,0:00:02.861
(salesman) Actually I'm gonna[br]be quick like Nestle

0:00:02.861,0:00:04.052
and beat it like Michael Jackson.

0:00:04.052,0:00:05.952
That's why your neighbor[br]said I reminded him of Nicolas Cage,

0:00:05.952,0:00:08.817
'cause I'm gone in 60 seconds.[br]So watch this right here, Dad, look.

0:00:08.817,0:00:10.437
Who does this the[br]most on the window:

0:00:10.437,0:00:12.939
the kids, the dogs, or the ugly black guys[br]that eat fried chicken?

0:00:12.939,0:00:14.641
-Now you see these water spots? Look![br]-(customer) Yeah.

0:00:14.641,0:00:16.354
(salesman) They get whiter than[br]my elbows without lotion.

0:00:16.354,0:00:17.724
Watch this [indistinct]

0:00:17.724,0:00:19.636
'Cause Stevie Wonder[br]says "seein' is believin',"

0:00:19.636,0:00:22.661
and I got a disease called enthusiasm,[br]so I'm gonna cut straight to the mustard.

0:00:22.661,0:00:24.316
Watch this, though.[br]Don't laugh too hard,

0:00:24.316,0:00:26.421
'cause the neighbors gonna see this[br]black kid scrubbin' your window, okay?

0:00:26.421,0:00:27.137
(customer laughing)

0:00:27.137,0:00:29.607
But look, wax on, wax off, like Mr. Miyagi.[br]Remember the Karate Kid?

0:00:29.607,0:00:32.421
Now watch this-- the air dry, look,[br]it puts a coating on your window.

0:00:32.421,0:00:35.421
No water spots, no fingerprints,[br]no streaks.

0:00:35.421,0:00:39.044
That's why we can't sell it to criminals.[br]Don't tell O.J. or Tiger Woods, okay?

0:00:39.044,0:00:40.692
(customer laughing) High five there![br]They been lovin' this stuff!

0:00:40.692,0:00:44.592
Now there, y'all, you and Mom, y'all,[br]would agree -- oh my god!

0:00:44.592,0:00:49.074
You see this right here![br]Who did that?! Who did that?!

0:00:49.074,0:00:50.614
-(customer) I did.[br]-(salesman) Okay, watch this.

0:00:50.614,0:00:53.181
Now, my mom said if it's darker than me[br]and it don't pay the bills,

0:00:53.181,0:00:54.192
it shouldn't be there, right?

0:00:54.192,0:00:56.492
(customer laughing)[br]Salesman: God bless you, hahaha.

0:00:56.492,0:00:58.723
Now look, this right here--[br]we just upgraded like Beyonce.

0:00:58.723,0:01:00.345
This is our new surfactant.

0:01:00.345,0:01:02.228
Hold this and watch this,[br]'cause this should be the main reason

0:01:02.228,0:01:04.952
why you get the HBO special.[br]You know what "HBO" means?

0:01:04.952,0:01:05.668
(customer) No.

0:01:05.668,0:01:08.623
(salesman) You get to help a brother out.[br](both laughing)

0:01:08.623,0:01:10.015
Yeah, I've been on the roll[br]like toilet paper.

0:01:10.015,0:01:11.876
Half of your neighbors in the community--[br]they said they just gonna get it

0:01:11.876,0:01:13.544
'cause I'm funny,[br]'cause this stuff sells itself.

0:01:13.544,0:01:16.661
Look, you just go back and forth[br]like a argument.

0:01:16.661,0:01:19.544
Now I ain't Jesus, but look how[br]I split that like Moses did the Red Sea.

0:01:19.544,0:01:21.223
Paint me green and call me a pickle.

0:01:21.223,0:01:24.046
And look at this right here, look.[br]Goes good with chicken.

0:01:24.046,0:01:25.784
Don't drink it, though,[br]or it will give you the Hershey squirts.

0:01:25.784,0:01:28.544
But look, that one bottle will last you[br]longer than my last relationship.

0:01:28.544,0:01:29.753
Y'all got water, right?

0:01:29.753,0:01:30.983
(customer)(laughing) Yeah.

0:01:30.983,0:01:33.168
High five, you qualified to use it![br]Over here, mama.

0:01:33.168,0:01:35.122
Now, this is my last demo[br]and I'm out your hair

0:01:35.122,0:01:36.575
quicker than your favorite shampoo.

0:01:36.575,0:01:38.377
Y'all familiar with these[br]right here-- Sharpies?

0:01:38.377,0:01:39.452
(customer) Yeah.

0:01:39.452,0:01:41.691
Now, watch this-- even though I'm black,[br]it ain't black magic. It just work.

0:01:41.691,0:01:43.983
'Cause look, say you got this in the[br]clothes or the carpets or the laundry.

0:01:43.983,0:01:45.253
Would you agree that's hard to get out?

0:01:45.253,0:01:46.161
(customer) Probably.

0:01:46.161,0:01:48.346
(salesman) Would you throw it out,[br]Shout it out, get O.J. to stab it out,

0:01:48.346,0:01:49.366
Mike Tyson to bite it out--

0:01:49.366,0:01:50.242
-(customer 2) Throw it out.[br]-(salesman) --Kobe Bryant to--

0:01:50.242,0:01:53.397
-(salesman)(indistinct)[br]-(customer 2) Oh, okay, you weren't done.

0:01:53.397,0:01:55.161
(salesman) It was a[br]multiple choice funny joke.

0:01:55.161,0:01:56.804
'Cause you know you can't[br]throw bleach on colors, right?

0:01:56.804,0:01:57.667
(customer) Sure.

0:01:57.667,0:01:59.229
(salesman) Look at this.[br]This is safe on colors.

0:01:59.229,0:02:00.897
That's why we can't[br]sell it to Sammy Sosa.

0:02:00.897,0:02:02.697
(customer laughing)[br]But look, you just spray the spray, right?

0:02:02.697,0:02:07.199
Now, this right here takes out ink,[br]blood, coffee stains, grass stains,

0:02:07.199,0:02:09.667
Kool-Aid, lipstick, gum, blue candle wax.

0:02:09.667,0:02:11.544
Would you say that's whiter[br]than the Colgate smile?

0:02:11.544,0:02:13.211
(customer laughing)

0:02:13.211,0:02:15.013
Oh my goodness, you see that?

0:02:15.013,0:02:16.421
(customer) Can I use it on my teeth?

0:02:16.421,0:02:17.866
(salesman) It ain't Jesus in a bottle.

0:02:17.866,0:02:19.791
I use it on mine, they turn brown.[br]No, I'm just kidding.

0:02:19.791,0:02:22.074
But no, you just use it on--[br]for your house.

0:02:22.074,0:02:23.336
What's the hardest thing to clean?

0:02:23.336,0:02:26.075
Would it be carpet, the tile,[br]barbecue grills, the shower doors,

0:02:26.075,0:02:28.304
that oil and rust in the driveway[br]that's blacker than my mother

0:02:28.304,0:02:30.683
but not as beautiful,[br]or that calcium right there?

0:02:31.693,0:02:34.921
-(customer 2) Can I put this on YouTube?[br]-(salesman) Yes, ma'am.

0:02:34.921,0:02:37.365
-(customer 2) What are you selling?[br]-(salesman) Personality.

0:02:37.365,0:02:39.324
-(customer) Show them.[br]-(salesman) But this sells itself, though.

0:02:39.324,0:02:41.921
It's called Advantage to Wonder Cleaner,[br]best thing since cake and ice cream.

0:02:41.921,0:02:44.013
Now, unlike Madonna,[br]it's never been touched,

0:02:44.013,0:02:46.428
so when you put two caps in a bottle--[br](customer laughing)

0:02:46.428,0:02:47.641
Well, I just come--[br]most of your neighbors,

0:02:47.641,0:02:48.982
they just get it[br]'cause they like me.

0:02:48.982,0:02:50.304
Y'all familiar with Tony Robbins?[br](customers) Yeah.

0:02:50.304,0:02:51.574
(salesman) See,[br]I'm takin' his course

0:02:51.574,0:02:53.544
'cause this how Jamie Foxx[br]started off, door-to-door.

0:02:53.544,0:02:55.612
And he said two years[br]of door-to-door sellin'

0:02:55.612,0:02:58.105
is the equivalent of four years[br]of college communication,

0:02:58.105,0:02:59.365
how you interact with different people,

0:02:59.365,0:03:01.173
that's why half of the neighbors[br]don't buy it 'cause it work;

0:03:01.173,0:03:03.081
they just buy it 'cause[br]they like my tenacity,

0:03:03.081,0:03:04.952
'cause they said it ain't an easy task[br]goin' door to door.

0:03:04.952,0:03:06.273
(customer 2) How much is it?

0:03:06.273,0:03:08.421
I'm pretty sure Windex and bleach[br]ain't never knocked on ya'll door

0:03:08.421,0:03:11.396
and made you laugh while Mom went and[br]got the camcorder just to tape it, right?

0:03:11.396,0:03:13.774
High five, that's all I'm sayin'!

0:03:13.774,0:03:15.952
But what y'all do for a livin'?[br]Y'all must be in sales too!

0:03:15.952,0:03:17.427
Kind of. We--

0:03:17.427,0:03:19.273
I know, 'cause your house bigger[br]than my whole neighborhood!

0:03:19.273,0:03:22.104
Zig Ziglar say, "Every great salesperson[br]buy from a good one," right?

0:03:22.104,0:03:24.742
God bless you.[br]But that's why I said, just try the one.

0:03:24.742,0:03:26.575
You don't even gotta buy[br]the case today like Madeline.

0:03:26.575,0:03:28.227
My mom said if you can't[br]get the whole chicken,

0:03:28.227,0:03:30.712
at least get the wing, right?[br]Oatmeal be eatin' oatmeal.

0:03:30.712,0:03:33.336
But like I said, you only put two caps,[br]twenty ounces of water,

0:03:33.336,0:03:35.304
so that one bottle[br]make you 68 sprayers.

0:03:35.304,0:03:38.074
But you should just save my autograph[br]because by the time you run out,

0:03:38.074,0:03:39.711
you probably see me[br]on Last Comic Standing,

0:03:39.711,0:03:41.681
and then you go to eBay[br]and get your money back.

0:03:41.681,0:03:42.351
(customer laughing)

0:03:42.351,0:03:44.123
Well, 'cause even Jesus said[br]if you give a person a fish,

0:03:44.123,0:03:45.865
you could feed him for a day,[br]but if you teach him how to fish,

0:03:45.865,0:03:47.142
you could feed him[br]for a lifetime, right?

0:03:47.142,0:03:47.774
Sure.

0:03:47.774,0:03:50.243
God bless you, but if y'all had it,[br]what would you try it on first,

0:03:50.243,0:03:53.365
that right here, or the hard water spot,[br]or just-- just something fun?

0:03:53.365,0:03:56.731
Huh, what? I don't know.[br]How much is it?

0:03:56.731,0:03:58.914
Well, the one bottle[br]is just $36 a bottle,

0:03:58.914,0:04:01.212
and you get a spray bottle--[br]it makes you 68 bottles.

0:04:01.212,0:04:03.501
I just get 50% of that, because if[br]I don't sell nothin', I don't get nothin'.

0:04:03.501,0:04:04.624
That's why your neighbor, he said,

0:04:04.624,0:04:05.982
"I'm just gonna get it[br]'cause you're funny,"

0:04:05.982,0:04:08.952
'cause the one thing that your[br]neighbors didn't say-- look, right here.

0:04:08.952,0:04:11.214
You know, all of these cleaners--

0:04:11.214,0:04:13.050
this is another joke, though,[br]so tape this one.

0:04:13.050,0:04:14.712
But do you know all of these[br]cleaners right here y'all use?

0:04:14.712,0:04:15.426
Uh-huh.

0:04:15.426,0:04:18.004
They said this stuff is like a[br]pregnant lady on welfare-- it don't work!

0:04:18.004,0:04:18.743
Okay.

0:04:18.743,0:04:22.106
You get it? 'Cause you know there's[br]Clorox, Simple Green, 409,

0:04:22.106,0:04:24.865
Comet, Spic 'n Span, Pine Sol--[br]y'all probably use a lot of those, right?

0:04:24.865,0:04:25.575
Mm-hmm.

0:04:25.575,0:04:28.421
Now if you had a choice of grabbin' a solid dollar or a hundred pennies, what's easier?

0:04:28.421,0:04:29.737
-Dollar.[br]-High five there!

0:04:29.737,0:04:31.702
See, you sharper than a Gillette,[br]that's what I'm talking about!

0:04:31.702,0:04:32.483
(laughing)

0:04:32.483,0:04:33.941
Now, this should be really[br]the check test for y'all, though.

0:04:33.941,0:04:37.136
Now, Mom, you see our door handle?[br]That brass?

0:04:38.506,0:04:40.661
Oh my god. Pull the door. Watch this.

0:04:40.661,0:04:43.082
This should be the main reason why[br]y'all get the get-rid-of-me special.

0:04:43.082,0:04:43.988
(customer) Alright.

0:04:43.988,0:04:45.488
(customer 2) Can you sell it for $30?

0:04:45.488,0:04:47.550
I'll get fired right now,[br]but what you can do, Mom,

0:04:47.550,0:04:49.212
you can write this off[br]for fundraising, though.

0:04:49.212,0:04:50.482
That's what most your[br]neighbors been doing.

0:04:50.482,0:04:51.612
(customer 2) What? What? What?

0:04:51.612,0:04:52.804
-(salesman) You get the right--[br]-(customer 2) Was that a yes?

0:04:52.804,0:04:55.020
(chuckling) I like you, Mom.[br]You must be a teacher.

0:04:55.020,0:04:56.305
(customer 2) No.

0:04:56.305,0:04:58.234
'Cause you got a lot of class.[br](customer laughing)

0:04:58.234,0:05:01.075
But you see right here, though? For real?[br]No, you get to write it off, though.

0:05:01.075,0:05:03.014
That's why a lot of your neighbors[br]don't do it from they pocket;

0:05:03.014,0:05:05.483
they do it from they heart.[br]But I'll tell you what I can do.

0:05:05.483,0:05:07.482
If y'all get the one bottle,[br]I'm going to throw in a free

0:05:07.482,0:05:10.729
Mary Kay / Christian Dior / Calvin Klein /[br]Louis Vuitton spray bottle to go with it.

0:05:10.729,0:05:12.181
But this should be[br]the check test, though--

0:05:12.181,0:05:13.384
you see this brass right here?

0:05:13.384,0:05:14.873
Now I'm gonna be all--[br]when the last time

0:05:14.873,0:05:16.774
y'all seen this look shiny[br]like a baby heinie?

0:05:16.774,0:05:18.106
When y'all first bought the house?

0:05:18.106,0:05:19.731
God bless you.[br]Watch this right here.

0:05:19.731,0:05:21.743
(customer) It's so old.

0:05:21.743,0:05:23.136
(salesman) I know.[br]Now it's about to be brand new.

0:05:23.136,0:05:26.365
It's gonna go from 79 to 2010.

0:05:26.365,0:05:28.913
Look at that! Oh my goodness!

0:05:28.913,0:05:30.383
(customer) Are you shitting me?

0:05:30.383,0:05:32.336
(salesman) There--[br]that's worth a bottle right there.

0:05:32.336,0:05:33.365
(customer) Can you wipe that off[br]the door down there?

0:05:33.365,0:05:34.581
(salesman) Now don't panic; it's organic.

0:05:34.581,0:05:36.201
Remember, I told you,[br]it won't fade color.

0:05:36.201,0:05:37.181
Remember, that's why we couldn't--

0:05:37.181,0:05:38.927
that's why we could[br]sell it to Michael Jackson.

0:05:38.927,0:05:42.489
Well, our product meet[br]OSHA, USDA, EPA, and PETA.

0:05:42.489,0:05:44.743
You know this is safe around dogs,[br]unlike Michael Vick?

0:05:44.743,0:05:47.106
And it's safe around kids,[br]unlike Pee-wee Herman.

0:05:47.106,0:05:48.834
High five! Oh yeah!

0:05:48.834,0:05:51.711
Would you say this show alone worth me[br]getting a commission off that one bottle?

0:05:51.711,0:05:52.866
(customer) Hell yeah!

0:05:52.866,0:05:54.550
(salesman) Well yeah, that's why[br]you should do it from your heart.

0:05:54.550,0:05:55.982
You think I could do standup comedy?

0:05:55.982,0:05:56.743
Oh yeah!

0:05:56.743,0:05:58.607
That's the only reason why I'm doing this.[br]This is a stepping stone for me!

0:05:58.607,0:06:00.698
Because I get a commission[br]to pay for my acting school.

0:06:00.698,0:06:01.743
That's why a lot of your neighbors--

0:06:01.743,0:06:02.681
Are you from around here?

0:06:02.681,0:06:04.459
I'm from my mama.[br]Don't tell my daddy he a faggot, but I--

0:06:04.459,0:06:06.906
we stay out here now, yeah.[br]We stay on--

0:06:06.906,0:06:08.136
(customer 2) What's your name?

0:06:08.136,0:06:09.482
Kenny Brooks.[br]Watch, you gonna see me on TV.

0:06:09.482,0:06:11.106
Make sure you tape that:[br]Kenny Brooks!

0:06:11.106,0:06:14.712
(customer) Well, 'cause, uh,[br]'cause I think, if you're around,

0:06:14.712,0:06:17.866
'cause we play music and bands,[br]and we have a--

0:06:17.866,0:06:20.941
it'd be perfect to have you[br]come up and, you know,

0:06:20.941,0:06:22.952
between bands, and say some shit.

0:06:22.952,0:06:25.075
High five there![br]Why y'all so nice, man?

0:06:25.075,0:06:26.743
Y'all cooler than the[br]other side of the pillow!

0:06:26.743,0:06:29.637
Dang, if I had y'all hands,[br]I'd cut my hands off.

0:06:29.637,0:06:31.743
'Cause your neighbors been[br]workin' me like I'm black

0:06:31.743,0:06:33.523
and payin' me like I'm Mexican;[br]that's what I'm trying to get off,

0:06:33.523,0:06:35.366
where I had one neighbor try[br]to make me clean the toilet.

0:06:35.366,0:06:37.989
(both laughing)[br]I was like, "Dang."

0:06:37.989,0:06:39.637
But that's what I said, just try one,

0:06:39.637,0:06:41.698
'cause I know that ain't gonna[br]take the cheese out y'all macaroni,

0:06:41.698,0:06:44.274
and Mom, it ain't like you can't use it,[br]though, 'cause you use it on everything.

0:06:44.274,0:06:47.213
Only thing you can't use it on is[br]dirty man, dirty soul, and nosy neighbors--

0:06:47.213,0:06:49.136
that's why we ain't calledl it[br]"Jesus in a bottle."

0:06:49.136,0:06:51.835
And there, you know them bugs that[br]commit suicide on the front of your car?

0:06:51.835,0:06:52.637
Yeah?

0:06:52.637,0:06:54.415
They told me the bugs out here are[br]as bad as the morning breath.

0:06:54.415,0:06:56.304
Watch this right here--[br]'cause see, it's unisex.

0:06:56.304,0:06:56.959
But, but--

0:06:56.959,0:06:58.305
-It's made for--[br]-I have to leave, though.

0:06:58.305,0:06:59.274
Okay, we'll just try one.

0:06:59.274,0:07:01.211
You can do cash, check, or chicken wings,[br]'cause you're gettin' this right now.

0:07:01.211,0:07:03.681
You don't even have to wait on it.[br]We faster than UPS or FedEx.

0:07:03.681,0:07:06.365
Most your neighbor just been doin' cash[br]or makin' it out to the company.

0:07:06.365,0:07:07.593
Could you get it right now?

0:07:07.593,0:07:09.015
And I'm gonna get y'all[br]a spray bottle

0:07:09.015,0:07:11.233
just 'cause you ain't[br]makin' me clean the toilet.

0:07:11.233,0:07:12.197
(customer 2) Okay.

0:07:12.197,0:07:12.982
God bless you!