[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:01.06,0:00:05.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was April 8, 2003.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:05.86,0:00:10.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was in Baghdad,\Ncovering the war in Iraq.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:10.40,0:00:15.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That day, Americans tanks\Nstarted arriving in Baghdad.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.04,0:00:21.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We were just a few journalists\Nin the Palestine Hotel,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:23.44,0:00:25.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and, as happens in war,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:25.88,0:00:28.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the fighting began to approach\Noutside our windows.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:30.33,0:00:34.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Baghdad was covered\Nin black smoke and oil.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:34.96,0:00:36.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It smelled awful.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:36.14,0:00:38.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We couldn't see a thing,\Nbut we knew what was happening.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:38.85,0:00:41.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Of course, I was supposed\Nto be writing an article,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:41.37,0:00:42.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but that's how it always goes --
Dialogue: 0,0:00:42.93,0:00:45.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're supposed to be writing\Nand something big happens.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:45.59,0:00:48.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I was in my room on the 16th floor,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:48.34,0:00:51.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,writing and looking out the window\Nevery now and then
Dialogue: 0,0:00:51.24,0:00:53.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to see what was happening.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.05,0:00:55.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Suddenly, there was a huge explosion.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:55.55,0:00:57.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,During the previous three weeks,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:57.51,0:01:01.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there had been shelling\Nwith half-ton missiles,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.65,0:01:03.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but this time, the shock --
Dialogue: 0,0:01:04.73,0:01:07.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I felt it inside of me,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:07.25,0:01:09.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I thought, "It's very close.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:09.27,0:01:11.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's very, very close."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:11.30,0:01:13.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I went down to see what was happening.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.70,0:01:16.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I went down to the 15th floor
Dialogue: 0,0:01:17.67,0:01:19.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to take a look.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:19.04,0:01:22.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I saw people, journalists,\Nscreaming in the hallways.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:22.67,0:01:24.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I walked into a room
Dialogue: 0,0:01:24.92,0:01:29.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and realized that it had\Nbeen hit by a missile.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.17,0:01:32.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Someone had been wounded.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:33.30,0:01:35.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There was a man near the window,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:35.40,0:01:38.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a cameraman named Taras Protsyuk,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:40.24,0:01:42.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lying face-down.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:46.80,0:01:50.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Having worked in a hospital before,\NI wanted to help out.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:50.100,0:01:52.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I turned him over.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:52.52,0:01:54.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when I turned him over,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:56.33,0:01:59.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I noticed that he was open\Nfrom sternum to pubis,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:59.51,0:02:01.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I couldn't see anything,\Nnothing at all.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:02.47,0:02:09.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All I saw was a white, pearly,\Nshiny spot that blinded me,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:09.24,0:02:11.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I didn't understand what was going on.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:11.88,0:02:14.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Once the spot disappeared\Nand I could see his wound,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:14.56,0:02:16.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which was very serious,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:16.16,0:02:18.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my buddies and I put a sheet\Nunderneath him,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:18.28,0:02:22.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we carried him onto an elevator\Nthat stopped at each of the 15 floors.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:22.62,0:02:24.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We put him in a car\Nthat took him to the hospital.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:24.98,0:02:26.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He died on the way to the hospital.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:26.77,0:02:31.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The Spanish cameraman José Couso,\Nwho was on the 14th floor and also hit --
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.78,0:02:35.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because the shell had exploded\Nbetween the two floors --
Dialogue: 0,0:02:35.12,0:02:37.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,died on the operating table.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.08,0:02:39.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As soon as the car left, I went back.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:39.50,0:02:41.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There was that article\NI was supposed to write --
Dialogue: 0,0:02:41.86,0:02:43.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which I had to write.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:44.12,0:02:45.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so --
Dialogue: 0,0:02:45.87,0:02:52.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I returned to the hotel lobby\Nwith my arms covered in blood,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:52.79,0:02:55.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when one of the hotel gofers stopped me
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.36,0:02:59.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and asked me to pay the tax\NI hadn't paid for 10 days.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:59.23,0:03:01.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I told him to get lost.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:01.06,0:03:05.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I said to myself:\N"Clear your head, put it all aside.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:07.10,0:03:09.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you want to write,\Nyou need to put it all aside."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:09.57,0:03:10.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that's what I did.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:10.81,0:03:13.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I went upstairs, wrote\Nmy article and sent it off.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:15.08,0:03:18.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Later, aside from the feeling\Nof having lost my colleagues,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:19.90,0:03:22.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,something else was bothering me.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:22.44,0:03:26.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I kept seeing that shiny, pearly spot,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:28.74,0:03:31.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I couldn't understand what it meant.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:31.73,0:03:34.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then, the war was over.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:36.57,0:03:42.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Later, I thought: "That's not possible.\NI can't just not know what happened."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:42.69,0:03:46.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because it wasn't the first time,\Nand it didn't only happen to me.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:46.18,0:03:50.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have seen things like that\Nhappen to others
Dialogue: 0,0:03:50.11,0:03:52.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in my 20 to 35 years of reporting.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:52.80,0:03:56.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have seen things\Nthat had an effect on me too.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:56.11,0:03:59.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For example, there was this man\NI knew in Lebanon,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:59.18,0:04:02.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a 25-year-old veteran\Nwho had been fighting for five years --
Dialogue: 0,0:04:02.11,0:04:04.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a real veteran -- who we would\Nfollow everywhere.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:04.47,0:04:07.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He would crawl in the dark\Nwith confidence --
Dialogue: 0,0:04:08.73,0:04:11.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he was a great soldier, a true soldier --
Dialogue: 0,0:04:11.17,0:04:14.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so we would follow him,\Nknowing that we would be safe with him.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:14.55,0:04:16.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And one day, as I was told --
Dialogue: 0,0:04:16.88,0:04:18.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I've seen him again since --
Dialogue: 0,0:04:18.50,0:04:20.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he was back in the camp, playing cards,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:20.86,0:04:22.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when someone came in next door,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:24.16,0:04:26.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and discharged their weapon.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:26.32,0:04:27.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As the gun went off,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:27.85,0:04:33.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that blast, that one shot,\Nmade him duck quickly under the table,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:34.20,0:04:35.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like a child.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:35.44,0:04:37.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He was shaking, panicking.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:37.36,0:04:42.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And since then, he has never\Nbeen able to get up and fight.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:42.19,0:04:44.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He ended up working as a croupier
Dialogue: 0,0:04:44.90,0:04:47.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in a Beirut casino\Nwhere I later found him,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:47.05,0:04:49.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because he couldn't sleep,\Nso it was quite a suitable job.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:50.38,0:04:52.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I thought to myself,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:52.96,0:04:55.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"What is this thing that can kill you
Dialogue: 0,0:04:56.04,0:05:00.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,without leaving\Nany visible scars?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:00.97,0:05:02.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How does that happen?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:04.04,0:05:06.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What is this unknown thing?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:07.21,0:05:11.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was too common to be coincidental.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:11.60,0:05:13.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I started to investigate --
Dialogue: 0,0:05:13.28,0:05:15.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that's all I know how to do.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:15.30,0:05:17.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I started to investigate
Dialogue: 0,0:05:17.16,0:05:19.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by looking through books,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:20.84,0:05:23.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,reaching out to psychiatrists,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:23.20,0:05:25.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,going to museums, libraries, etc.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:26.22,0:05:30.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Finally, I discovered\Nthat some people knew about this --
Dialogue: 0,0:05:30.95,0:05:32.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,often military psychiatrists --
Dialogue: 0,0:05:32.90,0:05:37.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that what we were dealing with\Nwas called trauma.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:37.82,0:05:42.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Americans call it PTSD\Nor traumatic neurosis.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:42.67,0:05:44.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was something
Dialogue: 0,0:05:46.26,0:05:47.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that existed,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:48.21,0:05:50.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but that we never spoke about.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:52.21,0:05:53.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, this trauma --
Dialogue: 0,0:05:54.45,0:05:55.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what is it?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:55.63,0:05:58.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, it's an encounter with death.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:59.13,0:06:01.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't know if you've ever had\Nan experience with death --
Dialogue: 0,0:06:01.95,0:06:03.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm not talking about dead bodies,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:03.86,0:06:07.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or someone's grandfather\Nlying in a hospital bed,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:07.48,0:06:11.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or someone who got hit by a car.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:12.13,0:06:16.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm talking about facing\Nthe void of death.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:17.69,0:06:23.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that is something\Nno one is supposed to see.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:23.88,0:06:25.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,People used to say,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:25.75,0:06:29.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Neither the sun, nor death\Ncan be looked at with a steady eye."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.75,0:06:33.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A human being should not\Nhave to face the void of death.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:34.01,0:06:35.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But when that happens,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:37.80,0:06:41.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it can remain invisible for a while --
Dialogue: 0,0:06:41.57,0:06:44.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,days, weeks, months, sometimes years.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:44.36,0:06:46.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then, at some point,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:47.59,0:06:48.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it explodes,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:48.90,0:06:52.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because it's something\Nthat has entered your brain --
Dialogue: 0,0:06:52.66,0:06:57.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a sort of window between an image\Nand your mind --
Dialogue: 0,0:06:57.34,0:06:59.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that has penetrated your brain,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:59.69,0:07:04.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,staying there and taking up\Nall the space inside.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:05.54,0:07:08.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And there are people --\Nmen, women,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:08.86,0:07:11.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who suddenly no longer sleep.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:12.38,0:07:14.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And they experience\Nhorrible anxiety attacks --
Dialogue: 0,0:07:14.74,0:07:17.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,panic attacks, not just minor fears.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:17.80,0:07:20.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They suddenly don't want to sleep,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:20.13,0:07:24.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because when they do, they have\Nthe same nightmare every night.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:24.69,0:07:26.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They see the same image every night.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:26.63,0:07:28.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What type of image?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:28.28,0:07:31.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For example, a soldier\Nwho enters a building
Dialogue: 0,0:07:31.11,0:07:33.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and comes face to face\Nwith another soldier aiming at him.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:33.97,0:07:36.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He looks at the gun,\Nstraight down the barrel.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:36.55,0:07:40.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And this barrel suddenly\Nbecomes enormous, deformed.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:40.16,0:07:42.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It becomes fluffy, swallowing everything.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:42.94,0:07:44.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he says --
Dialogue: 0,0:07:46.38,0:07:48.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,later he will say, "I saw death.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:48.74,0:07:51.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I saw myself dead, therefore I'm dead."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:51.27,0:07:55.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And from then on, he knows he is dead.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:55.15,0:08:00.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is not a perception --\Nhe is convinced that he is dead.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:00.06,0:08:03.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In reality, someone came in,\Nthe guy left or didn't shoot, whatever,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:03.61,0:08:05.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he didn't actually get shot --
Dialogue: 0,0:08:05.28,0:08:06.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but to him, he died in that moment.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:07.02,0:08:09.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or it can be the smell\Nof a mass grave --
Dialogue: 0,0:08:09.15,0:08:10.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I saw a lot of that in Rwanda.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:11.51,0:08:14.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It can be the voice of a friend calling,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:15.11,0:08:18.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they're being slaughtered\Nand there's nothing you can do.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:18.90,0:08:20.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You hear that voice,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:20.13,0:08:25.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you wake up every night --\Nfor weeks, months --
Dialogue: 0,0:08:25.66,0:08:28.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in a trance-like state,\Nanxious and terrified,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:28.44,0:08:29.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like a child.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:29.82,0:08:31.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have seen men cry --
Dialogue: 0,0:08:32.65,0:08:34.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just like children --
Dialogue: 0,0:08:34.44,0:08:36.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from seeing the same image.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:36.16,0:08:40.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So having that image\Nof horror in your brain,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:42.66,0:08:44.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,seeing the void of death --
Dialogue: 0,0:08:44.52,0:08:48.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,also called a "nanologo,"\Nan image that is hiding something --
Dialogue: 0,0:08:48.25,0:08:49.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,will completely take over.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:49.53,0:08:51.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You cannot do anything, anything at all.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:51.86,0:08:53.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You cannot work anymore,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:53.18,0:08:54.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you cannot love anymore.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:54.48,0:08:56.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You go home and don't recognize anyone.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:56.44,0:08:58.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You don't even recognize yourself.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:01.18,0:09:04.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You hide and don't leave the house,\Nyou lock yourself in, you become ill.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:04.73,0:09:09.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know people who placed small cans\Noutside their house with coins inside,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:09.17,0:09:11.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in case someone tried to get in.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:11.06,0:09:13.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All of a sudden, you feel\Nlike you want to die or kill
Dialogue: 0,0:09:13.95,0:09:15.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or hide or run away.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:15.52,0:09:17.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You want to be loved,\Nbut you hate everyone.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:17.70,0:09:21.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a feeling that seizes you entirely
Dialogue: 0,0:09:22.64,0:09:24.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,day in and day out,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:24.40,0:09:28.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you suffer tremendously.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:29.35,0:09:30.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And no one understands.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:30.85,0:09:34.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They say, "There's nothing wrong with you.\NYou seem fine, you have no injuries.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:34.64,0:09:37.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You went to war, came back; you're fine."
Dialogue: 0,0:09:38.23,0:09:40.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,These people suffer tremendously.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:40.14,0:09:41.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Some commit suicide.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:42.04,0:09:44.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,After all, suicide is like updating\Nyour daily planner --
Dialogue: 0,0:09:44.77,0:09:47.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm already dead,\NI might as well commit suicide.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:47.11,0:09:49.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Plus, there is no more pain.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:49.07,0:09:53.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Some commit suicide,\Nothers end up under the bridge, drinking.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:53.12,0:09:57.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Everyone remembers\Nthat grandfather or uncle or neighbor
Dialogue: 0,0:09:57.52,0:09:59.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who used to drink, never said a word,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:59.51,0:10:01.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,always in a bad mood, beat his wife
Dialogue: 0,0:10:01.30,0:10:05.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and who would end up either sinking\Ninto alcoholism or dying.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:05.46,0:10:08.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And why do we not talk about this?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:08.26,0:10:11.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We don't talk about it because it's taboo.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:12.16,0:10:15.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's not like we don't have the words\Nto express the void of death.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:15.95,0:10:17.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But others don't want hear it.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:17.74,0:10:19.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The first time I returned\Nfrom an assignment,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:19.88,0:10:21.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They said, "Oh! He's back."
Dialogue: 0,0:10:21.43,0:10:24.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There was a fancy dinner --\Nwhite tablecloth, candles, guests.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:24.55,0:10:25.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Tell us everything!"
Dialogue: 0,0:10:25.76,0:10:27.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Which I did.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:28.08,0:10:30.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,After 20 minutes, people\Nwere giving me dirty looks,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:30.58,0:10:32.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the hostess had her nose in the ashtray.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:32.61,0:10:35.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was horrible and I realized\NI ruined the whole evening.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:35.61,0:10:37.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I don't talk about it anymore.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:37.54,0:10:39.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We're just not ready to listen.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:39.10,0:10:40.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,People say outright: "Please, stop."
Dialogue: 0,0:10:40.86,0:10:42.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Is that a rare occurrence?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:42.98,0:10:45.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No, it's extremely common.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:45.40,0:10:47.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One third of the soldiers\Nwho died in Iraq --
Dialogue: 0,0:10:47.58,0:10:50.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,well, not "died," let me re-phrase that --
Dialogue: 0,0:10:50.13,0:10:53.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,one third of the US soldiers\Nwho went to Iraq
Dialogue: 0,0:10:53.29,0:10:54.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,suffer from PTSD.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:54.95,0:11:00.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In 1939, there were still 200,000 soldiers\Nfrom the First World War
Dialogue: 0,0:11:00.90,0:11:04.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that were being treated\Nin British psychiatric hospitals.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:05.07,0:11:07.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In Vietnam, 54,000 people died --
Dialogue: 0,0:11:07.52,0:11:08.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Americans.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:08.89,0:11:13.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In 1987, the US government\Nidentified 102,000 --
Dialogue: 0,0:11:13.09,0:11:14.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,twice as many --
Dialogue: 0,0:11:14.33,0:11:16.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,102,000 veterans who died\Nfrom committing suicide.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:16.97,0:11:19.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Twice as many deaths by suicide\Nthan by combat in Vietnam.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:19.81,0:11:22.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So you see, this relates to everything,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:22.100,0:11:25.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not just modern warfare,\Nbut also ancient wars --
Dialogue: 0,0:11:25.36,0:11:28.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you can read about it,\Nthe evidence is there.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:28.38,0:11:30.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So why do we not talk about it?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:30.65,0:11:33.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why have we not talked about it?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:33.12,0:11:37.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The problem is that\Nif you don't talk about it,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:38.64,0:11:40.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're heading for disaster.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:41.53,0:11:44.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The only way to heal --
Dialogue: 0,0:11:44.37,0:11:47.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the good news here\Nis that this is treatable --
Dialogue: 0,0:11:48.83,0:11:50.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,think Munch's The Scream, Goya, etc. --
Dialogue: 0,0:11:50.92,0:11:52.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's indeed treatable.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:52.23,0:11:56.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The only way to heal from this trauma,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:56.82,0:12:01.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from this encounter with death\Nthat overwhelms, petrifies and kills you
Dialogue: 0,0:12:01.90,0:12:05.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is to find a way to express it.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:06.54,0:12:08.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,People used to say,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:08.30,0:12:11.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Language is the only thing\Nthat holds all of us together."
Dialogue: 0,0:12:11.89,0:12:14.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Without language, we're nothing.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:14.26,0:12:16.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's the thing that makes us human.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:16.90,0:12:18.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In the face of such a horrible image --
Dialogue: 0,0:12:18.90,0:12:24.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a wordless image of oblivion\Nthat obsesses us --
Dialogue: 0,0:12:24.45,0:12:26.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the only way to cope with it
Dialogue: 0,0:12:28.11,0:12:30.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is to put human words to it.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:30.23,0:12:32.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because these people\Nfeel excluded from humanity.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:32.68,0:12:35.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No one wants to see them anymore\Nand they don't want to see anyone.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:35.91,0:12:38.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They feel dirty, defiled, ashamed.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:38.36,0:12:41.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Someone said, "Doctor,\NI don't use the subway anymore
Dialogue: 0,0:12:41.63,0:12:44.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I'm afraid people\Nwill see the horror in my eyes."
Dialogue: 0,0:12:44.86,0:12:47.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Another guy thought he had\Na terrible skin disease
Dialogue: 0,0:12:47.76,0:12:51.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and spent six months with dermatologists,\Ngoing from doctor to doctor.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:51.62,0:12:54.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then one day, they sent him\Nto a psychiatrist.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:54.18,0:12:56.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,During his second session,\Nhe told the psychiatrist
Dialogue: 0,0:12:56.61,0:12:58.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he had a terrible skin disease\Nfrom head to toe.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:58.96,0:13:01.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The psychiatrist asked,\N"Why are you in this state?"
Dialogue: 0,0:13:01.90,0:13:05.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the man said, "Well, because\NI'm dead, so I must be rotting away."
Dialogue: 0,0:13:05.26,0:13:09.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So you see this is something\Nthat has a profound effect on people.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:09.69,0:13:12.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In order to heal,\Nwe need to talk about it.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:12.12,0:13:16.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The horror needs to be put into words --
Dialogue: 0,0:13:16.09,0:13:20.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,human words, so we can organize it\Nand talk about it again.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:20.30,0:13:24.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have to look death in the face.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:25.06,0:13:30.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And if we can do that,\Nif we can talk about these things,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:30.18,0:13:33.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then step by step,\Nby working it out verbally,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:33.63,0:13:36.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we can reclaim our place in humanity.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:37.55,0:13:38.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it is important.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:38.84,0:13:40.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Silence kills us.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:41.79,0:13:43.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So what does this mean?
Dialogue: 0,0:13:43.24,0:13:45.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It means that after a trauma,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:45.28,0:13:48.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,without question, we lose\Nour "unbearable lightness of being,"
Dialogue: 0,0:13:48.93,0:13:51.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that sense of immortality\Nthat keeps us here --
Dialogue: 0,0:13:51.71,0:13:55.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,meaning, if we're here, we almost feel\Nlike we're immortal, which we're not,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:55.65,0:13:58.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but if we didn't believe that,\Nwe'd say, "What's the point of it all?"
Dialogue: 0,0:13:59.02,0:14:01.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But trauma survivors have lost\Nthat feeling of immortality.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:01.83,0:14:03.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They've lost their lightness.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:03.25,0:14:04.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But they have found something else.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:05.01,0:14:08.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So this means that if we manage\Nto look death in the face,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:09.55,0:14:14.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and actually confront it,\Nrather than keep quiet and hide,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:14.47,0:14:16.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like some of the men or women I know did,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:16.98,0:14:23.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,such as Michael from Rwanda,\NCarole from Iraq, Philippe from the Congo
Dialogue: 0,0:14:23.65,0:14:24.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and other people I know,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:24.90,0:14:27.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like Sorj Chalandon, now a great writer,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:27.02,0:14:29.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who gave up field assignments\Nafter a trauma.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:29.34,0:14:31.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Five friends of mine committed suicide,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:31.58,0:14:34.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they're the ones\Nwho did not survive the trauma.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:34.18,0:14:39.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So if we can look death in the face,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:39.75,0:14:42.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if we, mortal humans, human mortals,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:42.55,0:14:45.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,understand that we are human\Nand mortal, mortal and human,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:45.42,0:14:51.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if we can confront death\Nand identify it once again
Dialogue: 0,0:14:51.69,0:14:54.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as the most mysterious place\Nof all mysterious places,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:55.57,0:14:58.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,since no one has ever seen it --
Dialogue: 0,0:14:58.15,0:15:00.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if we can give it back this meaning,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:00.84,0:15:03.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,yes, we may die,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:05.69,0:15:07.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,survive
Dialogue: 0,0:15:08.01,0:15:09.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and come back to life,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:09.46,0:15:12.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but we'll come back stronger than before.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:12.58,0:15:13.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Much stronger.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:13.91,0:15:15.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:15.09,0:15:16.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)