WEBVTT

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The only thing

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that anyone can talk
about right now

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is journalist
Michael Wolff's new book,

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which claims to expose the true
nature of Trump's White House.

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And it sounds like

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The Real Housewives
of Pennsylvania Avenue.

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MAN:
News stories about chaos

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in the first year
of the Trump presidency.

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WOMAN: Trump's staffers,
allies and family

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"came to believe
he was incapable of functioning

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in his job."

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MAN:
Wolff writes that aides said

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that Mr. Trump didn't read,
was no more semiliterate.

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Rupert Murdoch is, uh, is quoted
calling him an idiot.

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WOMAN: Treasury Secretary
Steve Mnuchin

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and former chief of staff
Reince Priebus

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believe Trump to be an idiot.

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Gary Cohn regards Trump
as dumb as, curse word.

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And the president's top
national security advisor,

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H.R. McMaster considers him
a dope.

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Wow! Trump's own people think
that he's dumb as a watermelon.

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I guess the country isn't
as divided as it seems.

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(laughter)

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Now look, if we're being honest,
this isn't news.

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Everyone already knew

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that Trump isn't the fattest
fidget spinner out there.

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All right? What has been fun

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is discovering little details
that help us understand

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President Trump
a little bit more.

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For instance,
why he eats so much McDonald's.

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WOMAN: Trump had a longtime fear
of being poisoned.

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That's one reason
he ate so much McDonald's.

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The food was pre-made, and no
one knew he was coming.

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(laughter)

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So let me get... Wait.
Let me get this straight.

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Let me get this straight.

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Trump only trusts food
if the people who made it

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-had no idea it was for him?
-(laughter)

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That's why he goes
to McDonald's.

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Now I can't help but picturing

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some random person
at McDonald's,

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and just before
they bite their burger,

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the president bursts out of the
ball pit and grabs their food.

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Just like, "Surprise!

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"Yum! Yum! Yum! Yum!
Yum! Yum! Yum! Yum! Yum!

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By the way, somebody-- not me--
went potty in the ball pit."

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(laughter)

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Seriously,
half this book seems to be

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about Trump
and his love of fast food.

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Wolff writes when "he was not
having his 6:30 dinner

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"with Steve Bannon, then,
more to his liking,

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"he was in bed by that time
with a cheeseburger,

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watching his three screens
and making phone calls."

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-At 6:30?!
-(laughter)

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Like, you almost skip over it

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because of the cheeseburger
and the three screens.

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But he's in bed by 6:30?

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I mean, it makes sense in a way.

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You need to get your 11 hours in

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before your 5:00 a.m.
rage tweets, but still.

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Like, I wonder if sometimes
Trump falls asleep

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before he eats the cheeseburger,
and then he gets

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to wake up in the morning
with it on his chest,

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and he's just like,
"Oh, boy! You waited for me!

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Yum! Yum! Yum! Yum! Yum!
Yum! Yum! Yum! Yum! Yum!"

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Now, this book has tons
of stories,

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ranging from mildly amusing
to salacious,

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but the most tragic story
has to be this.

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WOMAN: Almost everyone
on the Trump campaign thought

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Mr. Trump would not only
not be president.

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They thought
he should not be president.

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Even the president himself,
Wolff says,

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didn't think he would win.

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NEWSMAN: On election night,
Wolff quotes Donald Trump Jr.

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as telling a friend
that his father...

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-(laughter)
-Wow.

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It's so crazy to think
that both campaigns

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-were crying on election night.
-(laughter)

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Like, Trump not actually wanting
to win the election

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would explain so much about the
kind of president that he is.

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And I will say this,
I will say this,

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if you believe
that he didn't want to win,

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then it's hard to believe that
he colluded with the Russians.

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Right? If anything, instead of
trying to shut this book down,

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Trump should be sending a copy
to Robert Mueller,

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to be like, "You see?
It exonerates me."

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Uh, the part where it says
you're an idiot?

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"No, no. Go on further.
Come on. Further."

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Now, obviously, obviously,

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the White House is not pleased
about this book.

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I mean, they aren't pleased
with books in general,

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but this one...
this one is extra...

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(like Trump):
not nice.

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NEWSMAN: White House
press secretary, Sarah Sanders,

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dismissed the book
as trashy tabloid fiction,

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and described the president's
reaction like this.

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I think, um, furious, disgusted
would probably certainly fit

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when you make
such outrageous claims.

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It's completely,
uh, tabloid gossip,

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full of, uh,
false and fraudulent claims.

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Yeah, you know what's funny
is that description

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would have been perfect
for Trump's voter fraud claims.

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And look,
as entertaining as it is,

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I don't know how much
of this book is accurate

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and how much is exaggerated,
but in a way,

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that's what makes it a perfect
scandal for this White House.

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Bizarre, unverified,
fraudulent claims.

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This is the world
that Donald Trump promotes.

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Millions of illegal votes.

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Barack Obama born in Kenya.

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Ted Cruz's dad killed JFK.

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Suggesting Joe Scarborough
killed an intern.

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Someone who tweeted,
"Check out sex tape,"

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can't complain
about tabloid gossip.

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The truth is, Mr. President,
you made your bed.

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Now eat your cheeseburger in it.