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[This talk contains mature content
Viewer discretion is advised]

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Tiffany Kagure Mugo: OK.

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So we've signed up,
there's no turning back now.

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(Laughter)

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Siphumeze Khundayi: Hi, guys.
TKM: Hello, everyone.

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TKM: So, you think you know about sex.

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Chances are you don't,

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and we are here to tell you
that you don't.

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SK: We are here to tell you
that no matter where you come from,

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Abuja to Alabama,
Dubai to downtown London,

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sex has and continues to change.

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And we need to understand this

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if we're going to keep things
safe and spicy.

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TKM: So now, the act
of rubbing our naked bodies together

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has undergone a number of changes.

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And those changes have been
affected by eons of ideas.

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Even you, as an adult,
have some internalized ideas about sex

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that you never challenge.

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Some good, some bad
and some very, very strange.

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(Laughter)

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SK: So when you allow someone
to see you butt naked,

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do you ever think about
how the ideas that you internally have

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will affect whether you will like them
tickling your elbow or kissing your thigh

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or shouting out the name of a chose deity?

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One must do internal
monitoring and evaluation

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if we are going to live
our best sexy lives.

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TKM: And we're going to tell you
how to have a great sex life, right?

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But the first thing you need to do

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is let go of the bad ideas
you have about sex.

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SK: Think about the things
that we need to change.

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TKM: And the things we need to embrace
in all of their shiny newness.

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So, we're going to take you
on a journey of sex:

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the bad parts of sex,
historically great sexual practices

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and the future of sex.

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SK: Now, judging by the cool
seven billion people on this planet,

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human beings have been doing
the sex thing for a long time.

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And in vast quantities.

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But this does not mean
we are actually good at it.

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From the top of my head -- rape culture.

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TKM: How tradition and culture
limit ideas of pleasure.

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SK: Or even the idea that the nipple

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deserves the same treatment
that a DJ gives his deck

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when he's trying to turn up the volume.

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TKM: Like, that is a personal
pet peeve of mine.

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SK: We are so scared of sex.

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TKM: And we need somebody
to blame for our fear.

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Enter women, and our fear
of every part of their anatomy,

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unless we are the ones
using their sexiness.

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SK: Think about it.

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You can quite easily go to someone
and say, "My elbow hurts."

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But try going to someone and saying,

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"Excuse me, my vagina
has a strange buzzing feeling,

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do you know where I can find
the buzzing-vagina ointment?"

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And see how well that goes down.

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(Laughter)

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TKM: Does not go down well.

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I once challenged friends
to simply go into supermarkets

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and say to strangers, "Thighs."

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No one did it,

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despite the fact that they could have been
talking about chicken or turkey.

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(Laughter)

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SK: So a number of cultural
and historical notions

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have burrowed so deeply within us,

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we don't even notice that it's strange
to freak out when somebody says "nipple"

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as opposed to "left knee."

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We refuse to engage with sex properly.

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And the first step
is admitting that it exists

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outside of trying to sell us products
like bottled water or coffee.

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The unrealistic depictions in movies

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or that one thing that you saw
on the internet "by mistake."

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TKM: Mhm.

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So, now in order to cure
this ailment, again,

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let us just first admit that we have
some messed-up ideas of sex.

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SK: And breathe in --

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(Inhales)

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And let it all go.

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Now, it all seems pretty morbid --

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that culture and society have failed us
in our quest for coitus.

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But this is not the case.

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There are things
that the past can teach us

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to help us upgrade the present.

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TKM: So now, if I had a glass of Merlot --
which I really wish I did --

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I would pour the ancestors a drink,

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because there are ways
in which African societies

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huddled this sex thing
before the C that shall not be named --

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SK: (Whispering) Colonization.

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TKM: Came through.

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Within African societies, we had spaces,
both social and spiritual,

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that helped institutionalize
healthy sexual practices.

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We had sexuality schools
that taught social and erotic cues.

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We had spaces where teenagers
could engage, understand

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and like, properly know
how to handle sexual urges,

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and places where adults could handle
the stresses and strifes of adulting.

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SK: Ways that didn't include
you hiding your credit card bill

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or deleting that toll-free number
from your phone.

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These spaces of old
were so important for women.

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TKM: There were African sexual practices
that centered women

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and in particular, their pleasure.

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SK: And we're going to talk
about one in particular

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that's named "osunality."

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TKM: Also known as the African erotic.

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Yes, my people,
welcome to the Thunderdome.

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The erotic takes on
different shapes and forms

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as you travel the globe.

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Now let's take a bow to the "Kama Sutra,"

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the world's first book on the pleasures
of sensual living.

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More than just a mere depiction
of contortionist sexual positions,

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it provided a comprehensive guide
on living a good life.

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What is particularly interesting for us

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is that it focused on women
and creating pleasure for women.

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TKM: Mhm. Shout-out to the "Kama Sutra,"
but back to the African erotic.

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SK: OK, my bad, bringing it back.

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So, Nkiru Nzegwu says that Osun,
who is an orisha of the Yoruba people,

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typically associated with water,

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purity, fertility, love
and, most importantly, sensuality,

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represents a female-centered
life-transforming energy

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that courses through and animates life.

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She says that women
who typify the osun force

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brandish their sexuality quite openly
and unselfconsciously.

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And she goes on to say ...

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TKM: There you go,
you got that line this time.

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"The flow need not result
in conception and birth

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but doesn't tell the principle of pleasure
at the heart of copulation.

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This pleasure principle
at the heart of the creative energy

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is metaphorically known as 'osun honey'."

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Sorry, I did not want to misquote that.

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So now, osun honey and osunality

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re-affirm the normality
of sexual pleasure and the erotic.

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Osun, like other female
deities of fertility across Africa,

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made sure and emphasized
the importance of female sexuality

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without negating male sexuality.

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We had the Tonga, the Bemba, the Sande

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and other similar
sexuality schools of thought

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that taught young women
about the power of this inner force.

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TKM: So within the African continent,

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there's a great deal of talk
about the synergic nature of sex

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and how it comes together
as a social good.

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For example, within Rwanda,

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there is the notion
that the rivers are replenished

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by the act of a woman squirting.

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(Laughter)

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SK: But modern-day ideas of sex
have become some sort of battle

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in which we are all trying
to subvert each other.

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TKM: We are pounding the pussy,
using sex as a weapon,

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playing hard to get, conquering --

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a constant power struggle.

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SK: And there is always a loser
when it comes to this war.

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TKM: So now the ability to openly brandish
and explore your sexuality and your sex

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without it being a threat to others

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is at the core of engaging
with healthy sexual practices.

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SK: Now this is where it begins
to get really, really good.

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TKM: So what does it mean

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to reconceptualize sex away from this idea
of the monster hiding in the night?

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What is the potential for doing greatness

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on the kitchen counter, a secluded beach,
the backseat of a car

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or even simply in between the sheets?

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Now in learning from the past
and sliding into the present,

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a radical theory of sex

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must identify, it must describe,
explain and denounce

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sexual oppression and erotic injustice.

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TKM: And sex positivity
is one of the realms

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in which the new
can be unpacked and explored.

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SK: We're asking you
to call upon the osun honey

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to engage with new ideas
of sex and pleasure

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so that we can start
to build a new identity

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that feels more like a fitted dress

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and less like a wooden coffin
slowly choking the life out of us.

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Now there are a lot of people
charting their own sexual paths.

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But, because as HOLAAfrica --

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SK: We do sex and sexuality online --

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TKM: We would be foolhardy
not to mention the digital realm.

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There are women who are online,
creating incredible conversations,

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chatting about the clitoris,

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chatting about the reverse cowgirl
and also cunnilingus.

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SK: I like the word "cunnilingus."

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TKM: I bet you do.
But that's not the point.

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Anyway, these women
are resurrecting the work of ancestors

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to have some incredible conversations

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that have been previously
buried and sealed.

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SK: They are asking the questions
that we are so afraid to ask,

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so that we don't end up
in sticky situations.

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TKM: That's true.

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And another space that we've been seeing
the charting of a new sexual path

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is by queer women
and their engagement in kink.

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SK: Now, think "Fifty Shades of Grey"

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without the creepy rich guy
who does not understand consent.

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(Laughter)

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TKM: So one fascinating subset of kink
is actually rope play.

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SK: Shibari, also known as Kinbaku,
is the Japanese art of rope play.

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Originally used as a means
of restraining captives,

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it became sexualized
and spreading across the globe

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as a kinky form of restraint
with a respected and erotic aesthetic.

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TKM: And it landed on our shores.

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Who would have thought that African
queer women would be kinksters?

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Coming from a history of sexual violence,
slavery and a lack of bodily autonomy.

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Is it not too soon, you ask.

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SK: No, it's not,

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and these women have taught us
that despite the dark history

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that covers the body of women
from our beautiful continent,

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these women are actively
and beautifully constructing

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what sex and pleasure means to them.

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TKM: This is not to say that everyone
now needs to rush out and engage in kink.

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But if these queer women
can come out of a history

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of, again, sexual violence,
slavery, colonization

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and all manner of traditional,
religious and cultural pitfalls,

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to reconceptualize what sex
and pleasure means to them,

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then you can do it, too.

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SK: You can do it too, boo-boo.

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Yes, you can.

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(Laughter)

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TKM: It is in taking the ideas
that we have about sex -- the bad ones,

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and head-butting them,

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holding on to the good ones
and creating new ones

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that we can have an incredible engagement

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with one of the most prolific
and natural human acts ever.

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SK: It's about figuring out
what counts as a system bug.

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TKM: What to term a classic.

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SK: And what new features we should add.

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Human beings are infamous
for their superpower to upgrade.

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This should count for our sex, too.

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TKM: Thank you.

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(Applause)