WEBVTT 00:00:08.006 --> 00:00:09.924 Ooh! Careful, Homer! 00:00:10.008 --> 00:00:12.428 There's no time. We're late. 00:00:23.314 --> 00:00:25.982 -Excuse me. Pardon me. 00:00:26.107 --> 00:00:27.984 - Sorry. Excuse me. - Hey, Norman, how's it goin'? 00:00:28.109 --> 00:00:29.986 So you got dragged down here too, huh? 00:00:30.111 --> 00:00:31.988 - How you doin', Fred? - Sorry. Excuse me. 00:00:32.113 --> 00:00:33.990 - Yeah. 'Scuse me. Oh! 00:00:34.115 --> 00:00:37.285 Pardon my galoshes. 00:00:44.125 --> 00:00:46.504 Wasn't that wonderful? 00:00:46.504 --> 00:00:50.673 And now "Santas of many lands," 00:00:50.800 --> 00:00:54.302 as presented by the entire second grade class. 00:00:54.427 --> 00:00:56.931 Oh! Lisa's class. 00:00:57.013 --> 00:00:59.308 Frohliche Weihnachten. 00:00:59.433 --> 00:01:01.935 That's German for " Merry Christmas." 00:01:01.935 --> 00:01:07.441 In Germany, Santa's servant Ruprecht gives presents to good children... 00:01:07.524 --> 00:01:10.693 and whipping rods to the parents of bad ones. 00:01:14.155 --> 00:01:15.991 Merry Kurisumasu. 00:01:16.117 --> 00:01:21.455 I am Hotseiosha, a japanese priest who acts like Santa Claus. 00:01:21.539 --> 00:01:24.041 I have eyes in the back ofmy head... 00:01:24.125 --> 00:01:27.420 so children better behave when I'm nearby. 00:01:29.547 --> 00:01:32.716 Now presenting Lisa Simpson... 00:01:32.842 --> 00:01:38.138 as Tawanga, the Santa Claus of the South Seas. 00:01:38.222 --> 00:01:40.141 Ooh, it's Lisa! That's ours. 00:01:54.239 --> 00:01:58.451 Ah, the fourth grade will now favor us with a melody-- 00:01:58.534 --> 00:02:02.121 Uh, medley of holiday "flavorites." 00:02:13.758 --> 00:02:16.928 - Isn't Bart sweet, Homer? 00:02:17.053 --> 00:02:20.223 He sings like an angel. 00:02:34.528 --> 00:02:36.740 The fifth grade will now favour us... 00:02:36.740 --> 00:02:41.827 with a scene from Charles, uh, Dickens' A Christmas Carol. 00:02:41.994 --> 00:02:46.500 How many grades does this school have? 00:02:46.541 --> 00:02:50.170 " Dear friends of the Simpson family, 00:02:50.253 --> 00:02:53.423 "We had some sadness and some gladness this year. 00:02:53.547 --> 00:02:55.926 " First, the sadness. Our little cat Snowball... 00:02:56.051 --> 00:02:59.179 "was unexpectedly run over and went to kitty heaven. 00:02:59.221 --> 00:03:01.848 "But we bought a new little cat, Snowball I. 00:03:01.932 --> 00:03:04.684 "So I guess life goes on. 00:03:04.726 --> 00:03:09.481 "Speaking of life going on, Grandpa's still with us, feisty as ever. 00:03:09.523 --> 00:03:11.483 " Maggie is walking by herself, 00:03:11.525 --> 00:03:15.196 "Lisa got straight A's, and Bart-- 00:03:15.238 --> 00:03:17.697 "Well, we love Bart. 00:03:17.739 --> 00:03:20.701 "The magic of the season has touched us all. 00:03:20.743 --> 00:03:22.994 Marge, haven't you finished that stupid letter yet? 00:03:22.994 --> 00:03:26.249 - " Homer sends his love. Happy holidays. - Marge! 00:03:26.373 --> 00:03:28.668 - The Simpsons." - Marge, where's the extension cord? 00:03:28.751 --> 00:03:31.545 For heaven's sake, Homer. It's in the utility drawer. 00:03:31.671 --> 00:03:34.047 Sorry. I'm just a big kid. 00:03:34.173 --> 00:03:36.426 And I love Christmas so much. 00:03:40.680 --> 00:03:42.723 All right, children, let me have those letters. 00:03:42.889 --> 00:03:45.685 I'll send them to Santa's workshop at the North Pole. 00:03:45.685 --> 00:03:47.728 Oh, please. There's only one fat guy that brings us presents, 00:03:47.728 --> 00:03:49.730 and his name ain't Santa. 00:03:49.730 --> 00:03:53.066 Uh-- A pony? 00:03:53.192 --> 00:03:56.737 Oh, Lisa, you've asked for that for the last three years, 00:03:56.863 --> 00:04:00.366 and I keep telling you Santa can't fit a pony into his sleigh. 00:04:00.491 --> 00:04:02.368 Can't you take a hint? 00:04:02.493 --> 00:04:04.370 But I really want a pony, 00:04:04.495 --> 00:04:07.665 - and I've been really good this year. - Oh, dear. 00:04:07.790 --> 00:04:10.501 Maybe Bart is a little more realistic. 00:04:10.585 --> 00:04:12.461 - A tattoo? - A what? 00:04:12.587 --> 00:04:14.881 Yeah! They're cool, and they last the rest of your life. 00:04:14.881 --> 00:04:17.676 you will not be getting a tattoo for Christmas. 00:04:17.800 --> 00:04:20.970 Yeah. If you want one, you'll have to pay for it out of your allowance. 00:04:21.096 --> 00:04:22.472 - All right! - Homer! 00:04:22.472 --> 00:04:24.474 - "Yello." 00:04:24.474 --> 00:04:26.476 - Marge, please. - Who's this? 00:04:26.602 --> 00:04:28.478 May I please speak to Marge? 00:04:28.562 --> 00:04:31.397 - This is her sister, isn't it? - Is Marge there? 00:04:31.480 --> 00:04:34.901 - Who shall I say is calling? - Marge, please. 00:04:34.901 --> 00:04:38.197 It's your sister. Oh! 00:04:38.279 --> 00:04:40.782 - Hello. - Hello, Marge. It's Patty. 00:04:40.865 --> 00:04:45.369 Selma and I couldn't be more excited about seeing our sister Christmas Eve. 00:04:45.495 --> 00:04:49.499 Well, Homer and I are looking forward to your visit too. 00:04:51.501 --> 00:04:53.961 Somehow I doubt that Homer is excited. 00:04:54.087 --> 00:04:55.963 of all the men you could've married, 00:04:56.089 --> 00:04:58.966 I don't know why you picked one who's always so rude to us. 00:04:59.093 --> 00:05:01.386 - Good one, Dad. 00:05:01.469 --> 00:05:04.181 Okay, kids, prepare to be dazzled. 00:05:04.264 --> 00:05:06.975 Marge, turn on the juice! 00:05:09.477 --> 00:05:11.896 - What do you think, kids? 00:05:11.979 --> 00:05:13.898 - Nice try, Dad. 00:05:13.981 --> 00:05:16.193 Just hold your horses, son. Hey, Simpson! 00:05:16.276 --> 00:05:20.072 - What is it, Flanders? - Do you think this looks okay? 00:05:23.992 --> 00:05:25.369 - Oh! - Oh, neato! 00:05:25.494 --> 00:05:27.912 It's too bright. 00:05:27.995 --> 00:05:30.290 I oughta-- Flanders. What a big show-off. 00:05:33.585 --> 00:05:35.920 - Kids, wanna go Christmas shopping? - I do! 00:05:35.962 --> 00:05:38.465 - All right! The mall! - Go get your money. 00:05:38.590 --> 00:05:41.802 Tell us, Marge. Where have you been hiding the Christmas money? 00:05:41.927 --> 00:05:44.597 Oh, I have my secrets. 00:05:44.721 --> 00:05:46.724 Turn around. 00:05:49.726 --> 00:05:53.272 - you can look now. - Ooh! Big jar this year. 00:06:12.916 --> 00:06:14.918 Oh, Bart, that's so sweet. 00:06:14.918 --> 00:06:17.421 It's the best present a mother could get, 00:06:17.505 --> 00:06:19.966 and it makes you look so dangerous. 00:06:22.676 --> 00:06:24.803 - One " Mother," please. 00:06:24.928 --> 00:06:26.805 Wait a minute. How old are you? 00:06:26.930 --> 00:06:28.932 - Twenty-one, sir. - Get in the chair. 00:06:43.239 --> 00:06:45.824 Attention, all personnel, please keep working... 00:06:45.908 --> 00:06:47.826 during the following announcement. 00:06:47.910 --> 00:06:51.413 And now our boss and friend Mr. Burns. 00:06:51.539 --> 00:06:53.833 Hello. I'm proud to announce... 00:06:53.916 --> 00:06:56.835 that we've been able to increase safety here at the plant... 00:06:56.919 --> 00:06:59.130 without increasing the cost to the consumer... 00:06:59.214 --> 00:07:01.425 or affecting management payraises. 00:07:01.425 --> 00:07:04.511 However, for you semiskilled workers, 00:07:04.511 --> 00:07:06.513 there will be no Christmas bonuses. 00:07:06.513 --> 00:07:10.141 - Oh, and one more thing. 00:07:10.225 --> 00:07:12.143 Merry Christmas! 00:07:12.227 --> 00:07:15.730 - Oh, thank God for the big jar. 00:07:18.024 --> 00:07:21.028 - Where's that Bart? 00:07:27.117 --> 00:07:31.121 But, Mom, I thought you'd like it. 00:07:32.915 --> 00:07:35.708 Yes, Mrs. Simpson, we can remove your son's tattoo. 00:07:35.834 --> 00:07:38.211 It's a simple routine involving lasers. 00:07:38.336 --> 00:07:40.630 - Cool! - However, it is rather expensive, 00:07:40.630 --> 00:07:43.426 and we must insist on a cash payment up front. 00:07:43.509 --> 00:07:45.636 - Cash? - Mm-hmm. 00:07:45.636 --> 00:07:48.639 Thank God for Homer's Christmas bonus. 00:07:50.433 --> 00:07:54.019 - Ay, caramba! - Now, whatever you do, don't squirm. 00:07:54.145 --> 00:07:58.149 you don't wanna get this sucker near your eye or your groin. 00:08:00.234 --> 00:08:03.820 - Ow! Quit it. 00:08:03.988 --> 00:08:05.823 Ow! Quit it. 00:08:05.948 --> 00:08:07.825 Ow! Quit it. 00:08:07.908 --> 00:08:10.326 - Ow! Quit it. - Hey, what's with this? 00:08:10.326 --> 00:08:14.122 Ow! Quit it! Used to be a real boss tattoo. 00:08:14.289 --> 00:08:17.543 Mom had to spend the Christmas money having it surgically removed. 00:08:21.465 --> 00:08:24.467 It's true! 00:08:24.508 --> 00:08:28.220 The jar is empty! Oh, my God! 00:08:28.220 --> 00:08:30.681 We're ruined. Christmas is canceled. 00:08:30.723 --> 00:08:32.850 No presents for anyone! 00:08:32.975 --> 00:08:36.686 Don't worry, Homer. We'll just have to stretch your Christmas bonus... 00:08:36.686 --> 00:08:39.023 - even further this year. 00:08:39.023 --> 00:08:42.234 - Homer? - Oh, yeah. My Christmas bonus. 00:08:42.359 --> 00:08:45.029 How silly of me. 00:08:45.154 --> 00:08:48.157 This'll be the best Christmas yet. 00:08:48.157 --> 00:08:50.159 The best any family ever had. 00:09:12.182 --> 00:09:15.685 Hmm. I get the feeling there's something you haven't told me, Homer. 00:09:15.726 --> 00:09:19.481 - Huh? Oh. I love you, Marge. - you tell me that all the time. 00:09:19.481 --> 00:09:21.691 Oh, good, because I do love you. 00:09:21.733 --> 00:09:24.861 I don't deserve you as much as a guy with a fat wallet... 00:09:24.861 --> 00:09:27.738 and a credit card that won't set off that horrible beeping. 00:09:27.864 --> 00:09:31.076 I think it does have something to do with your Christmas bonus. 00:09:31.159 --> 00:09:33.078 I keep asking for it, but-- 00:09:33.161 --> 00:09:36.665 Marge, um, let me be honest with you. 00:09:36.748 --> 00:09:40.919 - Yes? - Well, I would-- 00:09:44.672 --> 00:09:47.384 I-- I wanna do the Christmas shopping this year. 00:09:47.384 --> 00:09:50.053 Uh, sure, okay. 00:09:53.891 --> 00:09:57.185 Marge, Marge. Hmm. Let'ssee. 00:09:57.269 --> 00:09:59.480 Ooh, look! 00:09:59.563 --> 00:10:02.983 Pantyhose. Practical and alluring. 00:10:03.066 --> 00:10:06.362 A six-pack. Oh! Only 4.99. 00:10:06.362 --> 00:10:08.572 Ooh! Pads of paper. 00:10:08.655 --> 00:10:11.868 I bet Bart can think of a million things to do with these. 00:10:11.992 --> 00:10:15.370 That just leaves little Maggie. Oh, look! 00:10:15.454 --> 00:10:17.456 A little squeak toy. 00:10:17.456 --> 00:10:20.459 It says it's for dogs, but she can't read. 00:10:21.461 --> 00:10:24.588 Ow! Oh, Simpson, it's you. 00:10:24.671 --> 00:10:28.259 - Hello, Flanders. - Oh, my! What a mess we've got here. 00:10:28.383 --> 00:10:30.762 Well, which ones are yours and which ones are mine? 00:10:30.762 --> 00:10:34.055 - Well, let's see. - Oh, this one's mine. This one's mine. 00:10:34.181 --> 00:10:36.683 - This one's mine, and this-- - They're all yours! 00:10:36.683 --> 00:10:39.854 - Hey, you dropped your pork chop. 00:10:39.978 --> 00:10:43.565 - Gimme that! - Well, happy holidays, Simpson. 00:10:43.690 --> 00:10:48.195 - Gee, this is the best Christmas ever. - You bet. 00:10:57.705 --> 00:11:01.794 What's the matter, Homer? Somebody leave a lump of coal in your stocking? 00:11:01.877 --> 00:11:04.086 You've been sitting there, sucking on a beer all day long. 00:11:04.211 --> 00:11:06.464 - So? - So, it's Christmas. 00:11:06.589 --> 00:11:10.259 - Thanks, Moe. 00:11:10.426 --> 00:11:12.261 Drinks all around! 00:11:12.428 --> 00:11:14.263 What's with the crazy getup, Barn? 00:11:14.430 --> 00:11:18.935 I got me a part-timejob working as a Santa down at the mall. 00:11:18.935 --> 00:11:20.895 Wow! Can I do that? 00:11:20.895 --> 00:11:23.774 I don't know. They're pretty selective. 00:11:23.898 --> 00:11:25.776 Do you like children? 00:11:25.900 --> 00:11:29.195 What do you mean? All the time? Even when they're nuts? 00:11:29.279 --> 00:11:32.782 - Hmm. - Uh, I certainly do. 00:11:32.907 --> 00:11:34.784 Welcome aboard, Simpson. 00:11:34.909 --> 00:11:37.537 Pending your successful completion of our training program, that is. 00:11:43.793 --> 00:11:46.964 - What is it now, Simpson? - Uh, when do we get paid? 00:11:47.130 --> 00:11:50.633 Not a dime till Christmas Eve! Now, from the top. 00:11:54.721 --> 00:11:57.598 Um, Dasher. 00:11:57.724 --> 00:12:00.310 - Dancer. - Mm-hmm. 00:12:00.310 --> 00:12:02.478 - Prancer. - Mm-hmm. 00:12:02.603 --> 00:12:04.480 Nixon. 00:12:04.605 --> 00:12:07.901 Comet and... Cupid. 00:12:07.984 --> 00:12:09.902 - Donna Dixon? - Sit down, Simpson. 00:12:09.986 --> 00:12:11.904 And what would you like, little boy? 00:12:11.988 --> 00:12:14.408 - You're not really Santa, tubby. - Why, you little egghead! 00:12:14.408 --> 00:12:17.119 No, Homer! If such an emergency arises, 00:12:17.119 --> 00:12:19.996 you just tell them Santa's vey busy this time of year, 00:12:19.996 --> 00:12:23.709 - and you are one of his helpers. - Oh, I knew that one too! 00:12:26.713 --> 00:12:29.214 Homer, why are you seven hours late? 00:12:29.298 --> 00:12:32.218 Not a word, Marge. I'm heading straight for the tub. 00:12:32.218 --> 00:12:34.220 But, Homer, my sisters are here. 00:12:34.220 --> 00:12:36.429 - Don't you wanna say hello? 00:12:38.807 --> 00:12:41.602 - Daddy! We're so glad to see you! - Oh, Dad, you're finally home! 00:12:41.728 --> 00:12:45.105 What? Why? Oh, yeah. 00:12:45.231 --> 00:12:47.816 Hello, Patty. Hello, Selma. 00:12:47.900 --> 00:12:50.235 - How was your trip? - Fine. 00:12:50.319 --> 00:12:52.529 - you both look well. - Thank you. 00:12:52.613 --> 00:12:55.824 - Yeah, well, Merry Christmas. - It's Christmas? 00:12:55.824 --> 00:12:58.703 - you wouldn't know it around here. - And why is that? 00:12:58.828 --> 00:13:02.831 - For one thing, there's no tree - I was just on my way out to get one! 00:13:02.915 --> 00:13:04.624 - Can we go too, Dad? - Yeah, can we? 00:13:04.708 --> 00:13:05.918 No! 00:13:29.274 --> 00:13:31.527 Hey! What do you think you're doin'? 00:13:31.611 --> 00:13:33.529 - Uh-oh. - Hey! Hey! 00:13:33.613 --> 00:13:35.698 - Come back here! 00:13:38.451 --> 00:13:41.704 So what do you think, kids? Beauty, isn't it? 00:13:41.704 --> 00:13:44.666 - Wow! Yay, Dad! - Way to go, Dad! 00:13:44.707 --> 00:13:48.502 - Why is there a birdhouse in it? - Uh, that's an ornament. 00:13:48.628 --> 00:13:50.964 Do I smell gunpowder? 00:13:51.214 --> 00:13:53.800 and then I want some Robotoids. 00:13:53.966 --> 00:13:56.009 And then I want a Goop Monster. 00:13:56.136 --> 00:13:58.011 And then I want a great big, giant-- 00:13:58.138 --> 00:14:00.013 Aw, son, you don't need all that junk. 00:14:00.181 --> 00:14:03.268 I'm sure you've already got something much more important-- 00:14:03.351 --> 00:14:07.856 a decent home and a loving father who would do anything for you. 00:14:07.981 --> 00:14:10.650 Hey, I couldn't afford lunch. Give me a bite of that donut. 00:14:13.528 --> 00:14:15.530 Get a load of that quote-unquote Santa. 00:14:15.656 --> 00:14:17.866 I can't believe those kids are falling for it. 00:14:17.866 --> 00:14:20.034 Hey, Milhouse, I dare you to sit on his lap. 00:14:20.160 --> 00:14:24.664 - I dare you to yank his beard off. - Ah, touche. 00:14:24.706 --> 00:14:26.667 I hope you feel better, Santa. 00:14:26.709 --> 00:14:29.211 Oh, I will when Mrs. Claus' sisters get outta town. 00:14:29.211 --> 00:14:31.213 Thanks for listenin', kid. 00:14:33.381 --> 00:14:35.216 Hey, Santa, what's shakin', man? 00:14:35.341 --> 00:14:39.052 What's your name, Bart... ner? Uh, little partner? 00:14:39.179 --> 00:14:42.349 - I'm Bart Simpson. Who are you? - I'm jolly Old St. Nick. 00:14:42.349 --> 00:14:44.851 Oh, yeah? We'll just see about that. 00:14:47.646 --> 00:14:51.441 - Homer! - A word with you in Santa's workshop. 00:14:51.567 --> 00:14:54.861 - Cover for me, Elfie. - I didn't know it was you. 00:14:54.944 --> 00:14:56.946 Nobody knows. It's a secret. 00:14:56.946 --> 00:14:58.948 I didn't get my bonus this year. 00:14:58.948 --> 00:15:01.243 But to keep the family from missing out on Christmas, 00:15:01.243 --> 00:15:03.162 - I'd do anything. - I'll say, Dad. 00:15:03.245 --> 00:15:06.456 you must really love us to sink so low. 00:15:07.874 --> 00:15:09.752 Now, let's not get mushy, son. 00:15:09.876 --> 00:15:11.879 I still have a job to do. 00:15:11.879 --> 00:15:13.881 Hey, little ones. Santa's back. 00:15:16.050 --> 00:15:18.843 Damn it to-- 00:15:18.968 --> 00:15:21.180 Ah, son, one day you're gonna know... 00:15:21.180 --> 00:15:23.182 the satisfaction of payday. 00:15:23.182 --> 00:15:26.560 Receiving a big fat check for a job well done. 00:15:26.644 --> 00:15:28.562 Simpson, Homer? Here ya go. 00:15:28.646 --> 00:15:33.151 Come on, son. Let's go cash this baby and get presents for-- 00:15:33.151 --> 00:15:36.070 Thirteen bucks? Hey, wait a minute. 00:15:36.153 --> 00:15:38.072 That's right. $120 gross. 00:15:38.155 --> 00:15:40.074 Less Social Security, less unemployment insurance, 00:15:40.157 --> 00:15:42.159 - less Santa training... - Santa training? 00:15:42.159 --> 00:15:44.161 less costume purchase, less beard rental, less Christmas club. 00:15:44.245 --> 00:15:46.372 - But-- But-- - See ya next year. 00:15:46.497 --> 00:15:49.584 - Ohh! - Come on, Dad. Let's go home. 00:15:49.584 --> 00:15:51.545 Thirteen bucks? 00:15:51.545 --> 00:15:53.879 you can't get anything for 13 bucks. 00:15:54.005 --> 00:15:57.008 Allright! Thirteen bigones! 00:15:57.050 --> 00:15:59.177 Springfield Downs, here I come! 00:15:59.177 --> 00:16:01.513 - What? - you heard me. 00:16:01.555 --> 00:16:03.515 I'm goin' to the dog track. 00:16:03.557 --> 00:16:05.559 I got a hot little puppy in the fourth race. 00:16:05.684 --> 00:16:07.685 - Wanna come? - Sory, Barney. 00:16:07.685 --> 00:16:11.022 I may be a total washout as a father, but I'm not gonna take my kid... 00:16:11.064 --> 00:16:13.357 to a sleazy dog track on Christmas Eve. 00:16:13.525 --> 00:16:17.194 Come on, Simpson. The dog's name is Whirlwind. 00:16:17.278 --> 00:16:19.698 Ten-to-one shot. Money in the bank. 00:16:19.698 --> 00:16:21.700 - Uh-uh. - Ah, come on, Dad. 00:16:21.700 --> 00:16:24.578 This can be the miracle that saves the Simpsons' Christmas. 00:16:24.702 --> 00:16:26.580 If TV has taught me anything, 00:16:26.704 --> 00:16:29.708 it's that miracles always happen to poor kids at Christmas. 00:16:29.749 --> 00:16:33.503 It happened to Tiny Tim, it happened to Charlie Brown, 00:16:33.545 --> 00:16:35.547 it happened to the Smurfs and it's gonna happen to us. 00:16:37.215 --> 00:16:40.719 Well, okay, let's go. Who's Tiny Tim? 00:16:42.262 --> 00:16:44.264 Hey, Moldy, do you think Santa will be able to find... 00:16:44.264 --> 00:16:46.725 ElfCounty under all this snow? 00:16:46.767 --> 00:16:51.521 I doubt it, Bubbles. We'll be sad little elves this Christmas. 00:16:51.605 --> 00:16:53.523 - Oh, no! - Oh, brother. 00:16:53.607 --> 00:16:55.609 - Where's your husband? - Yeah. It's getting late. 00:16:55.692 --> 00:16:58.278 Said he went caroling with Bart. 00:17:05.702 --> 00:17:07.788 I can't believe I'm doing this. 00:17:07.913 --> 00:17:10.916 Can we open our presents now, Dad? 00:17:10.958 --> 00:17:13.960 you know the tradition, son. Not till the eighth race. 00:17:14.086 --> 00:17:16.296 Hey, Barney, which one is Whirlwind? 00:17:16.421 --> 00:17:20.300 Number Six. That's our lucky dog right over there. 00:17:20.426 --> 00:17:22.886 He's won his last five races. 00:17:22.886 --> 00:17:25.388 What? That scrawny little bag of bones? 00:17:25.514 --> 00:17:28.101 Come on, Dad. They're all scrawny little bags of bones. 00:17:28.226 --> 00:17:30.603 Yeah, you're right. 00:17:30.727 --> 00:17:34.023 I guess Whirlwind is our only hope for a Merry Christmas. 00:17:34.107 --> 00:17:36.399 Attention, racing fans, we have a late scratch... 00:17:36.399 --> 00:17:38.401 in the fourth race. 00:17:38.401 --> 00:17:41.489 Number 8, Sir Galahad will be replaced by Santa's Little Helper. 00:17:41.614 --> 00:17:45.618 Once again, Sir Galahad has been replaced by Santa's Little Helper. 00:17:45.701 --> 00:17:47.702 Bart, did you hear that? 00:17:47.702 --> 00:17:49.704 What a name! Santa's Little Helper! 00:17:49.788 --> 00:17:53.625 - It's a sign! It's an omen! - It's a coincidence, Dad. 00:17:53.625 --> 00:17:56.712 - What are the odds on Santa's Little Helper? - Ninety-nine to one. 00:17:56.796 --> 00:18:02.428 Wow! Ninety-nine times thirteen equals... Merry Christmas! 00:18:02.510 --> 00:18:04.430 I got a bad feeling about this. 00:18:04.513 --> 00:18:06.390 - Don't you believe in me, son? - Uh-- 00:18:06.556 --> 00:18:09.559 Come on, boy. Sometimes your faith is all that keeps me going. 00:18:12.062 --> 00:18:14.564 Oh, go for it, Dad. 00:18:14.605 --> 00:18:18.401 That's my boy! Eveything on Santa's Little Helper. 00:18:23.490 --> 00:18:25.408 Unadulterated pap. 00:18:25.491 --> 00:18:27.994 It's almost 9:00. Where's Homer anyway? 00:18:27.994 --> 00:18:30.998 It's so typical of the big doof us to spoil it all. 00:18:30.998 --> 00:18:33.291 - What, Aunt Patty? - Oh, nothing, dear. 00:18:33.416 --> 00:18:35.418 I'm just trashing your father. 00:18:35.418 --> 00:18:37.421 Well, I wish you wouldn't... 00:18:37.421 --> 00:18:41.799 because aside from the fact he has the same frailties as all human belings. 00:18:41.925 --> 00:18:43.801 he's the only father I have. 00:18:43.927 --> 00:18:46.596 Therefore, he is my model of manhood, 00:18:46.763 --> 00:18:51.101 and my estimation of him will govern the prospects of my adult relationships. 00:18:51.267 --> 00:18:54.938 So I hope you bear in mind that any knock at him is a knock at me, 00:18:54.938 --> 00:18:59.318 and I'm far too young to defend myself against such onslaughts. 00:19:00.444 --> 00:19:03.613 Mm-hmm. Go watch your cartoon show, dear. 00:19:03.613 --> 00:19:05.615 Come on, Bart. 00:19:05.615 --> 00:19:08.452 Kiss the ticket for good luck, not that we need it. 00:19:11.788 --> 00:19:14.124 Here comes Screwy the mechanical rabbit. 00:19:14.124 --> 00:19:15.751 - and they're off! 00:19:15.793 --> 00:19:19.004 - Come on, Santa's Little Helper! - Come on, dog! Go, man, go! 00:19:19.004 --> 00:19:22.256 It's Whirlwind in the lane, and coming up on the left is Quadruped, 00:19:22.298 --> 00:19:24.468 followed by Dog O'War and Fido. 00:19:24.510 --> 00:19:27.513 - Go! Come on, boy! - Go! Come on, get that rabbit! 00:19:27.638 --> 00:19:30.140 Dog O'War coming up fast on the outside. 00:19:30.264 --> 00:19:32.266 - Come on, Santa's Little Helper! - Come on, dog! Go, man, go! 00:19:32.308 --> 00:19:35.521 And with a lock on last place, it's Santa's Little Helper. 00:19:35.646 --> 00:19:39.358 - Don't worry, Dad. 00:19:39.441 --> 00:19:42.653 Maybe this is just for suspense before the miracle happens. 00:19:42.694 --> 00:19:46.156 - Come on, you stupid dog! Come on! - Go, go! 00:19:46.198 --> 00:19:48.450 - Run! Run! - Run, run! Come on, get that rabbit! 00:19:48.534 --> 00:19:51.245 - Go, go, Santa's Little Helper! Run! - Go, go, go! 00:19:51.371 --> 00:19:55.541 Whirlwind by a countrymile, second, ChewMyShoe, followed by Dog O'War. 00:19:55.666 --> 00:19:58.043 Oh, jeez! 00:19:58.043 --> 00:20:01.464 Doesn't seem possible, but I guess TV has betrayed me. 00:20:01.464 --> 00:20:04.049 I don't wanna leave till our dog finishes. 00:20:09.262 --> 00:20:11.140 Ah, forget it. Let's go. 00:20:20.358 --> 00:20:23.068 - Find any winners, son? - Sory, Dad. 00:20:23.152 --> 00:20:26.156 Hey, hey, Simpson! What'dl tell you? 00:20:26.156 --> 00:20:29.451 Whirlwind! Let's go, Daria. 00:20:34.163 --> 00:20:37.333 Beat it! Scram! Get lost! 00:20:37.459 --> 00:20:40.169 - you came in last for the last time! 00:20:40.252 --> 00:20:42.547 Look, Dad, it's Santa's Little Helper. 00:20:42.672 --> 00:20:45.549 And don't come back! 00:20:45.549 --> 00:20:48.136 Oh, no, you don't! No, no! Get away from me! Uh-uh! 00:20:51.347 --> 00:20:53.933 Oh, can we keep him, Dad, please? 00:20:54.058 --> 00:20:57.353 But he's a loser! He's pathetic! He's-- 00:20:59.481 --> 00:21:01.483 A Simpson. 00:21:04.569 --> 00:21:07.155 Hmm. Maybe I should call the police. 00:21:07.238 --> 00:21:10.492 - Oh, he'll sober up. - Yeah. Come staggering home. 00:21:10.492 --> 00:21:12.745 Mm-hmm. Smelling of cheap perfume. 00:21:12.745 --> 00:21:14.997 - Homer! 00:21:15.038 --> 00:21:17.665 - What? What the-- Who the-- - Look, eveybody, 00:21:17.749 --> 00:21:21.336 - I have a confession to make. - This should be good. 00:21:21.503 --> 00:21:23.839 I didn't get my Christmas bonus. 00:21:24.005 --> 00:21:26.673 I tried not to let it ruin Christmas for eveybody, 00:21:26.800 --> 00:21:28.676 but no matter what I did-- 00:21:28.802 --> 00:21:32.305 - Hey, eveybody, lookwhat we got! 00:21:32.305 --> 00:21:35.183 A dog! All right, Dad! 00:21:35.309 --> 00:21:39.187 - God bless him. - So love at first sight is possible. 00:21:39.313 --> 00:21:41.856 And if he runs away, he'll be easy to catch. 00:21:41.856 --> 00:21:44.067 Oh, this is the best gift of all, Homer! 00:21:44.192 --> 00:21:46.862 - It is? - Yes. Something to share our love... 00:21:46.862 --> 00:21:48.864 and frighten prowlers. 00:21:48.864 --> 00:21:51.199 - What's his name? - Number 8-- 00:21:51.199 --> 00:21:53.994 I mean, Santa's Little Helper.