1 00:00:00,760 --> 00:00:04,776 Today I stand before you as a man who lives life to the full 2 00:00:04,800 --> 00:00:06,040 in the here and now. 3 00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:08,936 But for a long time, 4 00:00:08,960 --> 00:00:10,160 I lived for death. 5 00:00:11,920 --> 00:00:13,536 I was a young man who believed 6 00:00:13,560 --> 00:00:18,120 that jihad is to be understood in the language of force and violence. 7 00:00:20,760 --> 00:00:24,000 I tried to right wrongs through power and aggression. 8 00:00:25,440 --> 00:00:29,880 I had deep concerns for the suffering of others 9 00:00:30,760 --> 00:00:34,000 and a strong desire to help and bring relief to them. 10 00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:40,456 I thought violent jihad was noble, 11 00:00:40,480 --> 00:00:41,816 chivalrous 12 00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:43,160 and the best way to help. 13 00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:47,536 At a time when so many of our people -- 14 00:00:47,560 --> 00:00:48,816 young people especially -- 15 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:50,400 are at risk of radicalization 16 00:00:51,400 --> 00:00:53,096 through groups like al-Qaeda, 17 00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:54,960 Islamic State and others, 18 00:00:55,880 --> 00:00:57,336 when these groups are claiming 19 00:00:57,360 --> 00:01:02,416 that their horrific brutality and violence are true jihad, 20 00:01:02,440 --> 00:01:06,616 I want to say that their idea of jihad is wrong -- 21 00:01:06,640 --> 00:01:07,976 completely wrong -- 22 00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:09,200 as was mine, then. 23 00:01:11,200 --> 00:01:13,560 Jihad means to strive to one's utmost. 24 00:01:14,440 --> 00:01:17,456 It includes exertion and spirituality, 25 00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:18,976 self-purification 26 00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:20,200 and devotion. 27 00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:25,256 It refers to positive transformation 28 00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:29,376 through learning, wisdom and remembrance of God. 29 00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:32,640 The word jihad stands for all those meanings as a whole. 30 00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:39,336 Jihad may at times take the form of fighting, 31 00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:40,560 but only sometimes, 32 00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:42,920 under strict conditions, 33 00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:46,160 within rules and limits. 34 00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:49,056 In Islam, 35 00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:54,080 the benefit of an act must outweigh the harm or hardship it entails. 36 00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:56,976 More importantly, 37 00:01:57,000 --> 00:02:01,736 the verses in the Koran that are connected to jihad or fighting 38 00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:07,336 do not cancel out the verses that talk about forgiveness, 39 00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:08,656 benevolence 40 00:02:08,680 --> 00:02:09,880 or patience. 41 00:02:13,320 --> 00:02:17,896 But now I believe that there are no circumstances on earth 42 00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:20,496 where violent jihad is permissible, 43 00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:23,200 because it will lead to greater harm. 44 00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:28,296 But now the idea of jihad has been hijacked. 45 00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:31,656 It has been perverted to mean violent struggle 46 00:02:31,680 --> 00:02:34,656 wherever Muslims are undergoing difficulties, 47 00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:36,576 and turned into terrorism 48 00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:39,656 by fascistic Islamists like al-Qaeda, 49 00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:41,240 Islamic State and others. 50 00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:44,256 But I have come to understand 51 00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:48,216 that true jihad means striving to the utmost 52 00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:51,600 to strengthen and live those qualities which God loves: 53 00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:54,776 honesty, trustworthiness, 54 00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:56,896 compassion, benevolence, 55 00:02:56,920 --> 00:02:58,816 reliability, respect, 56 00:02:58,840 --> 00:03:00,216 truthfulness -- 57 00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:03,360 human values that so many of us share. 58 00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:08,216 I was born in Bangladesh, 59 00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:09,669 but grew up mostly in England. 60 00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:11,719 And I went to school here. 61 00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:14,776 My father was an academic, 62 00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:16,880 and we were in the UK through his work. 63 00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:22,840 In 1971 we were in Bangladesh when everything changed. 64 00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:27,776 The War of Independence impacted upon us terribly, 65 00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:29,656 pitting family against family, 66 00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:31,376 neighbor against neighbor. 67 00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:34,256 And at the age of 12 I experienced war, 68 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:35,880 destitution in my family, 69 00:03:36,720 --> 00:03:39,960 the deaths of 22 of my relatives in horrible ways, 70 00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:43,760 as well as the murder of my elder brother. 71 00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:48,800 I witnessed killing ... 72 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:53,816 animals feeding on corpses in the streets, 73 00:03:53,840 --> 00:03:55,576 starvation all around me, 74 00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:57,736 wanton, horrific violence -- 75 00:03:57,760 --> 00:03:58,960 senseless violence. 76 00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:04,016 I was a young man, 77 00:04:04,040 --> 00:04:06,976 teenager, fascinated by ideas. 78 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:08,816 I wanted to learn, 79 00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:10,888 but I could not go to school for four years. 80 00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:14,216 After the War of Independence, 81 00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:16,720 my father was put in prison for two and a half years, 82 00:04:17,839 --> 00:04:20,360 and I used to visit him every week in prison, 83 00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:22,600 and homeschooled myself. 84 00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:26,640 My father was released in 1973 85 00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:30,096 and he fled to England as a refugee, 86 00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:31,360 and we soon followed him. 87 00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:34,376 I was 17. 88 00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:36,856 So these experiences gave me 89 00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:40,680 a sharp awareness of the atrocities and injustices in the world. 90 00:04:42,320 --> 00:04:44,136 And I had a strong desire -- 91 00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:46,176 a very keen, deep desire -- 92 00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:47,416 to right wrongs 93 00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:49,107 and help the victims of oppression. 94 00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:52,536 While studying at college in the UK, 95 00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:58,040 I met others who showed me how I could channel that desire 96 00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:00,440 and help through my religion. 97 00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:03,016 And I was radicalized -- 98 00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:06,480 enough to consider violence correct, 99 00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:10,000 even a virtue under certain circumstances. 100 00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:15,536 So I became involved in the jihad in Afghanistan. 101 00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:20,120 I wanted to protect the Muslim Afghan population against the Soviet army. 102 00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:23,336 And I thought that was jihad: 103 00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:24,856 my sacred duty, 104 00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:26,600 which would be rewarded by God. 105 00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:33,880 I became a preacher. 106 00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:41,056 I was one of the pioneers of violent jihad in the UK. 107 00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:42,576 I recruited, 108 00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:44,280 I raised funds, I trained. 109 00:05:45,360 --> 00:05:47,896 I confused true jihad 110 00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:51,920 with this perversion as presented by the fascist Islamists -- 111 00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:56,736 these people who use the idea of jihad 112 00:05:56,760 --> 00:06:00,640 to justify their lust for power, authority and control on earth: 113 00:06:01,745 --> 00:06:06,056 a perversion perpetuated today by fascist Islamist groups 114 00:06:06,080 --> 00:06:08,960 like al-Qaeda, Islamic State and others. 115 00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:12,280 For a period of around 15 years, 116 00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:17,280 I fought for short periods of time 117 00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:19,976 in Kashmir and Burma, 118 00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:21,320 besides Afghanistan. 119 00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:27,720 Our aim was to remove the invaders, 120 00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:31,840 to bring relief to the oppressed victims 121 00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:36,016 and of course to establish an Islamic state, 122 00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:37,760 a caliphate for God's rule. 123 00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:39,920 And I did this openly. 124 00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:43,760 I didn't break any laws. 125 00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:47,536 I was proud and grateful to be British -- 126 00:06:47,560 --> 00:06:49,136 I still am. 127 00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:52,800 And I bore no hostility against this, my country, 128 00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:57,496 nor enmity towards the non-Muslim citizens, 129 00:06:57,520 --> 00:06:58,920 and I still don't. 130 00:07:01,840 --> 00:07:04,216 During one battle in Afghanistan, 131 00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:07,120 some British men and I formed a special bond 132 00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:10,696 with a 15-year-old Afghani boy, 133 00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:11,920 Abdullah, 134 00:07:12,840 --> 00:07:15,176 an innocent, loving and lovable kid 135 00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:17,240 who was always eager to please. 136 00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:20,160 He was poor. 137 00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:23,480 And boys like him did menial tasks in the camp. 138 00:07:24,480 --> 00:07:25,766 And he seemed happy enough, 139 00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:27,896 but I couldn't help wonder -- 140 00:07:27,920 --> 00:07:29,825 his parents must have missed him dearly. 141 00:07:31,560 --> 00:07:35,120 And they must have dreamt about a better future for him. 142 00:07:37,560 --> 00:07:40,376 A victim of circumstance caught up in a war, 143 00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:41,680 cruelly thrust upon him 144 00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:44,960 by the cruel circumstances of the time. 145 00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:53,400 One day I picked up this unexploded mortar shell in a trench, 146 00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:58,120 and I had it deposited in a makeshift mud hut lab. 147 00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:02,216 And I went out on a short, pointless skirmish -- 148 00:08:02,240 --> 00:08:03,440 always pointless, 149 00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:07,880 And I came back a few hours later to discover he was dead. 150 00:08:09,160 --> 00:08:11,936 He had tried to recover explosives from that shell. 151 00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:14,560 It exploded, and he died a violent death, 152 00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:19,720 blown to bits by the very same device that had proved harmless to me. 153 00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:22,600 So I started to question. 154 00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:28,320 How did his death serve any purpose? 155 00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:32,280 Why did he die and I lived? 156 00:08:33,558 --> 00:08:35,056 I carried on. 157 00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:36,696 I fought in Kashmir. 158 00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:39,416 I also recruited for the Philippines, 159 00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:41,240 Bosnia and Chechnya. 160 00:08:42,558 --> 00:08:43,840 And the questions grew. 161 00:08:45,880 --> 00:08:47,776 Later in Burma, 162 00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:50,136 I came across Rohingya fighters, 163 00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:52,416 who were barely teenagers, 164 00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:54,096 born and brought up in the jungle, 165 00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:56,180 carrying machine guns and grenade launchers. 166 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:05,200 I met two 13-year-olds with soft manners and gentle voices. 167 00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:08,136 Looking at me, 168 00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:10,240 they begged me to take them away to England. 169 00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:18,600 They simply wanted to go to school -- 170 00:09:19,680 --> 00:09:21,000 that was their dream. 171 00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:25,576 My family -- 172 00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:27,056 my children of the same age -- 173 00:09:27,080 --> 00:09:29,040 were living at home in the UK, 174 00:09:30,040 --> 00:09:31,336 going to school, 175 00:09:31,360 --> 00:09:32,560 living a safe life. 176 00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:35,136 And I couldn't help wonder 177 00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:38,616 how much these young boys must have spoken to one another 178 00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:40,840 about their dreams for such a life. 179 00:09:42,920 --> 00:09:44,840 Victims of circumstances: 180 00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:47,640 these two young boys, 181 00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:51,376 sleeping rough on the ground, looking up at the stars, 182 00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:53,896 cynically exploited by their leaders 183 00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:56,400 for their personal lust for glory and power. 184 00:09:57,920 --> 00:10:01,136 I soon witnessed boys like them killing one another 185 00:10:01,160 --> 00:10:03,400 in conflicts between rival groups. 186 00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:07,760 And it was the same everywhere ... 187 00:10:09,280 --> 00:10:11,776 Afghanistan, Kashmir, Burma, 188 00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:13,280 Philippines, Chechnya; 189 00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:18,856 petty warlords got the young and vulnerable to kill one another 190 00:10:18,880 --> 00:10:20,200 in the name of jihad. 191 00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:24,080 Muslims against Muslims. 192 00:10:25,640 --> 00:10:30,016 Not protecting anyone against invaders or occupiers; 193 00:10:30,040 --> 00:10:32,040 not bringing relief to the oppressed. 194 00:10:34,240 --> 00:10:35,616 Children being used, 195 00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:37,256 cynically exploited; 196 00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:39,216 people dying in conflicts 197 00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:42,280 which I was supporting in the name of jihad. 198 00:10:44,920 --> 00:10:46,560 And it still carries on today. 199 00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:55,416 Realizing that the violent jihad 200 00:10:55,440 --> 00:10:59,640 I had engaged in abroad 201 00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:03,480 was so different -- 202 00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:10,016 such a chasm between what I had experienced 203 00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:11,840 and what I thought was sacred duty -- 204 00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:15,600 I had to reflect on my activities here in the UK. 205 00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:20,296 I had to consider my preaching, 206 00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:21,856 recruiting, fund-raising, 207 00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:23,456 training, 208 00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:25,600 but most importantly, radicalizing -- 209 00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:28,856 sending young people to fight and die 210 00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:30,096 as I was doing -- 211 00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:31,880 all totally wrong. 212 00:11:35,680 --> 00:11:38,880 So I got involved in violent jihad in the mid '80s, 213 00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:41,440 starting with Afghanistan. 214 00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:45,880 And by the time I finished it was in the year 2000. 215 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,616 I was completely immersed in it. 216 00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:50,576 All around me people supported, 217 00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:51,816 applauded, 218 00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:54,240 even celebrated what we were doing in their name. 219 00:11:56,160 --> 00:11:57,976 But by the time I learned to get out, 220 00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:00,616 completely disillusioned in the year 2000, 221 00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:02,320 15 years had passed. 222 00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:06,440 So what goes wrong? 223 00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:11,560 We were so busy talking about virtue, 224 00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:16,320 and we were blinded by a cause. 225 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:24,520 And we did not give ourselves a chance to develop a virtuous character. 226 00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:29,816 We told ourselves we were fighting for the oppressed, 227 00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:32,040 but these were unwinnable wars. 228 00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:37,336 We became the very instrument through which more deaths occurred, 229 00:12:37,360 --> 00:12:41,096 complicit in causing further misery 230 00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:43,720 for the selfish benefit of the cruel few. 231 00:12:52,280 --> 00:12:53,496 So over time, 232 00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:54,720 a very long time, 233 00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:57,800 I opened my eyes. 234 00:12:59,960 --> 00:13:01,440 I began to dare 235 00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:04,696 to face the truth, 236 00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:05,920 to think, 237 00:13:07,360 --> 00:13:09,496 to face the hard questions. 238 00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:11,720 I got in touch with my soul. 239 00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:23,400 What have I learned? 240 00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:29,200 That people who engage in violent jihadism, 241 00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:33,560 that people who are drawn to these types of extremisms, 242 00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:36,800 are not that different to everyone else. 243 00:13:37,880 --> 00:13:40,680 But I believe such people can change. 244 00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:44,976 They can regain their hearts and restore them 245 00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:48,060 by filling them with human values that heal. 246 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,216 When we ignore the realities, 247 00:13:57,240 --> 00:14:03,000 we discover that we accept what we are told without critical reflection. 248 00:14:05,640 --> 00:14:09,416 And we ignore the gifts and advantages that many of us would cherish 249 00:14:09,440 --> 00:14:11,720 even for a single moment in their lives. 250 00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:18,760 I engaged in actions I thought were correct. 251 00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:25,760 But now I began to question how I knew what I knew. 252 00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:31,536 I endlessly told others to accept the truth, 253 00:14:31,560 --> 00:14:35,280 but I failed to give doubt its rightful place. 254 00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:45,776 This conviction that people can change is rooted in my experience, 255 00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:47,000 my own journey. 256 00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:50,416 Through wide reading, 257 00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:51,640 reflecting, 258 00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:54,056 contemplation, self-knowledge, 259 00:14:54,080 --> 00:14:55,296 I discovered, 260 00:14:55,320 --> 00:15:00,960 I realized that Islamists' world of us and them is false and unjust. 261 00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:08,480 Through considering the uncertainties in all that we had asserted, 262 00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:11,016 to the inviolable truths, 263 00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:12,440 incontestable truths, 264 00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:17,840 I developed a more nuanced understanding. 265 00:15:24,480 --> 00:15:28,960 I realized that in a world crowded with variation and contradiction, 266 00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:31,136 foolish preachers, 267 00:15:31,160 --> 00:15:34,176 only foolish preachers like I used to be, 268 00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:39,560 see no paradox in the myths and fictions they use to assert authenticity. 269 00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:45,656 So I understood the vital importance of self-knowledge, 270 00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:46,880 political awareness 271 00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:52,656 and the necessity for a deep and wide understanding 272 00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:55,136 of our commitments and our actions, 273 00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:56,480 how they affect others. 274 00:15:58,520 --> 00:15:59,976 So my plea today to everyone, 275 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:04,480 especially those who sincerely believe in Islamist jihadism ... 276 00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:08,880 refuse dogmatic authority; 277 00:16:10,360 --> 00:16:14,040 let go of anger, hatred and violence; 278 00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:16,776 learn to right wrongs 279 00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:21,870 without even attempting to justify cruel, unjust and futile behavior. 280 00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:28,176 Instead create a few beautiful and useful things 281 00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:29,400 that outlive us. 282 00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:35,056 Approach the world, life, 283 00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:36,280 with love. 284 00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:39,216 Learn to develop 285 00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:40,496 or cultivate your hearts 286 00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:43,880 to see goodness, beauty and truth in others and in the world. 287 00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:47,520 That way we do matter more to ourselves ... 288 00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:50,440 to each other, 289 00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:52,376 to our communities 290 00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:53,880 and, for me, to God. 291 00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:56,616 This is jihad -- 292 00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:57,840 my true jihad. 293 00:16:58,920 --> 00:17:00,136 Thank you. 294 00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:02,600 (Applause)