WEBVTT

00:00:07.691 --> 00:00:12.691
(melodious music)
(computer keys tapping)

00:00:23.321 --> 00:00:26.520
- I write my movies, and books,

00:00:26.520 --> 00:00:28.800
and performances, and everything,

00:00:28.800 --> 00:00:30.720
obviously here at this table,

00:00:30.720 --> 00:00:33.900
but then also sometimes here.

00:00:33.900 --> 00:00:36.273
And I put this cushion on my lap.

00:00:37.667 --> 00:00:40.710
I mean, this is over
the course of 19 years,

00:00:40.710 --> 00:00:44.490
so I've got all these systems for like,

00:00:44.490 --> 00:00:46.290
making it feel like everything's new.

00:00:46.290 --> 00:00:48.423
I write at this kitchen table,

00:00:49.530 --> 00:00:51.350
and then I just feel like...

00:00:52.440 --> 00:00:54.570
I feel like a woman at her kitchen table,

00:00:54.570 --> 00:00:56.270
you know, there's a kind of like a

00:00:57.300 --> 00:00:59.943
timeless writer, woman writer feeling.

00:01:01.110 --> 00:01:06.110
You know, I started so young,
I started when I was 16,

00:01:06.150 --> 00:01:08.313
writing and directing my first play.

00:01:09.285 --> 00:01:12.390
- I can't say it, I can't say it in words

00:01:12.390 --> 00:01:14.970
and there's no way you can know.

00:01:14.970 --> 00:01:18.262
You can't know how I feel
unless you can read it.

00:01:18.262 --> 00:01:21.570
- And that had an audience reaction to it,

00:01:21.570 --> 00:01:24.210
which was quite a high.

00:01:24.210 --> 00:01:26.880
Like, I knew that the play wasn't perfect

00:01:26.880 --> 00:01:29.670
and like, the audience was,

00:01:29.670 --> 00:01:32.010
you know, maybe confused, whatever.

00:01:32.010 --> 00:01:36.120
But just that experience I'd
never had before, of that high,

00:01:36.120 --> 00:01:41.120
and I kind of lived my life for that.

00:01:43.320 --> 00:01:47.400
If you agree to live here with
me in this theater forever

00:01:47.400 --> 00:01:50.233
and form a new society, aye!

00:01:50.233 --> 00:01:51.566
- [Audience] Aye!

00:01:53.010 --> 00:01:56.310
- In a certain way, like, okay,
I will retreat into myself,

00:01:56.310 --> 00:01:59.550
work really hard to make something,

00:01:59.550 --> 00:02:04.550
sometimes with a lot of misery
in my life or in the project,

00:02:05.220 --> 00:02:07.800
and then I'll come out
and I'll present it.

00:02:07.800 --> 00:02:11.400
And because I am also a
performer, that's part of my work,

00:02:11.400 --> 00:02:13.800
that is this kind of
beautiful altered state.

00:02:13.800 --> 00:02:16.230
Do it with the reckless
part of your heart.

00:02:16.230 --> 00:02:19.260
You know, do it like you're drunk,

00:02:19.260 --> 00:02:22.920
'cause that is the only way
this sort of thing ever happens.

00:02:22.920 --> 00:02:25.260
You know, it's not by
like, thinking it through

00:02:25.260 --> 00:02:27.240
and, oh, but what about the dog?

00:02:27.240 --> 00:02:29.472
And, you know...
(audience laughing)

00:02:29.472 --> 00:02:30.305
No.

00:02:30.305 --> 00:02:33.660
No, it's always with anger, and lust,

00:02:33.660 --> 00:02:35.970
and hope like an anthem, you know?

00:02:35.970 --> 00:02:38.693
We can have an anthem, we can do that.

00:02:38.693 --> 00:02:41.430
(computer keys tapping)

00:02:41.430 --> 00:02:46.430
And then with the pandemic
I remember thinking,

00:02:46.447 --> 00:02:48.990
"Oh, if that could not happen,

00:02:48.990 --> 00:02:52.200
that you could not have that moment,

00:02:52.200 --> 00:02:55.407
then the rest of my
life has to be better."

00:02:56.820 --> 00:02:59.400
Like, just my daily life.

00:02:59.400 --> 00:03:02.670
You know, it's like living
for heaven, you know?

00:03:02.670 --> 00:03:04.920
Like, it's all right if
I'm miserable in this life

00:03:04.920 --> 00:03:06.000
'cause one day I'll go to heaven.

00:03:06.000 --> 00:03:08.250
Like, I can't live like that.

00:03:08.250 --> 00:03:13.150
And I actually made some
huge changes to my life

00:03:14.070 --> 00:03:14.903
because of that.

00:03:16.140 --> 00:03:19.490
(gentle music)
(birds chirping)

00:03:19.490 --> 00:03:23.460
And then I write often in
this bed here, you know,

00:03:23.460 --> 00:03:26.343
and this is the bed where I
sleep on Wednesday nights.

00:03:27.192 --> 00:03:28.680
(gentle music)

00:03:28.680 --> 00:03:33.000
I decided I would spend one
night a week in this studio,

00:03:33.000 --> 00:03:35.400
that on Wednesday nights,
I would sleep here,

00:03:35.400 --> 00:03:36.420
and I would wake up here,

00:03:36.420 --> 00:03:39.356
and I would spend the day here.

00:03:39.356 --> 00:03:41.670
(computer keys tapping)

00:03:41.670 --> 00:03:43.230
Which doesn't sound like much,

00:03:43.230 --> 00:03:45.810
but keep in mind, like I have a child

00:03:45.810 --> 00:03:48.393
who at that time was eight,

00:03:49.440 --> 00:03:52.560
and a partner who also has a busy life.

00:03:52.560 --> 00:03:53.760
And so it seemed like...

00:03:53.760 --> 00:03:56.160
And I haven't heard of
that, I haven't heard of...

00:03:56.160 --> 00:03:58.620
Like, the other moms aren't
doing that, you know?

00:03:58.620 --> 00:04:01.830
And the other artist moms,
frankly, weren't either.

00:04:01.830 --> 00:04:04.130
So it was one of those
things where it's like,

00:04:05.430 --> 00:04:06.660
this is no big deal.

00:04:06.660 --> 00:04:09.270
Like, my partner didn't
think it was a big deal.

00:04:09.270 --> 00:04:11.520
My child was like, "Yes!

00:04:11.520 --> 00:04:13.020
We're gonna have pizza on those nights."

00:04:13.020 --> 00:04:16.743
Like, you know, they just
liked the variation, sort of.

00:04:18.480 --> 00:04:19.447
And so I had to be like,

00:04:19.447 --> 00:04:22.020
"Well, why does that feel so dangerous?"

00:04:22.020 --> 00:04:25.710
And I think it's dangerous
because if you're gonna do that,

00:04:25.710 --> 00:04:28.233
then what else might you do, you know?

00:04:29.880 --> 00:04:31.710
Well, I think what would happen is

00:04:31.710 --> 00:04:34.920
the pandemic started and
I'd be on these Zoom calls,

00:04:34.920 --> 00:04:39.920
and I would just throw on
something for the call, you know?

00:04:39.990 --> 00:04:42.269
'Cause you could do that so easily.

00:04:42.269 --> 00:04:45.630
And then I'd be like,
"Well, this was a costume,

00:04:45.630 --> 00:04:47.310
but who is this?"

00:04:47.310 --> 00:04:52.310
Just start to like see,
you know, like what...?

00:04:53.820 --> 00:04:56.033
Like, what is this?

00:04:56.033 --> 00:04:58.700
(gentle music)

00:05:05.280 --> 00:05:08.910
And then once you have
this new perspective

00:05:08.910 --> 00:05:11.850
on your life and your family,

00:05:11.850 --> 00:05:13.563
and how these things interact,

00:05:14.730 --> 00:05:16.694
I mean, it just goes on from there.

00:05:16.694 --> 00:05:18.570
(gentle music)

00:05:18.570 --> 00:05:21.150
Come around. Yes, that's it.

00:05:21.150 --> 00:05:22.590
Come around.

00:05:22.590 --> 00:05:25.563
Come forward, forward.

00:05:25.563 --> 00:05:29.190
I will not hurt you. I will not hurt you.

00:05:29.190 --> 00:05:33.330
I may hurt you, not very badly.

00:05:33.330 --> 00:05:36.488
No one will be injured today.

00:05:36.488 --> 00:05:40.410
Not in this house, not by me.

00:05:40.410 --> 00:05:45.410
I work so hard to keep
asking every day, like,

00:05:45.930 --> 00:05:50.930
no, but, really, like,
what really is interesting?

00:05:51.697 --> 00:05:54.364
(gentle music)

00:06:05.920 --> 00:06:07.710
I remember being in my twenties and like,

00:06:07.710 --> 00:06:11.160
shaking myself and being like,
"You're asleep at the wheel."

00:06:11.160 --> 00:06:14.400
Like, "Remember, you're absolutely free."

00:06:14.400 --> 00:06:17.444
Like, "What do you want to do today?"

00:06:17.444 --> 00:06:20.111
(gentle music)

00:06:21.870 --> 00:06:23.490
And like, "Wake up."

00:06:23.490 --> 00:06:26.010
Like, "You're here. You're actually here."

00:06:26.010 --> 00:06:29.493
New as the day is young. As a babe.

00:06:32.370 --> 00:06:35.190
So I doubt anyone would
be able to catch that

00:06:35.190 --> 00:06:36.810
as the running theme in my work,

00:06:36.810 --> 00:06:40.237
but maybe it'd be nice if someone did.

00:06:42.545 --> 00:06:47.545
(melodious music)
(computer keys tapping)