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(melodious music)[br](computer keys tapping)

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- I write my movies, and books,

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and performances, and everything,

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obviously here at this table,

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but then also sometimes here.

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And I put this cushion on my lap.

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I mean, this is over[br]the course of 19 years,

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so I've got all these systems for like,

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making it feel like everything's new.

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I write at this kitchen table,

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and then I just feel like...

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I feel like a woman at her kitchen table,

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you know, there's a kind of like a

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timeless writer, woman writer feeling.

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You know, I started so young,[br]I started when I was 16,

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writing and directing my first play.

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- I can't say it, I can't say it in words

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and there's no way you can know.

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You can't know how I feel[br]unless you can read it.

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- And that had an audience reaction to it,

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which was quite a high.

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Like, I knew that the play wasn't perfect

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and like, the audience was,

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you know, maybe confused, whatever.

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But just that experience I'd[br]never had before, of that high,

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and I kind of lived my life for that.

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If you agree to live here with[br]me in this theater forever

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and form a new society, aye!

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- [Audience] Aye!

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- In a certain way, like, okay,[br]I will retreat into myself,

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work really hard to make something,

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sometimes with a lot of misery[br]in my life or in the project,

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and then I'll come out[br]and I'll present it.

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And because I am also a[br]performer, that's part of my work,

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that is this kind of[br]beautiful altered state.

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Do it with the reckless[br]part of your heart.

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You know, do it like you're drunk,

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'cause that is the only way[br]this sort of thing ever happens.

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You know, it's not by[br]like, thinking it through

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and, oh, but what about the dog?

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And, you know...[br](audience laughing)

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No.

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No, it's always with anger, and lust,

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and hope like an anthem, you know?

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We can have an anthem, we can do that.

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(computer keys tapping)

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And then with the pandemic[br]I remember thinking,

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"Oh, if that could not happen,

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that you could not have that moment,

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then the rest of my[br]life has to be better."

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Like, just my daily life.

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You know, it's like living[br]for heaven, you know?

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Like, it's all right if[br]I'm miserable in this life

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'cause one day I'll go to heaven.

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Like, I can't live like that.

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And I actually made some[br]huge changes to my life

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because of that.

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(gentle music)[br](birds chirping)

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And then I write often in[br]this bed here, you know,

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and this is the bed where I[br]sleep on Wednesday nights.

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(gentle music)

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I decided I would spend one[br]night a week in this studio,

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that on Wednesday nights,[br]I would sleep here,

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and I would wake up here,

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and I would spend the day here.

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(computer keys tapping)

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Which doesn't sound like much,

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but keep in mind, like I have a child

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who at that time was eight,

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and a partner who also has a busy life.

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And so it seemed like...

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And I haven't heard of[br]that, I haven't heard of...

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Like, the other moms aren't[br]doing that, you know?

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And the other artist moms,[br]frankly, weren't either.

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So it was one of those[br]things where it's like,

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this is no big deal.

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Like, my partner didn't[br]think it was a big deal.

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My child was like, "Yes!

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We're gonna have pizza on those nights."

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Like, you know, they just[br]liked the variation, sort of.

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And so I had to be like,

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"Well, why does that feel so dangerous?"

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And I think it's dangerous[br]because if you're gonna do that,

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then what else might you do, you know?

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Well, I think what would happen is

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the pandemic started and[br]I'd be on these Zoom calls,

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and I would just throw on[br]something for the call, you know?

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'Cause you could do that so easily.

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And then I'd be like,[br]"Well, this was a costume,

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but who is this?"

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Just start to like see,[br]you know, like what...?

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Like, what is this?

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(gentle music)

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And then once you have[br]this new perspective

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on your life and your family,

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and how these things interact,

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I mean, it just goes on from there.

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(gentle music)

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Come around. Yes, that's it.

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Come around.

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Come forward, forward.

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I will not hurt you. I will not hurt you.

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I may hurt you, not very badly.

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No one will be injured today.

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Not in this house, not by me.

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I work so hard to keep[br]asking every day, like,

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no, but, really, like,[br]what really is interesting?

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(gentle music)

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I remember being in my twenties and like,

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shaking myself and being like,[br]"You're asleep at the wheel."

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Like, "Remember, you're absolutely free."

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Like, "What do you want to do today?"

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(gentle music)

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And like, "Wake up."

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Like, "You're here. You're actually here."

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New as the day is young. As a babe.

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So I doubt anyone would[br]be able to catch that

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as the running theme in my work,

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but maybe it'd be nice if someone did.

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(melodious music)[br](computer keys tapping)