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[MUSIC PLAYING]

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Ladies and gentlemen,[br]Chris Rock.

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[CHEERING]

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Thank you!

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Thank you, thank you, thank you.

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Thank you all.

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[CHEERING]

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Hey, hey.

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I just want to say, it's[br]great to be back, great to be

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in New York, great to be[br]at Saturday Night Live.

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It's great to be here[br]the day after Halloween.

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I can't believe some[br]of y'all made it.

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As you know, as you know,[br]yesterday was Halloween.

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Tomorrow's the New[br]York City Marathon.

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Yeah, scary, you know?

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What could go[br]wrong there, right?

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[LAUGHTER]

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It will be all right.

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It will be all right.

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New York is going[br]to be fine, just

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like-- just like Boston's fine[br]after the marathon, you know?

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Oh, Boston Marathon[br]was scary, man.

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That was scary, man.

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Because I love Boston.

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I love the people[br]there, but that

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was, that probably the most[br]frightening, sadistic terrorist

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attack ever.

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Just think about it,[br]26 miles, 26 miles.

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26 miles is a long drive.

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If you call up one of[br]your friends, hey man,

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I need you to pick me up.

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Where you at?

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About 26 miles away.

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You better get Uber.

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[LAUGHTER]

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26 miles, people jogging[br]for 26 miles, man, 26.

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Their knees are hurting.

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Their feet are killing them.

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If you're a woman, there's[br]blood coming out your titties.

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[LAUGHTER]

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26 miles, you've been[br]training for a year,

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you finally get to the finish[br]line and somebody screams, run.

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Oh, that is horrible, man.

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But, hey, the good people[br]of Boston bounced back.

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That's right.

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And New York will bounce back.

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That's right.

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New York, we had our[br]own terrorist attack.

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And we bounced back.

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That's right.

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Now we've got the Freedom Tower.

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The Freedom-- have you[br]seen the Freedom Tower?

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You can see it no[br]matter where you're at.

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If you can-- if you[br]can't see it from here,

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then you're in Connecticut, OK?

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Freedom Tower anywhere you look.

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Now, the should change the[br]name from the Freedom Tower

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to the never going[br]in there tower.

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Because I'm never[br]going in there.

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There is no circumstance[br]that will ever

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get me in that building.

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Are you kidding me?

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[APPLAUSE]

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My god, what do they have?

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Does this building duck?

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What are they thinking?

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Like, who's the corporate[br]sponsor, Target?

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[LAUGHTER]

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Stop it.

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In the same spot?

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They put another skyscraper[br]in the same spot?

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What kind of arrogant Floyd[br]Mayweather crap is this?

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In the same spot?

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What businesses are they going[br]to put in the Freedom Tower?

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They're going to put some[br]mandatory stuff in there,

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stuff you can't get out of like[br]the IRS, family court, DMV.

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Because they put a[br]Sunglass Hut in there,

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it's going to be empty.

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I am never going in[br]the Freedom Tower, man.

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Are you kidding me?

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It's the same spot.

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Hey, I got robbed on 48th[br]and 8th about 20 years ago.

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I have not been back[br]to 48th and 8th.

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[LAUGHTER]

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No, I am never going[br]in the Freedom Tower.

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Hey man, I don't care[br]if Scarlett Johansson is

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butt naked on the 89th[br]floor in a plate of ribs,

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I'm not going in[br]there, all right?

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No, no, no, no.

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People are come[br]on, man, don't joke

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about the Freedom Tower, that[br]has something to do with 9/11.

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Hey, hey, I'm not[br]joking about 9/11.

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I'm not.

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I'm not.

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But you've got to realize,[br]we are in America.

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And in America, there[br]are no sacred days.

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Because we commercialize[br]everything.

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That's right.

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We're only five years[br]away from 9/11 sales.

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That's right.

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You're going to hear[br]it on the radio.

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Come on down to Red Lobster.

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These shrimp are $9.11.

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That's right.

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It doesn't matter[br]what the holiday is.

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Martin Luther King Day, it's[br]going to be the same thing.

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You're going to be[br]watching TV like,

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these Toyotas are practically[br]free at last, free at last.

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These Toyotas are[br]practically free at last.

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This MLK Birthday,[br]Madea's got dreams.

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[LAUGHTER]

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It's America.

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We commercialize everything.

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Look at what we[br]did to Christmas.

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Christmas, Christmas[br]is Jesus' birthday.

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It's Jesus' birthday.

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Now, I don't know Jesus,[br]but from what I've read,

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Jesus is the least[br]materialistic person to ever

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roam the earth,[br]no bling on Jesus.

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Jesus kept a low profile.

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And we turned his birthday[br]into the most materialistic day

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of the year.

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Matter of fact, we have[br]the Jesus birthday season.

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It's a whole season[br]of materialism.

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Then at the end of the[br]Jesus birthday season,

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we had the nerve to have[br]an economist come on TV

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and tell you how horrible[br]the Jesus birthday

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season was this year.

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[LAUGHTER]

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Oh, we had a horrible[br]Jesus' birthday this year.

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Hopefully, business will[br]pick up by his crucifixion.

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[LAUGHTER]

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Yes, but, you know,[br]you try to help.

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Jesus, Jesus tried to help.

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[APPLAUSE]

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Jesus tried to help.

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They I tried to help.

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You get hurt for helping.

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That's what happens, man.

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I remember, I went[br]down to Washington, DC

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for an anti-gun event,[br]OK, anti-gun thing

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at the White House.

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Now, I'm not, I'm[br]not big anti-gun,

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but I just think there should be[br]some regulations just in case.

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Just, like the same way I can't[br]drive a NASCAR down the street,

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I shouldn't be able to have[br]a machine gun in my house

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across the street[br]from the school, OK?

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It's simple, right?

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[APPLAUSE]

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So I go to this thing.

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And it's me and a[br]bunch of celebrities.

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And we speak out against guns.

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And I come home.

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And I check out my website.

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And I look at my[br]website and there's

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all these threats on there.

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I'm going to kill you.

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I'm going to put[br]one in your head.

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I'll slit your throat.

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Don't you dare come between me[br]and my, and my, and my weapon.

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And I realize, oh my[br]god, I need a gun!

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I need a gun right now.

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And from that[br]moment on, I said, I

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will never get[br]involved in any charity

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or cause for the[br]rest of my life.

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You're on your own.

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I don't care what disease it is.

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I don't care if it's protecting[br]kids, the environment,

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I don't care.

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If you see me talking[br]about a disease, I got it.

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[APPLAUSE]

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Hey!

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We've got a great[br]show for you tonight.

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[CHEERING]

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Prince is here!

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So stick around.

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We'll be right back.

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[MUSIC PLAYING]

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[MUSIC PLAYING]

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