[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.23,0:00:03.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Death stalks you at every turn.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:03.06,0:00:04.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Grandpa!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:04.23,0:00:08.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, it does. [SHRIEKS] \NThere! There it is. There!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:08.81,0:00:10.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's only Maggie.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:10.46,0:00:16.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[LAUGHS] Oh yeah. You know, at my \Nage the mind starts playing tricks.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.41,0:00:18.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ah!!! There!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:18.51,0:00:20.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- That's only the cat.\N- Oh.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:20.46,0:00:22.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ah, there!!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:22.13,0:00:24.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's Maggie again, Grandpa.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:24.05,0:00:25.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh. Where were we?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:25.56,0:00:27.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There!!!!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:27.94,0:00:30.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[CHOMPING SOUNDS]
Dialogue: 0,0:00:32.05,0:00:33.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Uh oh.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:33.12,0:00:43.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
Dialogue: 0,0:00:43.67,0:00:45.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What? What's that?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:46.58,0:00:49.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hi Mum. Hi Dad. Home already?\N[GRANDPA TRYING TO SPEAK]
Dialogue: 0,0:00:49.54,0:00:53.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Boy, time really flies when\Nyou're reading... the BIBLE!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.76,0:00:54.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ooooh!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:54.96,0:00:56.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, we brought some pizza.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:56.39,0:00:58.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[JUMBLED SPEECH]
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.92,0:01:02.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you don't start making more sense\Nwe're going to have to put you in a home.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:02.93,0:01:04.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You already put me in a home.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:04.88,0:01:07.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then we'll put you in the crooked\Nhome we saw on Sixty Minutes.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:07.53,0:01:08.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'll be good.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:09.69,0:01:15.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Poor Homer. This world was never \Nmeant for one as beautiful as you.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:15.30,0:01:17.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[GURGLING CHOKING SOUNDS]
Dialogue: 0,0:01:17.23,0:01:19.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ahh! Get it! Get it!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:19.43,0:01:22.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Grandpa, please, he's in a coma.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:22.04,0:01:27.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Coma? [SCOFFS] Why, I go in and\Nout of comas all the ....[SNORES]
Dialogue: 0,0:01:28.62,0:01:30.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,French toast please.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.08,0:01:31.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Is a coma painful?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:31.44,0:01:36.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, heck no! You relive long lost\Nsummers, kiss girls from high school.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:36.79,0:01:40.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's like one of those TV shows where they\Nshow a bunch of clips from old episodes.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:40.88,0:01:45.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[WHISTLING]
Dialogue: 0,0:01:45.60,0:01:49.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh Simpson, can't you go 5 seconds\Nwithout humiliating yourself?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:49.39,0:01:51.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[TWANG OF BRACES BREAKING]
Dialogue: 0,0:01:52.51,0:01:54.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[LOUD BANG AND CRASH]\NHow long was that?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.42,0:01:57.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[LOUD DRUM SOUND EFFECTS]
Dialogue: 0,0:01:57.76,0:02:03.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This elevator only goes to the basement and \Nsomeone made an awful mess down there.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:03.83,0:02:06.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We can't bust heads like we used to
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.17,0:02:09.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but we have our ways.\N[GROUP VOICES THEIR AGREEMENT]
Dialogue: 0,0:02:09.96,0:02:13.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One trick is to tell 'em\Nstories that don't go anywhere.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:13.92,0:02:17.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Like the time I caught\Nthe ferry over to Shelbyville.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.37,0:02:20.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I needed a new heel for my shoe.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:20.61,0:02:27.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I decided to go to Morganville, which is\Nwhat they called Shelbyville in those days.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:27.59,0:02:31.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I tied an onion to my belt\Nwhich was the style at the time.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.93,0:02:34.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel
Dialogue: 0,0:02:34.84,0:02:39.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and in those days nickels had\Npictures of bumblebees on 'em.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:39.84,0:02:42.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Gimme five bees for a quarter, you'd say.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:42.77,0:02:44.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, where were we?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:44.22,0:02:48.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh yeah, the important thing was \Nthat I had an onion on my belt
Dialogue: 0,0:02:48.87,0:02:51.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which was the style at the time.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:51.59,0:02:57.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They didn't have white onions because of the\Nwar. The only thing you could get was those ...
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.36,0:03:01.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, you remind me \Nof a poem I can't remember
Dialogue: 0,0:03:01.58,0:03:03.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and a song that may never have existed
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.88,0:03:07.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and a place I'm not sure I've ever been to.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:07.23,0:03:09.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're so sweet.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:09.48,0:03:12.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[THINKING] Oooh, I feel all funny.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:13.38,0:03:15.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm in love!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:15.29,0:03:17.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No, wait, it's a stroke.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:17.50,0:03:21.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[AMBULANCE SIREN]\NNo, wait, it IS love.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:23.65,0:03:28.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm in Looooooooove.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:28.68,0:03:33.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I read your magazine\NI don't see one wrinkled face
Dialogue: 0,0:03:33.20,0:03:38.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or a single toothless grin - for shame.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:38.01,0:03:41.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,To the sickos at Modern Bride magazine.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:41.66,0:03:43.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hey Grandpa, we need\Nto know your first name.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:43.100,0:03:46.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[GASPS] You're making my tombstone!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:46.44,0:03:48.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No, we're just curious.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:48.54,0:03:49.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Alright, let's see.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:49.80,0:03:51.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,First name. First name.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.40,0:03:55.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, whenever I'm confused,\NI just check my underwear.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:55.10,0:03:58.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It holds the answer to all\Nthe important questions.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:58.83,0:04:02.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Call me Abraham Simpson.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:02.76,0:04:06.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Grandpa, how did you take off your\Nunderwear without taking off your pants?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:06.65,0:04:07.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't know.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:07.84,0:04:09.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I need to talk about man stuff.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:09.68,0:04:11.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,HOMER: Talk to Grandpa.\NHe used to be a man.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:11.89,0:04:12.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He did?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:12.79,0:04:17.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,G...g...g...give up the \Ngoods you yellow devil.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:17.31,0:04:21.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I kinda like this girl at school but \NI'm not sure if she likes me back.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:21.54,0:04:25.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's one sure way\Nto find out if a girl likes you.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:25.72,0:04:27.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Steal a kiss.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:27.27,0:04:29.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Really? Did that ever work for you?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:29.93,0:04:35.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sure did! I remember \Nit like it was yesterday.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:35.12,0:04:38.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[STATIC CRACKLY SOUNDS]
Dialogue: 0,0:04:38.80,0:04:42.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Uh oh.