[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.00,0:00:02.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was one of the founding members
Dialogue: 0,0:00:02.00,0:00:04.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of the Axis of Evil Comedy Tour.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:04.00,0:00:07.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The other founding members included Ahmed Ahmed,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:07.00,0:00:09.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who is an Egyptian-American,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:09.00,0:00:11.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who actually had the idea to go to the Middle East and try it out.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:11.00,0:00:13.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Before we went out as a tour,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:13.00,0:00:15.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he went out solo and did it first.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:15.00,0:00:18.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then there was Aron Kader, who was the Palestinian-American.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:18.00,0:00:21.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then there was me, the Iranian-American of the group.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.00,0:00:23.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, being Iranian-American
Dialogue: 0,0:00:23.00,0:00:25.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,presents its own set of problems, as you know.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:25.00,0:00:27.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Those two countries aren't getting along these days.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:27.00,0:00:30.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So it causes a lot of inner conflict, you know,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:30.00,0:00:33.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like part of me likes me, part of me hates me.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:33.00,0:00:35.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Part of me thinks I should have a nuclear program,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:35.00,0:00:38.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the other part thinks I can't be trusted with one.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:38.00,0:00:41.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,These are dilemmas I have every day.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:41.00,0:00:43.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I was born in Iran; I'm now an American citizen,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:43.00,0:00:45.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which means I have the American passport,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:45.00,0:00:48.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which means I can travel.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:48.00,0:00:50.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because if you only have the Iranian passport,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:50.00,0:00:52.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're kind of limited to the countries you can go to
Dialogue: 0,0:00:52.00,0:00:54.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with open arms, you know --
Dialogue: 0,0:00:54.00,0:00:56.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Syria, Venezuela, North Korea.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:56.00,0:00:59.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:59.00,0:01:01.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So anyone who's gotten their passport in America
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.00,0:01:03.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,will tell you, when you get your passport,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:03.00,0:01:05.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it still says what country you were born in.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:05.00,0:01:07.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I remember getting my American passport.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:07.00,0:01:09.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was like, "Woohoo! I'm going to travel."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:09.00,0:01:12.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I opened it up, it said, "Born in Iran." I'm like, "Oh, come on, man."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:12.00,0:01:14.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:14.00,0:01:16.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I'm trying to go places."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:16.00,0:01:18.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But what's interesting is, I've never had trouble
Dialogue: 0,0:01:18.00,0:01:21.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,traveling in any other Western countries with my American passport,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:21.00,0:01:23.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,even though it says, "Born in Iran." No problems.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:23.00,0:01:26.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Where I've had some problems is some of the Arab countries,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:26.00,0:01:29.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I guess some of the Arab countries aren't getting along with Iran either.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:29.00,0:01:31.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so I was in Kuwait recently,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:31.00,0:01:33.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,doing a comedy show with some other American comedians.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:33.00,0:01:36.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They all went through, and then the border patrol saw my American passport.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:36.00,0:01:38.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Ah ha! American, great."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:38.00,0:01:40.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then he opened it up. "Born in Iran? Wait."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:40.00,0:01:42.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:42.00,0:01:44.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he started asking me questions.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:44.00,0:01:46.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He said, "What is your father's name?"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:46.00,0:01:49.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I said, "Well, he's passed away, but his name was Khosro."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:49.00,0:01:51.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He goes, "What is your grandfather's name?"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:51.00,0:01:53.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I said, "He passed away a long time ago.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:53.00,0:01:55.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,His name was Jabbar."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.00,0:01:57.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He says, "You wait. I'll be back," and he walked away.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:57.00,0:01:59.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I started freaking out,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:59.00,0:02:01.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I don't know what kind of crap my grandfather was into.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:01.00,0:02:04.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:04.00,0:02:06.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thought the guy was going to come back and be like,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.00,0:02:08.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"We've been looking for you for 200 years."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:08.00,0:02:12.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:12.00,0:02:15.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Your grandfather has a parking violation. It's way overdue.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:15.00,0:02:18.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You owe us two billion dollars."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:19.00,0:02:21.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But as you can see, when I talk,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:21.00,0:02:23.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I speak with an American accent, which you would think
Dialogue: 0,0:02:23.00,0:02:25.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as an Iranian-American actor,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.00,0:02:28.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I should be able to play any part, good, bad, what have you.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:28.00,0:02:30.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But a lot of times in Hollywood,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:30.00,0:02:32.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when casting directors find out you're of Middle Eastern descent,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:32.00,0:02:34.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they go, "Oh, you're Iranian. Great.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:34.00,0:02:37.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Can you say 'I will kill you in the name of Allah?'"
Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.00,0:02:39.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I could say that, but what if I were to say,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:39.00,0:02:41.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'Hello. I'm your doctor?'"
Dialogue: 0,0:02:41.00,0:02:44.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They go, "Great. And then you hijack the hospital."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:44.00,0:02:49.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:49.00,0:02:52.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Like I think you're missing the point here.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:52.00,0:02:54.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Don't get me wrong, I don't mind playing bad guys.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:54.00,0:02:56.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want to play a bad guy. I want to rob a bank.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:56.00,0:02:58.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want to rob a bank in a film. I want to rob a bank in a film,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:58.00,0:03:01.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but do it with a gun, with a gun, not with a bomb strapped around me, right.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:01.00,0:03:03.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.00,0:03:05.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because I imagine the director: "Maz, I think your character
Dialogue: 0,0:03:05.00,0:03:08.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,would rob the bank with a bomb around him."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:08.00,0:03:10.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Why would I do that?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:10.00,0:03:13.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If I want the money, why would I kill myself?"
Dialogue: 0,0:03:13.00,0:03:15.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:15.00,0:03:17.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Right.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:17.00,0:03:20.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:20.00,0:03:23.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Gimme all your money, or I'll blow myself up."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:23.00,0:03:27.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:27.00,0:03:29.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Well, then blow yourself up.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:29.00,0:03:31.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just do it outside, please."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:31.00,0:03:35.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:35.00,0:03:37.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But the fact is, there's good people everywhere.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:37.00,0:03:39.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's what I try and show in my stand-up. There's good people everywhere.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:39.00,0:03:41.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All it takes in one person to mess it up.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:41.00,0:03:44.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Like a couple months ago in Times Square in New York,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:44.00,0:03:47.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there was this Pakistani Muslim guy who tried to blow up a car bomb.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:47.00,0:03:49.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, I happened to be in Times Square that night
Dialogue: 0,0:03:49.00,0:03:51.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,doing a comedy show.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.00,0:03:54.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And a few months before that, there was a white American guy in Austin, Texas
Dialogue: 0,0:03:54.00,0:03:57.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who flew his airplane into the IRS building,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:57.00,0:04:00.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I happened to be in Austin that day
Dialogue: 0,0:04:00.00,0:04:02.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,doing a stand-up comedy show.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:02.00,0:04:04.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now I'll tell you, as a Middle Eastern male,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:04.00,0:04:07.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when you show up around a lot of these activities,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:07.00,0:04:09.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you start feeling guilty at one point.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:09.00,0:04:12.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was watching the news. I'm like, "Am I involved in this crap?"
Dialogue: 0,0:04:12.00,0:04:18.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:18.00,0:04:20.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I didn't get the memo. What's going on?"
Dialogue: 0,0:04:20.00,0:04:22.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:22.00,0:04:24.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But what was interesting was, the Pakistani Muslim guy --
Dialogue: 0,0:04:24.00,0:04:26.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,see he gives a bad name to Muslims
Dialogue: 0,0:04:26.00,0:04:29.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and Middle Easterners and Pakistanis from all over the world.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:29.00,0:04:32.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And one thing that happened there was also the Pakistani Taliban
Dialogue: 0,0:04:32.00,0:04:35.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,took credit for that failed car bombing.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:35.00,0:04:37.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My question is: why would you take credit
Dialogue: 0,0:04:37.00,0:04:39.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for a failed car bombing?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:39.00,0:04:41.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"We just wanted to say
Dialogue: 0,0:04:41.00,0:04:43.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we tried."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:43.00,0:04:47.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:47.00,0:04:49.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"And furthermore,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:49.00,0:04:51.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it is the thought that counts."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:51.00,0:04:53.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:53.00,0:05:00.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:05:00.00,0:05:02.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"And in conclusion, win some, lose some."
Dialogue: 0,0:05:02.00,0:05:04.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:05:04.00,0:05:07.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But what happened was, when the white guy flew his plane into the building,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:07.00,0:05:09.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know all my Middle Eastern and Muslim friends in the States
Dialogue: 0,0:05:09.00,0:05:11.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,were watching TV, going, "Please, don't be Middle Eastern.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:11.00,0:05:14.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Don't be Hassan. Don't be Hussein."
Dialogue: 0,0:05:14.00,0:05:17.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the name came out Jack. I'm like, "Woooo!
Dialogue: 0,0:05:17.00,0:05:19.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's not one of us."
Dialogue: 0,0:05:19.00,0:05:21.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I kept watching the news in case they came back,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:21.00,0:05:23.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they were like, "Before he did it, he converted to Islam."
Dialogue: 0,0:05:23.00,0:05:26.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Damn it! Why Jack? Why?"
Dialogue: 0,0:05:28.00,0:05:30.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But the fact is, I've been lucky
Dialogue: 0,0:05:30.00,0:05:32.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to get a chance to perform all over the world,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:32.00,0:05:34.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I did a lot of shows in the Middle East.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:34.00,0:05:36.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I just did a seven-country solo tour.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:36.00,0:05:38.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was in Oman, and I was in Saudi Arabia.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:38.00,0:05:40.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was in Dubai.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:40.00,0:05:42.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it's great, there's good people everywhere.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:42.00,0:05:44.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And you learn great things about these places.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:44.00,0:05:46.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I encourage people always to go visit these places.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:46.00,0:05:48.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For example, Dubai -- cool place.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:48.00,0:05:51.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They're obsessed with having the biggest, tallest, longest, as we all know.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:51.00,0:05:53.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They have a mall there, the Dubai Mall.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:53.00,0:05:56.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is so big, they have taxis in the mall.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:56.00,0:05:58.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was walking. I heard "Beep, beep."
Dialogue: 0,0:05:58.00,0:06:00.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm like, "What are you doing here?"
Dialogue: 0,0:06:00.00,0:06:02.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He goes, "I'm going to the Zara store. It's three miles away.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:02.00,0:06:05.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Out of my way. Out of my way. Out of my way."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:07.00,0:06:09.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And what's crazy -- there's a recession going on, even in Dubai,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:09.00,0:06:11.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but you wouldn't know by the prices.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:11.00,0:06:13.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Like in the Dubai Mall,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:13.00,0:06:15.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they sell frozen yogurt by the gram.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:16.00,0:06:18.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's like a drug deal.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:18.00,0:06:21.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was walking by. The guy goes, "Psst. Habibi, my friend."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:21.00,0:06:23.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:23.00,0:06:26.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"You want some frozen yogurt?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:26.00,0:06:28.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Come here. Come here. Come here.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:28.00,0:06:31.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have one gram, five gram, 10 gram. How many gram do you want?"
Dialogue: 0,0:06:31.00,0:06:33.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:33.00,0:06:36.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I bought five grams. 10 dollars. 10 dollars! I said, "What's in this?"
Dialogue: 0,0:06:36.00,0:06:39.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He's like, "Good stuff, man. Columbian. Top of the line. Top of the line."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:39.00,0:06:41.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The other thing you learn sometimes
Dialogue: 0,0:06:41.00,0:06:43.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when you travel to these countries in the Middle East,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:43.00,0:06:45.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,sometimes in Latin American countries, South American countries --
Dialogue: 0,0:06:45.00,0:06:47.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a lot of times when they build stuff,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:47.00,0:06:49.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there's no rules and regulations.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:49.00,0:06:52.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For example, I took my two year-old son to the playground at the Dubai Mall.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:52.00,0:06:55.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I've taken my two year-old son to playgrounds all over the United States.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:55.00,0:06:58.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when you put your two year-old on a slide in the United States,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:58.00,0:07:01.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they put something on the slide
Dialogue: 0,0:07:01.00,0:07:04.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to slow the kid down as he comes down the slide.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:04.00,0:07:06.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not in the Middle East.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:06.00,0:07:08.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:08.00,0:07:11.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I put my two year-old on the slide; he went frrmrmm! He took off.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:11.00,0:07:13.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I went down. I go, "Where's my son?"
Dialogue: 0,0:07:13.00,0:07:15.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"On the third floor, sir. On the third floor."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:15.00,0:07:18.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:18.00,0:07:20.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"You take a taxi. You go to Zara. Make a left."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:20.00,0:07:23.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:23.00,0:07:26.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Try the yogurt. It's very good. Little expensive."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:27.00,0:07:30.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But one of the things I try to do with my stand-up is to break stereotypes.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:30.00,0:07:32.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I've been guilty of stereotyping as well.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:32.00,0:07:35.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was in Dubai. And there's a lot of Indians who work in Dubai.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:35.00,0:07:37.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And they don't get paid that well.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:37.00,0:07:39.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I got it in my head that all the Indians there must be workers.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:39.00,0:07:42.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I forgot there's obviously successful Indians in Dubai as well.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:42.00,0:07:44.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was doing a show,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:44.00,0:07:46.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they said, "We're going to send a driver to pick you up."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:46.00,0:07:48.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I went down to the lobby, and I saw this Indian guy.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:48.00,0:07:50.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I go, "He's got to be my driver."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:50.00,0:07:53.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because he was standing there in like a cheap suit, thin mustache, staring at me.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:53.00,0:07:55.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I went over, "Excuse me, sir, are you my driver?"
Dialogue: 0,0:07:55.00,0:07:57.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He goes, "No, sir. I own the hotel."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:57.00,0:08:02.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:08:02.00,0:08:04.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I go, "I'm sorry. Then why were you staring at me?"
Dialogue: 0,0:08:04.00,0:08:06.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He goes, "I thought you were my driver."
Dialogue: 0,0:08:06.00,0:08:17.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:08:17.00,0:08:20.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:08:20.00,0:08:23.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'll leave you guys with this: I try, with my stand-up, to break stereotypes,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:23.00,0:08:25.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,present Middle Easterners in a positive light -- Muslims in a positive light --
Dialogue: 0,0:08:25.00,0:08:28.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I hope that in the coming years,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:28.00,0:08:30.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,more film and television programs come out of Hollywood
Dialogue: 0,0:08:30.00,0:08:33.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,presenting us in a positive light.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:33.00,0:08:36.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Who knows, maybe one day we'll even have our own James Bond, right.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:36.00,0:08:38.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"My name is Bond, Jamal Bond."
Dialogue: 0,0:08:38.00,0:08:40.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:08:40.00,0:08:42.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Til then, I'll keep telling jokes. I hope you keep laughing.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:42.00,0:08:44.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Have a good day. Thank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:44.00,0:08:52.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)