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Joe Kowan: I have stage fright.

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I've always had stage fright,

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and not just a little bit,

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it's a big bit.

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And it didn't even matter until I was 27.

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That's when I started writing songs, and even then,

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I only played them for myself.

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Just knowing my roommates were in the 
same house made me uncomfortable.

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But after a couple of years, 
just writing songs wasn't enough.

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I had all these stories and ideas,
and I wanted to share them with people,

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but physiologically, I couldn't do it.

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I had this irrational fear.

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But the more I wrote, and the more I practiced,

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the more I wanted to perform.

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So on the week of my 30th birthday,

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I decdied I was going to go to this local open mic,

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and put this fear behind me.

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Well, when I got there, it was packed.

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There were like 20 people there.

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(Laughter)

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And they all looked angry.

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But I took a deep breath, and I signed up to play,

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and I felt pretty good.

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Pretty good, until about 10 minutes before my turn,

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when my whole body rebelled, and 
this wave of anxiety just washed over me.

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Now when you experience fear, 
your sympathetic nervous system kicks in.

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So you have a rush of adrenaline, 
your heart rate increases,

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your breathing gets faster.

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Next your non-essential systems start to shut down,
like digestion. (Laughter)

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So your mouth gets dry, and blood is routed
away from your extremities,

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so your fingers don't work anymore.

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Your pupils dilate, your muscles contract,
your Spidey sense tingles,

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basically your whole body is trigger-happy.
(Laughter)

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That condition is not conducive 
to performing folk music.

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(Laughter)

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I mean, your nervous system is an idiot.

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Really? 200,000 years of human evolution, 
and it still can't tell the difference

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between a saber tooth tiger and 20 folksingers

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on a Tuesday-night open mic?

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(Laughter)

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I have never been more terrified -- until now.

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(Laughter and cheers)

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So then it was my turn,

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and somehow, I get myself on 
to the stage, I start my song,

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I open my mouth to sing the first line,

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and this completely horrible vibrato --

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you know, when your voice wavers -- comes streaming out.

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And this is not the good kind of vibrato, 
like an opera singer has,

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this is my whole body just convulsing with fear.

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I mean, it's a nightmare.

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I'm embarrassed, the audience is clearly uncomfortable,

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they're focused on my discomfort.

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It was so bad.

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But that was my first real experience 
as a solo singer-songwriter.

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And something good did happen --
I had the tiniest little glimpse

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of that audience connection that I was hoping for.

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And I wanted more. But I knew 
I had to get past this nervousness.

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That night I promised myself: 
I would go back every week

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until I wasn't nervous anymore.

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And I did. I went back every single week,

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and sure enough, week after week,

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it didn't get any better. The same 
thing happened every week. (Laughter)

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I couldn't shake it.

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And that's when I had an epiphany.

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And I remember it really well, because --
because I don't have a lot of epiphanies.

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All I had to do was write a song that exploits my nervousness.

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That only seems authentic when I have stage fright,

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and the more nervous I was,

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the better the song would be. Easy.

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So I started writing a song about having stage fright.

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First, 'fessing up to the problem,

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the physical manifestations, how I might feel,

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how the listener might feel.

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And then accounting for things like my shaky voice,

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and I knew I would be singing about a 
half-octave higher than normal,

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because I was nervous. (Laughter)

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By having a song that explained 
what was happening to me,

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while it was happening,

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that gave the audience permission to think about it.

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They didn't have to feel bad 
for me because I was nervous,

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they could experience that with me,

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and we were all one big happy, nervous, 
uncomfortable family. (Laughter)

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By thinking about my audience, 
by embracing and exploiting my problem,

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I was able to take something 
that was blocking my progress,

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and turn it into something that 
was essential for my success.

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And having the stage-fright song let 
me get past that biggest issue

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right in the beginning of a performance.

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And then I could move on, 
and play the rest of my songs

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with just a little bit more ease.

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And eventually, over time, I didn't 
have to play the stage-fright song at all.

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Except for when I was really nervous -- like now.
(Laughter)

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Would it be okay if I played the 
stage-fright song for you?

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(Applause and cheers)

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Can I have a sip of water?

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(Plays)

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Thank you.

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(Plays and sings)


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I'm not joking you know,

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this stage fright is real.

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And if I'm up here trembling and singing,

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well you'll know how I feel.

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And that the mistake I'd be making,

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t\he tremelo caused by my whole body shaking.

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As you sit there feeling embarrassed for me,

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well you don't have to be.

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Well, maybe just a little bit.

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(Laughter)

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And maybe I'll try to imagine you all
without clothes.

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But singing in front of all naked strangers
scares me more than anyone knows

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Not to discuss this at length

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But my body image was never my strength

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So frankly, I wish that you all would get dressed,

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I mean, you're not even really naked.

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And I'm the one with the problem.

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And you tell me don't 
worry so much, you'll be great.

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But I'm the one living with me

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and I know how I get.

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Your advice is gentle but late.

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If not just a bit patronizing.

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And that sarcastic tone doesn't help me when I sing.

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But we shouldn't talk about these things right now,

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really, I'm up on stage, and you're in the crowd. Hi.

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And I'm not making fun of 
un-nurtured irrational fear,

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and if I wasn't ready to face this,

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I sure as hell wouldn't be here.

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But if I belt one note out clearly,

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you'll know I'm recovering slowly but surely.

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And maybe next week, I'll set my guitar ringin'

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my voice clear as water, and everyone singin'.

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But probably I'll just get up and start groovin',

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my vocal cords movin',

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at speeds slightly faster than sound.

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(Applause and cheers)