Come in. Trouble at mill. Oh no. What sort of trouble? Pardon? I don't understand what you're saying. One of the cross beams has gone out askew on the treddle. - Well what on earth does that mean? - I don't know. Mr Wentworth just told me to come in here and say that there was trouble at the mill, that's all. I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition. Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise... Surprise and fear, fear and surprise... our two weapons are fear and surprise. And ruthless efficiency... Our three weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency... and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope. Our four... no... amongst our weapons... amongst our weaponry... are such elements as fear, surprise... I'll come in again. I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition. Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope, and nice red uniforms - Oh damn! I can't say it, you'll have to say it. - What? You'll have to say the bit about 'Our chief weapons are... ' I couldn't do that... I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition. Nobody... - Expects. - Expects. - Nobody expects the... - Inquisition. I know... I know! Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. In fact, those who do expect... - Our chief weapons are... - Our chief weapons are... - Surprise... - Surprise and... Stop. Stop there! Stop there. Whew! Our chief weapon is surprise, blah, blah, blah, blah. Cardinal, read the charges. You are hereby charged that you did on diverse dates commit heresy against the Holy Church. - My old man said... - That's enough. Now, how do you plead? We're innocent. We'll soon change your mind about that! Fear, surprise, and a most ruthless... Now, Cardinal, the rack! You... Right! Tie her down. Right! How do you plead? - Innocent. - Ha! Right! Cardinal, give the rack give the rack a turn. I... I know. I know you can't. I didn't want to say anything. I just wanted to try and ignore your crass mistake. - It makes it all seem so stupid. - Shall I...? Oh, go on, just pretend for God's sake. And this is the Spanish Inquisition hiding behind the coal shed. Oh! I didn't expect a Spanish Inquisition. Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Now, old woman! You are accused of heresy on three counts. Heresy by thought, heresy by word, heresy by deed, and heresy by action. Four counts. Do you confess? I don't understand what I'm accused of. Ha! Then we shall make you understand. Biggles! Fetch... the cushions! Here they are, lord. Now, old lady, you have one last chance. Confess the heinous sin of heresy, reject the works of the ungodly two last chances. And you shall be free... Three last chances. You have three last chances, the nature of which I have divulged in my previous utterance. I don't know what you're talking about. Right! If that's the way you want it. Cardinal! Poke her with the soft cushions! Confess! Confess! Confess! It doesn't seem to be hurting her, my lord. - Have you got all the stuffing up one end? - Yes, lord. Hm! She is made of harder stuff! Cardinal Fang! Fetch... the comfy chair! The comfy chair? So you think you are strong because you can survive the soft cushions. Well, we shall see. Biggles! Put her in the Comfy Chair! Now. You will stay in the Comfy Chair until lunch time, with only a cup of coffee at eleven... - Is that really all it is? - Why, yes lord. I see. I suppose we make it worse by shouting a lot, do we? Confess, woman. Confess! I confess! Not you! I confess. Who was that? Blimey! I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition. Two, er, three to the Old Bailey please. - Look they've started the credits. - Hurry. Hurry. Hurry. There's the lighting credit, only five left. Hell, it's the producer - quick! Nobody expects the Spa... Oh bugger!