WEBVTT

00:00:00.872 --> 00:00:03.127
So the other morning
I went to the grocery store

00:00:03.151 --> 00:00:04.469
and an employee greeted me

00:00:04.493 --> 00:00:07.190
with a "Good morning, sir,
can I help you with anything?"

00:00:07.214 --> 00:00:09.150
I said, "No, thanks, I'm good."

00:00:09.576 --> 00:00:11.815
The person smiled
and we went our separate ways.

00:00:11.839 --> 00:00:14.151
I grabbed Cheerios
and I left the grocery store.

00:00:14.175 --> 00:00:16.910
And I went through the drive-through
of a local coffee shop.

00:00:16.934 --> 00:00:19.609
After I placed my order,
the voice on the other end said,

00:00:19.633 --> 00:00:21.498
"Thank you, ma'am. Drive right around."

00:00:21.522 --> 00:00:23.332
Now, in the span of less than an hour,

00:00:23.356 --> 00:00:26.318
I was understood
both as a "sir" and as a "ma'am."

00:00:26.762 --> 00:00:28.969
But for me, neither
of these people are wrong,

00:00:28.993 --> 00:00:31.143
but they're also not completely right.

NOTE Paragraph

00:00:32.310 --> 00:00:35.734
This cute little human
is my almost-two-year-old Elliot.

00:00:36.362 --> 00:00:37.512
Yeah, alright.

00:00:38.529 --> 00:00:39.900
And over the past two years,

00:00:39.924 --> 00:00:41.931
this kid has forced me
to rethink the world

00:00:41.955 --> 00:00:43.431
and how I participate in it.

00:00:43.455 --> 00:00:47.644
I identify as transgender and as a parent,
that makes me a transparent.

NOTE Paragraph

00:00:48.450 --> 00:00:50.911
(Laughter)

NOTE Paragraph

00:00:50.935 --> 00:00:52.361
(Applause)

NOTE Paragraph

00:00:52.385 --> 00:00:54.234
(Cheering)

NOTE Paragraph

00:00:54.258 --> 00:00:59.744
(Applause)

NOTE Paragraph

00:00:59.768 --> 00:01:03.348
As you can see, I took
this year's theme super literal.

NOTE Paragraph

00:01:03.372 --> 00:01:04.433
(Laughter)

NOTE Paragraph

00:01:04.457 --> 00:01:06.552
Like any good dad joke should.

00:01:07.599 --> 00:01:09.926
More specifically, I identify
as genderqueer.

00:01:09.950 --> 00:01:12.729
And there are lots of ways
to experience being genderqueer,

00:01:12.753 --> 00:01:15.943
but for me that means I don't
really identify as a man or a woman.

00:01:15.967 --> 00:01:19.124
I feel in between and sometimes
outside of this gender binary.

00:01:19.537 --> 00:01:21.395
And being outside of this gender binary

00:01:21.419 --> 00:01:23.760
means that sometimes I get
"sired" and "ma'amed"

00:01:23.784 --> 00:01:26.943
in the span of less than an hour
when I'm out doing everyday things

00:01:26.967 --> 00:01:28.125
like getting Cheerios.

00:01:28.149 --> 00:01:30.721
But this in between lane
is where I'm most comfortable.

00:01:30.745 --> 00:01:32.999
This space where I can be
both a sir and a ma'am

00:01:33.023 --> 00:01:35.315
feels the most right
and the most authentic.

00:01:35.339 --> 00:01:38.395
But it doesn't mean that these
interactions aren't uncomfortable.

00:01:38.419 --> 00:01:40.998
Trust me, the discomfort can range
from minor annoyance

00:01:41.022 --> 00:01:42.434
to feeling physically unsafe.

00:01:42.458 --> 00:01:44.061
Like the time at a bar in college

00:01:44.085 --> 00:01:46.926
when a bouncer physically
removed me by the back of the neck

00:01:46.950 --> 00:01:48.825
and threw me out of a woman's restroom.

00:01:48.849 --> 00:01:51.602
But for me, authenticity
doesn't mean comfortable.

00:01:51.626 --> 00:01:54.730
It means managing and negotiating
the discomfort of everyday life,

00:01:54.754 --> 00:01:56.236
even at times when it's unsafe.

NOTE Paragraph

00:01:57.093 --> 00:01:59.491
And it wasn't until
my experience as a trans person

00:01:59.515 --> 00:02:01.506
collided with my new identity as a parent

00:02:01.530 --> 00:02:03.846
that I understood
the depth of my vulnerabilities

00:02:03.870 --> 00:02:06.959
and how they are preventing me
from being my most authentic self.

00:02:08.203 --> 00:02:10.680
Now, for most people,
what their child will call them

00:02:10.704 --> 00:02:12.903
is not something
that they give much thought to

00:02:12.927 --> 00:02:14.672
outside of culturally specific words

00:02:14.696 --> 00:02:18.242
or variations on a gendered theme
like "mama," "mommy," or "daddy," "papa."

00:02:18.266 --> 00:02:20.670
But for me, the possibility
is what this child,

00:02:20.694 --> 00:02:23.608
who will grow to be a teenager
and then a real-life adult,

00:02:23.632 --> 00:02:25.490
will call me for the rest of our lives,

00:02:25.514 --> 00:02:28.251
was both extremely scary and exciting.

00:02:29.185 --> 00:02:32.718
And I spent nine months wrestling
with the reality that being called "mama"

00:02:32.742 --> 00:02:35.029
or something like it
didn't feel like me at all.

00:02:35.053 --> 00:02:37.781
And no matter how many times
or versions of "mom" I tried,

00:02:37.805 --> 00:02:40.185
it always felt forced
and deeply uncomfortable.

00:02:40.901 --> 00:02:44.617
I knew being called "mom" or "mommy"
would be easier to digest for most people.

00:02:44.641 --> 00:02:46.982
The idea of having two moms
is not super novel,

00:02:47.006 --> 00:02:48.517
especially where we live.

NOTE Paragraph

00:02:49.743 --> 00:02:51.339
So I tried other words.

00:02:51.363 --> 00:02:54.267
And when I played around
with "daddy," it felt better.

00:02:54.568 --> 00:02:56.266
Better, but not perfect.

00:02:57.124 --> 00:02:59.458
It felt like a pair of shoes
that you really liked

00:02:59.482 --> 00:03:01.283
but you needed to wear and break in.

00:03:01.720 --> 00:03:05.014
And I knew the idea of being
a female-born person being called "daddy"

00:03:05.038 --> 00:03:08.364
was going to be a harder road
with a lot more uncomfortable moments.

00:03:08.388 --> 00:03:10.578
But, before I knew it, the time had come

00:03:10.602 --> 00:03:13.546
and Elliot came screaming
into the world, like most babies do,

00:03:13.570 --> 00:03:16.172
and my new identity as a parent began.

00:03:16.196 --> 00:03:19.339
I decided on becoming a daddy,
and our new family faced the world.

NOTE Paragraph

00:03:20.538 --> 00:03:23.641
Now one of the most common things
that happens when people meet us

00:03:23.665 --> 00:03:24.974
is for people to "mom" me.

00:03:24.998 --> 00:03:28.291
And when I get "momed", there are
several ways the interaction can go,

00:03:28.315 --> 00:03:31.728
and I've drawn this map
to help illustrate my options.

NOTE Paragraph

00:03:31.752 --> 00:03:33.363
(Laughter)

NOTE Paragraph

00:03:33.387 --> 00:03:36.283
So, option one is to ignore the assumption

00:03:36.307 --> 00:03:39.247
and allow folks to continue
to refer to me as "mom,"

00:03:39.271 --> 00:03:41.224
which is not awkward for the other party,

00:03:41.248 --> 00:03:43.585
but is typically really awkward for us.

00:03:43.609 --> 00:03:46.901
And it usually causes me to restrict
my interaction with those people.

00:03:47.331 --> 00:03:48.680
Option one.

00:03:48.704 --> 00:03:51.974
Option two is to stop and correct them

00:03:51.998 --> 00:03:53.171
and say something like,

00:03:53.195 --> 00:03:56.315
"Actually, I'm Elliot's dad"
or "Elliot calls me 'daddy.'"

00:03:56.339 --> 00:03:59.256
And when I do this, one or two
of the following things happen.

00:03:59.624 --> 00:04:02.917
Folks take it in stride
and say something like, "Oh, OK."

00:04:02.941 --> 00:04:04.218
And move on.

00:04:04.242 --> 00:04:06.815
Or they respond by apologizing profusely

00:04:06.839 --> 00:04:09.645
because they feel bad or awkward
or guilty or weird.

00:04:10.067 --> 00:04:13.585
But more often, what happens
is folks get really confused

00:04:13.609 --> 00:04:17.108
and look up with an intense look
and say something like,

00:04:17.132 --> 00:04:19.110
"Does this mean you want to transition?

00:04:19.134 --> 00:04:20.649
Do you want to be a man?"

00:04:20.673 --> 00:04:22.395
Or say things like,

00:04:22.419 --> 00:04:23.903
"How can she be a father?

00:04:23.927 --> 00:04:25.393
Only men can be dads."

NOTE Paragraph

00:04:26.283 --> 00:04:28.546
Well, option one is oftentimes
the easier route.

00:04:28.570 --> 00:04:31.371
Option two is always
the more authentic one.

00:04:31.395 --> 00:04:34.077
And all of these scenarios
involve a level of discomfort,

00:04:34.101 --> 00:04:35.258
even in the best case.

00:04:35.282 --> 00:04:38.663
And I'll say that over time, my ability
to navigate this complicated map

00:04:38.687 --> 00:04:39.906
has gotten easier.

00:04:39.931 --> 00:04:41.574
But the discomfort is still there.

NOTE Paragraph

00:04:41.877 --> 00:04:43.553
Now, I won't stand here and pretend

00:04:43.577 --> 00:04:45.966
like I've mastered this,
it's pretty far from it.

00:04:45.990 --> 00:04:48.907
And there are days when I still allow
option one to take place

00:04:48.931 --> 00:04:51.304
because option two
is just too hard or too risky.

00:04:52.141 --> 00:04:55.427
There's no way to be sure
of anyone's reaction,

00:04:55.451 --> 00:04:58.172
and I want to be sure
that folks have good intentions,

00:04:58.196 --> 00:04:59.514
that people are good.

00:04:59.538 --> 00:05:02.672
But we live in a world
where someone's opinion of my existence

00:05:02.696 --> 00:05:04.561
can be met with serious threats to me

00:05:04.585 --> 00:05:07.053
or even my family's emotional
or physical safety.

00:05:07.498 --> 00:05:11.743
So I weigh the costs against the risks

00:05:11.767 --> 00:05:15.595
and sometimes the safety of my family
comes before my own authenticity.

00:05:16.934 --> 00:05:18.117
But despite this risk,

00:05:18.141 --> 00:05:22.347
I know as Elliot gets older and grows into
her consciousness and language skills,

00:05:22.371 --> 00:05:24.771
if I don't correct people, she will.

00:05:25.727 --> 00:05:28.513
I don't want my fears and insecurities
to be placed on her,

00:05:28.537 --> 00:05:31.424
to dampen her spirit
or make her question her own voice.

00:05:31.783 --> 00:05:34.569
I need to model agency,
authenticity and vulnerability,

00:05:34.593 --> 00:05:38.501
and that means leaning into those
uncomfortable moments of being "momed"

00:05:38.525 --> 00:05:41.382
and standing up and saying,
"No, I'm a dad.

00:05:41.406 --> 00:05:43.454
And I even have
the dad jokes to prove it."

NOTE Paragraph

00:05:43.478 --> 00:05:45.342
(Laughter)

NOTE Paragraph

00:05:46.188 --> 00:05:49.006
Now, there have already been
plenty of uncomfortable moments

00:05:49.030 --> 00:05:50.371
and even some painful ones.

00:05:50.395 --> 00:05:52.601
But there's also been,
in just two short years,

00:05:52.625 --> 00:05:55.864
validating and at times transformative
moments on my journey as a dad

00:05:55.888 --> 00:05:57.586
and my path towards authenticity.

00:05:58.466 --> 00:05:59.974
When we got our first sonogram,

00:05:59.998 --> 00:06:02.553
we decided we wanted to know
the sex of the baby.

00:06:02.577 --> 00:06:05.966
The technician saw a vulva
and slapped the words "It's a girl"

00:06:05.990 --> 00:06:08.898
on the screen and gave us a copy
and sent us on our way.

00:06:09.411 --> 00:06:12.061
We shared the photo
with our families like everyone does

00:06:12.085 --> 00:06:15.188
and soon after, my mom showed up
at our house with a bag filled --

00:06:15.212 --> 00:06:16.514
I'm not exaggerating,

00:06:16.538 --> 00:06:21.714
it was like this high and it was filled,
overflowing with pink clothes and toys.

00:06:23.014 --> 00:06:26.318
Now I was a little annoyed to be
confronted with a lot of pink things,

00:06:26.362 --> 00:06:27.657
and having studied gender

00:06:27.681 --> 00:06:31.308
and spent countless hours teaching
about it in workshops and classrooms,

00:06:31.332 --> 00:06:34.680
I thought I was pretty well versed
on the social construction of gender

00:06:34.704 --> 00:06:37.220
and how sexism is a devaluing
of the feminine

00:06:37.244 --> 00:06:40.255
and how it manifests
both explicitly and implicitly.

00:06:40.883 --> 00:06:45.304
But this situation, this aversion
to a bag full of pink stuff,

00:06:45.328 --> 00:06:48.621
forced me to explore my rejection
of highly feminized things

00:06:48.645 --> 00:06:49.979
in my child's world.

NOTE Paragraph

00:06:51.466 --> 00:06:53.664
I realized that I was reinforcing sexism

00:06:53.688 --> 00:06:56.259
and the cultural norms
I teach as problematic.

00:06:56.657 --> 00:06:59.875
No matter how much I believed
in gender neutrality in theory,

00:06:59.899 --> 00:07:05.307
in practice, the absence of femininity
is not neutrality, it's masculinity.

00:07:06.296 --> 00:07:09.117
If I only dress my baby
in greens and blues and grays,

00:07:09.141 --> 00:07:12.879
the outside world doesn't think,
"Oh, that's a cute gender-neutral baby."

00:07:13.379 --> 00:07:15.646
They think, "Oh, what a cute boy."

00:07:16.537 --> 00:07:20.252
So my theoretical understanding of gender
and my parenting world collided hard.

00:07:20.720 --> 00:07:24.315
Yes, I want a diversity of colors and toys
for my child to experience.

00:07:24.339 --> 00:07:26.578
I want a balanced
environment for her to explore

00:07:26.602 --> 00:07:28.180
and make sense of in her own way.

00:07:28.204 --> 00:07:31.244
We even picked a gender-neutral name
for our female-born child.

00:07:31.268 --> 00:07:34.688
But gender neutrality is much easier
as a theoretical endeavor

00:07:34.712 --> 00:07:36.210
than it is as a practice.

00:07:36.767 --> 00:07:39.343
And in my attempts
to create gender neutrality,

00:07:39.367 --> 00:07:42.863
I was inadvertently privileging
masculinity over femininity.

00:07:43.398 --> 00:07:46.827
So, rather than toning down
or eliminating femininity in our lives,

00:07:46.851 --> 00:07:49.056
we make a concerted effort
to celebrate it.

00:07:49.080 --> 00:07:51.755
We have pinks among the variety of colors,

00:07:51.779 --> 00:07:53.637
we balance out the cutes with handsomes

00:07:53.661 --> 00:07:55.537
and the prettys with strongs and smarts

00:07:55.561 --> 00:07:58.553
and work really hard
not to associate any words with gender.

00:07:58.577 --> 00:08:01.117
We value femininity and masculinity

00:08:01.141 --> 00:08:03.124
while also being highly critical of it.

00:08:03.148 --> 00:08:06.486
And do our best to not make her feel
limited by gender roles.

00:08:06.879 --> 00:08:08.304
And we do all this in hopes

00:08:08.328 --> 00:08:11.922
that we model a healthy and empowered
relationship with gender for our kid.

NOTE Paragraph

00:08:13.490 --> 00:08:16.847
Now this work to develop a healthy
relationship with gender for Elliot

00:08:16.871 --> 00:08:19.736
made me rethink and evaluate
how I allowed sexism to manifest

00:08:19.760 --> 00:08:21.263
in my own gender identity.

00:08:21.768 --> 00:08:24.403
I began to reevaluate
how I was rejecting femininity

00:08:24.427 --> 00:08:27.125
in order to live up to a masculinity
that was not healthy

00:08:27.149 --> 00:08:28.950
or something I wanted to pass on.

00:08:29.839 --> 00:08:32.791
Doing this self-work
meant I had to reject option one.

00:08:32.815 --> 00:08:34.625
I couldn't ignore and move on.

00:08:34.649 --> 00:08:36.355
I had to choose option two.

00:08:36.895 --> 00:08:39.561
I had to engage with some
of my most uncomfortable parts

00:08:39.585 --> 00:08:41.467
to move towards my most authentic self.

00:08:41.491 --> 00:08:45.282
And that meant I had to get real
about the discomfort I have with my body.

00:08:46.460 --> 00:08:50.087
It's pretty common for trans people
to feel uncomfortable in their body,

00:08:50.111 --> 00:08:52.873
and this discomfort can range
from debilitating to annoying

00:08:52.897 --> 00:08:54.222
and everywhere in between.

00:08:54.246 --> 00:08:57.545
And learning my body and how
to be comfortable in it as a trans person

00:08:57.569 --> 00:08:59.236
has been a lifelong journey.

00:08:59.260 --> 00:09:01.458
I've always struggled
with the parts of my body

00:09:01.482 --> 00:09:03.371
that can be defined as more feminine --

00:09:03.395 --> 00:09:05.647
my chest, my hips, my voice.

00:09:05.997 --> 00:09:08.664
And I've made the sometimes hard,
sometimes easy decision

00:09:08.688 --> 00:09:11.625
to not take hormones
or have any surgeries to change it

00:09:11.649 --> 00:09:14.370
to make myself more masculine
by society's standards.

00:09:15.276 --> 00:09:18.823
And while I certainly haven't overcome
all the feelings of dissatisfaction,

00:09:18.847 --> 00:09:21.299
I realized that by not engaging
with that discomfort

00:09:21.323 --> 00:09:24.046
and coming to a positive
and affirming place with my body,

00:09:24.070 --> 00:09:27.887
I was reinforcing sexism, transphobia
and modeling body shaming.

00:09:28.823 --> 00:09:30.220
If I hate my body,

00:09:30.244 --> 00:09:33.458
in particular, the parts
society deems feminine or female,

00:09:33.482 --> 00:09:37.101
I potentially damage how my kid
can see the possibilities of her body

00:09:37.125 --> 00:09:39.236
and her feminine and female parts.

00:09:39.653 --> 00:09:42.097
If I hate or am uncomfortable
with my body,

00:09:42.121 --> 00:09:44.153
how can I expect my kid to love hers?

NOTE Paragraph

00:09:45.517 --> 00:09:48.366
Now it would be easier for me
to choose option one:

00:09:49.077 --> 00:09:52.585
to ignore my kid when she asks me
about my body or to hide it from her.

00:09:52.609 --> 00:09:55.409
But I have to choose option two every day.

00:09:55.760 --> 00:09:59.863
I have to confront my own assumptions
about what a dad's body can and should be.

00:09:59.887 --> 00:10:02.998
So I work every day to try
and be more comfortable in this body

00:10:03.022 --> 00:10:04.927
and in the ways I express femininity.

00:10:05.284 --> 00:10:06.776
So I talk about it more,

00:10:06.800 --> 00:10:08.692
I explore the depths of this discomfort

00:10:08.716 --> 00:10:10.958
and find language
that I feel comfortable with.

00:10:10.982 --> 00:10:14.236
And this daily discomfort helps me build
both agency and authenticity

00:10:14.260 --> 00:10:16.402
in how show up in my body
and in my gender.

00:10:16.982 --> 00:10:19.125
I'm working against limiting myself.

00:10:19.149 --> 00:10:21.252
I want to show her
that a dad can have hips,

00:10:21.276 --> 00:10:23.641
a dad doesn't have to have
a perfectly flat chest

00:10:23.665 --> 00:10:25.593
or even be able to grow facial hair.

00:10:26.291 --> 00:10:28.149
And when she'd developmentally able to,

00:10:28.173 --> 00:10:30.625
I want to talk to her
about my journey with my body.

00:10:30.649 --> 00:10:32.983
I want her to see my journey
towards authenticity

00:10:33.007 --> 00:10:35.847
even when it means showing her
the messier parts.

NOTE Paragraph

00:10:37.346 --> 00:10:38.973
We have a wonderful pediatrician

00:10:38.997 --> 00:10:41.958
and have established a good relationship
with our kid's doctor.

00:10:41.982 --> 00:10:44.521
And as you all know,
while your doctor stays the same,

00:10:44.545 --> 00:10:47.260
your nurses and nurse practitioners
change in and out.

00:10:47.284 --> 00:10:50.276
And when Elliot was first born,
we took her to the pediatrician

00:10:50.300 --> 00:10:52.681
and we met our first nurse --
we'll call her Sarah.

00:10:52.705 --> 00:10:54.705
Very early in in our time with Sarah,

00:10:54.729 --> 00:10:56.872
we told her how I was
going to be called "dad"

00:10:56.896 --> 00:10:58.323
and my partner is "mama."

00:10:58.347 --> 00:11:00.782
Sarah was one of those folks
that took it in stride,

00:11:00.796 --> 00:11:03.006
and our subsequent visits
went pretty smoothly.

00:11:03.030 --> 00:11:05.133
And about a year later,
Sarah switched shifts

00:11:05.157 --> 00:11:08.185
and we started working
with a new nurse -- we'll call her Becky.

00:11:08.209 --> 00:11:10.423
We didn't get in front
of the dad conversations

00:11:10.447 --> 00:11:13.440
and it didn't actually come up
until Sarah, our original nurse,

00:11:13.464 --> 00:11:14.688
walked in to say hi.

00:11:14.712 --> 00:11:17.713
Sarah's warm and bubbly and said hi
to Elliot and me and my wife

00:11:17.737 --> 00:11:19.943
and when talking to Elliot
said something like,

00:11:19.967 --> 00:11:21.720
"Is your daddy holding your toy?"

00:11:21.744 --> 00:11:23.379
Now out of the corner of my eye,

00:11:23.403 --> 00:11:25.459
I could see Becky
swing around in her chair

00:11:25.483 --> 00:11:27.216
and make daggers at Sarah.

00:11:28.244 --> 00:11:30.688
And as the conversation shifted
to our pediatrician,

00:11:30.712 --> 00:11:34.410
I saw Sarah and Becky's interaction
continue, and it went something like this.

00:11:34.434 --> 00:11:38.412
Becky, shaking her head "no"
and mouthing the word "mom."

00:11:38.902 --> 00:11:43.299
Sarah, shaking her head "no"
and mouthing the word "no, dad."

NOTE Paragraph

00:11:43.323 --> 00:11:44.863
(Laughter)

NOTE Paragraph

00:11:45.657 --> 00:11:46.807
Awkward, right?

00:11:46.831 --> 00:11:49.712
So this went back and forth
in total silence a few more times

00:11:49.736 --> 00:11:51.136
until we walked away.

NOTE Paragraph

00:11:51.617 --> 00:11:53.641
Now, this interaction has stuck with me.

00:11:53.665 --> 00:11:55.815
Sarah could have chosen option one,

00:11:55.839 --> 00:11:58.906
ignored Becky, and let her
refer to me as mom.

00:11:59.228 --> 00:12:01.252
It would have been easier for Sarah.

00:12:01.276 --> 00:12:04.910
She could have put the responsibility
back on me or not said anything at all.

00:12:04.934 --> 00:12:07.513
But in that moment, she chose option two.

00:12:07.815 --> 00:12:10.987
She chose to confront the assumptions
and affirm my existence.

00:12:11.356 --> 00:12:13.983
She insisted that a person
who looks and sounds like me

00:12:14.007 --> 00:12:15.261
can in fact be a dad.

00:12:15.285 --> 00:12:17.078
And in a small but meaningful way,

00:12:17.102 --> 00:12:20.459
advocated for me,
my authenticity and my family.

NOTE Paragraph

00:12:21.962 --> 00:12:26.431
Unfortunately, we live in a world
that refuses to acknowledge trans people

00:12:26.455 --> 00:12:29.295
and the diversity
of trans people in general.

00:12:29.760 --> 00:12:32.426
And my hope is that when confronted
with an opportunity

00:12:32.450 --> 00:12:34.260
to stand up for someone else,

00:12:34.284 --> 00:12:37.410
we all take action like Sarah,
even when there's risk involved.

NOTE Paragraph

00:12:38.608 --> 00:12:42.811
So some days, the risk of being
a genderqueer dad feels too much.

00:12:43.244 --> 00:12:45.513
And deciding to be a dad
has been really hard.

00:12:45.878 --> 00:12:48.125
And I'm sure it will continue
to be the hardest,

00:12:48.149 --> 00:12:50.299
yet the most rewarding
experience of my life.

00:12:50.617 --> 00:12:54.304
But despite this challenge,
every day has felt 100 percent worth it.

00:12:54.815 --> 00:12:57.553
So each day I affirm my promise to Elliot

00:12:57.577 --> 00:12:59.711
and that same promise to myself.

00:13:00.045 --> 00:13:02.458
To love her and myself hard

00:13:02.482 --> 00:13:04.514
with forgiveness and compassion,

00:13:04.538 --> 00:13:06.938
with tough love and with generosity.

00:13:07.466 --> 00:13:10.553
To give room for growth,
to push beyond comfort

00:13:10.577 --> 00:13:13.323
in hopes of attaining and living
a more meaningful life.

00:13:14.306 --> 00:13:15.958
I know in my head and in my heart

00:13:15.982 --> 00:13:19.267
that there are hard and painful
and uncomfortable days ahead.

00:13:19.291 --> 00:13:20.731
My head and my heart also know

00:13:20.755 --> 00:13:23.666
that all of it will lead
to a more rich, authentic life

00:13:23.690 --> 00:13:26.246
that I can look back on without regrets.

NOTE Paragraph

00:13:26.270 --> 00:13:27.420
Thank you.

NOTE Paragraph

00:13:27.444 --> 00:13:30.619
(Applause)