[Script Info]
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[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:03.74,0:00:13.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So this week's video has to do with self-harm and how everyone around us responds to that
Dialogue: 0,0:00:13.38,0:00:22.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Kati Morton - MFTI]
Dialogue: 0,0:00:22.44,0:00:25.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now what I mean by this and what I'm kind of hoping to do this week
Dialogue: 0,0:00:25.74,0:00:29.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is just normalise your experience.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:29.63,0:00:34.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because I know all the time, for all different veins, whether it is on my twitter account or youtube
Dialogue: 0,0:00:34.61,0:00:41.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or tumblr or on my website, I hear from everybody that, someone or something has either
Dialogue: 0,0:00:41.48,0:00:46.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,made you feel like you are the only one that has this problem. They make you feel like a freak.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:46.92,0:00:54.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or a weirdo or what you are doing is just so disgusting, 'ugh' and that just makes us feel worse
Dialogue: 0,0:00:54.29,0:01:00.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Right? Because nothing is worse than feeling like we don't fit in, what I'm experiencing is really weird,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:00.87,0:01:03.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,nobodys heard of it before, nobody knows what to do
Dialogue: 0,0:01:03.20,0:01:06.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Nobody likes to feel that way, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:06.05,0:01:10.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I'm here to tell you that you are not weird, that you are not alone.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:10.61,0:01:14.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is not something that's unheard of, and you know who is saying that?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:14.49,0:01:17.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,People that are uneducated and they should be ashamed of themselves.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:17.82,0:01:25.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As part of the professional world and therapy, doctors and psychiatrists, LSWS if any of you
Dialogue: 0,0:01:25.49,0:01:32.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,see a social worker, part of our licensing every year we have to gather, and it depends on the licensing
Dialogue: 0,0:01:32.70,0:01:39.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how many hours, but roughly about 30-40 hours of continuing education.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:39.66,0:01:45.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know what that says to me? I need to broaden what I know, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:45.61,0:01:51.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So when somebody says to you, if you are self-harming, 'woah, I don't deal with that, I don't
Dialogue: 0,0:01:51.48,0:01:55.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,really know, ugh', that means they haven't broadened their knowledge.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.73,0:01:58.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That doesn't make you weird.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.02,0:02:05.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That means that they haven't learned and they are ignorant as to what is going on, okay?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:05.84,0:02:11.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But the first thing and the most important type of person that I want to talk about is our family,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:11.03,0:02:15.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I will even lump in friends with it because it is those people that are really close to us
Dialogue: 0,0:02:15.93,0:02:23.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and kind of know us for who we are or who we were before this or maybe what happened to cause this.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:23.09,0:02:25.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They have all the information.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.95,0:02:30.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And in my experience, and I've been reading, I have been doing a lot of research about this, because I
Dialogue: 0,0:02:30.62,0:02:37.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,want to make sure I'm gathering all the information. But, it sounds like, my experience is kind of what's
Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.03,0:02:44.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,happening and what other peoples experiences are, and that is that family's first response is fright.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:44.44,0:02:51.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Oh my gosh, I don't know what to do, oh my gosh, my kid" and they freak out, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:51.15,0:02:56.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But instead of just letting that happen internally and "okay, what do I need to know" and you know,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:56.78,0:03:00.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,gathering that information, a lot of time that turns into anger.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:00.02,0:03:03.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, they're scared and then they react angrily.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.10,0:03:05.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A lot of people say things, like parents I have heard say to some of my clients, like
Dialogue: 0,0:03:05.44,0:03:11.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"How could you do that to yourself, who would be so stupid as to hurt themselves", right?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:11.40,0:03:18.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that is not coming from a place of love and care. That is coming from a place of misunderstanding.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:18.23,0:03:22.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They don't know, they don't understand what is going on and the worst thing to parents
Dialogue: 0,0:03:22.69,0:03:29.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the hardest thing for me to ever get them to understand or to accept, is that one of their children
Dialogue: 0,0:03:29.38,0:03:34.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is showing signs of a mental disorder, a mental illness.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:34.29,0:03:38.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that's kinda of why I'm even creating what I'm creating here, is to try and break through the stigma
Dialogue: 0,0:03:38.73,0:03:42.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of mental illness. It is not something to be scared about or angry about.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:42.81,0:03:46.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is just something that needs to be understood, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:46.91,0:03:49.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, if you have had that experience, if your parents have said things like
Dialogue: 0,0:03:49.86,0:03:55.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"How dare you, I can't believe you do that" and then get angry, or they even become almost narcissistic
Dialogue: 0,0:03:55.32,0:03:59.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Like, what is this your way of making me feel guilty because I didididi..."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:59.12,0:04:03.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They might go into that kind of stream. Know that that's normal.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:03.18,0:04:09.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know that doesn't make it okay and I know that the hurt is still there.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:09.39,0:04:13.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But know that is most common.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:13.36,0:04:18.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that's really why we have to work together. Why I need you to share this, why I need you to comment.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:18.41,0:04:23.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because we need to get a larger voice so that we can break through the stigma
Dialogue: 0,0:04:23.54,0:04:28.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we can minimize that for people in the future
Dialogue: 0,0:04:28.38,0:04:35.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because something, if I look back in history to like the 70s, when eating disorders were just becoming
Dialogue: 0,0:04:35.100,0:04:40.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,more prevalent, people responded that way to them.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:40.86,0:04:47.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Anger, fright, it's like 'their weird', we don't know how to deal and although we still have a long ways to go,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:47.10,0:04:53.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with eating disorders we have come a long way. In the States, there are treatment centres all over.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:53.24,0:04:58.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This was unheard of in the 70s in the United States, this was like hospital treatment, tube fed.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:58.98,0:05:04.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That was it. There was no mental health help. They were not actually giving you any therapy or
Dialogue: 0,0:05:04.14,0:05:08.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,working on the problem, they were just trying to refeed you as if that was all the problem was.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:08.50,0:05:12.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, let's work together. Let's kind of cut this time down, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:12.99,0:05:17.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because not everybody has to get that response.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:17.36,0:05:23.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So the next thing I want to talk about, so we have family and friends, and then I want to talk a little bit
Dialogue: 0,0:05:23.13,0:05:29.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about therapists and other professionals and how they might respond.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:29.44,0:05:36.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I've had many clients come to me and say "yeah, I was referred to you from so-and-so because they
Dialogue: 0,0:05:36.48,0:05:40.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,told me that they can't deal with me. They're...not in their scope of practice"
Dialogue: 0,0:05:40.88,0:05:46.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or they'll use some type of term that therapists use to refer patients out.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:46.10,0:05:50.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And to be honest, from a therapy side, I am glad that people refer people out if they don't
Dialogue: 0,0:05:50.94,0:05:54.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,have the knowledge, because nothings worse than having someone working with us,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:54.13,0:05:57.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when they don't really know what they're working on, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:57.05,0:06:01.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It can be kind of hard, like we are guiding our own treatment versus the opposite, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:01.97,0:06:06.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But, how does that make us feel?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:06.18,0:06:11.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I go into see somebody I finally got up the courage to call-in and I make an appointment, I sit there,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:11.39,0:06:17.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then she tells me "oh I'm sorry, I don't deal with self-harm or cutting, I just don't.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:17.73,0:06:20.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm going to have to refer to you somebody".
Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.49,0:06:25.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It makes us feel like we are weird, like somethings wrong with us, and people don't know how to
Dialogue: 0,0:06:25.90,0:06:31.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,handle and treat us. It comes along with a lot of those emotions and that's okay.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:31.88,0:06:33.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would hate to feel that way.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:33.10,0:06:40.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is the same thing I was just talking about with family and how people 'treat' it or not treat it, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:40.55,0:06:45.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that's kind of been the experience of people.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:45.44,0:06:52.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In the media, they dramatise self-harm. They show the worst case scenario. And they make it this big deal.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:52.20,0:07:01.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"So-and-so does this everyday" (shock). People recoil and get bad, nasty faces and ugh
Dialogue: 0,0:07:01.96,0:07:06.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they act like it's so horrible. It's not.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:06.33,0:07:11.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We watch, I mean I watch, I'll speak for myself, I watch like CSI and stuff.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:11.34,0:07:17.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm addicted to crime, mystery, solving the case. I love that stuff. But I watch that.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:17.28,0:07:21.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But then people are going to recoil when they see a small scratch or burn.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:21.15,0:07:28.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If I fell when I was a child I'm sure my Mum bandaged my knee. She didn't recoil and freak out, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:28.95,0:07:35.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So why are people doing that and I don't really like that media is dramatizing it
Dialogue: 0,0:07:35.29,0:07:41.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and turning it into this nasty thing, because there is nothing nasty about it, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:41.69,0:07:49.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So that's just something I want to talk about because I feel that a lot of us feel alone and you're not.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:49.36,0:07:53.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And a lot of us think we are the only ones experiencing this, the only one whose parents,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:53.87,0:08:01.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or therapist or teacher or the media, that we're the only ones that feel that.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:01.40,0:08:04.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I'm here today to tell you that you are not.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:04.62,0:08:05.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You are not alone.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:05.85,0:08:09.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You don't have to go at this alone, okay?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:09.64,0:08:15.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So just, be prepared. Things like this may come up.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:15.91,0:08:20.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When you decide to finally tell people about it, know that there may be a bad response.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:20.33,0:08:23.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But how do we prepare, right? I always talk about preparation.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:23.27,0:08:26.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If any of you read my questions and answers, I'm always preparing people.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:26.95,0:08:30.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, what do we do?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:30.05,0:08:33.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We need to know how we are going to respond if someone doesn't respond well.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:33.74,0:08:39.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What do we say? How do we get help anyways? How do we persevere?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:39.33,0:08:45.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We reach out, right? This whole community is filled with people struggling with the same thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:45.36,0:08:48.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let's talk to one another. Let's support one another.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:48.20,0:08:53.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That is the best thing we can do right now because we are going to work together so as the years pass,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:53.70,0:09:02.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and as we keep fighting, other people coming before or dealing with this later on, don't have to go through this
Dialogue: 0,0:09:02.86,0:09:07.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You and I can make a difference and that's really what I'm here for
Dialogue: 0,0:09:07.17,0:09:12.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because we are working together towards a Healthy Mind and a Healthy Body.