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So, I arrive in this restaurant,

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so chic, so classy...

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that no one talks.

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I think it is so expensive that everybody is just frozen..

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There's no: "hey man", "what's up"...

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No! Even the laughters,

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are like a 130 euros laugh

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It is so classy, so elegant, that there is lady playing the harp.

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And you act like it's perfectly normal.. no problem

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Stop kidding me, last time you were in a burger joint, there was nobody playing the f... harp!

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We arrived at our table, the waiter pulled my chair,

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but in these restaurants, not only do they pull your chair,

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but when you bend your legs, the move it forward for you...

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I've never fully understood that:

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they want to coincide... exactly to the moment when you sit... with your landing...

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WTF! You think I don't know I need to bend my legs to sit!

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It irritates me so much, that I fake the moment I sit,

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I trick him...

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So the waiter is on the Olympic Games of the Chair!

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He's like: "when the f... is he gonna sit?"

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I finally sat.

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We each had 5 plates, 6 knives, 7 glasses and 9 forks.

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I called the waiter: "We're only 2!"

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He gave us the menus

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In these restaurants, on the menu that they give to you, the guy, the prices are listed.

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But on the girl's there are no prices... I've never understood that.

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Are they afraid to scare the women?

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So you see the prices, you face reality!

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And you wait...

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you're pending...

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You don't know where it's gonna go..

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And in that moment, you can be the greatest gentleman that ever was,

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whenever she says the name of a dish

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you go left to right on the menu...

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When a waiter tells you what you're gonna eat, you have the impression he's acting in a play:

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Ladies and Gentlemen,

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For you tonight, triple grapefruit flip,

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on a sleeping bed of berries coulis,

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pirouette and omelette in pineapple,

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and catamaran of banana confit,

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softly placed on a thin pastry shell...

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They finally bring the food... under a dome!

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I've never understood this concept: it's chic, it's under a dome

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Why do you hide the food? Is it a game? Should I guess?

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That's an idiotic game! I'm the one who ordered, I know what under the f... dome!

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You're gonna ask me to guess, i'm gonna say: "Grapefruit"

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You're gonna uncover, and daah! "grapefruit!"

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Think man!

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These guys arrive with their dish covered by domes..

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The specialists.... The dommers...

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They lift them all together, like a ballet,

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"The Dome Choregraphy"

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And there you see a single shrimp! A tiny one!

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You're looking around, you ask the shrimp: 'Are you alone there?'

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Even the shrimp looked at us and admitted: "It's really ridiculous!"

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So we ate,

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The guy came at the end and dared to ask us: "A digestive maybe?" (after-dinner liqueur)

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What do you want me digesting!

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He brought us the check, and I thought "F..., we should have asked for an estimate"