[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:12.10,0:00:14.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Tennessee Williams once told us,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:15.25,0:00:17.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"There comes a time\Nwhen you look into the mirror
Dialogue: 0,0:00:18.10,0:00:21.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you realize that what you see\Nis all you'll ever be,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:22.80,0:00:26.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then you accept it\Nor you kill yourself,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:26.53,0:00:28.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.16,0:00:30.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or you stop looking in mirrors."
Dialogue: 0,0:00:30.79,0:00:32.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:33.32,0:00:35.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And speaking of mirrors,\Nsomeone else once said,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:36.11,0:00:40.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"If we spend too much time scrutinizing\Nwhat's in our rearview mirror,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:40.56,0:00:43.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we're certain to crash\Ninto a light post.''
Dialogue: 0,0:00:44.65,0:00:48.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've spent the last four years of my life\Nstudying people who look in mirrors,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:49.19,0:00:52.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,rearview and otherwise\Nin their search for self-awareness.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.21,0:00:56.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wanted to know\Nwhat self-awareness really is,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:56.82,0:00:58.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where it comes from,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.43,0:00:59.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,why we need it,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:59.90,0:01:01.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and how to get more of it.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:02.26,0:01:06.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My research team surveyed\Nquantitatively thousands of people.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:06.62,0:01:10.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We analyzed nearly 800 scientific studies.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:10.45,0:01:13.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we conducted dozens\Nof in-depth interviews
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.98,0:01:17.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with people who made dramatic\Nimprovements in their self-awareness.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:18.51,0:01:20.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, initially,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.06,0:01:23.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we were actually so worried\Nthat we wouldn't find any of these people
Dialogue: 0,0:01:23.48,0:01:26.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we called them\Nself-awareness unicorns.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:26.60,0:01:27.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:27.68,0:01:28.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,True.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:28.69,0:01:30.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But thank goodness, we did find them.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:31.46,0:01:33.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because what these unicorns taught me
Dialogue: 0,0:01:34.16,0:01:36.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,would create a ground-breaking revelation
Dialogue: 0,0:01:36.82,0:01:40.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for how all of us can find\Ngenuine self-awareness.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:40.94,0:01:42.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that's what I want to share with you.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:43.29,0:01:48.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Today, I want you to reflect\Non how you're reflecting.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:49.94,0:01:51.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know that's a mouthful.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:51.50,0:01:53.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And to get there,\Nwe're going to need to shatter
Dialogue: 0,0:01:53.77,0:01:58.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,one of the most widely held beliefs\Nabout finding self-awareness.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.77,0:02:00.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But first things first.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:00.07,0:02:02.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What is this thing we call\Nself-awareness anyway?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:03.57,0:02:06.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's the ability to see ourselves clearly,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.64,0:02:10.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to understand who we are,\Nhow others see us
Dialogue: 0,0:02:10.38,0:02:12.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and how we fit into the world.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:13.03,0:02:15.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Self-awareness gives us power.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:16.18,0:02:18.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We might not always like what we see,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:18.53,0:02:21.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but there's a comfort\Nin knowing ourselves.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:21.63,0:02:23.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And there's actually a ton of research
Dialogue: 0,0:02:23.92,0:02:27.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,showing that people who are self-aware\Nare more fulfilled.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:27.85,0:02:30.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They have stronger relationships.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:30.10,0:02:31.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They're more creative.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.47,0:02:34.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They're more confident\Nand better communicators.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:35.26,0:02:38.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They are less likely to lie,\Ncheat, and steal.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:39.14,0:02:42.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They perform better at work\Nand are more promotable.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:42.86,0:02:47.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And they're more effective leaders\Nwith more profitable companies.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:49.29,0:02:53.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In the world of self-awareness,\Nthere are two types of people:
Dialogue: 0,0:02:54.82,0:02:57.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,those who think they're self-aware,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.03,0:02:58.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:59.65,0:03:01.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and those who actually are.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:02.67,0:03:03.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's true.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.80,0:03:08.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My team has found that 95% of people\Nthink they're self-aware,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:08.89,0:03:10.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:10.73,0:03:15.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but the real number\Nis closer to 10 to 15%.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:16.50,0:03:18.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know what this means, don't you?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:18.50,0:03:20.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:20.80,0:03:23.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It means that on a good day -\Non a good day -
Dialogue: 0,0:03:24.05,0:03:27.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,80% of us are lying to ourselves
Dialogue: 0,0:03:27.03,0:03:28.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:28.39,0:03:31.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about whether we're lying to ourselves.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:31.08,0:03:32.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:32.98,0:03:34.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Pretty scary, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:35.06,0:03:40.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So you can imagine the challenge we had\Nin figuring out who was truly self-aware.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:41.32,0:03:43.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What do you think\Nwould've happened if I had said,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:43.66,0:03:45.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Hey! How self-aware are you?"
Dialogue: 0,0:03:46.22,0:03:47.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Exactly.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:48.18,0:03:53.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So to be part of our research,\Nour unicorns had to clear four hurdles.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:53.84,0:03:56.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They had to believe they were self-aware
Dialogue: 0,0:03:56.28,0:04:00.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as measured by an assessment\Nmy team developed and validated.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:01.18,0:04:06.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Using that same assessment,\Nsomeone who knew them well had to agree.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:07.17,0:04:08.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They had to believe
Dialogue: 0,0:04:08.25,0:04:11.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that they'd increased\Ntheir self-awareness in their life,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:11.87,0:04:14.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the person rating them had to agree.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:16.02,0:04:18.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We found 50 people
Dialogue: 0,0:04:18.72,0:04:23.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,out of hundreds and hundreds\Nand hundreds who met our criteria.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:23.60,0:04:29.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They were professionals, entrepreneurs,\Nartists, students, stay-at-home parents.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:30.11,0:04:35.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we didn't find any patterns\Nby industry, age, gender
Dialogue: 0,0:04:35.90,0:04:38.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or any other demographic characteristic.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:39.90,0:04:43.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,These unicorns helped my team\Ndiscover a most surprising truth.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:44.77,0:04:46.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That approach you're using to examine
Dialogue: 0,0:04:46.89,0:04:50.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your thoughts, your feelings,\Nand your motives,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:50.65,0:04:52.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you know, introspection.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:52.82,0:04:55.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, you're probably doing it -
Dialogue: 0,0:04:55.41,0:04:57.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there's no easy way to say this -
Dialogue: 0,0:04:57.94,0:05:00.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're probably doing it totally wrong.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:02.26,0:05:06.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, there is a reason\Nso few of us are self-aware.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:07.34,0:05:09.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So let me tell you about the evening
Dialogue: 0,0:05:09.07,0:05:12.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I first discovered the ugly truth\Nabout introspection.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:13.67,0:05:17.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was about 10 p.m. on a beautiful\NColorado spring evening.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:17.64,0:05:18.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I was in my office,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:18.83,0:05:22.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,hopped up on Diet Coke\Nand Smartfood popcorn.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:22.17,0:05:23.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:05:23.90,0:05:26.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I just analyzed a set of data,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:26.44,0:05:30.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and to say that I was surprised\Nwould be an understatement.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:30.53,0:05:33.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My team and I had just run a simple study
Dialogue: 0,0:05:33.24,0:05:35.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,looking at the relationship\Nbetween introspection
Dialogue: 0,0:05:36.19,0:05:40.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and things like happiness,\Nstress and job satisfaction.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:41.32,0:05:45.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Naturally, the people who introspected\Nwould be better off.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:45.74,0:05:47.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Wouldn't you think so?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:48.71,0:05:51.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our data told the exact opposite story.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:52.66,0:05:56.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,People who introspected\Nwere more stressed and depressed,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:58.07,0:06:01.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,less satisfied with their jobs\Nand their relationships,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:02.09,0:06:06.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,less in control of their lives.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:08.12,0:06:10.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had no idea what was going on.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:10.53,0:06:12.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it got worse.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:12.62,0:06:17.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,These negative consequences increased\Nthe more they introspected.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:17.67,0:06:19.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.11,0:06:23.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I was quite confused.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:23.85,0:06:27.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Later that week, I ended up\Ncoming across a 20-year-old study
Dialogue: 0,0:06:27.82,0:06:31.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that looked at how widowers\Nadjusted to life without their partners.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:32.33,0:06:33.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The researchers found
Dialogue: 0,0:06:33.65,0:06:37.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that those who try to understand\Nthe meaning of their loss
Dialogue: 0,0:06:37.50,0:06:42.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,were happier, less depressed\None month later,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:42.83,0:06:46.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but one year later,\Nwere more depressed.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:47.23,0:06:51.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They were fixated on what happened\Ninstead of moving forward.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:51.92,0:06:53.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Have you been there?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:53.55,0:06:54.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:55.60,0:07:00.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Self-analysis can trap us\Nin a mental hell of our own making.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:02.03,0:07:04.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So things were starting to make sense.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:05.74,0:07:08.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, you Die Hard self-awareness fans
Dialogue: 0,0:07:08.75,0:07:12.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and particularly introspection fans\Nin the audience might be thinking,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:12.97,0:07:15.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Sure, introspection may be depressing,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:16.09,0:07:17.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it's worth it
Dialogue: 0,0:07:17.29,0:07:19.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because of the insight it produces."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:20.16,0:07:21.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And you're right.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:21.47,0:07:23.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm not here today to tell you
Dialogue: 0,0:07:23.64,0:07:26.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that the pursuit of self-awareness\Nis a waste of time.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:27.06,0:07:28.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not at all.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:29.49,0:07:34.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am here to tell you that the way\Nyou're pursuing it doesn't work.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:36.53,0:07:38.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Here is the surprising reality:
Dialogue: 0,0:07:39.44,0:07:44.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thinking about ourselves\Nisn't related to knowing ourselves.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:46.96,0:07:48.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So to understand this,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:48.79,0:07:52.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,let's look at the most common\Nintrospective question:
Dialogue: 0,0:07:52.23,0:07:53.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Why?"
Dialogue: 0,0:07:53.60,0:07:56.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We might be searching\Nfor the cause of a bad mood.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:57.03,0:07:59.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why am I so upset\Nafter that fight with my friend?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:00.00,0:08:02.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or we might be questioning our beliefs.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:02.49,0:08:04.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why don't I believe in the death penalty?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:05.05,0:08:08.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or we might be trying\Nto understand a negative outcome.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:09.05,0:08:11.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Why did I choke in that meeting?"
Dialogue: 0,0:08:11.89,0:08:15.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Unfortunately, when we ask "Why?"
Dialogue: 0,0:08:15.09,0:08:18.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it doesn't lead us towards the truth\Nabout ourselves.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:18.45,0:08:20.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It leads us away from it.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:21.31,0:08:23.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There are so many reasons\Nthis is the case.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:24.55,0:08:26.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Today I'll give you two.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:27.57,0:08:30.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Here is the first reason\Nwe shouldn't ask why:
Dialogue: 0,0:08:30.80,0:08:32.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Researchers have found
Dialogue: 0,0:08:32.39,0:08:35.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that no matter how hard we try,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:35.19,0:08:41.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we can't excavate our unconscious\Nthoughts, feelings and motives.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:42.09,0:08:45.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And because so much is hidden\Nfrom our conscious awareness,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:45.90,0:08:51.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we end up inventing answers\Nthat feel true but are often very wrong.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:52.14,0:08:53.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let me give you an example.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:54.05,0:08:58.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Psychologists Timothy Wilson\Nand Richard Nisbett set up a card table
Dialogue: 0,0:08:58.56,0:09:02.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,outside their local Meijers thrifty store\Nin Ann Arbor, Michigan.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:03.11,0:09:08.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And on that card table, they laid out\Nfour identical pairs of pantyhose.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:09.38,0:09:12.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And they asked the people\Nwalking by to pick their favorite.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:13.28,0:09:14.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:09:14.76,0:09:20.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, consumer research shows that people\Ntend to prefer products on the right.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:20.28,0:09:21.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that's exactly what happened.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:22.35,0:09:24.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even though every pair was identical,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:25.71,0:09:29.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,people chose pair D\Nat a rate of four to one.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:31.56,0:09:34.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when asked why they have chosen\Nthe pair they had,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:34.79,0:09:38.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they confidently declared\Nthat pair D was just better.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:39.17,0:09:40.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:09:41.78,0:09:43.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And even - get this -
Dialogue: 0,0:09:43.03,0:09:46.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,even when the researchers told them\Nabout the effect of positioning,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:47.45,0:09:49.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they refused to believe it.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:52.25,0:09:54.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The second reason\Nasking "Why?" is a bad idea
Dialogue: 0,0:09:54.91,0:09:57.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that it leads us away\Nfrom our true nature.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:58.77,0:10:01.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We like to think of our brains\Nas supercomputers
Dialogue: 0,0:10:02.01,0:10:06.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,rationally analyzing information\Nand arriving at accurate conclusions.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:07.51,0:10:10.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Unfortunately, that's not what happens.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:11.10,0:10:15.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let's do a quick exercise that's based\Non another classic psychology study.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:16.58,0:10:19.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So if I were to ask you to make a list
Dialogue: 0,0:10:19.47,0:10:24.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of all the reasons your romantic\Nrelationship was going the way it was,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:25.47,0:10:26.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what would you say?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:27.64,0:10:31.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let's say that in general\Nyour relationship is pretty awesome.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:32.31,0:10:35.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But let's just pretend that yesterday
Dialogue: 0,0:10:35.89,0:10:39.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you happened to get in a huge fight
Dialogue: 0,0:10:39.41,0:10:44.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about the proper way\Nto load the dishwasher.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:44.11,0:10:45.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:10:46.45,0:10:47.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Really bad.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:51.01,0:10:55.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, because of something\Ncalled "the recency effect,"
Dialogue: 0,0:10:56.10,0:10:58.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this is going to carry\Nan unfair amount of weight.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:59.51,0:11:04.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You might start thinking of things like,\N"I am so sick of his mansplaining!"
Dialogue: 0,0:11:04.66,0:11:05.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:11:05.66,0:11:06.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or you might think,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:06.66,0:11:09.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Why the hell does it matter so much\Nhow I load the dishwasher?"
Dialogue: 0,0:11:10.57,0:11:12.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And before you know it,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:12.11,0:11:15.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're thinking your relationship\Nisn't going so well.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:15.44,0:11:16.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:11:16.64,0:11:20.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Asking "Why?" created "alternative facts."
Dialogue: 0,0:11:20.66,0:11:23.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:11:25.60,0:11:30.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And over time, this leads us\Naway from who we really are.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:30.100,0:11:32.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It clouds our self-perceptions.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:34.52,0:11:36.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So you might be wondering
Dialogue: 0,0:11:36.38,0:11:41.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if asking "Why?" makes us depressed,\Nover-confident and wrong;
Dialogue: 0,0:11:42.23,0:11:45.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's probably not going\Nto increase our self-awareness.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:46.08,0:11:47.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But don't worry.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:47.18,0:11:51.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm not here today to tell you\Nto stop thinking about yourselves.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:51.84,0:11:56.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am here to tell you to start doing it\Njust a little bit differently.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:57.41,0:12:01.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So if we shouldn't ask "Why?"\Nthen, what should we ask?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:02.21,0:12:04.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you remember\Nour self-awareness unicorns?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:05.50,0:12:09.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When we looked at how they approached\Nintrospection, we found the answer.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:10.92,0:12:14.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We analyzed literally hundreds\Nof pages of transcripts,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:14.91,0:12:17.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we saw a very clear pattern.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:17.94,0:12:21.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Although the word "why"\Nappeared less than 150 times,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:22.39,0:12:26.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the word "what" appeared\Nmore than 1000 times.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:26.86,0:12:28.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let me give you a few examples.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:30.49,0:12:32.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Nathan, a brand manager,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:32.83,0:12:35.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,got a terrible performance review\Nfrom his new boss.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:36.57,0:12:40.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Instead of asking,\N"Why are we like oil and water?"
Dialogue: 0,0:12:40.48,0:12:41.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he asked,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:41.84,0:12:46.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"What can I do to show her\NI'm the best person for this job?"
Dialogue: 0,0:12:46.41,0:12:47.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It changed everything.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:48.01,0:12:49.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,People now point to Nathan and his boss
Dialogue: 0,0:12:49.89,0:12:53.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as proof that polar opposites\Ncan work together.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:54.66,0:12:59.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sarah, an education leader, was diagnosed\Nwith breast cancer in her late 40s.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:00.63,0:13:03.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when she asked, "Why me?"
Dialogue: 0,0:13:03.57,0:13:05.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she said it felt like a death sentence.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:06.43,0:13:07.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So then she asked,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:08.12,0:13:10.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"What's most important to me?"
Dialogue: 0,0:13:10.88,0:13:11.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This helped her define
Dialogue: 0,0:13:11.100,0:13:15.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what she wanted her life to look like\Nin whatever time she had left.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:16.71,0:13:18.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She's now cancer free
Dialogue: 0,0:13:18.42,0:13:22.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and more focused on the relationships\Nthat mean the most to her.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:24.09,0:13:28.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jose, an entertainment\Nindustry veteran, hated his job.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:29.42,0:13:32.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And instead of getting stuck,\Nwhat most of us would do,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:32.16,0:13:34.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and ask, "Why do I feel so terrible?"
Dialogue: 0,0:13:34.74,0:13:39.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he asked, "What are the situations\Nthat make me feel terrible,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:39.68,0:13:41.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and what do they have in common?"
Dialogue: 0,0:13:42.36,0:13:45.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He quickly realized that he would\Nnever be happy in this job,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:45.97,0:13:47.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it gave him the courage
Dialogue: 0,0:13:47.35,0:13:51.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to pursue a new and far more fulfilling\Ncareer path as a wealth manager.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:53.08,0:13:54.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So these are just three examples
Dialogue: 0,0:13:54.63,0:13:58.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of dozens of unicorns that asked\N"What?" instead of "Why?"
Dialogue: 0,0:13:59.50,0:14:03.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do I have any Nathans or Sarahs,\Nor Joses in the room?
Dialogue: 0,0:14:04.83,0:14:07.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'll add one more: Tasha.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:09.16,0:14:12.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So earlier this year, I published\Na book about all of this,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:12.67,0:14:14.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which I am so proud of.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:15.28,0:14:17.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But one day, for some unknown reason,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:17.74,0:14:21.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I did what every author\Nis never supposed to do.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:23.43,0:14:25.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I read my Amazon reviews.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:25.43,0:14:27.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:14:28.71,0:14:31.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And, you guys, it was devastating.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:32.95,0:14:38.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I asked, "Why are people\Nbeing so mean to me
Dialogue: 0,0:14:39.97,0:14:44.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about a book that I spent\Nthousands of hours researching
Dialogue: 0,0:14:44.59,0:14:47.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and wrote to make their lives better?"
Dialogue: 0,0:14:47.74,0:14:48.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Right?
Dialogue: 0,0:14:49.02,0:14:51.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I fell into a spiral of self-loathing.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:52.08,0:14:54.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was honestly one\Nof the low points of my life.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:55.78,0:14:57.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A couple of weeks went by,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:57.87,0:14:59.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it dawned on me
Dialogue: 0,0:14:59.58,0:15:01.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that maybe I should take\Nmy own advice.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:01.92,0:15:04.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:15:05.49,0:15:07.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I tried a different question.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:07.16,0:15:09.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I asked, "What about all those people
Dialogue: 0,0:15:10.24,0:15:14.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who were telling me that my book\Nhas helped them change their lives."
Dialogue: 0,0:15:15.20,0:15:16.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What a different outcome.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:17.12,0:15:19.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So no, I wasn't doing it right either.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:21.18,0:15:23.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is not an easy world, is it?
Dialogue: 0,0:15:24.46,0:15:25.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not at all.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:25.46,0:15:26.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:15:26.55,0:15:28.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She knows, we all know.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:30.48,0:15:33.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I have seen so much evidence
Dialogue: 0,0:15:33.78,0:15:36.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that self-awareness\Ngives us a much better shot
Dialogue: 0,0:15:36.72,0:15:41.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at finding happiness and success\Nin this crazy world.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:41.90,0:15:45.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,To start, we just need\Nto change one simple word.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:46.67,0:15:48.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Change "why" to "what."
Dialogue: 0,0:15:49.76,0:15:53.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why-questions trap us\Nin that rearview mirror.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:54.17,0:15:57.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What-questions move us\Nforward to our future.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:59.41,0:16:04.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As human beings, we are blessed\Nwith the ability to understand who we are,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:04.86,0:16:09.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what we want to contribute,\Nand the kind of life we want to lead.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:10.02,0:16:14.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Remember, our self-awareness unicorns\Nhad nothing in common
Dialogue: 0,0:16:14.40,0:16:17.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,except a belief in the importance\Nof self-awareness
Dialogue: 0,0:16:17.59,0:16:20.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and a daily commitment to developing it.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:20.75,0:16:22.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That means we can all be unicorns.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:25.19,0:16:28.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The search for self-awareness\Nnever ever stops.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:28.42,0:16:29.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Life goes on.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:30.21,0:16:33.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's up to us to choose to learn and grow
Dialogue: 0,0:16:33.63,0:16:37.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from our mistakes and our tragedies,\Nand our successes.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:40.52,0:16:44.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One of the best quotes I've ever heard\Non this subject is from Rumi.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:45.29,0:16:51.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He said, "Yesterday I was clever,\Nso I wanted to change the world.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:52.94,0:16:57.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Today I'm wise, so I am changing myself."
Dialogue: 0,0:16:57.99,0:16:59.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you very much.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:59.51,0:17:01.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)