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There’s something very… modular about fairy 
tales. The individual building blocks are

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firmly established and don’t tend to change - 
it’s just the way they’re arranged that makes

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a story unique. You got dashing princes, 
beautiful princesses, questing knights,

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benevolent kings and queens, evil magic 
people, good magic people, heroic peasants,

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cruel step-parents, clever tricksters, talking 
animals, dragons, trolls, the works. Spin a

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few wheels and out pops a fairy tale. The Frog 
Prince? A [dashing prince] is [cursed] by an [evil

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witch] to become a [friendly talking animal] 
until he is saved by a [beautiful princess].

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It’s pretty telling that most of these 
stories don’t even bother to name any of the

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characters - the role they fill matters a lot 
more than their actual individual character.

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But despite how basic these archetypes are, 
the stories they slot into can still be really

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interesting - and while most of us have a passing 
knowledge of the big names like Red Riding Hood,

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Hansel and Gretel, and anything Disney ever 
monetized, there’s a lot of really neat stuff

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out there that doesn’t get the same kind of 
press. So today let’s talk about a bite-sized

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Norwegian fairy tale with dashing princes, 
heroic peasants, and at least one dragon.

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Our story begins with a [benevolent king and 
queen] who are regrettably also pulling duty as a

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[tragically childless couple]. The Queen is pretty 
bummed about that whole situation, and is out for

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a walk sublimating her feelings about it when she 
stumbles on a [mysterious old woman] who happens

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to be a [witch]. The lady asks her what’s wrong 
and when the queen fills her in on the No Kids,

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Cradle Empty situation, she gives her some cryptic 
advice, telling the queen to take a two-handled

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jug and put it upside down in the corner of 
her garden overnight. The next morning, two

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roses will have grown under it, one red and one 
white - the queen should choose one rose to eat,

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red if she wants a son, white for a daughter, 
but under no circumstances should she eat both.

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The queen heads home and takes her advice, not 
really expecting all that much, but the next day

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she finds that, surprisingly, the witch was right 
on the money and the roses have really grown!

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She agonizes for a bit over which one to 
eat, reasoning that a son might eventually

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need to go off to war but a daughter will 
have to marry some foreign lord and either

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way she’ll lose the kid someday. Jeez, way to 
be a downer about this Magical Baby situation.

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Anyway, after a few minutes of dithering she 
settles on the white one, but the rose turns

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out to be super delicious and nutritious so 
she ignores the warning and eats the other

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one too. Denying the explicit orders of a witch 
in a fairy tale? What could possibly go wrong?

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Nine months pass, and while the king is out 
warring, the queen gives birth to twins - one

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healthy baby boy and one lindworm, aka a dragon. 
Ah, those magical pre-ultrasound days where every

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pregnancy was a surprise. Anyway, the lindworm 
skedaddles outta there real quick and the queen’s

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like “Welp. Hope that was a hallucination.” 
and just… doesn’t bring it up ever. Neato.

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So years pass and the [dashing prince] grows to 
be a very fine young man, and eventually he’s sent

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off to find a suitably [beautiful princess] to be 
his bride. But when he tries to leave the kingdom,

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the road is blocked by a massive lindworm that 
tells him “A bride for me before a bride for you!”

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The prince heads back, thoroughly confused, 
and the queen confesses that the lindworm is

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actually right on the money - technically he 
was born first, making him the older brother,

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so he kind of has to get married first.
So the king starts contacting far-off

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kingdoms to ask for a bride for his son - though 
he doesn’t say which son - and when the requisite

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[beautiful princess] arrives, a lavish wedding 
is held and she’s married off to the Lindworm,

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who promptly eats her. The Lindworm still demands 
a bride, since evidently devouring the bride

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on the wedding night means the wedding doesn’t 
count, so the king writes to a different kingdom,

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gets a second [beautiful princess] shipped 
over, and the exact same thing happens.

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Now never let it be said that these [benevolent 
royals] can’t learn from their mistakes. The

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king’s not too eager to make an enemy of a third 
kingdom, so instead he goes to his royal shepherd

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and tells him his beloved and conveniently 
expendable daughter is going to marry the

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lindworm whether she wants to or not. It’s always 
so lovely to see a ruler who really goes the extra

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mile to connect to his people like that.
Now the [heroic peasant girl] obviously

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doesn’t want to get eaten, so she does what 
any self-respecting protagonist would - she

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goes for a walk in the spooky woods lamenting her 
doom until a [mysterious old woman] who happens

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to be a [witch] pops out of the woodwork 
to ask her what’s wrong. The shepherdess

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fills her in on the situation and the witch 
gives her some very specific instructions

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on how she can survive her wedding night.
The wedding day arrives, lavish party, beautiful

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bride, commendably scaly groom, etcetera etcetera 
- but that night, following the witch’s advice,

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the shepherdess has the castle staff bring 
her a few things. She layers on ten dresses,

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preps two basins of lye and milk, and gets 
ready for some fairy tale shenanigans.

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When the Lindworm tells her to ditch the dress, 
she tells him to lose a skin. He’s a bit thrown by

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this request, but agrees - but after he sheds the 
skin, surprise, she’s got another dress on! Guess

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you’d better lose another skin if you want a piece 
of this! They repeat the process several times,

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and by the time the shepherdess is down to her 
last dress, the lindworm is in pretty rough

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shape. This is when the plan enters phase two. 
Following the witch’s instructions to the letter,

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the shepherdess grabs a whip, which I 
guess the castle staff just assumed was

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for totally kosher bedroom fun times, dips 
it in the lye and whacks the lindworm with

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it. Then she dumps the milk over him, and then 
- possibly most surprisingly - she hugs him.

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The next day the staff are shocked to discover 
that the shepherdess is not only alive, but

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cuddling up to a very handsome [dashing prince]. 
With the lindworm officially freed from his cursed

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existence by being quite literally whipped into 
shape, the kingdom is overjoyed and the wedding is

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held all over again, this time with feeling. The 
prince and the shepherdess are happily married for

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real this time and everyone lives happily ever 
after except for those two princesses who got

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totally murdered. Sorry ladies, but someone’s 
gotta pay the price for the rule of three!

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[Bring Me To Life - Evanescence]