Allison, where are you going?
You're out of frame!

Hi. I'm Allison. I'm 26

and this is my audition tape to be
the next Bachelorette

Allison: What are you doing?

Gaby: Your bangs were parted
A: Okay, but now

I'm all frazzled, I dunno what
I'm suppose to say

G: Just your name

A: [whines] I need a minute

A: My birthday's in June
and I love Seinfeld, pizza, and money

There's nothing in this bowl, America

because I don't actually know how to cook!

but I do know how to clean

I have Obsessive Compulsive--

G: CUT

A: Should I just go again?

G: Yeah, maybe lose the
part about mental illness

A: [sighs]

This is my main friend, Gaby

She wanted me to audition
for the Bachelorette

So I would have something to do

See, she's so beautiful!

People always think we're a couple

That's probably why guys never ask me out

G: Allison!

A: I mean, guys ask me out
all of the time

and I have a bunch of other friends

Was it obvious that I was lying?

G: Yeahhh...

A: Oh! I didn't see you there

I guess now's a good time to tell you
that I love to read

G: Allison, you have to put the water on

A: What, no! Then my hair
will get messed up

G: You can't shower with no water

What does that say about you?

A: I don't know!
That I have nice shoulders?

A: Gaby!
G: I'm turning the water on!

A: No Gaby NO

Do we have any pictures where
I look better than you?

Mon-ey, money

I love being outside when it's not
too hot or too cold

75 is great for me!

G: Allison, this is the bathing suit shot

A: No, they can tell that I'm wearing one

OH MY GOD, A DOG

DID YOU GET HIM?!

You missed him.

Now I'm gonna have to
show my small breasts

G: You look good
You look like a little housewife

A: No, I want a new braid
I need a new braid

I'm really close with my family

I call them multiple times a day

G: AHEM

A: I mean [struggle]

Only when I have time in between

working out, hanging out with my friends

...and boating

G: Boating?!

A: You told me to pick something

people do for fun

G: And to you, it's boating?

A: Who has a bowl this big?

PLEASE, GABY. NO!

[screams]

I quit! I'm not America's sweetheart!

G: [sighs] we paid you for
the whole day, right?

Hello, ladies. I'm Gaby.

I'm 27, and I'd like to be

your Bachelor

Nobody likes wet bangs...