Good afternoon.
Yesterday afternoon, it was the first time I came to Bratislava, Slovakia.
(Applause)
I admit I know much less about Bratislava than you do.
But I can still tell you something about Bratislava and Slovakia.
Do you know what minorities are in Slovakia?
Sure you do. But you may not know one.
Like elsewhere, also in Slovakia, there is a one-percent minority.
It's an invisible minority. It's a minority of autistic people.
One percent, a person in one hundred.
That means, maybe I am not alone in here.
(Laughter)
Does anyone else come from country of "Autistan"? If I can call it like that.
Nobody? Maybe that's the problem. That nobody from "Autistan" is here.
So where are they?
For many parents or future parents, the worst is to have a handicapped child.
Everyone or almost everyone wants to have a "healthy child".
A normal child. But what does it mean "normal"?
I have been observing various parents lately.
And I think that parents who have so-called "normal child"
they have the most problems.
(Laughter) (Applause)
I really feel sorry for them.
(Laughter)
I know a psychologist, and she visited me one day.
I sensed she didn't feel good.
So I asked her what was wrong, what was going on.
She replied: "I made a list of all my friends.
And only two of them are normal."
(Laughter)
So, I told her, "That's a good sign.
And maybe you don't know the two of them so well."
(Laughter) (Applause)
I must admit, for my parents my childhood was very hard.
And it is still hard for them.
My life began very very badly.
I was born on the same day and year as Britney Spears.
(Laughter)
That is not a good start.
(Laughter) (Applause)
Fortunately, this is the only thing Britney and I have in common.
That proves you shouldn't give money to astrology.
Obviously, it doesn't work.
Never mind, that was just a remark.
My life began badly.
According to all the prognoses,
I wasn't supposed to go to school as normal children,
but rather to a psychiatric hospital.
Fortunately, it didn't happen.
For various reasons, I could attend the school.
I went to school, more or less, but sometimes I spent more time at home.
One reason why I could go there,
was that my parents had perfect, I could say Soviet education.
And they knew all about the Soviet psychiatry.
When you mention "psychiatry" to my parents,
they think of the Soviet psychiatry.
They would never let their son go to such a psychiatric hospital.
That's why my parents always refused to put me in a psychiatric hospital.
Eventually, I started attending school. There were various problems.
As you know, a person who doesn't know what to do in life,
and who can't do anything better, usually becomes a philosopher.
And that's what happened.
(Laughter) (Applause)
I have to admit that my troubles continue.
It was a year ago, American intelligence published a report which said
that the head of the Russian federation, Vladimir Putin, is autistic.
Some days I don't dare to go outside.
(Laughter)
I don't know how it is in Slovakia,
but in France, the politicians often call each other autistic as an offence.
I don't know what will happen to me if somebody confuses me with a politician?
Moreover, I find it very offending to consider me a politician.
(Laughter) (Applause)
So, I was able to learn some things.
But there are still many things I cannot do.
For example, I cannot tie a tie.
I have troubles tying my shoe-laces.
I think you can have Ph.D. in three-dimensional geometry
and not be able to tie your shoe-laces.
I know such people.
There are people who got Nobel prize, but they cannot say "Good morning".
Because that's a social skill that is not natural.
It has to be learnt.
Sometimes it is possible, gradually.
We should try to make it possible.
But I have troubles that are even worse.
I have troubles with talking.
I learnt to talk very late.
I was six when I made the first sounds that my parents could understand.
Only later, my autistic dialect was comprehensible for others, too.
When I am in Slovakia, I have an advantage.
When I speak strangely, people think "he's speaking Czech".
(Laughter) (Applause)
I have spent a weekend in the Czech Republic few times.
When I speak strangely there, people think it's because I am French.
(Laughter)
But in France it is the worst.
What do they think there? They think I am Swiss.
(Laughter)
But it is even worse in Belgium.
Maybe you ask why?
In Belgium, there was a famous politician.
I won't mention his name, he has died recently.
And this politician spoke in the same way as me.
But why did he speak like this?
Because he was an alcoholic.
He was a heavy drinker.
That's why many people in Belgium think that I drink, too.
(Laughter)
Because of that, when I get lost in Brussels,
I can't ask a policeman for directions.
He would take me to the police station.
Well, I have various problems.
But do you know what's the irony?
As someone who has troubles with talking,
who learnt to speak very late,
and who has a strange geographically non-specific accent,
the only job I ever have had was little job in a radio for over a year.
As you can see, life is ironic.
(Laughter) (Applause)
Last ten years, I have been something like an artist.
I go to cities and towns, and I talk about autism.
And also about non-autism which is more serious form.
And about handicap as such.
During these ten years, I had a chance to see a lot of people.
I have met many many people.
Ten or fifteen years ago, my sister bought me a mobile phone.
It never rang.
I was lucky, because I don't like it.
But now, it seems there isn't enough space for new contacts.
Things change.
During those ten years, I met many non-autistic people.
And I saw that they have problems, lots of problems.
For example, as we heard this morning,
some non-autistic people have big problems with infidelity.
They solve such things for hours or their entire life.
Other non-autistic people watch a film, by the way, I have never watched it,
a film about some shark, and they think that sharks are dangerous.
Only because of the film. I didn't watch it, so I don't know.
Sometimes even worse problems occur.
Recently, I have met a French writer.
She gave me her latest novel.
I read it, although I usually don't read novels.
Because why should one read about things that are not true?
(Laughter)
So, I read the novel.
(Applause)
I was really confused.
Because the woman in the book has a new problem on every page.
(Laughter)
For example, on one page she talks about a party she went to.
By the way, I would like to know, why non-autistic people go to parties.
It seems it is like that.
So the woman was at a party yesterday, and she said something to somebody.
And the whole chapter she is thinking about what that person thought about it.
(Laughter)
(Applause)
In the next chapter, she says how she put a polo neck on,
(Laughter)
and what could others think about that.
I would give this woman a little piece of advice.
Dear writer, in order to have better and calmer life,
I advise you to become autistic.
(Laughter)
(Applause)
It would definitely help you.
I have met all kinds of people.
Some people in this world are so strange
that if there was a film about their lives I think no one would believe it.
Everyone would think it's just another senseless Hollywood film.
For example, I have a friend
who remembers everything that ever occurred to him,
and everything he did or heard.
He remembers the phone number of a hotel in California
where he stayed 25 years ago.
He knows that on 11th January 1985 it was snowing until 11 pm.
He remembers the exact temperature that day in Bratislava and New York.
And if share prices increased or dropped that day.
I have another friend, maybe you heard his name.
His name is Daniel Tammet.
He is an Englishman who learnt Icelandic in less than a week.
Why not.
(Laughter)
(Applause)
I always advise to my students, especially before exams,
to study in an autistic manner which is sometimes quite effective.
I may sound ironic, but the truth is that people think
that abnormal children, suppose autistic, belong to special schools.
In special schools, everything is on lesser level.
They learn just the basics to see if they can learn it.
For example one plus one, nothing too difficult.
But autistic children have maybe the same abilities as non-autistic.
And maybe in some areas they are even smarter.
Imagine you are a teacher, and there is a Japanese boy in your class.
If you speak Slovak with him he won't understand.
Does it mean he is stupid?
No, it means he thinks in a different way.
If you explain the subject matter in his way, he may understand everything.
He may even understand more than other "normal" children.
I have a curious experience.
During my first years at elementary school,
none of my classmates wanted to sit next to me.
They didn't want to ruin their reputation.
Reputation is very important for non-autistic people.
Later, things changed.
When I was 16 or 17, lots of my classmates wanted to sit next to me.
Especially before math exams.
I didn't quite understand why.
Now, I will tell you one thing, a story.
In the USA, there is a man called Stephen Shore.
As an autistic child, Stephen Shore had lot of troubles.
He was a "tough nut".
I also tough it out, especially during Christmas when I eat a lot of chocolate.
It was in 1970s, and according to the experts,
little Stephen wasn't supposed to learn even the easiest things.
Parents were advised to put him into a psychiatric hospital,
forget about him and make another baby, if I can say it like that.
But Stephen is now an adult.
And he has done a lot for autism awareness in the USA.
Stephen is a professor at Boston University, if I'm not wrong.
In 2008, he came to Paris.
I was very nervous, and I had little social skills.
At the end of his lecture somebody asked:
"Dear Sir, you are married. Why don't you have any children?"
Quite an indiscreet question, isn't it?
Stephen replied with his unique sense of humor and the only way he could:
"My wife and I decided that we won't have children.
Because there is a certain risk that our future child won't be autistic."
Thank you.
(Applause)