0:00:00.000,0:00:43.035 [MUSIC PLAYING] 0:00:43.035,0:00:45.760 NARRATOR: In the Westcote[br]railway station in the year 0:00:45.760,0:00:49.950 1905, the agent there[br]was Flannery, the 0:00:49.950,0:00:51.590 best there was alive. 0:00:51.590,0:00:55.150 Flannery ran his station[br]exactly by the rules. 0:00:55.150,0:00:58.060 He tried to learn each[br]one by heart, just 0:00:58.060,0:01:00.060 like a kid in school. 0:01:00.060,0:01:02.900 There were rules for each[br]occasion, that applied from 0:01:02.900,0:01:04.560 tools to mules. 0:01:04.560,0:01:06.620 There were rules about[br]behavior and 0:01:06.620,0:01:08.070 rules defining rules. 0:01:08.070,0:01:15.405 0:01:15.405,0:01:17.456 FLANNERY: Two guinea pigs. 0:01:17.456,0:01:18.290 Hm. 0:01:18.290,0:01:23.090 You sure don't look like[br]pigs to me, but the 0:01:23.090,0:01:24.230 writing's plain to see. 0:01:24.230,0:01:27.360 It says you are, and there's[br]no doubt that 0:01:27.360,0:01:29.200 pigs is what you be. 0:01:29.201,0:01:32.846 [Guinea pigs make squeaking noises to each other] 0:01:32.845,0:01:36.140 NARRATOR: Whenever a customer[br]chanced to call, Flannery let 0:01:36.140,0:01:40.820 him fry until he could[br]look up the rule to 0:01:40.820,0:01:43.875 greet the fellow by. 0:01:43.875,0:01:45.150 FLANNERY: Let's see. 0:01:45.150,0:01:45.630 Oh, yes. 0:01:45.630,0:01:48.604 Good morning to you, says[br]Section Two, and 0:01:48.604,0:01:50.726 don't forget to smile. 0:01:50.726,0:01:54.033 MCMOREHOUSE: Morning it was,[br]I'll have you know, I've been 0:01:54.033,0:01:54.970 standing here a while. 0:01:54.970,0:01:58.475 FLANNERY: I'm supposed to say[br]I'm sorry, sir, it says in 0:01:58.475,0:01:59.220 Ruling Three. 0:01:59.220,0:02:02.140 MCMOREHOUSE: Dry your tears[br]and save your sneers. 0:02:02.140,0:02:04.010 Have you got some pets for me? 0:02:04.010,0:02:05.450 FLANNERY: Indeed I have. 0:02:05.450,0:02:06.480 Two guinea pigs. 0:02:06.480,0:02:11.100 See pigs, page 43. 0:02:11.100,0:02:13.385 According to the book[br]of rules, your pets 0:02:13.385,0:02:16.900 are pigs, you see. 0:02:16.900,0:02:19.350 MCMOREHOUSE: Pigs-- $0.48. 0:02:19.350,0:02:21.020 Pets-- $0.44. 0:02:21.020,0:02:21.590 What? 0:02:21.590,0:02:23.970 Guinea pigs aren't pigs,[br]they're pets, 0:02:23.970,0:02:26.170 and I'm paying $0.44. 0:02:26.170,0:02:29.590 FLANNERY: Pigs is pigs at $0.48,[br]and rules is rules, 0:02:29.590,0:02:30.946 what's more. 0:02:30.946,0:02:32.670 MCMOREHOUSE: Fools is fools,[br]you stubborn fool! 0:02:32.670,0:02:33.544 Will you not take $0.44? 0:02:33.544,0:02:37.176 FLANNERY: The regular[br]rate is $0.48! 0:02:37.176,0:02:38.950 MCMOREHOUSE: Very well, then. 0:02:38.950,0:02:39.364 [SINGING] 0:02:39.364,0:02:41.240 You take the high writ. 0:02:41.240,0:02:43.090 And I'll take the low writ. 0:02:43.090,0:02:46.620 And I'll not pay[br]you over $0.44. 0:02:46.620,0:02:47.530 FLANNERY: [SINGING] 0:02:47.530,0:02:50.680 Whenever an agent gets in[br]a debate and there is an 0:02:50.680,0:02:54.870 argument over the rate, the[br]agent must file for a ruling 0:02:54.870,0:02:57.326 up high and hold onto the[br]package until they reply. 0:02:57.326,0:02:57.970 MCMOREHOUSE: [SINGING] 0:02:57.970,0:03:01.206 Hold them then and[br]harm them not. 0:03:01.206,0:03:05.244 And when you find you're wrong,[br]deliver them to my 0:03:05.244,0:03:07.784 address, healthy, hale,[br]and strong! 0:03:07.856,0:03:09.205 [Door slamming] 0:03:09.412,0:03:13.840 NARRATOR: Then Flannery sat down[br]and sent a telegram away, 0:03:13.840,0:03:17.245 never dreaming he'd regret[br]it until his dying day. 0:03:17.245,0:03:20.331 [MUSIC PLAYING] 0:03:20.402,0:03:23.350 CHORUS: Supervisor's office,[br]Pigtown on the drive. 0:03:23.350,0:03:26.090 Flannery to Morgan,[br]May 6, 1905. 0:03:26.090,0:03:28.420 Holding two animals[br]in a crate. 0:03:28.420,0:03:30.320 Big dispute regarding rate. 0:03:30.320,0:03:32.390 Is a guinea pig a pig or pet? 0:03:32.390,0:03:34.520 Give ruling on the rate to set. 0:03:34.520,0:03:35.165 Flannery. 0:03:35.165,0:03:37.040 NARRATOR: The supervisor's[br]office was the 0:03:37.040,0:03:38.470 pride of the company. 0:03:38.470,0:03:41.170 It received old Flannery's[br]telegram with trained 0:03:41.170,0:03:42.440 efficiency. 0:03:42.440,0:03:43.220 CHORUS: [SINGING] 0:03:43.220,0:03:45.990 They examined the wire and[br]immediately dated it, stamped 0:03:45.990,0:03:48.360 the receipts and then[br]communicated it to the 0:03:48.360,0:03:50.015 department that quadruplicated[br]it. 0:03:50.015,0:03:52.710 Copies were sent out to[br]all of the staff. 0:03:52.710,0:03:56.060 Each copy received was filed[br]and related to copies of 0:03:56.060,0:03:56.930 copies that checked[br]and notated. 0:03:56.930,0:04:00.470 Nine copies of each were then[br]validated and contents were 0:04:00.470,0:04:03.508 noted in ink on the graph. 0:04:03.508,0:04:07.840 FLANNERY: A cabbage a day[br]keeps the doctor away. 0:04:07.840,0:04:11.540 Now both of you need a name. 0:04:11.540,0:04:15.290 I'll call one of you Pat,[br]and let me see-- 0:04:15.290,0:04:16.870 Mike, I'll name the other. 0:04:16.870,0:04:19.474 NARRATOR: But he quickly[br]changed it to Marie- 0:04:19.474,0:04:20.260 FLANNERY: Ooh! 0:04:20.260,0:04:23.170 NARRATOR: When Mike[br]became a mother. 0:04:23.170,0:04:25.460 FLANNERY: The saints[br]be praised. 0:04:25.460,0:04:27.480 Now, ain't that fine. 0:04:27.480,0:04:30.360 I'm a family man myself. 0:04:30.360,0:04:41.640 [HUMMING] 0:04:41.640,0:04:43.770 Regards last wire of mine-- 0:04:43.770,0:04:49.315 instead of us just two guinea[br]pigs, I now am holding nine. 0:04:49.315,0:04:49.905 CHORUS: [SINGING] 0:04:49.905,0:04:52.850 The legal department was then[br]delegated to study the problem 0:04:52.850,0:04:56.080 now so complicated when all of[br]the data was accumulated to 0:04:56.080,0:04:57.710 make a report and to tell[br]what they know. 0:04:57.710,0:05:01.030 The president wanted a full[br]explanation as well as an 0:05:01.030,0:05:04.534 overall clarification of[br]Flannery's wire that wanted to 0:05:04.534,0:05:07.450 know if a pig was a pig and[br]to please tell him so. 0:05:07.450,0:05:10.650 NARRATOR: Now the grandchild[br]of the first two pigs had 0:05:10.650,0:05:11.590 grandsons by the dozens. 0:05:11.590,0:05:14.860 And every time the clock would[br]strike, there were 50 0:05:14.860,0:05:16.135 brand-new cousins. 0:05:16.135,0:05:25.910 [Music and the sound of guinea pigs[br]munching on cabbages] 0:05:25.982,0:05:26.601 CHORUS: [SINGING] 0:05:26.640,0:05:28.770 the board of directors convened[br]and debated the 0:05:28.770,0:05:32.040 question of pigs and were they[br]related to pigs or to rabbits, 0:05:32.040,0:05:34.740 as once indicated by evidence[br]found by the fact-finding 0:05:34.740,0:05:36.015 [INAUDIBLE]. 0:05:36.015,0:05:38.190 NARRATOR: A boy in the office[br]at first advocated it, and 0:05:38.190,0:05:40.600 then a zoology professor[br]dictated it. 0:05:40.600,0:05:43.651 Here is the answer, and here's[br]how he stated it. 0:05:43.651,0:05:47.290 ZOOLOGIST: I reiterate on[br]the company's behalf-- 0:05:47.290,0:05:51.760 the guinea pig is the Cavea[br]aperia, while the common pig 0:05:51.760,0:05:55.250 is the Sus of the[br]family Suidae. 0:05:55.250,0:05:57.090 They are not pigs. 0:05:57.090,0:06:03.760 A $0.44 rate applies. 0:06:03.760,0:06:04.450 CHORUS: [SINGING] 0:06:04.450,0:06:06.670 10 copies were sent to the[br]filing clerk, and 10 to 0:06:06.670,0:06:07.770 O'Shaugnessy. 0:06:07.770,0:06:11.390 Then 20 more in triplicate[br]were sent on to McGee. 0:06:11.390,0:06:15.060 McGee will make 1,000 more for[br]all the clerks to see. 0:06:15.060,0:06:16.600 For the janitor and[br]the auditor and 0:06:16.600,0:06:18.290 the rest of the company. 0:06:18.290,0:06:20.395 100 were sent to the engineers,[br]and the firemen 0:06:20.395,0:06:21.500 each got four. 0:06:21.500,0:06:26.740 The section hands got three of[br]these, and the hobos, 20 more. 0:06:26.740,0:06:29.610 NARRATOR: With monotonous[br]regularity, those pigs 0:06:29.610,0:06:32.310 produced more pigs while[br]Flannery tried to stem the 0:06:32.310,0:06:35.747 tide by playing them[br]Irish jigs. 0:06:35.747,0:06:35.942 [PLAYING "THE IRISH 0:06:35.947,0:06:57.034 [PLAYING "THE IRISH WASHERWOMAN" AND SINGING JIBBERISH] 0:06:57.137,0:07:01.930 0:07:02.029,0:07:04.720 MORGAN: Regarding the[br]McMorehouse pigs, the $0.44 0:07:04.720,0:07:05.400 rate applies. 0:07:05.400,0:07:06.650 Signed, Morgan. 0:07:06.650,0:07:10.888 [MUSIC PLAYING] 0:07:10.967,0:07:13.195 NARRATOR: When Flannery got the[br]telegram, straight down 0:07:13.195,0:07:15.350 the road he tore to take the[br]news to McMorehouse. 0:07:15.350,0:07:16.475 But-- 0:07:16.475,0:07:20.326 SPEAKER 1: McMorehouse doesn't[br]live here anymore! 0:07:20.326,0:07:22.566 FLANNERY: Bah! 0:07:22.566,0:07:25.010 NARRATOR: Then Flannery[br]wired the office. 0:07:25.010,0:07:27.870 FLANNERY: Tell me quick,[br]what do I do? 0:07:27.870,0:07:32.909 There is no rule to cover the[br]case, so now it's up to you. 0:07:32.909,0:07:34.238 SPEAKER 2: Not me! 0:07:34.238,0:07:35.130 See V.P. 0:07:35.130,0:07:35.860 SPEAKER 3: See Joe. 0:07:35.860,0:07:36.226 SPEAKER 4: See Jack. 0:07:36.226,0:07:36.960 SPEAKER 5: See Larry. 0:07:36.960,0:07:38.006 SPEAKER 2: See Tom. 0:07:38.006,0:07:38.960 SPEAKER 6: See Dick. 0:07:38.960,0:07:39.180 SPEAKER 7: See Harry. 0:07:39.180,0:07:39.690 CHORUS: [SINGING] 0:07:39.690,0:07:40.930 Then a clever young clerk made[br]the recommendation the pigs 0:07:40.930,0:07:42.480 should be sent to the[br]main office station. 0:07:42.480,0:07:44.930 He never did know of the[br]multiplication that two pigs 0:07:44.930,0:07:47.655 that grew to a million[br]and two. 0:07:47.655,0:07:51.030 NARRATOR: Flannery loaded the[br]pigs in crates, in boxes, 0:07:51.030,0:07:52.260 bags, and sacks. 0:07:52.260,0:07:55.360 He filled 600 boxcars up-- 0:07:55.360,0:07:58.636 according to the facts. 0:07:58.636,0:08:04.060 After loading all pigs but two[br]and looking weak and wan, 0:08:04.060,0:08:06.560 Flannery turned to the[br]pigs and said-- 0:08:06.560,0:08:10.900 FLANNERY: You've begat[br]and begot-- 0:08:10.900,0:08:12.306 now, be gone! 0:08:12.306,0:08:15.694 [MUSIC PLAYING] 0:08:15.786,0:08:17.540 [Train whistle sounds off] 0:08:17.675,0:08:21.495 [MUSIC PLAYING] 0:08:21.794,0:08:22.780 CHORUS: [SINGING] 0:08:22.780,0:08:25.250 They unloaded the cars at the[br]main office station and filled 0:08:25.250,0:08:27.590 up the warehouse in desperation[br]they stored away 0:08:27.590,0:08:28.470 pigs in the whole corporation. 0:08:28.470,0:08:31.314 The president shouted[br]until he was hoarse. 0:08:31.314,0:08:33.029 PRESIDENT:[br][SHOUTING UNINTELLIGIBLY] 0:08:33.029,0:08:33.730 CHORUS: [SINGING] 0:08:33.730,0:08:34.510 Three officials submitted their[br]signed resignation. 0:08:34.510,0:08:35.070 OFFICIALS: [SINGING] 0:08:35.070,0:08:36.567 Complaining of pigs in[br]the organization. 0:08:36.567,0:08:37.565 CHORUS: [SINGING] 0:08:37.565,0:08:39.561 The president added an[br]interpretation that Flannery 0:08:39.561,0:08:43.054 pigs and the whole[br]lot were born. 0:08:43.054,0:08:47.993 FLANNERY: Dear President,[br]'tis not so bad as it 0:08:47.993,0:08:49.400 seemed to be once. 0:08:49.400,0:08:55.300 What if all those guinea pigs[br]had all been elephants? 0:08:55.797,0:08:59.590 [Flannery laughing] 0:09:02.290,0:09:03.950 Boo! 0:09:03.950,0:09:05.200 Oh! 0:09:05.200,0:09:06.442 [Cymbol clash] 0:09:07.173,0:09:08.585 [Train whistle] 0:09:08.689,0:09:11.863 [Sounds of train moving] 0:09:11.921,0:09:14.180 NARRATOR: From that day forward,[br]Flannery swore-- 0:09:14.180,0:09:17.860 FLANNERY: No more will[br]I be a fool. 0:09:17.860,0:09:19.430 Whenever it comes to[br]livestock, dash 0:09:19.430,0:09:21.171 every single rule. 0:09:21.171,0:09:25.407 If the animals come in singles[br]or if they come in sets, if 0:09:25.407,0:09:28.204 they've got four feet and[br]they're alive, they'll be 0:09:28.204,0:09:29.550 classified as pets. 0:09:31.133,0:09:41.888 [MUSIC PLAYING]