WEBVTT 00:00:11.036 --> 00:00:14.653 Bigger welcome! Hello, San Francisco! 00:00:15.169 --> 00:00:18.705 TEDx – oh my God, blinding light! 00:00:18.705 --> 00:00:20.741 Hi, everybody! How are you? 00:00:20.741 --> 00:00:23.905 (Audience cheering) Fine?! Oh my gosh! Okay, so... 00:00:23.905 --> 00:00:27.872 My name is Mel Robbins, and for the last seventeen years, 00:00:27.872 --> 00:00:33.991 I have done nothing but help people get everything that they want. 00:00:35.531 --> 00:00:38.670 Within reason! My husband's here. 00:00:38.670 --> 00:00:44.073 So, I've done it in the courtroom, in the boardroom, in the bedroom, 00:00:44.073 --> 00:00:47.604 in people's living room, whatever room you want to be in, 00:00:47.604 --> 00:00:52.280 if I'm there, I will help you get whatever you want by any means necessary. 00:00:52.280 --> 00:00:56.471 For the last three years – I host a syndicated radio show. 00:00:56.471 --> 00:00:59.198 Five days a week, I go live in forty cities 00:00:59.198 --> 00:01:03.426 and I talk to men and women across America who feel stuck. 00:01:03.426 --> 00:01:09.105 Do you know that a third of Americans feel dissatisfied with their lives right now? 00:01:11.434 --> 00:01:15.906 That is a hundred million people! 00:01:15.906 --> 00:01:18.601 That's insane! 00:01:18.601 --> 00:01:21.683 And I've come face to face with it in this new show that I'm doing, 00:01:21.683 --> 00:01:24.435 which is also insane, it's called "In-laws". 00:01:24.435 --> 00:01:29.349 I move in with families across America – (Laughter) 00:01:29.426 --> 00:01:31.711 You guessed it! 00:01:31.711 --> 00:01:35.350 – who are at war with their in-laws. 00:01:35.350 --> 00:01:40.076 We move them into the same house, I verbally assassinate everybody, 00:01:40.518 --> 00:01:42.949 we open up Pandora's box, 00:01:42.949 --> 00:01:46.158 and I get people to stop arguing about the donuts 00:01:46.158 --> 00:01:47.989 and who is hosting Thanksgiving dinner, 00:01:47.989 --> 00:01:51.410 and talk about the real stuff. 00:01:51.410 --> 00:01:54.036 And that's what I want to talk to you about. 00:01:54.036 --> 00:01:56.439 I'm here for you. 00:01:56.439 --> 00:02:00.369 I'm going to tell you everything I know in less than eighteen minutes 00:02:00.369 --> 00:02:02.733 about how to get what you want. 00:02:02.733 --> 00:02:05.070 So I want you to take a millisecond right now 00:02:05.090 --> 00:02:06.837 and think about what you want. 00:02:06.837 --> 00:02:08.485 You! 00:02:08.485 --> 00:02:10.439 And I want you to be selfish. 00:02:10.439 --> 00:02:13.537 Screw Simon and the "We" thing. This is about me, right now! 00:02:13.537 --> 00:02:17.095 (Laughter) (Applause) Sorry, Simon. 00:02:17.095 --> 00:02:21.008 What do you want? And here's the deal. 00:02:21.427 --> 00:02:24.760 I don't want it to sound good to other people. 00:02:24.760 --> 00:02:28.761 Being healthy will not get your ass on a treadmill. 00:02:28.761 --> 00:02:32.122 Losing your manboobs, so you can hook up with somebody, 00:02:32.122 --> 00:02:35.575 now that's motivation. (Laughter) 00:02:35.575 --> 00:02:39.750 So, I want to know: What do you want? 00:02:39.750 --> 00:02:43.252 Do you want to lose weight? Do you want to triple your income? 00:02:43.252 --> 00:02:47.071 Do you want to start a nonprofit? Do you want to find love? 00:02:47.071 --> 00:02:49.168 What is it? Get it, right here. 00:02:49.168 --> 00:02:52.737 You know what it is, don't analyze it to death, just pick something. 00:02:52.737 --> 00:02:56.575 That's part of the problem. You won't pick. 00:02:57.569 --> 00:03:02.438 So, we're going to be talking about how you get what you want. 00:03:03.004 --> 00:03:07.642 And frankly, getting what you want is simple. 00:03:08.472 --> 00:03:12.263 But notice I didn't say it was easy. 00:03:12.278 --> 00:03:14.565 It's very simple. 00:03:14.565 --> 00:03:18.151 In fact, if you think about it, 00:03:18.151 --> 00:03:21.472 we live in the most amazing moment in time. 00:03:21.472 --> 00:03:25.324 So that thing that you have up here, whatever it may be, 00:03:25.324 --> 00:03:28.746 you want to use healthy eating to cure your diabetes, 00:03:28.746 --> 00:03:32.606 you want to figure out how to take care of the elders 00:03:32.606 --> 00:03:34.556 and start a new hospice center, 00:03:34.556 --> 00:03:38.138 you want to move to Africa and build a school... Guess what? 00:03:38.138 --> 00:03:41.240 You can walk into a book store – right now! – 00:03:41.240 --> 00:03:44.928 and buy at least ten books written by credentialed experts 00:03:44.928 --> 00:03:46.906 on how the hell you do it. 00:03:46.906 --> 00:03:48.919 You could Google it. 00:03:48.919 --> 00:03:54.002 And you could probably find at least, I don't know - a thousand blogs 00:03:54.002 --> 00:03:57.165 documenting the step, by step, by step transformation 00:03:57.165 --> 00:03:59.963 that somebody else is already doing. 00:03:59.963 --> 00:04:04.520 You can find anybody online and cyber-stalk them! 00:04:04.520 --> 00:04:06.003 (Laughter) 00:04:06.003 --> 00:04:10.353 You can just walk in their footsteps – just use the science of drafting. 00:04:10.353 --> 00:04:14.267 Follow what everyone else has done, because somebody is already doing it! 00:04:14.267 --> 00:04:16.956 So why don't you have what you want, 00:04:16.956 --> 00:04:19.645 when you have all the information that you need, 00:04:19.645 --> 00:04:22.334 you have the contacts that you need, 00:04:22.334 --> 00:04:26.115 there are probably free tools online that allow you to start a business, 00:04:26.115 --> 00:04:30.944 or join a group, or do whatever the heck you want!? 00:04:30.944 --> 00:04:33.696 It all comes down to one word: 00:04:33.696 --> 00:04:37.129 F*©#. 00:04:38.564 --> 00:04:42.778 Shut the front door, you know what I'm talking about? 00:04:42.778 --> 00:04:46.714 The f-bomb. It's everywhere! 00:04:46.714 --> 00:04:48.318 You hear it all the time! 00:04:48.318 --> 00:04:51.701 I honestly don't understand what the appeal is of the word. 00:04:51.701 --> 00:04:54.938 I mean, you don't sound smart when you say it. 00:04:54.938 --> 00:04:59.636 And it's really not expressing how you really feel. 00:05:00.267 --> 00:05:03.801 It's sort of a cheap shot to take. 00:05:03.801 --> 00:05:09.633 And of course you know I'm talking about the word "fine". 00:05:09.633 --> 00:05:12.301 "How you doing?" "Oh, I'm fine." 00:05:12.301 --> 00:05:14.442 Oh, really? You are? 00:05:14.442 --> 00:05:17.765 Dragging around those extra forty pounds, you're fine? 00:05:17.765 --> 00:05:20.888 Feeling like roommates with your spouse, and you're fine? 00:05:20.888 --> 00:05:23.852 You haven't had sex in four months, you're fine? 00:05:23.852 --> 00:05:26.768 Really?! 00:05:26.768 --> 00:05:29.100 I don't think so! 00:05:29.100 --> 00:05:34.900 But see, here's the deal with saying that you're fine: It's actually genius. 00:05:34.900 --> 00:05:39.496 Because if you're fine, you don't have to do anything about it. 00:05:39.496 --> 00:05:44.999 But when you think about this word "fine", it just makes me so angry. 00:05:44.999 --> 00:05:46.999 Here we are at a conference about being alive 00:05:46.999 --> 00:05:52.292 and you're going to describe the experience of being alive as "fine"?! 00:05:52.292 --> 00:05:55.792 What a flimsy and feeble word! 00:05:55.792 --> 00:05:57.466 If you're crappy, say you're crappy! 00:05:57.466 --> 00:05:59.691 If you're amazing say you're amazing! 00:05:59.691 --> 00:06:01.423 Tell the truth! 00:06:01.423 --> 00:06:04.717 And this not only goes for the social construct: 00:06:04.717 --> 00:06:07.230 "Oh, I don't want to burden you with the fact that I hate my life", 00:06:07.230 --> 00:06:10.003 or: "Hey, I'm amazing! But that would make you feel terrible." 00:06:10.003 --> 00:06:12.600 The bigger issue – 00:06:12.600 --> 00:06:17.111 The bigger issue with "fine" is that you say it to yourself. 00:06:17.111 --> 00:06:20.665 That thing that you want, I guarantee you, 00:06:20.665 --> 00:06:25.578 you've convinced yourself that you're fine not having it. 00:06:26.471 --> 00:06:28.957 That's why you're not pushing yourself. 00:06:28.957 --> 00:06:31.446 It's the areas in your life where you've given up. 00:06:31.446 --> 00:06:32.845 Where you've said, 00:06:32.845 --> 00:06:35.009 "Oh, I'm fine. My mom's never going to change, 00:06:35.009 --> 00:06:37.208 so I just can't have that conversation." 00:06:37.208 --> 00:06:40.840 "I'm fine. We've got to wait until the kids graduate, before we get divorced, 00:06:40.840 --> 00:06:43.735 so we'll just sleep in separate bedrooms." 00:06:43.735 --> 00:06:46.696 "I'm fine. I lost my job, I can barely pay my bills, 00:06:46.696 --> 00:06:51.517 but whatever – It's hard to get a job." 00:06:51.517 --> 00:06:57.960 One of the reasons why this word also just annoys me so much is, 00:06:57.960 --> 00:07:01.363 scientists have calculated – 00:07:01.363 --> 00:07:03.330 Oh yeah, I'm coming down! (Laughter) 00:07:03.330 --> 00:07:05.964 Scientists have calculated 00:07:05.964 --> 00:07:08.242 the odds 00:07:08.242 --> 00:07:09.988 of you 00:07:09.988 --> 00:07:12.808 being born. 00:07:12.808 --> 00:07:17.136 That's right. They've crunched the numbers. I see you up there. 00:07:17.136 --> 00:07:18.962 They've crunched the numbers on you – 00:07:18.962 --> 00:07:22.320 Yeah, you guys standing up, you want to sit down for this. 00:07:22.320 --> 00:07:25.261 They've crunched the numbers on you being born. 00:07:25.261 --> 00:07:29.822 And they took into account all of the wars, 00:07:29.822 --> 00:07:33.096 and the natural disasters, and the dinosaurs, 00:07:33.096 --> 00:07:35.654 and everything else. 00:07:35.654 --> 00:07:41.559 And do you realize that the odds, the odds of you, 00:07:41.559 --> 00:07:43.645 yeah, right here, put your computer away, 00:07:43.645 --> 00:07:47.093 stand up for me, Doug! (Laughter) 00:07:47.093 --> 00:07:50.493 So the odds of Doug here, turn around, say "hi" to everybody – 00:07:50.493 --> 00:07:54.771 the odds of Doug being born 00:07:54.771 --> 00:07:57.292 at the moment in time he was born, 00:07:57.292 --> 00:08:03.328 to the parents you were born to, with the DNA structure that you have, 00:08:03.328 --> 00:08:08.993 one in four hundred trillion! 00:08:08.993 --> 00:08:11.244 Isn't that amazing? Doug: I'm so lucky! 00:08:11.244 --> 00:08:15.460 Mel: Yes! You're not fine, you're fantastic! 00:08:15.460 --> 00:08:21.826 You have life-changing ideas for a reason, and it's not to torture yourself. 00:08:21.826 --> 00:08:26.193 Thank you. Thank you, Doug. (Applause) 00:08:26.193 --> 00:08:30.328 Christine was right when she said all of you could be on stage. 00:08:30.328 --> 00:08:33.370 Because all of you – we're all in this category. 00:08:33.370 --> 00:08:37.463 One in four hundred trillion. 00:08:37.463 --> 00:08:41.743 All day long you have ideas that could change your life, 00:08:41.743 --> 00:08:45.744 that could change the world, that could change the way that you feel, 00:08:45.744 --> 00:08:49.077 and what do you do with them? Nothing! 00:08:49.077 --> 00:08:51.984 (Grunts) Hopefully I won't moon you. (Laughter) 00:08:52.381 --> 00:08:57.180 You didn't pay for that. (Laughter) 00:08:58.603 --> 00:09:03.092 And I want you to just think for a minute, because we all have – 00:09:03.092 --> 00:09:06.728 I love to use the analogy "the inner snooze button" – 00:09:06.728 --> 00:09:09.078 you have these amazing ideas that bubble up. 00:09:09.078 --> 00:09:10.898 You've been watching people all day 00:09:10.898 --> 00:09:15.395 and I guarantee you, like ping pong balls – bam-bam-bam 00:09:15.819 --> 00:09:19.851 and everytime you have an idea, what do you do? – Hit the snooze! 00:09:19.851 --> 00:09:22.920 What's the first decision you made this morning? 00:09:22.920 --> 00:09:26.460 I bet it was to go back to bed. 00:09:26.460 --> 00:09:30.090 "Yeah, first decision today, I'm one in four hundred trillion, 00:09:30.090 --> 00:09:32.620 I'm going to go back to sleep." 00:09:32.620 --> 00:09:37.351 And I get it! Your bed is comfortable! It's cosy, it's warm! 00:09:37.351 --> 00:09:40.794 If you're lucky, you've got somebody that you love next to you, 00:09:40.794 --> 00:09:46.130 or in my case, I've got my husband and my two kids and possibly the dog. 00:09:47.932 --> 00:09:52.865 And the reason why I'm bringing up this first decision that you made today, 00:09:52.865 --> 00:09:57.771 and the inner snooze alarm, is because 00:09:57.771 --> 00:10:02.677 in any area of your life that you want to change, 00:10:03.466 --> 00:10:07.583 any – there's one fact that you need to know. 00:10:07.583 --> 00:10:09.535 This one: 00:10:12.530 --> 00:10:16.743 You are never going to feel like it. 00:10:16.743 --> 00:10:19.029 Ever. 00:10:19.029 --> 00:10:22.495 No one's coming, motivation isn't happening, 00:10:22.495 --> 00:10:24.961 you're never going to feel like it. 00:10:24.961 --> 00:10:27.929 Scientists call it activation energy. 00:10:27.929 --> 00:10:30.487 That's what they call the force required 00:10:30.487 --> 00:10:32.658 to get you to change from what you're doing 00:10:32.658 --> 00:10:34.829 on autopilot to do something new. 00:10:34.829 --> 00:10:37.000 So try this test tomorrow. 00:10:37.000 --> 00:10:40.663 You think you're so fancy, I know, you're attending TED. 00:10:40.663 --> 00:10:43.365 (Laughter) Try this. 00:10:43.365 --> 00:10:48.769 Tomorrow morning, set your alarm for thirty minutes earlier. 00:10:48.769 --> 00:10:51.894 And then when it goes off, take those sheets, 00:10:51.894 --> 00:10:56.734 throw them off, and stand up and start your day. 00:10:56.734 --> 00:10:59.153 No snooze, no delay, 00:10:59.153 --> 00:11:03.806 no, "I'll just wait here for five seconds because Mel's not standing here" – 00:11:03.852 --> 00:11:05.231 Do it. 00:11:05.231 --> 00:11:10.564 And the reason why I want you to do it is because you will come face to face 00:11:10.564 --> 00:11:14.642 with the physical, and I mean physical force 00:11:14.642 --> 00:11:19.430 that's required to change your behavior. 00:11:19.430 --> 00:11:23.175 Do you think that somebody who needs to lose weight 00:11:23.175 --> 00:11:25.306 ever feels like going on a diet? 00:11:25.306 --> 00:11:27.344 Of course not! 00:11:27.344 --> 00:11:30.990 You think they ever feel like eating boiled chicken and peas 00:11:30.990 --> 00:11:32.636 instead of a croissant? 00:11:32.636 --> 00:11:35.284 I don't think so! 00:11:35.284 --> 00:11:37.778 The activation energy 00:11:37.778 --> 00:11:43.149 required to get your ass away from your computer and out the front door, 00:11:43.149 --> 00:11:46.228 to go on the walk, you said that you were going to go on, 00:11:46.228 --> 00:11:49.450 is the exact same amount of force that it takes you 00:11:49.450 --> 00:11:54.367 to push yourself out of a warm bed and into a cold room. 00:11:54.367 --> 00:11:57.051 What's interesting about being an adult 00:11:57.051 --> 00:12:01.110 is that when you become eighteen, 00:12:01.110 --> 00:12:07.096 nobody tells you that it's now going to be your job to parent yourself. 00:12:07.896 --> 00:12:09.704 And by "parent yourself", 00:12:09.704 --> 00:12:15.455 I mean it's your job to make yourself do the crap you don't want to do, 00:12:15.455 --> 00:12:20.728 so you can be everything that you're supposed to be. 00:12:20.728 --> 00:12:24.929 And you're so damn busy waiting to feel like it. 00:12:24.929 --> 00:12:26.786 And you're never going to! 00:12:26.786 --> 00:12:30.062 My son never feels like getting off his DS. That's my job! 00:12:30.062 --> 00:12:33.194 Get off the damn DS! 00:12:33.194 --> 00:12:35.663 Kendall, clean up the Barbies! 00:12:35.663 --> 00:12:39.930 If you're going to have a nude party in my bathroom, at least clean it up! 00:12:39.930 --> 00:12:42.901 (Laughter) 00:12:42.901 --> 00:12:48.466 God, chew with your mouth closed! We're not a barn, for crying out loud! 00:12:48.466 --> 00:12:52.000 Alright, dinner is coming, get out of the pantry. 00:12:54.673 --> 00:12:57.273 As parents, and you were a kid, 00:12:57.273 --> 00:13:00.599 your parents make you do the things you don't feel like doing. 00:13:00.599 --> 00:13:03.717 Because you won't. Ever. 00:13:03.733 --> 00:13:06.756 Not now, not then, not ever! 00:13:07.529 --> 00:13:09.418 And even when you get good at something, 00:13:09.418 --> 00:13:11.975 you'll figure out something else you don't want to do. 00:13:11.975 --> 00:13:15.862 And then you'll plateau out, get bored, "I hate this job. Blah blah boring." 00:13:15.862 --> 00:13:19.337 But will you look for a new one? No! You'll just bitch about that one. 00:13:19.337 --> 00:13:22.758 It's very, very simple to get what you want. 00:13:23.595 --> 00:13:26.247 But it's not easy. 00:13:28.633 --> 00:13:32.171 You have to force yourself. 00:13:32.867 --> 00:13:35.240 And I mean force. 00:13:36.263 --> 00:13:38.403 And the reason why I use the word "force" – 00:13:38.403 --> 00:13:42.683 when Roz was up here and talking about the emotion tracking, 00:13:42.683 --> 00:13:45.785 and she had the picture of two sides of the brain – 00:13:45.785 --> 00:13:49.134 I look at the brain the exact same way. 00:13:49.134 --> 00:13:52.401 Only I describe one side of your brain as autopilot 00:13:52.401 --> 00:13:54.725 and the other side as emergency brake. 00:13:54.725 --> 00:13:58.937 That's the only two speeds you get: autopilot, emergency brake. 00:13:58.937 --> 00:14:02.796 And guess which one your brain likes better: autopilot. 00:14:02.796 --> 00:14:05.730 You've had the experience where you've driven to work and you get there 00:14:05.730 --> 00:14:08.484 and you're like, "Oh my God, I don't remember ever driving here." 00:14:08.484 --> 00:14:09.443 (Laughter) 00:14:09.443 --> 00:14:13.354 You weren't drunk! That was your brain on autopilot. 00:14:13.354 --> 00:14:16.464 It was functioning just at this level. 00:14:16.464 --> 00:14:19.335 And the problem with your mind is that anytime 00:14:19.335 --> 00:14:22.852 you do anything that's different from your normal routine, 00:14:22.852 --> 00:14:26.189 guess what your brain does — emergency brake! 00:14:26.189 --> 00:14:29.330 And it has that reaction for everything. Everything! 00:14:29.330 --> 00:14:30.975 You walk into the kitchen and see 00:14:30.975 --> 00:14:33.291 everybody's left their breakfast dishes for you. 00:14:33.291 --> 00:14:36.232 And you think for the hundredth time, "I'm going to kill them. 00:14:36.232 --> 00:14:39.998 In fact I'm gonna leave it here and I'm going to make them do it." 00:14:39.998 --> 00:14:42.354 But that's not your normal routine, is it? 00:14:42.354 --> 00:14:44.462 So your mind goes: emergency brake! 00:14:44.462 --> 00:14:46.012 And you go right into autopilot. 00:14:46.012 --> 00:14:48.753 "I'll just load it, and be pissed, and then not have sex. 00:14:48.753 --> 00:14:53.776 That's what I'm going to do." (Laughter) (Applause) 00:14:54.669 --> 00:14:56.868 So, when I say "force", 00:14:56.868 --> 00:15:01.971 anything that's a break from your routine is going to require force. 00:15:02.018 --> 00:15:04.556 And if you think about your life, 00:15:04.556 --> 00:15:09.167 it's kind of funny because we are kids and then we become adults, 00:15:09.167 --> 00:15:11.407 and we spend so much time trying to push our life 00:15:11.407 --> 00:15:13.647 into some sort of stable routine, 00:15:13.647 --> 00:15:15.888 and then we grow bored of it! 00:15:15.888 --> 00:15:19.506 You wake up at the same time every day, you have largely the same breakfast, 00:15:19.506 --> 00:15:22.470 you drive to work the same way, show up at work, look busy, 00:15:22.470 --> 00:15:24.845 avoid making calls, update Facebook, 00:15:24.845 --> 00:15:27.220 you attend a meeting and doodle the whole time, 00:15:27.220 --> 00:15:29.865 go back and update Facebook, make plans for the evening, 00:15:29.865 --> 00:15:32.387 you look busy some more, then drive home the same way, 00:15:32.387 --> 00:15:34.962 you eat largely the same dinner or a variety of it, 00:15:34.962 --> 00:15:36.873 you watch the same kind of media, 00:15:36.873 --> 00:15:39.642 and then you go to bed, and do the same thing all over again! 00:15:39.642 --> 00:15:41.909 No wonder you're bored out of your mind! 00:15:41.909 --> 00:15:44.659 It's the routine that's killing you. 00:15:44.659 --> 00:15:48.075 I have this theory about why people get stuck in life. 00:15:48.075 --> 00:15:51.893 So, most of you've probably taken your Basic Psych 101 class, 00:15:51.893 --> 00:15:56.515 and you've bumped into Abraham Maslow's "Hierarchy of Needs"? 00:15:56.515 --> 00:16:01.893 Well, your body is kinda cool. Because you have these basic needs. 00:16:01.893 --> 00:16:06.660 And your body is wired to send you signals. 00:16:06.660 --> 00:16:10.974 If you need food, what do you feel? 00:16:11.205 --> 00:16:14.187 If you need water, what do you feel? 00:16:14.187 --> 00:16:18.841 If you need sex, what do you feel? (Laughter) Thank you. 00:16:20.295 --> 00:16:24.527 I think when you feel stuck or dissatisfied in your life, 00:16:24.538 --> 00:16:26.959 it's a signal. 00:16:26.959 --> 00:16:30.293 And it's not a signal that your life is broken. 00:16:30.293 --> 00:16:35.104 It's a signal that one of your most basic needs are not being met. 00:16:35.231 --> 00:16:37.611 Your need for exploration. 00:16:37.611 --> 00:16:41.270 Everything about your life, about your body, grows! 00:16:41.270 --> 00:16:43.941 Your cells regenerate, your hair, your nails, 00:16:43.941 --> 00:16:47.236 everything grows for your entire life. 00:16:47.236 --> 00:16:51.060 And your soul needs exploration and growth. 00:16:51.060 --> 00:16:56.678 And the only way you'll get it is by forcing yourself to be uncomfortable. 00:16:57.694 --> 00:17:01.356 Forcing yourself to get outside, 00:17:02.583 --> 00:17:04.734 out of your head. Thank you. 00:17:04.734 --> 00:17:07.040 If you're in your head, you're behind enemy lines. 00:17:07.040 --> 00:17:10.670 That is not God talking, okay? It's not! 00:17:10.670 --> 00:17:14.496 In fact, if I put a speaker on it and we broadcast what you say to yourself, 00:17:14.496 --> 00:17:18.322 we would institutionalize you. (Laughter) 00:17:18.322 --> 00:17:20.699 You would not hang out with people that talk to you 00:17:20.699 --> 00:17:22.815 the way you talk to yourself. 00:17:22.815 --> 00:17:25.455 So get out of your head! 00:17:25.455 --> 00:17:29.566 Your feelings! Your feelings are screwing you! 00:17:29.566 --> 00:17:33.983 I don't care how you feel! I care about what you want! 00:17:33.983 --> 00:17:36.827 And if you listen to how you feel, 00:17:36.827 --> 00:17:40.779 when it comes to what you want – you will not get it. 00:17:41.093 --> 00:17:44.159 Because you will never feel like it. 00:17:44.650 --> 00:17:47.443 And you need to get outside your comfort zone. 00:17:47.443 --> 00:17:49.694 It's not about taking risks, 00:17:49.694 --> 00:17:53.272 it's about getting outside your comfort zone. 00:17:53.272 --> 00:17:58.447 Those first three seconds when you push yourself out of bed, they blow. 00:17:58.815 --> 00:18:02.315 But once you're up, it's great. 00:18:02.315 --> 00:18:06.816 Those first three seconds when you're sitting here in a stadium like this 00:18:06.816 --> 00:18:09.307 and somebody says, "Get up and come dance," 00:18:09.307 --> 00:18:11.798 and you think, "Oh, I should do that," 00:18:11.798 --> 00:18:14.290 and then you're like, "Uhmm." 00:18:14.290 --> 00:18:19.286 That experience that you had when you had the impulse to do it 00:18:20.233 --> 00:18:23.776 and then you didn't do the activation energy 00:18:23.867 --> 00:18:26.279 required to force yourself, 00:18:26.856 --> 00:18:29.613 your emergency brake got pulled – "I'm sitting right here. 00:18:29.613 --> 00:18:33.682 I'm not going up with those crazy people, I don't like to dance..." 00:18:34.422 --> 00:18:37.385 What happened for me is I came up, and I bumped into Rachel, 00:18:37.385 --> 00:18:41.441 and then we started talking, and next thing you know, she's tweeting. 00:18:41.441 --> 00:18:45.993 And we're friends. And – boom! Get outside. 00:18:45.993 --> 00:18:47.832 That's where the magic is. 00:18:47.832 --> 00:18:53.504 That's where the one in four hundred trillion exists. 00:18:54.181 --> 00:18:58.277 So everything I do – oh, OK, this is the last part. Sorry. 00:18:58.277 --> 00:19:02.259 So one more thing that you can use, I call it the five-second-rule. 00:19:02.459 --> 00:19:07.578 Your mind can process a facial expression in 33 milliseconds. 00:19:10.558 --> 00:19:13.197 It can move pretty damn quick. 00:19:13.380 --> 00:19:16.262 The other thing that it does very quickly 00:19:16.262 --> 00:19:21.246 is if you have one of those little impulses that are pulling you, 00:19:21.246 --> 00:19:25.490 if you don't marry it with an action within five seconds, 00:19:25.490 --> 00:19:27.948 you pull the emergency brake and kill the idea. 00:19:27.948 --> 00:19:29.622 Kill it! 00:19:29.622 --> 00:19:33.894 If you have the impulse to get up and come dance while the band is playing, 00:19:33.894 --> 00:19:35.817 if you don't stand up in five seconds, 00:19:35.817 --> 00:19:38.766 you're going to pull the emergency brake. 00:19:38.766 --> 00:19:41.130 If you have an impulse about, 00:19:41.130 --> 00:19:43.574 you were inspired by somebody's speech today, 00:19:43.574 --> 00:19:46.105 and you don't do something within five seconds 00:19:46.105 --> 00:19:49.043 – write a note, send yourself a text – 00:19:49.043 --> 00:19:52.189 anything physical to marry it with the idea, 00:19:52.189 --> 00:19:56.873 you will pull the emergency brake and kill the idea. 00:19:56.873 --> 00:20:00.796 Your problem isn't ideas. Your problem is you don't act on them. 00:20:00.796 --> 00:20:05.712 You kill them. It's not my fault. It's not anybody's fault. 00:20:06.028 --> 00:20:09.857 You're doing it to yourself. Stop it! 00:20:10.337 --> 00:20:14.746 I'm counting on you. One in four hundred trillion. 00:20:15.596 --> 00:20:17.633 You got stuff to do! 00:20:17.633 --> 00:20:20.627 And it's not going to happen in your head. 00:20:20.627 --> 00:20:23.295 So I want you to practice this today. 00:20:24.132 --> 00:20:26.534 When we go off to party, thank God it's coming soon, 00:20:26.534 --> 00:20:29.956 because I think we all could use a cocktail, 00:20:30.489 --> 00:20:33.653 I want you to practice the five-second-rule. 00:20:33.653 --> 00:20:36.105 You see somebody and you think you have an impulse, 00:20:36.105 --> 00:20:39.747 they look interesting? Walk over there! 00:20:39.747 --> 00:20:42.365 You were inspired by somebody and you have a request? 00:20:42.365 --> 00:20:44.119 Make it! 00:20:44.119 --> 00:20:47.325 That's why you're here! 00:20:48.285 --> 00:20:52.009 Experiment with it, and I think you'll be shocked about what happens. 00:20:52.009 --> 00:20:56.368 And one more thing, I want you to know that everything that I do, 00:20:56.421 --> 00:20:58.627 whether it's the radio show, or the television show, 00:20:58.627 --> 00:21:01.342 or the book that I wrote, or the column, 00:21:01.342 --> 00:21:03.220 it's for you. 00:21:03.220 --> 00:21:07.367 And if there is anything that I can do, 00:21:07.367 --> 00:21:12.865 if I can do anything to make you do the things you don't want to do, 00:21:12.865 --> 00:21:16.731 so you can have what you want, I will do it. 00:21:16.731 --> 00:21:20.541 But you need to walk over, you need to open your mouth, 00:21:20.541 --> 00:21:22.763 and you need to make the request. 00:21:22.763 --> 00:21:26.494 You got it? Good. Go do it. 00:21:26.494 --> 00:21:29.564 (Applause) 00:21:32.262 --> 00:21:35.606 Thank you! Thank you, yes! Stand up! 00:21:35.606 --> 00:21:38.526 You have the impulse, stand up! Thank you!