sweet robes, Obi
Wan-too-many days in the sun
stop preaching homie
teach your flock to covet some fun
I bring joy every year
man I represent cheer
you represent sandals
and a scraggly beard
I'm from the North Pole
that's why my rhymes are so cold
I spit diamonds
but I'm serving up some fresh coal
you been a naughty boy
you brought a plague of frogs
you best arrest yourself
you broke your own law
or was there something in rule six
I didn't understand?
my list says killed Egyptian dude
buried him in sand
I read your book
you got a strict religion
no bacon?
but mandatory circumcision
I'm a jolly bowl a jelly
giving holiday presents
but all the chosen people ever get
for Christmas is jealous
when I was high upon the mountain
God revealed the truths of the Earth
but he never mentioned
a fat ass Papa Smurf
it takes nine reindeers
to haul your fat ass
you took the Christ outta Christmas
and just added more mass
you need to stop breaking
into houses and creeping
and peeping on naughty kids
while they sleeping
and keep your hands off my stocking
don't you Ho Ho me
I'll split your ass in half
like I did the Red Sea
you ain't a saint you a slaver
like a pharaoh in the snow
stop with the unpaid labor
and let my little people go
we ain't slaves
all that sand turned your brains to mush
I think you need to stop smoking
all that burning bush
yeah we're magical workers man
we hang with reindeers
yo here's a GPS
who gets lost for 40 years?
you're a glorified secretary
so write this down
begat deez nutz
Santa Claus is coming to town
so much drama in the Israe-L B C
it's kinda hard talking directly
to the G O single D
hand me my chisel
I got a new commandizzle for ya'll
thou shalt not let children
sit on a grown man's lap at the mall
I'll beat you ten times
before the bread can rise you dummy
and walk off into the land
of my milk and honies
who won?
who's next?
you decide