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"Amish Paradise"

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As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain

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I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain

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But that's just perfect for an Amish like me

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You know, I shun fancy things like electricity

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At 4:30 in the morning I'm milkin' cows

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Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows... fool

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And I've been milkin' and plowin' so long that

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Even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone

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I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline

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Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin

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But if I finish all of my chores and you finish thine

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Then tonight we're gonna party like it's 1699[br]

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We been spending most our lives[br]Living in an Amish paradise

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I've churned butter once or twice[br]Living in an Amish paradise

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It's hard work and sacrifice[br]Living in an Amish paradise

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We sell quilts at discount price[br]Living in an Amish paradise[br]

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A local boy kicked me in the butt last week

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I just smiled at him and turned the other cheek

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I really don't care, in fact I wish him well

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'Cause I'll be laughing my head off when he's burning in hell

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But I ain't never punched a tourist even if he deserved it

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An Amish with a 'tude? You know that's unheard of

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I never wear buttons but I got a cool hat

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And my homies agree, I really look good in black...fool

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If you come to visit, you'll be bored to tears

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We haven't even paid the phone bill in 300 years

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But we ain't really quaint, so please don't point and stare

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We're just technologically impaired

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There's no phone, no lights, no motorcar

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Not a single luxury

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Like Robinson Crusoe

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It's as primitive as can be

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We been spending most our lives[br]Living in an Amish paradise

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We're just plain and simple guys[br]Living in an Amish paradise

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There's no time for sin and vice[br]Living in an Amish paradise

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We don't fight, we all play nice[br]Living in an Amish paradise

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Hitchin' up the buggy, churnin' lots of butter

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Raised a barn on Monday, soon I'll raise another

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Think you're really righteous? Think you're pure in heart?

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Well, I know I'm a million times as humble as thou art

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I'm the pious guy the little Amlettes wanna be like

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On my knees day and night scorin' points for the afterlife

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So don't be vain and don't be whiny

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Or else, my brother, I might have to get medieval on your heinie

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We been spending most our lives[br]Living in an Amish paradise

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We're all crazy Mennonites[br]Living in an Amish paradise

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There's no cops or traffic lights[br]Living in an Amish paradise

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But you'd probably think it bites[br]Living in an Amish paradise