[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:03.47,0:00:06.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(bell chiming)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:08.38,0:00:10.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Hello, I wish to register a complaint.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:11.30,0:00:12.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hello, Miss.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:12.82,0:00:13.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- What you mean, Miss?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:15.30,0:00:16.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Oh, I'm sorry, I have a cold.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.59,0:00:18.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wish to make a complaint.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:18.48,0:00:19.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Sorry, we're closing for lunch.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:19.49,0:00:21.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Nevermind that, my\Nlad, I wish to complain
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.36,0:00:24.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about this parrot, what I\Npurchased not half an hour ago
Dialogue: 0,0:00:24.08,0:00:25.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from this very boutique.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:25.43,0:00:26.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Oh yes, the Norwegian Blue.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:26.54,0:00:27.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What's wrong with it?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:27.37,0:00:28.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- I'll tell you what's wrong with it.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.76,0:00:30.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's dead, that's what's wrong with it.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:30.36,0:00:31.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(audience laughing)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:31.38,0:00:33.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Nah, nah, it's resting, look.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:33.26,0:00:35.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Look, my lad, I know a\Ndead parrot when I see one,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:35.70,0:00:38.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I'm looking at one right now.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:38.04,0:00:39.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Nah, it's not dead, it's resting.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.84,0:00:40.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Resting?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:40.67,0:00:41.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Yeah.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:41.51,0:00:42.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:42.86,0:00:44.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Beautiful plumage, isn't it?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:44.13,0:00:46.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- The plumage don't enter into it.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:46.25,0:00:47.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's stone dead.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:47.39,0:00:49.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Nah, no, it's resting.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:49.43,0:00:51.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- All right then.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:51.06,0:00:52.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If it's resting, I'll wake it up.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.57,0:00:55.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hello Polly!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:55.25,0:00:57.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I got a nice goldfish\Nfor you when you wake up,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:57.78,0:00:58.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Polly parrot!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.65,0:00:59.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- There, it moved.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:59.48,0:01:01.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- No he didn't.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.06,0:01:02.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That was you pushing the cage.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:02.32,0:01:03.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- I did not!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:03.15,0:01:03.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Yes you did!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:05.11,0:01:06.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hello, Polly!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:06.76,0:01:08.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Polly!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:10.70,0:01:12.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Polly parrot, wake up!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.67,0:01:14.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Polly!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:14.69,0:01:17.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(audience laughing)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:17.95,0:01:20.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, that's what I call a dead parrot.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.02,0:01:22.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- No, no, it's stunned.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:22.36,0:01:25.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Look, my lad, I've had\Njust about enough of this.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:25.62,0:01:28.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That parrot is definitely deceased.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:28.25,0:01:30.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when I bought it not half an hour ago,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.17,0:01:32.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you assured me that it's lack of movement
Dialogue: 0,0:01:32.23,0:01:35.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was due to it being tired and shagged out
Dialogue: 0,0:01:35.03,0:01:36.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,after a long squall.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:36.36,0:01:37.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(audience laughing)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:37.30,0:01:40.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Well, sir, it's probably\Npining for the fjords.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:40.57,0:01:42.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Pining for the fjords?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:42.05,0:01:44.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What kind of talk is that?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:44.31,0:01:46.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Look, why did it fall flat on its back
Dialogue: 0,0:01:46.10,0:01:47.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the moment I got it home?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:47.46,0:01:50.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- The Norwegian Blue\Nprefers keeping on its back.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:50.10,0:01:51.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a beautiful bird, lovely plumage.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:51.57,0:01:54.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Look, I took the liberty\Nof examining that parrot
Dialogue: 0,0:01:54.33,0:01:55.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I discovered that the only reason
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.92,0:01:58.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that it had been sitting on\Nits perch in the first place
Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.86,0:02:00.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was that it had been nailed there.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:00.94,0:02:03.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(audience laughing)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:03.62,0:02:04.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Well, of course it was nailed there.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:04.82,0:02:07.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Otherwise it would have muzzled\Nup to those bars and, voom!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:07.91,0:02:12.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Look, matey, this parrot wouldn't voom
Dialogue: 0,0:02:12.57,0:02:14.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if I put 4,000 volts through it.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:15.47,0:02:17.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's bleeding demised.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.06,0:02:18.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- It's not!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:18.13,0:02:18.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's pining!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:18.96,0:02:22.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- It's not pining, it's passed on.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:22.30,0:02:25.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This parrot is no more.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.13,0:02:27.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It has ceased to be.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:27.70,0:02:30.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's expired and gone to meet its maker.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.48,0:02:33.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is a late parrot.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:35.13,0:02:36.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a stiff.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.78,0:02:40.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Bereft of life, it rests in peace.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:40.05,0:02:41.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you hadn't nailed it to the perch,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:41.66,0:02:43.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it would be pushing up the daisies.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:43.70,0:02:47.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's run down the curtain and\Njoined the choir invisible.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:47.70,0:02:50.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is an ex-parrot.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:50.97,0:02:53.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(audience laughing)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:53.63,0:02:55.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Well, I better replace it then.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:56.07,0:02:57.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- If you want to get anything\Ndone in this country,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.88,0:03:00.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you've got to complain 'til\Nyou're blue in the mouth.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:00.75,0:03:02.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Sorry, gov, we're right out of parrots.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:02.66,0:03:06.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- I see, I see, I get the picture.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:06.04,0:03:07.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- I've got a slug.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:07.39,0:03:09.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(audience laughing)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:09.05,0:03:09.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Does it talk?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:10.81,0:03:11.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Not really, no.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:11.76,0:03:13.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Well, it's scarcely a\Nreplacement then, is it?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:13.96,0:03:15.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Listen, I'll tell you\Nwhat, tell you what.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:15.86,0:03:17.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you'll go to my brother's\Npet shop in Bolton,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:17.91,0:03:19.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he'll replace your parrot for you.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:19.56,0:03:20.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Bolton, eh?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:20.39,0:03:21.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Yeah.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:21.54,0:03:22.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- All right.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:22.95,0:03:25.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(bell chiming)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:44.07,0:03:47.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Excuse me, is this Bolton, is it?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:47.12,0:03:48.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- No, no, it's Ipswitch.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:49.79,0:03:51.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- That's inter-city rail for you.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.80,0:03:54.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(audience laughing)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:55.97,0:03:58.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(whistling)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:59.24,0:04:00.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- I wish to make a complaint.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:00.68,0:04:02.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- I don't have to do this, you know.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:04.07,0:04:04.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- I beg your pardon?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:04.90,0:04:06.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- I'm a qualified brain surgeon.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:06.45,0:04:08.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I only do this 'cause I\Nlike being me own boss.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:10.15,0:04:12.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Excuse me, this is irrelevant, isn't it?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:12.16,0:04:14.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Oh, yeah, it's not easy to\Npad these out to 30 minutes.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:14.44,0:04:16.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Well, I wish to make a complaint.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:16.77,0:04:18.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I got on the Bolton train and found myself
Dialogue: 0,0:04:18.80,0:04:20.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,deposited here in Ipswitch.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:20.44,0:04:21.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Nah, this is Bolton.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:23.10,0:04:25.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- The pet shop owner's brother was lying.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:25.42,0:04:27.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Well, you can't blame\NBritish Rail for that.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:27.19,0:04:29.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- If this is Bolton, I shall\Nreturn to the pet shop.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:30.73,0:04:33.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(audience laughing)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:35.68,0:04:38.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(bell chiming)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:40.73,0:04:43.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I understand that this is Bolton.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:44.47,0:04:45.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Yeah?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:45.30,0:04:47.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- You told me it was Ipswitch.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:48.95,0:04:50.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- It was a pun.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:50.41,0:04:52.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(audience laughing)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:52.42,0:04:53.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- A pun?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:53.52,0:04:55.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- No, no, not a pun,\Nwhat's the other thing
Dialogue: 0,0:04:55.56,0:04:58.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where it reads the same\Nbackwards as forwards?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:58.40,0:04:59.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(audience laughing)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:59.81,0:05:00.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- A palindrome?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:00.71,0:05:02.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Yeah, yeah.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:02.09,0:05:03.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- It's not a palindrome.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:03.30,0:05:05.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The palindrome of Bolton would be notlob.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.95,0:05:07.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(audience laughing)
Dialogue: 0,0:05:07.10,0:05:08.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It don't work.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:08.59,0:05:09.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Well, what do you want?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:09.50,0:05:11.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Oh, I'm sorry.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:11.16,0:05:13.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm not prepared to pursue my\Nline of inquiry any further
Dialogue: 0,0:05:13.91,0:05:15.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as I think this is getting too silly.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:15.76,0:05:18.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Quite agree, quite\Nagree, silly, silly, silly.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:18.76,0:05:21.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Right, get on with it.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:21.47,0:05:22.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Get on with it!
Dialogue: 0,0:05:25.63,0:05:29.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Oh, oh, I'm sorry.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:30.19,0:05:32.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And now, a frontal nudity.