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Stretch and cough as loud as you like now.
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You're not going to disturb anybody.
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Scratch knees, move your legs, move your bum.
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Get yourselves comfortable for the next
part of this evening's festivities.
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The Dhamma talk.
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Excellent. So for this evening's Dhamma talk
I had all sorts of ideas what I was
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going to speak about,
actually not many of them,
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but it's quite obvious what I should speak about tonight,
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because it's a problem which is common to so many
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people and I've just been feeling it and
overcoming it though this meditation: tiredness.
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Now, 3, 4, 5 years ago,
I cannot remember when,
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that's the trouble with living in the
present moment, as a monk we don't get
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dementia, we just get
living-in-the-present-momentness
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[laughts] so we don't really think too
much about past and future.
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So other people say - when did that happen?
"In the past somewhere"
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we don't exactly remember when,
and it's not as if you don't want
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to remember, it's just the efficiency of
the brain and living in this moment
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rather than always living in that past.
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But a few years ago when I was teaching overseas as I often do,
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I was invited to spend the day at a
youth seminar in Kuala Lumpur,
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it's a very interesting occassion,
about 400-500 young people 15-25,
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doing all sorts of interesting stuff,
one of the things they were doing
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is that they asked all the people there,
what is your most difficult emotion
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as 15-25 year old, mostly Chinese
Buddhists over in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.
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What do you find most difficult of all
in life?
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And the answer which came up was tiredness.
I never expected that before,
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but once they said that it was
quite obvious why people are tired even
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when they are in the late teen years, 15 to 25.
You can remember your time as a
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young man, a young woman, the pressure
is really on you.
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You have to do well at school,
your parents and teachers and
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friends say it's really important,
so you have to do really well at homework
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and get good grades.
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That's one of the problems with young people,
parents tell me off for this,
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but I'm supporting young people, it doesn't matter so much what
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grades you get at school.
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People have found, Daniel Goldman,
emotional intelligence, found out
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that the grades you get at school and
University, all those certificates,
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they don't really count for much when it
comes to success in life.
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Success is not guaranteed by doing
well at school. Something else is.
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That's why I was telling people just yesterday,
in Singapore, came though there
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on the way back from Thailand,
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that if ever your kids get an "F" at school,
did they ever work out what "F" means?
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I was a schoolteacher.
"F" means Fantastic. [laughter]
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If they get an "E" that means Excellent.
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But if they get an "A" that means Arrogant.
[laughter]
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All these people getting so proud of getting
As and straight As, they really are
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a pain in the butt, aren't they.
So full on themselves, "I got straight As..."
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So I prefer the Fs, the Fantastics.
The Excellents.
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Because it's not so much the pressure on succeeding in that
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competition to get good grades, or to get
a place in a good university,
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look at me, I got a place at one of the
best universities, and what happened
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to me, didn't do me any good going to
Cambridge, I might as well have
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gone to any old college, even no
college at all.
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Actually, if I hadn't gone to Cambridge,
I'd probably have become a monk even earlier.
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That would've been good,
but anyway, this is just what happens
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in life, but you learn something there.
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On that subject, I like rambling,
one of the important events in my life
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as a student which turned me more towards
being a monk rather than being an academic.
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At the time I didn't realise its
importance but when you look
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back and you find these are the crucial
experiences which direct you in life,
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and that was when, I was a Buddhist at
university, I had a few other Buddhists,
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but one of my best friends was a Christian,
a very strong pracitising Christian,
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he became a hippy later in life,
but anyway he was a really strong Christian.
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And he told me one day that together with
a couple of his friends in Bible Study class
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they'd started to volunteer once a week
to go to the local hospital for those who had
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mental disabilities and volunteer.
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And when he told me that I didn't want to go, but I felt
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if I didn't go I was letting down the team,
Buddhism. So the only reason I
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volunteered to go was just ego, just pride,
"if the Christians can do it,
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the Buddhists can do it as well!"
That's what it was.
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I'm being quite honest - I just went there
because he was going there, so I had to go there.
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But a strange thing happened!
Like many things in life,
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you go and do something for one reason,
you find other reasons start to become
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predominant and it really changes your life.
Because those Christians, they went for
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two or three weeks and then dropped out.
I went there for two years.
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Every afternoon when I was up in
Cambridge and I would re-arrange
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tutorials and everything so I could go there.
I loved it and I wondered why,
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why did I enjoy going there?
I was helping out in the occupational therapy unit
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for those people with Down's Syndrome.
It was incredible to see the emotional intelligence
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those kids had, not kids, young men, young women.
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Even though I never knew the words "emotional intelligence"
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this was in 1969-1971 or something, still, they were just so sensitive
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to a world I hadn't really been trained in.
And I always remember, on a couple of occasions,
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I was a young man, you'd split up with your girlfriend, you'd go there and they'd pick it up straight away!
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I wouldn't need to tell them, they'd come running out and give me a hug. "Why are you doing that?"
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"There is something wrong isn't there?"
"How the heck do you know that?"
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And they were just so sensitive to my feelings,
they got to know me and love me.
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And they had this incredible emotional sensitivity.
And when I was sitting next to Nobel laureates,
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which I did in a place like that, they were socially so insensitive, they hadn't got an emotional neuron
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in their brains. Well they did, I'm exaggerating there.
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But when it came to the professors of life,
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I preferred to spend the afternoon with people with Down's Syndrome. I learnt much more from them.
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And I grew much more from them. I had to empathise with people. When you're with professors, or lecturers
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or even your friends, they were all talking, ah...the word is... "gomayan" [?]
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it takes me a long while to say, it's the Pali word for bullshit.
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You know all in their head, no idea
of their feelings. The boys and the girls couldn't
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understand how to get on with each other, just all fantasies and dreams and ideas and
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philosophies. You go with these people with
Down's Syndrome, and they felt, they knew the emotions.
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They couldn't do well at school, they were terrible at things like maths, but when it came to being able
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to feel what you're feeling and actually be kind to you, they were geniuses. And it came to the point I'd
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rather spend the afternoon with those people than with professors. I didn't know why at the time but
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it would actually encourage me in another area of life, this great emotional intelligence.
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It's because we're not sensitive to that inner world
of emotions, we keep thinking too much,
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doing too much, it's one of the reasons why we're tired.
But anyway, these young kids I saw,
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that was their biggest problem in life.
And once they told me that, told everybody,
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they opened up huge areas of improving
our lives both physically and emotionally,
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and with relations as well.
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How many of you when you come home
from work are grumpy?
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Even angry? So many people keep asking me:
"My husband is in such a bad mood
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every time, he's always shouting at the kids,
he's a terrible pain in the neck to live with.
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Why? Can you get him some anger management counselling or something?"
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I basically say, well teach him how to sleep at night.
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Teach him how to have a good rest.
See if he can overcome that tiredness
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which is so deeply embedded in our
humanity today.
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I'm only saying this because this is how I
understand things, there is no research
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to back me up here, but I'm sure that if
people did that research they'd probably
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discover what I know, and that is that
it's tiredness that creates so many divorces,
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so many relationships would break up
because of tiredness.
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And sicknesses such as cancers,
heart disease, because of tiredness.
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And even other things, an obvious
sickness which is very prevalent today
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is depression - a very deep tiredness.
It's such an obvious thing that there's
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a big problem in this world.
Maybe you've had times of tiredness
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it's as if the world is too heavy to
bear any longer.
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You really have to push so hard just to get by,
the struggle takes so much energy,
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and at times you have no more energy to give,
you go into this hole of depression,
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just absolutely low energy, nothing to give
to anything, can't even get out of bed sometimes.
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Then you want to get out of bed,
don't want to eat or do anything.
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Simply because you've got absolutely no energy at all,
you are deeply tired.
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We now have chronic fatigue syndrome.
I don't remember that when I was a kid.
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Why is that? Of course obviously, that
is a problem, tiredness, and the reason is
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because we have so much to do
in this world.
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The reason I'm rushing off after this talk is
because there's a monk
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Bhante Gunaratana, a very famous monk,
a really nice monk, he's been here before,
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he's 88, and he was supposed to come and teach a meditation retreat at Jhana Grove this weekend.
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When we heard he was here we moved
Heaven and Earth to try to get him to come here
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to get the retreat free for that weekend
and advertise it, buy him the airline tickets.
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But then he got too sick.
So his doctor said no, you can't come.
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So where does the buck stop?
At the top - so I've got to teach
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the retreat in his place.
I should be relaxing this weekend,
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I've just been on a long trip to Thailand
teaching so many hours.
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And on Monday morning I'm off again
to Korea to teach there.
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This should be a rest for me.
So I am tired.
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But I could be exhaused but there
is another thing which I know,
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what happens when you've been
a meditator monk for so many years,
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how to deal with that tiredness,
so it doesn't cause you depression, irritation,
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anger, all these other emotional and physical
sicknesses.
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How do we deal with tiredness in this world?
We have to do much more than maybe our ancestors did.
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So how do we deal with that tiredness?
One - if you're tired you can't afford to worry about the future.
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You haven't got any spare energy to waste.
So sometimes when I'm very busy I refuse
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to look at my calendar. If I looked at my calendar,
"whoa" no one could ever do that.
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Some of the other monks look at it,
"how do you do that Ajahn Brahm?"
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"Because I don't look at it."
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You do live in the present moment,
because how much energy do you waste
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worrying that you will not be able to cope?
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I never do that because I know
just how that is going to be awful.
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I told one of the monks today, because I was just
really exhausted, I remember a time when I
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was a young monk in Thailand, wondering around from monastery to monastery, having a great sense of freedom
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but on this occasion I'd been travelling all day
from just after lunch, our lunch is about 9:00
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and that's it for the day, and then travelling all day
in hot weather, I was in a Thai bus, not like the
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Thai buses these days, Thai buses these days are
fantastic - people say what are you talking about.
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I've been there, it's not fantastic, this was 40 years ago,
and this really hot and cramped small seat for two,
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and there's usually three in there plus a chicken
or pig or something else, I don't know what else,
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cramped up for hours after hours after hours,
and finally got to this monastery where I was
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supposed to be going to, I rememer the time, 5:45
in the evening and checked-in, there was two monks there,
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"Welcome, you can stay here but you've got
15 minutes to take a quick bath because at 6:00
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we all have to meditate for 4 hours, no moving."
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"What?! I've been on the road all day, I'm tired,
I'm not going to be able to handle that!"
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But...the wisdom of my practice kicked in,
I think I've said this a couple of weeks ago,
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the story of moving the wheelbarrows of earth,
if you haven't heard that story it's in
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Opening the Door of Your Heart,
one of the first books which I wrote,
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It's a story of how as a young monk
I have to move earth from
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9 o'clock in the morning to 9 o'clock in the evening
for 3 days because my teacher wanted
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it to be moved. It's really hard work,
really heavy labour, but you don't mind.
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I was fit and healthy, I'm fit and healthy now.
It finished, and that night Ajahn Chah went
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to another monastery and the second monk,
he's the head monk now, said,
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"You put it in the wrong place, move it."
Another 3 days of hard work.
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I can handle that..but you get very dirty,
and just sweaty, and mosquitos,
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you got both hands on the wheelbarrow,
you can't keep the
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misquitos off you, you're sweating, and oh the
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mosquitos they really have a great lunch
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when you're working like that, so after
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6 days, finished at last.
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That night my master Ajahn Chah
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came back and the following morning said,
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"Why have you moved the earth over there?
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I thought I told you to move it in that other spot.
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MOVE IT!" Another 3 days of hard physical labour.
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In the mosquito-ridden sweaty jungles.
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Those people who worked for the Japanese in
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the Second World War, I know what they felt like.
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Honesty. Really hard work, actually, they were,
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we were malnourished as well.
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You should see photos of me in those days,
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nothing like now, you wouldn't recognise me, honestly
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from what I look like today.
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Being a bit fat today is just balancing what I did
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when I was young, it's fair. [laughs]
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Anyway, really hard work, and when it came to
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the next day, 6 days already passed and
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3 more days of hard work were in front of me,
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I started complaining. I was exhausted, tired, had enough.
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I complained, I always say, it was great in those
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days because there were hardly any other
Westerners there.
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Just working with the Thai monks and the
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Laotian monks, so you could swear in English.
206
00:18:23,854 --> 00:18:26,638
I thought no-one would understand you.
207
00:18:26,638 --> 00:18:30,473
But even though they never understood any English
208
00:18:30,473 --> 00:18:32,720
just they could pick up your body language,
209
00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:34,655
you were really suffering.
210
00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:36,438
And that was when one of the monks,
211
00:18:36,438 --> 00:18:39,312
I forget who it was, but whoever you are,
212
00:18:39,312 --> 00:18:41,895
thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you,
213
00:18:41,895 --> 00:18:44,739
for what you taught me because he said to me,
214
00:18:44,739 --> 00:18:48,348
"pushing the wheelbarrow is easy,
215
00:18:48,348 --> 00:18:52,794
thinking about it is the hard part."
216
00:18:52,794 --> 00:18:55,321
He got me, he nailed me.
217
00:18:55,321 --> 00:18:57,977
I was thinking about it, that was the hard part of
218
00:18:57,977 --> 00:19:01,427
pushing a wheelbarrow for another three days.
219
00:19:01,427 --> 00:19:05,428
Doing it is easy, and so, thank you, thank you, thank you,
220
00:19:05,428 --> 00:19:09,242
I stopped thinking about it and it became fun again.
221
00:19:09,242 --> 00:19:11,711
We had races with the other monks, who'd get there first.
222
00:19:11,711 --> 00:19:15,625
You know, your turn to go on the shovel,
223
00:19:15,625 --> 00:19:18,342
putting earth into the wheelbarrow,
224
00:19:18,342 --> 00:19:21,467
oh sorry, did I throw it a bit hard?
225
00:19:21,467 --> 00:19:24,392
Oh sorry. On purpose of cause.
226
00:19:24,392 --> 00:19:27,202
Just having fun and games, messing around.
227
00:19:27,202 --> 00:19:33,652
But anyway, I am pretty playful.
228
00:19:33,652 --> 00:19:37,907
I went to a conference in Vietnam a couple of years ago,
229
00:19:37,907 --> 00:19:42,022
and if you go to conferences, big organised conferences,
230
00:19:42,022 --> 00:19:45,261
the organisers want you to see some of the sights.
231
00:19:45,261 --> 00:19:48,266
I don't like being a tourist but you had no choice.
232
00:19:48,266 --> 00:19:52,602
So I was in the middle of Vietnam somewhere,
233
00:19:52,602 --> 00:19:56,615
to these lakes and underground tunnels and stuff,
234
00:19:56,615 --> 00:19:58,415
where you go through in a barge,
235
00:19:58,415 --> 00:20:02,885
fascinating beautiful place but on the way back...
236
00:20:02,885 --> 00:20:10,151
Actually, weird, I was representing Singapore,
237
00:20:10,151 --> 00:20:13,569
not Australia, so I was in the Singapore boat
238
00:20:13,569 --> 00:20:15,726
and there was another Singapore boat,
239
00:20:15,726 --> 00:20:17,903
we had the Theravada monks in our boat,
240
00:20:17,903 --> 00:20:20,740
and the Mahayana monks in the other boat,
241
00:20:20,740 --> 00:20:22,427
so I looked at them and said
242
00:20:22,427 --> 00:20:25,710
"Right, a race, who's better, the Mahayana or the
243
00:20:25,710 --> 00:20:28,501
Theravada? [laughter]. Those are the two parts
244
00:20:28,501 --> 00:20:30,139
of Buddhist so we had a race between
245
00:20:30,139 --> 00:20:32,678
Mahayana and Theravada. I was in the Theravada
246
00:20:32,678 --> 00:20:35,657
boat paddling for all I could and the Mahayana
247
00:20:35,657 --> 00:20:38,265
monks were paddling really hard as well just to
248
00:20:38,265 --> 00:20:40,207
see who would win, and of course it's obvious,
249
00:20:40,207 --> 00:20:43,532
the Theravada would win, it's obvious,
250
00:20:43,532 --> 00:20:45,316
if you know anything about Buddhism,
251
00:20:45,316 --> 00:20:47,823
because the Mahayana, they are Boddhisatvas,
252
00:20:47,823 --> 00:20:49,627
they even let other people get to Enlightenment
253
00:20:49,627 --> 00:20:51,907
before they do, so they made us get to the
254
00:20:51,907 --> 00:20:56,196
finishing line before they did, that's their tradition [laughter].
255
00:20:56,196 --> 00:20:59,978
Just playing around. Monks have a lot of fun.
256
00:20:59,978 --> 00:21:03,858
We do really stupid things sometimes but it's good fun.
257
00:21:03,858 --> 00:21:08,031
Religion can be far too serious and I just really
258
00:21:08,031 --> 00:21:10,387
rebel against serious religion.
259
00:21:10,387 --> 00:21:13,443
But anyway, this was where I learnt
260
00:21:13,443 --> 00:21:17,866
how to have fun, because I was exhausted
261
00:21:17,866 --> 00:21:19,710
moving those wheelbarrows but
262
00:21:19,710 --> 00:21:23,527
instead of thinking about it I just did it.
263
00:21:23,527 --> 00:21:26,171
And all the tiredness vanished.
264
00:21:26,171 --> 00:21:28,113
It's like this evening,
265
00:21:28,113 --> 00:21:31,039
all the tiredness vanishes when you
stop thinking about it.
266
00:21:31,039 --> 00:21:33,416
Thinking about the future, worrying about it,
267
00:21:33,416 --> 00:21:38,709
because most of your energy gets wasted in thinking.
268
00:21:38,709 --> 00:21:41,492
If you are tired, if you've had a really busy day,
269
00:21:41,492 --> 00:21:45,854
for goodness sake, you can't afford to think!
270
00:21:45,854 --> 00:21:49,325
And complain...and worry... and get afraid..
271
00:21:49,325 --> 00:21:51,286
and plan this..and plan that...
272
00:21:51,286 --> 00:21:55,015
Your brain is exhausted, give it a break!
273
00:21:55,015 --> 00:21:57,516
But what do people do when they're tired,
274
00:21:57,516 --> 00:22:00,852
they get grumpy, they don't know how just to be.
275
00:22:00,852 --> 00:22:03,150
They always tend to think too much
276
00:22:03,150 --> 00:22:08,129
and that is the most important reason why people are tired.
277
00:22:08,129 --> 00:22:12,645
Thinking way too much rather than just doing it.
278
00:22:12,645 --> 00:22:15,425
I don't know what you're going to do this weekend
279
00:22:15,425 --> 00:22:18,254
so don't just think about it, just do it.
280
00:22:18,254 --> 00:22:19,801
Tell that to your husband who has to clean out
281
00:22:19,801 --> 00:22:21,637
the garaga - "I'm busy"
282
00:22:21,637 --> 00:22:26,824
Say, "don't think about it husband, just do it" [laughter]
283
00:22:26,824 --> 00:22:29,664
You've got to go and have a biopsy.
284
00:22:29,664 --> 00:22:32,792
Don't just think about it because you get
285
00:22:32,792 --> 00:22:36,861
really exhausted thinking "oh.....is it cancer? I'm going to die.."
286
00:22:36,861 --> 00:22:38,690
Don't just think about it, just do it.
287
00:22:38,690 --> 00:22:43,483
Even dying itself, dying is okay, just don't think about it,
288
00:22:43,483 --> 00:22:48,944
just do it. [laughter]
289
00:22:48,944 --> 00:22:51,600
The thinking about it is the problem
290
00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:56,183
but don't actually do it on purpose, just when it happens.
291
00:22:56,183 --> 00:23:00,284
That's one of the reasons why I learnt that much
292
00:23:00,284 --> 00:23:04,371
of tiredness is the physically exhaustion which
293
00:23:04,371 --> 00:23:06,776
you can't do too much about, actually you can do
294
00:23:06,776 --> 00:23:09,321
something about it, but the major part of tiredness
295
00:23:09,321 --> 00:23:12,458
is the mental, emotional, tiredness.
296
00:23:12,458 --> 00:23:17,774
Emotional tiredness is because you're trying way too hard.
297
00:23:17,774 --> 00:23:19,250
I don't know why you're trying.
298
00:23:19,250 --> 00:23:23,683
Sometimes people try because, "oh I have to."
No you don't.
299
00:23:23,683 --> 00:23:27,108
"But, but, my boss expects me to do some work."
300
00:23:27,108 --> 00:23:29,102
As long as he thinks you're doing some work
301
00:23:29,102 --> 00:23:32,468
that's good enough for the boss [laughter].
302
00:23:32,468 --> 00:23:35,542
How many of you read, I love reading cartoons,
303
00:23:35,542 --> 00:23:39,838
the Dilbert cartoon. I remember that Wally,
304
00:23:39,838 --> 00:23:44,016
in the Dilbert cartoons Wally is this guy in the office,
305
00:23:44,016 --> 00:23:47,034
you only ever see him carrying a cup of coffee from the left to
306
00:23:47,034 --> 00:23:49,920
the right, the right to the left, he never does any work,
307
00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:52,388
he just carries the coffee backwards and forwards,
308
00:23:52,388 --> 00:23:54,622
and it appears like he's doing some work,
309
00:23:54,622 --> 00:23:56,834
that's why he keeps his job.
310
00:23:56,834 --> 00:24:01,811
Maybe that's why I keep my job, appearance. [laugher]
311
00:24:01,811 --> 00:24:04,777
No anyway, so there's another lovely cartoon
312
00:24:04,777 --> 00:24:08,055
which I saw the other day, rambling again,
313
00:24:08,055 --> 00:24:11,309
somebody sent it to me and it's a wonderful one
314
00:24:11,309 --> 00:24:15,743
to talk about - why people worry about death.
315
00:24:15,743 --> 00:24:17,657
Just don't worry, it hasn't happened yet,
316
00:24:17,657 --> 00:24:21,141
don't think about it, don't worry about the future.
317
00:24:21,141 --> 00:24:25,184
And this cartoon was of Peanuts, you know
318
00:24:25,184 --> 00:24:29,203
Snoopy and Charlie Brown, those wonderful characters.
319
00:24:29,203 --> 00:24:32,375
And honestly, read those comics, because you get far more
320
00:24:32,375 --> 00:24:34,709
sense out of those comics than you ever do
321
00:24:34,709 --> 00:24:39,110
out of editorials or other news articles.
322
00:24:39,110 --> 00:24:42,178
They're far more insightful.
323
00:24:42,178 --> 00:24:46,605
And this Peanuts, this Charlie Brown and his dog Snoopy,
324
00:24:46,605 --> 00:24:48,679
must have been on vacation somewhere,
325
00:24:48,679 --> 00:24:52,281
they were on a pier and they were sitting there
326
00:24:52,281 --> 00:24:55,598
enjoying the afternoon, this beautiful view,
327
00:24:55,598 --> 00:24:59,109
just mountains and lakes and waters,
328
00:24:59,109 --> 00:25:01,424
having a beautiful afternoon there,
329
00:25:01,424 --> 00:25:04,955
and Charlie Brown says to his dog Snoopy,
330
00:25:04,955 --> 00:25:13,300
"You know Snoopy, all of us one day will die."
331
00:25:13,300 --> 00:25:15,878
And Snoopy, this great philosopher,
332
00:25:15,878 --> 00:25:20,436
he really is wise dog, much wiser than human beings,
333
00:25:20,436 --> 00:25:24,786
Snoopy says, "True, one day all of us will die,
334
00:25:24,786 --> 00:25:31,930
but most days all of us won't die." [laughter]
335
00:25:31,930 --> 00:25:35,000
What a wise thing to say.
Yeah, one day you'll die but most days
336
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:38,336
all of us won't. [laughter]
337
00:25:38,336 --> 00:25:41,404
So why are you getting so negative?
338
00:25:41,404 --> 00:25:45,049
So don't think about it, because thinking about
339
00:25:45,049 --> 00:25:49,215
those things, that more than anything else, is what tires us.
340
00:25:49,215 --> 00:25:54,453
So you get your kids trying to get good
scores in TER, don't think about it!
341
00:25:54,453 --> 00:25:58,153
Doesn't matter that much,
if you can do well in that fine...
342
00:25:58,153 --> 00:26:01,538
If it's natural, if you're naturally gifted then
343
00:26:01,538 --> 00:26:04,768
fine but don't push yourself too hard for goodness sake.
344
00:26:04,768 --> 00:26:08,436
Some parents get really upset at me for that but I want those kids to have
345
00:26:08,436 --> 00:26:11,439
emotional intelligence, to feel loved and
346
00:26:11,439 --> 00:26:16,681
respected even if they don't do well in those examinations.
347
00:26:16,681 --> 00:26:21,542
As I keep saying, half of your children,
all the people here today, half of
348
00:26:21,542 --> 00:26:26,933
your children will be below average intelligence.
349
00:26:26,933 --> 00:26:29,605
Come on, it's logical, it has to be that way,
350
00:26:29,605 --> 00:26:32,489
half of your children will be below
351
00:26:32,489 --> 00:26:38,690
average intelligence, it has to be, that's what average means!
352
00:26:38,690 --> 00:26:42,786
If you're all Einsteins, half of the Einsteins
353
00:26:42,786 --> 00:26:47,099
have to be below average. [laughter]
354
00:26:47,099 --> 00:26:53,129
But what do you think - "oh not not my kids,
their kids, okay, but not mine!"
355
00:26:53,129 --> 00:26:56,857
So look, give your kids a break,
356
00:26:56,857 --> 00:27:01,881
let them be, because if you take the pressure
357
00:27:01,881 --> 00:27:05,272
off your kids at at early age,
358
00:27:05,272 --> 00:27:09,094
they won't get so tired and they will develop
359
00:27:09,094 --> 00:27:12,298
the emotional intelligence which I saw
360
00:27:12,298 --> 00:27:15,692
in those Down's Syndrome people.
361
00:27:15,692 --> 00:27:19,578
Beautiful people. They couldn't do sums,
362
00:27:19,578 --> 00:27:25,280
they couldn't be electricians, they could be a monk.
363
00:27:25,280 --> 00:27:28,345
They felt, they were sensitive, and they had
364
00:27:28,345 --> 00:27:31,351
these beautiful relationships with each other.
365
00:27:31,351 --> 00:27:33,630
Brothers and sisters, institutionalised,
366
00:27:33,630 --> 00:27:37,622
but really really kind. I saw that.
367
00:27:37,622 --> 00:27:40,183
Now what type of person do you want to be?
368
00:27:40,183 --> 00:27:44,128
Your kids to be? They weren't tired, they had fun.
369
00:27:44,128 --> 00:27:49,249
And when we accept ourselves for what we are,
370
00:27:49,249 --> 00:27:52,301
instead of..going back to your kids,
371
00:27:52,301 --> 00:27:55,296
don't push them, let them just develop,
372
00:27:55,296 --> 00:27:59,404
nurture them, encourage them, inspire them,
373
00:27:59,404 --> 00:28:01,846
but who knows what they will be in this life?
374
00:28:01,846 --> 00:28:04,024
They're not all going to go to University
375
00:28:04,024 --> 00:28:05,952
and it's terrible that everyone has to go to
376
00:28:05,952 --> 00:28:08,055
University - there's so much more to the world
377
00:28:08,055 --> 00:28:11,634
and life! So many people in this world,
378
00:28:11,634 --> 00:28:15,381
University kills them.
379
00:28:15,381 --> 00:28:19,232
There was a graffiti which I remember outside
380
00:28:19,232 --> 00:28:21,413
the philosophy department,
381
00:28:21,413 --> 00:28:27,218
no, this was actually outside the physics lab in Cambridge.
382
00:28:27,218 --> 00:28:30,093
Graffiti in those days, you'd actually go looking
383
00:28:30,093 --> 00:28:33,541
for it because it was really profound.
384
00:28:33,541 --> 00:28:39,105
And that was - "exams - kill by degrees".
385
00:28:39,105 --> 00:28:42,587
It's a wondeful pun - they kill by degrees.
386
00:28:42,587 --> 00:28:47,121
They kill learning, they kill the excitement
387
00:28:47,121 --> 00:28:49,816
of investigating knowledge, we have to be
388
00:28:49,816 --> 00:28:53,470
tested and graded - who gets the best.
389
00:28:53,470 --> 00:28:57,578
It actually kills emotional intelligence,
390
00:28:57,578 --> 00:29:00,733
academic insitutitions, mostly, maybe they've
391
00:29:00,733 --> 00:29:03,206
changed somewhere, most of them them they
392
00:29:03,206 --> 00:29:09,885
kill that ability to explore and also to cooperate
393
00:29:09,885 --> 00:29:12,893
with each other, because scores are all personal,
394
00:29:12,893 --> 00:29:16,149
you have to compete against your best friends.
395
00:29:16,149 --> 00:29:20,325
And of course that causes a lot of tiredness.
396
00:29:20,325 --> 00:29:24,263
A lot of "you have to live up to something
you can't be."
397
00:29:24,263 --> 00:29:31,146
That is a stress of life. Me, I don't have any stress
giving public talks.
398
00:29:31,146 --> 00:29:35,192
Years and years and years ago I
worked it out, so simple!
399
00:29:35,192 --> 00:29:39,835
That if I give a public talk and you guys like it,
wonderful! I get so much joy
400
00:29:39,835 --> 00:29:44,791
seeing you happy and see I can actually
help you and change your lives.
401
00:29:44,791 --> 00:29:49,284
I'm really happy if my talks are really well received.
402
00:29:49,284 --> 00:29:52,987
But I'm even more happy if you don't like them!
403
00:29:52,987 --> 00:29:57,013
Because then you can live me alone
and I can spend more time in my cave
404
00:29:57,013 --> 00:30:00,195
and just enjoy my time, retire,
because you don't like my talks,
405
00:30:00,195 --> 00:30:03,732
you've heard all the old jokes before,
all the stories before,
406
00:30:03,732 --> 00:30:07,848
so none of you actually come here,
brilliant!
407
00:30:07,848 --> 00:30:13,108
That actually is my trick, is my stratgy.
It did not work!
408
00:30:13,108 --> 00:30:18,251
I decided to write all my stories in books,
so you don't have to come back anymore.
409
00:30:18,251 --> 00:30:22,684
I have to keep telling them until you get
so bored that you won't come back.
410
00:30:22,684 --> 00:30:25,212
But it doesn't work...
You keep coming back for more.
411
00:30:25,212 --> 00:30:29,108
You must be all masochists [chuckles].
412
00:30:29,108 --> 00:30:34,942
But no.. the point was, I don't care!
Either way life is good!
413
00:30:34,942 --> 00:30:37,777
You succeed, you don't succeed.
414
00:30:37,777 --> 00:30:45,341
But the trouble is the pressure is on you
in this world - you only have one idea of success.
415
00:30:45,341 --> 00:30:49,854
Or limited ideas of what being a
successful person is.
416
00:30:49,854 --> 00:30:56,357
I want to try and make more ideas
of success, broaden it.
417
00:30:56,357 --> 00:31:03,185
Even if you're living out in the streets,
you're living out in the street happily.
418
00:31:03,185 --> 00:31:05,368
Is that success?
419
00:31:05,368 --> 00:31:08,539
Sometimes people think,
"oh that poor person"
420
00:31:08,539 --> 00:31:13,494
You ask the person and they say,
"No, I'm free, I don't have to worry about.."
421
00:31:13,494 --> 00:31:16,875
It's a bit cold maybe..
Have you lived out in the street?
422
00:31:16,875 --> 00:31:20,548
I remember just in the hippie years,
camping out under bridges.
423
00:31:20,548 --> 00:31:25,464
I remember as a monk, one of the
most wondeful times I had as a monk
424
00:31:25,464 --> 00:31:29,569
was when we had to leave the monastery in
in Thailand after 5 years,
425
00:31:29,569 --> 00:31:34,049
you had your basic training,
out, out, out, go!
426
00:31:34,049 --> 00:31:40,960
And we had to just walk and
eveything I owned I carried with me.
427
00:31:40,960 --> 00:31:45,682
It wasn't that much, you could walk,
it was light. All my possessions
428
00:31:45,682 --> 00:31:51,144
were on my back and it never ached.
And it was a beautiful feeling of freedom,
429
00:31:51,144 --> 00:31:56,023
like being a bird,
and you could be a bird as a human being,
430
00:31:56,023 --> 00:32:02,125
and every crossroad I came to you could go
any directions you wanted,
431
00:32:02,125 --> 00:32:07,365
you had no pressure on you
to get anywhere, to achieve anything,
432
00:32:07,365 --> 00:32:15,291
you had no deadlines, no appointments,
you just "that's a nice direction, I'll go there."
433
00:32:15,291 --> 00:32:20,720
You had this wonderful ability to sleep anywhere,
in a rice field, in a paddock.
434
00:32:20,720 --> 00:32:28,019
The best place, my teacher said to sleep
as a monk at that time was in the
435
00:32:28,019 --> 00:32:32,990
cremation grounds. The reason
was that Thai people were so scared
436
00:32:32,990 --> 00:32:39,050
of ghosts you'd be guaranteed
a peaceful evening if you went there.
437
00:32:39,050 --> 00:32:41,759
But if you go anywhere else
they'd always come asking you
438
00:32:41,759 --> 00:32:45,532
questions or whatever, so the
cremation grounds were the favourite
439
00:32:45,532 --> 00:32:48,645
places to go sleep at night.
440
00:32:48,645 --> 00:32:57,438
Everyone else was sleeping there
as well - all the corpses [chuckles]
441
00:32:57,438 --> 00:32:59,598
It's a very nice place to have a sleep.
442
00:32:59,598 --> 00:33:05,279
But anyway, there was a beautiful feeling,
you had no pressure on you.
443
00:33:05,279 --> 00:33:08,110
So much freedom wherever you wanted to go.
444
00:33:08,110 --> 00:33:13,898
And in the morning you'd go to any
village and get enough to eat on the alms round.
445
00:33:13,898 --> 00:33:20,347
You didn't need any money,
just your alms bowl.
446
00:33:20,347 --> 00:33:28,008
The beautiful feeling of freedom,
and even though you walked a long distance
447
00:33:28,008 --> 00:33:34,720
and it was hot, you never felt tired
emotionally because you hardly
448
00:33:34,720 --> 00:33:39,413
thought because there was nothing
to think about.
449
00:33:39,413 --> 00:33:42,988
What do you think about?
Your worries.
450
00:33:42,988 --> 00:33:45,733
Where you have to be,
how you're going to get there.
451
00:33:45,733 --> 00:33:52,366
We waste so much time and energy
worrying about the future which is
452
00:33:52,366 --> 00:33:58,609
why if you are to overcome tiredness
and it's a big problem for you,
453
00:33:58,609 --> 00:34:04,020
one of the things is please learn
how to keep your mind efficient.
454
00:34:04,020 --> 00:34:08,804
Doing life is easy, thinking about it
is the hard part.
455
00:34:08,804 --> 00:34:15,608
Living with a partner is easy,
if you think about it, it drives you crazy.
456
00:34:15,608 --> 00:34:19,236
Honestly, just in Thailand they were saying,
457
00:34:19,236 --> 00:34:24,314
"Oh, my husband keeps yapping at me,
he's really nasty to me."
458
00:34:24,314 --> 00:34:29,832
I say again, if your husband comes home
and he's always nasty to you,
459
00:34:29,832 --> 00:34:37,204
says all these bad things remember
why you were born with two ears,
460
00:34:37,204 --> 00:34:43,390
one to go in, one to go out,
don't keep anything!
461
00:34:43,390 --> 00:34:46,892
Because when you keep it,
that's called thinking about it,
462
00:34:46,892 --> 00:34:50,082
you let it go immediately.
463
00:34:50,082 --> 00:34:59,855
The ability to let go of stuff which is not
necessary, that's the secret of overcoming tiredness.
464
00:34:59,855 --> 00:35:02,955
Let go of thinking, just do it.
465
00:35:02,955 --> 00:35:09,920
Let go of the future, you're exhausted
worrying about what's going to happen next.
466
00:35:09,920 --> 00:35:16,831
And let go of the past - I don't know if
I told this a couple of weeks ago but
467
00:35:16,831 --> 00:35:24,387
a very wonderful compliment which
I got, 2-3 weeks ago I did my annual
468
00:35:24,387 --> 00:35:30,969
visit to the Cancer Wellness Association,
they started off in this old house in Cottesloe,
469
00:35:30,969 --> 00:35:36,174
and the government, good on the Western Australian
government, they actually put a
470
00:35:36,174 --> 00:35:42,036
lot of money into building a huge campus,
everything to do with cancer,
471
00:35:42,036 --> 00:35:47,264
so there you will find the Melanoma Society,
the Prostate Cancer Society,
472
00:35:47,264 --> 00:35:51,471
the Breast Cancer Society,
and the general wellness association,
473
00:35:51,471 --> 00:35:58,195
just all in one area, which is brilliant.
And I go there every year.
474
00:35:58,195 --> 00:36:03,231
And when I went there, I was reminded,
my 26th year going there,
475
00:36:03,231 --> 00:36:08,494
it's a long time, 26 years, and they said
the reason we always invite you back,
476
00:36:08,494 --> 00:36:11,400
usually the first talk of the season,
the first talk of the year,
477
00:36:11,400 --> 00:36:17,945
to get it started in a good way,
they said 26 years ago there was a girl there,
478
00:36:17,945 --> 00:36:24,922
a woman, she had cancer, she got into
remission but she always worried
479
00:36:24,922 --> 00:36:32,582
what would happen if it came back,
and no counselor could help her,
480
00:36:32,582 --> 00:36:36,992
and then this monk comes along,
and tells the story of the other
481
00:36:36,992 --> 00:36:42,161
great philosopher, I told already
about Snoopy, the American philospher,
482
00:36:42,161 --> 00:36:46,480
the greatest philosopher of the last century.
But there was even an earlier English philosopher
483
00:36:46,480 --> 00:36:54,271
I really really respect, if you like philosophy
check out one of the best philosophers
484
00:36:54,271 --> 00:37:00,310
who's ever been written about called
Winnie the Pooh [laughter]
485
00:37:00,310 --> 00:37:04,337
Now the other philosophers who teach in
universities there's just full of too many words,
486
00:37:04,337 --> 00:37:08,061
they never get to the heart of it!
And there's Winnie the Pooh,
487
00:37:08,061 --> 00:37:12,684
one of my favourite stories, it would've
been in Opening the Door of Your Heart,
488
00:37:12,684 --> 00:37:19,412
I actually wrote to Disney who has the
copyright for Winnie the Pooh now
489
00:37:19,412 --> 00:37:22,936
and they said "absolutely no!"
Because Disney is so commercial
490
00:37:22,936 --> 00:37:26,880
they won't allow anybody, even though
it's a tiny tiny little bit from that book
491
00:37:26,880 --> 00:37:33,980
Winnie the Pooh, but anyway
the story was which I told 26 years ago
492
00:37:33,980 --> 00:37:37,965
at the Cancer Wellness Association,
the story was about Winnie the Pooh and
493
00:37:37,965 --> 00:37:43,636
little Piglet walking through the forest
when there was a storm and twigs were
494
00:37:43,636 --> 00:37:48,450
coming down, branches were coming down,
and then trees started getting uprooted.
495
00:37:48,450 --> 00:37:54,966
Storms are dangerous. You shouldn't be
out in a storm in a forest and so Piglet
496
00:37:54,966 --> 00:38:01,473
was really afraid and his fear got so huge
he turned to Winnie the Pooh and said
497
00:38:01,473 --> 00:38:05,867
"I can't go any longer!
I can't walk any longer! I'm so afraid."
498
00:38:05,867 --> 00:38:07,859
"Why?" said Winnie the Pooh.
499
00:38:07,859 --> 00:38:15,118
"I'm so afraid that a tree might fall
when we are underneath it!"
500
00:38:15,118 --> 00:38:22,224
Which was a possibility...
And Winnie the Pooh shot back,
501
00:38:22,224 --> 00:38:26,649
which showed what a great philosopher
he was, if he didn't have so much hair he
502
00:38:26,649 --> 00:38:31,642
could've been a Buddhist monk [laughter]
503
00:38:31,642 --> 00:38:42,652
He shot back with, "what would happen if
a tree fell when we were not underneath it?"
504
00:38:42,652 --> 00:38:47,151
And that was the end of the fear.
Because all fear is looking into the future
505
00:38:47,151 --> 00:38:51,798
with a negative mind, thinking of all
the things which will go wrong
506
00:38:51,798 --> 00:38:57,630
with a fault-finding mind, that's called fear.
The opposite is hope, looking at the
507
00:38:57,630 --> 00:39:01,719
future with a positive mind,
what might go right,
508
00:39:01,719 --> 00:39:08,315
and you would have noticed in your life,
if you fear something, it's more likely
509
00:39:08,315 --> 00:39:16,505
to happen, with hope, what you hope for
is more likely to happen.
510
00:39:16,505 --> 00:39:24,207
So when I told that story to this girl
26 years ago, I answered her question.
511
00:39:24,207 --> 00:39:26,667
What would happen if the cancer came back?
512
00:39:26,667 --> 00:39:30,920
The answer was - what would happen if it
didn't come back?
513
00:39:30,920 --> 00:39:35,950
It never came back, and that's why
they keep inviting me there.
514
00:39:35,950 --> 00:39:40,555
I come back but the cancer doesn't
[laughter]
515
00:39:40,555 --> 00:39:43,577
Now you can understand,
analyse that a little deeper,
516
00:39:43,577 --> 00:39:48,351
it's obvious, when you look at it a bit
deeper, if you're worried about a cancer,
517
00:39:48,351 --> 00:39:50,663
"what would happen if it came back??
will it come back?"
518
00:39:50,663 --> 00:39:54,530
you're getting tense, you're getting worried,
the sort of things, the sort of stress which
519
00:39:54,530 --> 00:40:01,418
causes cancer, you are just putting into place.
But if you think, what happens if it doesn't,
520
00:40:01,418 --> 00:40:05,557
you don't worry about it, which means you're
more relaxed, more healthy, and
521
00:40:05,557 --> 00:40:08,380
the chances are the cancer is not
going to come back.
522
00:40:08,380 --> 00:40:16,923
You increase the chances of success,
good health, happiness,
523
00:40:16,923 --> 00:40:25,515
and also you don't get so tired,
worrying about what will happen.
524
00:40:25,515 --> 00:40:33,189
Deeper, this is meditation teachings
but it's brilliant teachings -
525
00:40:33,189 --> 00:40:38,659
"two parts to the human mind",
this is why people get tired.
526
00:40:38,705 --> 00:40:43,106
I call it the doing and the knowing.
If you've been to any of my meditation
527
00:40:43,106 --> 00:40:49,553
teachings you will know this, it's a very
powerful way of looking at the human mind.
528
00:40:49,553 --> 00:40:52,894
The doing mind is what reacts,
it's reacting to what I'm saying,
529
00:40:52,894 --> 00:40:55,965
thinking about it, saying,
"oh that's good" or "that's rubbish",
530
00:40:55,965 --> 00:41:00,801
that reaction is called doing.
Planning, remembering,
531
00:41:00,801 --> 00:41:05,230
figuring out things, initiating action,
deciding to walk,
532
00:41:05,230 --> 00:41:09,562
figuring out what you're going to do when
you leave here, what you're going to do
533
00:41:09,562 --> 00:41:14,937
on the weekend, all that is part of the doing mind.
534
00:41:14,937 --> 00:41:18,790
The other part of the mind is just
what knows.
535
00:41:18,790 --> 00:41:22,690
The passive consciousness,
just being aware,
536
00:41:22,690 --> 00:41:28,844
feeling the itch on your arm,
feeling the coolness of this room,
537
00:41:28,844 --> 00:41:35,338
hearing the sound of the traffic
in the distance.
538
00:41:35,338 --> 00:41:39,545
Just knowing.
Now, once you know the difference
539
00:41:39,545 --> 00:41:45,459
between those two parts of the human
mind it won't take you long to notice
540
00:41:45,459 --> 00:41:50,332
that most of your mental energy,
over 90% of it,
541
00:41:50,332 --> 00:41:57,070
goes into doing stuff, reacting.
Which means you've hardly got anything
542
00:41:57,070 --> 00:42:02,489
left just to know, to be aware, to feel.
Which is why so many people,
543
00:42:02,489 --> 00:42:07,831
they can't even see the stars at night,
even when they're up,
544
00:42:07,831 --> 00:42:13,260
they're just doing too much.
They can't feel the wind,
545
00:42:13,260 --> 00:42:18,030
they don't know when it rains,
they're too busy doing something else,
546
00:42:18,030 --> 00:42:24,044
they're not alive, and they're also
very very tired,
547
00:42:24,044 --> 00:42:32,991
doing far too much,
being far too little.
548
00:42:32,991 --> 00:42:42,587
What happens, if instead of actually
thinking you just "are", just feeling,
549
00:42:42,587 --> 00:42:46,265
feeling the wind, feeling the cold,
feeling the heat, walking back to the
550
00:42:46,265 --> 00:42:54,786
car with your shoes off, feeling the stone
or the grass under your feet.
551
00:42:54,786 --> 00:42:58,650
You feel alive,
but not just feeling alive,
552
00:42:58,650 --> 00:43:04,402
you are feeding energy into knowing,
taking it away from doing so much.
553
00:43:04,402 --> 00:43:07,181
When you put energy back into
passive awareness -
554
00:43:07,181 --> 00:43:16,556
knowing, mindfulness - tiredness starts to go.
You wake up because the
555
00:43:16,556 --> 00:43:22,030
mental tiredness is the knower with
very low energy.
556
00:43:22,030 --> 00:43:26,299
Put energy into the awareness and
you'll feel awake.
557
00:43:26,299 --> 00:43:31,494
A good example of that is having a
cup of coffee.
558
00:43:31,494 --> 00:43:34,197
Before you have a cup of coffee
you're miserable.
559
00:43:34,197 --> 00:43:37,332
Have a cup of coffee, you can feel more,
you're awake, you're alive,
560
00:43:37,332 --> 00:43:41,741
you can see things, you can hear things,
you can think.
561
00:43:41,741 --> 00:43:48,594
That's unnatural energy, it's still energy,
but imagine that energy was natural.
562
00:43:48,594 --> 00:43:52,973
So you wake up alive.
When the mind is energised,
563
00:43:52,973 --> 00:43:58,690
it energises the body, that's why
what I was doing 10 minutes after
564
00:43:58,690 --> 00:44:03,356
I was teaching you in the meditation
session, that's why usually I give guided
565
00:44:03,356 --> 00:44:09,040
meditation almost all the way through,
but I was so exhausted, so tired,
566
00:44:09,040 --> 00:44:12,481
if you want to know why I'll tell you
what I've been doing the last two weeks
567
00:44:12,481 --> 00:44:17,869
and today, if you want to know why it was there,
the reason, I should be exhausted,
568
00:44:17,869 --> 00:44:24,718
I taught you for 20 minutes, and then right,
no more doing anything,
569
00:44:24,718 --> 00:44:32,665
kept my mind really still,
getting energy pouring back into awareness,
570
00:44:32,665 --> 00:44:41,459
you wake up alive.
Wow, that's incredible,
571
00:44:41,459 --> 00:44:47,929
feeling the wind.. Can you hear that?
Feel it? Wow..
572
00:44:47,929 --> 00:44:52,726
Most people wouldn't be able to
hear that, but you did.
573
00:44:52,726 --> 00:45:01,075
Energy starts to come back,
tiredness vanishes.
574
00:45:01,075 --> 00:45:09,318
Heard a story at a global conference,
a psychologist, he's a good psychologist,
575
00:45:09,318 --> 00:45:15,071
but a bit crazy, why you have to pay people
to tell you this is absolutely ridiculous.
576
00:45:15,071 --> 00:45:20,409
His therapy, his method of therapy,
which is very very popular,
577
00:45:20,409 --> 00:45:29,718
you go to his place and pay a lot of money
and he tells you to go have a walk in nature.
578
00:45:29,718 --> 00:45:34,632
And it works! People's problems disappear,
he makes a lot of money,
579
00:45:34,632 --> 00:45:39,474
their problems disappear, that's it.
Smart guy.
580
00:45:39,474 --> 00:45:44,167
But why is it - walking in nature,
or being by the ocean by yourself,
581
00:45:44,167 --> 00:45:49,418
not swimming or surfing, just sitting there.
When you go to a forest and just do nothing,
582
00:45:49,418 --> 00:45:55,554
why is that therapeutic?
Simply because energy is going back
583
00:45:55,554 --> 00:46:01,057
into mindfulness, into knowing,
you're not doing so much,
584
00:46:01,057 --> 00:46:06,746
which means that your tiredness is going,
it's vanishing, and when that
585
00:46:06,746 --> 00:46:12,963
tiredness vanishes, your health,
mental, emotional, physical,
586
00:46:12,963 --> 00:46:20,339
increases enormously.
You're healing just because in nature you
587
00:46:20,339 --> 00:46:24,215
can't do very much.
Check it out this weekend.
588
00:46:24,215 --> 00:46:32,505
You've got a choice - go shopping
or go into the forest.
589
00:46:32,505 --> 00:46:41,496
And check what you feel like afterwards.
One is so much doing you come back tired.
590
00:46:41,496 --> 00:46:45,709
You go to a forest, or by a beach,
a quiet place by yourself,
591
00:46:45,709 --> 00:46:49,305
go into King's Park or whatever,
walk around the river quietly,
592
00:46:49,305 --> 00:46:55,883
not really doing much, and you find your
tiredness vanishes. Please for goodness sake,
593
00:46:55,883 --> 00:47:01,064
give yourself a break.
Too many people getting cancers,
594
00:47:01,064 --> 00:47:08,457
too many partners breaking up.
Too many kids just not being able to
595
00:47:08,457 --> 00:47:12,632
connect with their parents, because their
parents can't connect with them,
596
00:47:12,632 --> 00:47:19,117
because they're too tired.
Not being able to listen because they're
597
00:47:19,117 --> 00:47:25,818
too dull. For goodness sake understand
tiredness is one of the biggest scourges
598
00:47:25,818 --> 00:47:33,280
of our modern age, and there's many many
ways, especially what you're heard tonight,
599
00:47:33,280 --> 00:47:41,640
can overcome that tiredness and I've proved
it just by giving a talk, for 50 minutes,
600
00:47:41,640 --> 00:47:48,115
even though by all reasonable people
it should have been impossible.
601
00:47:48,115 --> 00:48:02,643
Thank you for listening.
Sadhu!! Sadhu!! Sadhu!!
602
00:48:02,643 --> 00:48:08,242
Okay, that's energy!
603
00:48:08,242 --> 00:48:13,358
Very good. What have we got here?
From Ireland, France and London!
604
00:48:13,358 --> 00:48:17,526
Wow, Europe.
How do we deal with the tiredness with
605
00:48:17,526 --> 00:48:21,519
people telling us we're wrong,
or that stuff we believe in is wrong?
606
00:48:21,519 --> 00:48:29,685
Just tell them - yeah you're right,
I am wrong. When I went to Malaysia
607
00:48:29,685 --> 00:48:39,591
a lot, this is one of the problems.
In Malaysia there are also many Christians,
608
00:48:39,591 --> 00:48:44,243
and these are the evangelical ones,
the ones that want to convert everybody..
609
00:48:44,243 --> 00:48:48,706
And so there was a problem in Malaysia,
also in Singapore,
610
00:48:48,706 --> 00:48:54,901
there's an old Buddhist man, been Buddhist all his life,
but his grandkid or his son had become
611
00:48:54,901 --> 00:48:58,705
an evangelical. Everyone else was Buddhist.
Or even Hindu, or whatever.
612
00:48:58,705 --> 00:49:04,612
And the son would think, "My father will go
to hell if he doesn't convert.."
613
00:49:04,612 --> 00:49:11,314
So he'd go with his friends, and his pastor,
by the bedside of this really sick and dying
614
00:49:11,314 --> 00:49:19,032
person, and keep harassing them until they
converted, and it was such a painful experience
615
00:49:19,032 --> 00:49:23,883
that even I think the Singapore government
made rules against that.
616
00:49:23,883 --> 00:49:29,709
But someone asked me - what was your advice? If that's my son, my grandson,
617
00:49:29,709 --> 00:49:35,171
I'm dying, he comes with his pastor,
his friends and they start talking about
618
00:49:35,171 --> 00:49:39,596
the Bible, Hallelujah, and I'm going to go
to hell if I don't convert,
619
00:49:39,596 --> 00:49:43,627
and Jesus is the only way,
what do I do?
620
00:49:43,627 --> 00:49:50,642
Don't try to convince them they're wrong.
You can't. Convert!
621
00:49:50,642 --> 00:49:54,265
Tell them, "oh yeah that makes a lot
of sense, grandson, okay I will take
622
00:49:54,265 --> 00:49:57,661
Jesus as my saviour."
And they go Hallelujah, Hallelujah,
623
00:49:57,661 --> 00:50:00,712
and then they leave you alone.
And as soon as they've walked out
624
00:50:00,712 --> 00:50:05,906
of the door, you can convert back again.
[laughter] Become a Buddhist.
625
00:50:05,906 --> 00:50:10,387
That's my practical advice.
So if someone says, "you're wrong,
626
00:50:10,387 --> 00:50:12,730
you're wrong, you're wrong."
"Yeah, you're right, I agree with you,"
627
00:50:12,730 --> 00:50:17,869
"I'm wrong, okay". Then they leave you alone.
And as soon as they leave you alone,
628
00:50:17,869 --> 00:50:22,893
"no that's rubbish, I was right all along"
[laughter]
629
00:50:22,893 --> 00:50:32,406
Otherwise it's impossible. I say this even
with partners, whoever you're living with,
630
00:50:32,406 --> 00:50:36,483
you should know by now.
[Phone rings] There we go, music to
631
00:50:36,483 --> 00:50:43,640
give an answer to a talk, that's fine,
that happens, anyway it's not your fault,
632
00:50:43,640 --> 00:50:47,012
it's your mobile phone's fault,
so don't get angry at you,
633
00:50:47,012 --> 00:50:53,246
spank your mobile phone, or whatever,
put your mobile phone in detention.
634
00:50:53,246 --> 00:50:59,549
What was I talking about? Oh yeah,
about being wrong.
635
00:50:59,549 --> 00:51:04,705
There is no way in the world you will
ever be able to convince your partner
636
00:51:04,705 --> 00:51:09,228
that he's wrong, no way.
And you should have found that out
637
00:51:09,228 --> 00:51:13,295
by now, how long have you been
living with that guy?
638
00:51:13,295 --> 00:51:23,056
You can't do it. Even if you were, say,
the Prime Minister of Germany,
639
00:51:23,056 --> 00:51:27,086
what's her name again?
Angela Merkel!
640
00:51:27,086 --> 00:51:30,635
Incredibly smart woman, very powerful,
I'm not sure if she's married,
641
00:51:30,635 --> 00:51:34,450
but I bet she always loses arguments
with her husband, there's no way she can
642
00:51:34,450 --> 00:51:41,338
convince her husband he's wrong.
And Obama cannot convince Michelle,
643
00:51:41,338 --> 00:51:45,611
his wife, she's wrong, it's impossible.
Doesn't matter how powerful, intelligent,
644
00:51:45,611 --> 00:51:52,121
you are, it cannot be done.
So don't try it. Many husbands say
645
00:51:52,121 --> 00:51:59,964
"Yes dear, yes dear, I agree with you dear,"
and they go off and do whatever they want. [laughter]
646
00:51:59,964 --> 00:52:06,298
It's true, so get used to that, wives.
So anyway, we developed,
647
00:52:06,298 --> 00:52:09,535
if you haven't heard this yet,
I always tell this story when I do weddings,
648
00:52:09,535 --> 00:52:14,702
another wedding tomorrow afternoon.
There's no way you can convince someone
649
00:52:14,702 --> 00:52:22,753
they're wrong, so how can you actually
make a decision and actually get on
650
00:52:22,753 --> 00:52:29,477
in life but not always having to submit.
That really sucks doesn't it?
651
00:52:29,477 --> 00:52:33,022
He's always right, why do I
always have to agree with him?
652
00:52:33,022 --> 00:52:39,911
Why does she always have to be right?
So the calendar method, the solution,
653
00:52:39,911 --> 00:52:45,334
which allows people to live harmoniously
with their partners, the calendar method
654
00:52:45,334 --> 00:52:51,015
is that when you have an argument,
don't argue who's right and wrong!
655
00:52:51,015 --> 00:52:57,776
Let the calendar decide!
On the odd days of the month she is right. [laughter]
656
00:52:57,776 --> 00:53:04,065
The girl is always right on the odd days
of the month. On the even days he is right.
657
00:53:04,065 --> 00:53:11,722
So that's fair. Today is the 19th, so today
all the girls are right! Yay!
658
00:53:11,722 --> 00:53:19,092
Be careful, tomorrow he is right. [laughter]
That way you don't have to argue anymore.
659
00:53:19,092 --> 00:53:25,983
The calendar decides who's right without
any arguments and you can make a decision.
660
00:53:25,983 --> 00:53:33,051
It's never that bad if the other person makes
a decision, not you, at least it's fair.
661
00:53:33,051 --> 00:53:36,965
And people have already figured out,
you girls have already figured out,
662
00:53:36,965 --> 00:53:42,190
you get more days right a year than he does.
Only about four or five,
663
00:53:42,190 --> 00:53:47,225
but guys, give it to them, it's worth it.
The trouble is, people say,
664
00:53:47,225 --> 00:53:55,933
what happens if you're in a gay relationship?
[laughter] Then you've got me stumped,
665
00:53:55,933 --> 00:54:06,669
it doesn't work. Both of you are right on one
day, the next day both of you are wrong. [laughter]
666
00:54:06,669 --> 00:54:11,376
Anyway, when people tell you you're wrong
I just forget about it, just let them tell you,
667
00:54:11,376 --> 00:54:14,432
just do it, don't think about it,
and afterwards you realise
668
00:54:14,432 --> 00:54:17,701
they can tell you whatever they want,
it's just rubbish.
669
00:54:17,701 --> 00:54:20,519
[Next Question] Do you think there's a link
between tiredness, and the oxygen
670
00:54:20,519 --> 00:54:23,202
we breathe, pollution or how you breathe?
671
00:54:23,202 --> 00:54:25,555
There is a little bit of a connection
there because oxygen gives you
672
00:54:25,555 --> 00:54:31,351
physical energy and if it's not much
oxygen, or it's polluted, or something like that,
673
00:54:31,351 --> 00:54:36,867
of course that will impact the amount
of oxygen you can breathe in but usually
674
00:54:36,867 --> 00:54:42,914
the lungs compensate so if there's not
much oxygen coming in you breathe in more.
675
00:54:42,914 --> 00:54:46,484
That's what happened to me when I
went to Bhutan.
676
00:54:46,484 --> 00:54:52,169
It was very clear air but there's hardly
any oxygen when you go up to Tiger's Nest,
677
00:54:52,169 --> 00:54:56,002
because it's very very high up.
At the bottom of that hill
678
00:54:56,002 --> 00:55:00,637
someone had an energy bar,
a little energy bar like you can buy here,
679
00:55:00,637 --> 00:55:05,711
a Mars bar or something, but when
they got to the top it ballooned out.
680
00:55:05,711 --> 00:55:10,188
They showed it to me, it was like a balloon,
because the air temperature at the top
681
00:55:10,188 --> 00:55:14,930
and bottom was so different that the
pressure inside at the bottom was just
682
00:55:14,930 --> 00:55:19,378
ordinary pressure but by the time
we got up to the top it was a balloon.
683
00:55:19,378 --> 00:55:24,008
So that's how high it was, and there was
hardly any oxygen there, but what happens
684
00:55:24,008 --> 00:55:30,624
is that the lungs breathe in more.
So yeah, there's a little bit between
685
00:55:30,624 --> 00:55:33,117
the tiredness and the oxygen but not
that much because the body usually
686
00:55:33,117 --> 00:55:36,478
knows how to compensate.
It doesn't know how to compensate
687
00:55:36,478 --> 00:55:39,293
when you think too much..
688
00:55:39,293 --> 00:55:43,608
Dear Ajahn (from London), what can a person
do when they have lost everything in their life
689
00:55:43,608 --> 00:55:47,767
and have torturous anxiety about the future.
690
00:55:47,767 --> 00:55:51,557
Remember me, I have lost everything
691
00:55:51,557 --> 00:55:57,273
in my life. I've lost my degree, it doesn't
count for anything anymore.
692
00:55:57,273 --> 00:56:01,908
I've lost all my money, haven't got a cent.
I had some money when I was young.
693
00:56:01,908 --> 00:56:12,158
What else did I lose? I lost girlfriends,
money, possessions, everything.
694
00:56:12,158 --> 00:56:17,995
I lost all my past, all my memories.
I lost all my fears.
695
00:56:17,995 --> 00:56:21,792
I've lost my security. I don't have
superannuation. I'm not allowed
696
00:56:21,792 --> 00:56:25,815
according to how monks agree,
to take a pension.
697
00:56:25,815 --> 00:56:30,528
I haven't got anything.
What would happen if you didn't
698
00:56:30,528 --> 00:56:40,199
feed me tomorrow or the day after?
Ah! Now losing everything is not
699
00:56:40,199 --> 00:56:47,205
the problem, sometimes it gives you
a lot of freedom, you can live simply,
700
00:56:47,205 --> 00:56:53,394
learn to live simply.
The torturous anxiety, now that,
701
00:56:53,394 --> 00:56:56,232
you've lost possessions,
but now you're allowing your peace
702
00:56:56,232 --> 00:57:02,752
to be lost as well. Recently we had a
break-in at Bodhinyana monastery.
703
00:57:02,752 --> 00:57:07,395
They pinched some chainsaws.
Straightaway, I said they can pinch the
704
00:57:07,395 --> 00:57:10,375
chainsaws, they can steal that,
but they're not going to steal our
705
00:57:10,375 --> 00:57:16,325
peace and compassion. We're not going to
worry about that. In fact it turned out
706
00:57:16,325 --> 00:57:20,064
to be really good because those
chainsaws were quite old and the
707
00:57:20,064 --> 00:57:24,027
insurance allowed us to get much better
ones. [laughter]
708
00:57:24,027 --> 00:57:28,543
So if ever that thief is around,
come up here and we'll say thankyou.
709
00:57:28,543 --> 00:57:32,038
I shouldn't say that but it actually
worked out good in the end.
710
00:57:32,038 --> 00:57:34,469
They can come into your house
and they can steal your possessions
711
00:57:34,469 --> 00:57:38,172
but why allow them to steal your
happiness as well?
712
00:57:38,172 --> 00:57:41,398
You don't need to do that.
So you may have lost all your physical
713
00:57:41,398 --> 00:57:46,080
possessions, maybe lost your wife,
or your kids, or something,
714
00:57:46,080 --> 00:57:56,954
but you don't need to lose your happiness.
That is losing your hope.
715
00:57:56,954 --> 00:58:01,995
So what you can do is restore hope.
See other people, sometimes when we
716
00:58:01,995 --> 00:58:06,976
have these little groups,
people in the same situation,
717
00:58:06,976 --> 00:58:12,421
what's that called again?
Therapy groups, peer support groups,
718
00:58:12,421 --> 00:58:15,344
sometimes when we hear what other
people have gone through, which is similar
719
00:58:15,344 --> 00:58:23,516
to what we've gone through, it gives us hope
instead of fear and anxiety.
720
00:58:23,516 --> 00:58:28,141
That's such an important thing to create
in your life - hope.
721
00:58:28,141 --> 00:58:34,910
So even if you haven't been able to
find a partner in life, don't give up,
722
00:58:34,910 --> 00:58:42,078
keep on going. If you fear you won't,
then you will not. You can always have hope,
723
00:58:42,078 --> 00:58:49,184
"yes it's possible", then you're opening the
doors to success. So always look into
724
00:58:49,184 --> 00:58:56,229
the future with a positive mind and then
your last experience will never take
725
00:58:56,229 --> 00:59:02,617
away your hope and where there's
hope there is success.
726
00:59:02,617 --> 00:59:07,767
So thank you to those people. It's 9 o'clock now.
So is there any questions from the floor?
727
00:59:07,767 --> 00:59:11,742
Good, great, bye bye. [laughter]
728
00:59:11,742 --> 00:59:14,026
Okay, we're going to bow down to the
Buddha, Dhamma, Sangha.
729
00:59:14,026 --> 00:59:19,098
I'm sorry if I can't say hello to you,
because I have to rush off and go
730
00:59:19,098 --> 00:59:24,477
and teach down in Jhana Grove
for a nice retreat.