WEBVTT

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Unafanya nini katika jukwaa hili

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mbele ya watu wote hawa?

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(Kicheko)

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Kimbia!

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(Kicheko)

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Kimbia sasa.

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Hii ni sauti ya hofu yangu inaongea.

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Hata kama hakuna tatizo lolote,

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Kuna wakati huwa napata hisia za mahangaiko,

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kama hatari inaninyemelea kwenye kona.

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Unaona, miaka michache iliyopita,

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Niligundulika na ugonjwa wa msongo wa hofu

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na mawazo --

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hali mbili ambazo huenda pamoja.

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Sasa, kuna wakati nisingemuambia mtu yoyote,

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hususani mbele ya umati mkubwa.

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Kama mwanamke mwenye ngozi nyeusi,

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Nimetakiwa kujijengea ustahimilivu wa hali ya juu ili kufanikiwa.

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Na kama watu wengi katika jamii yangu,

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Nilikuwa na imani potofu kwamba msongo wa mawazo ni kiashiria cha udhaifu,

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udhaifu wa tabia.

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Lakini sikuwa dhaifu;

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Nilikuwa nimefanikiwa kwa hali ya juu.

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Nilipata Shahada ya Uzamili kwenye masomo ya vyombo vya habari

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na kuwa na kazi za hadhi ya juu katika tasnia ya filamu na televisheni.

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Nimeshinda hata tuzo mbili za Emmy kwa uchapakazi kazi wangu.

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Hakika, Nilitumika sana,

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Nilikosa hamu katika vitu nilivyozoea kuvifurahia,

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nilikula mara chache,

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nilisumbuka kupata usingizi

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na nilijihisi kutengwa na kushuka thamani.

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Lakini kuwa na masononeko?

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Hapana, sio mimi.

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Ilinichukua wiki kadhaa kabla ya kukubaliana na hali yangu,

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lakini daktari alikuwa sahihi:

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Nilikumbwa na msongo wa mawazo.

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Bado, sikumwambia mtu yoyote kuhusu majibu ya uchunguzi.

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Nilihisi aibu.

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Sikudhani nilipaswa kusongwa na mawazo.

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Nilikuwa na maisha yenye kipaumbele

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yenye familia iliyo na upendo na kazi iliyo na mafanikio.

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Na nilipowaza kuhusu maafa yasiyofikirika

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ambayo mababu zangu walipitia katika nchi hii

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ili niwe na maisha bora,

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aibu yangu iliongezeka zaidi.

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Nilikuwa nimesimama kwenye mabega yao.

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Ningewezaje kuwaangusha?

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Nilinyanyua kichwa changu na kuangalia juu,

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na kuweka tabasamu katika uso wangu

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na kutoiambia nafsi yoyote.

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Mnamo tarehe 4, Julai mwaka 2013,

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dunia yangu ilipasuka ndani yangu.

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Hiyo ilikuwa siku nilipokea simu kutoka kwa mama yangu

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akiniambia kwamba mpwa wangu mwenye miaka 22, Paul, amejiua,

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baada ya miaka kadhaa ya kupambana na msongo wa mawazo na hofu.

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Hakuna maneno ambayo yanaweza kuelezea namna gani nilijisikia vibaya.

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Mimi na Paul tulikuwa karibu,

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lakini sikutambua alikuwa akipitia maumivu makubwa.

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Hakuna yeyote kati yetu ambaye aliwahi kumwambia mwenzie kuhusu mahangaiko aliyokuwa akipitia.

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Aibu na unyanyapaa ulitufanya wote kuwa kimya.

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Sasa, namna yangu ya kupambana na mikosi ni kuitazama bila uoga,

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kwa hiyo nilitumia miaka miwili baadaye kufanyia utafiti msongo wa mawazo na hofu,

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na niligundua jambo la kushangaza.

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Taasisi ya Afya Duniani imetoa ripoti ikisema

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kwamba msongo wa mawazo ni sababu kuu ya magonjwa na ulemavu

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duniani.

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Wakati sababu hasa ya msongo wa mawazo haijatambulika,

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utafiti unaelezea kwamba magonjwa mengi ya akili hujitokeza,

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walau katika sehemu,

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kwa sababu ya kutolingana kwa kemikali katika ubongo,

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na/au katika utengenezaji wa mwanzo wa jenetikia.

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Kwa hiyo huwezi kuachana nayo tu.

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Kwa Wamarekani weusi,

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vileta msongo wa mawazo kama ubaguzi wa rangi na utofauti wa hali ya kiuchumi katika jamii

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huwaweka katika asilimia 20 zaidi ya kupata ugonjwa wa akili,

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na bado hutafuta huduma za afya ya akili

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katika kiwango sawa na nusu ya Wamarekani weupe.

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Sababu moja ni unyanyapaa,

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ikiwa asilimia 63 ya Wamarekani weusi hukosea kwa kuwaza kwamba msongo wa mawazo ni udhaifu.

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Cha kusikitisha, kasi ya watoto weusi ambao hujiua

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imeongezeka mara mbili katika miaka 20 iliyopita.

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Sasa, hii ni habari njema:

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asilimia 70 ya watu ambao wanasumbuka na msongo wa mawazo hali zao zitaboreka

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kwa kupata tiba na dawa.

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Wakipewa taarifa,

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Nimechukua uamuzi:

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Sitakuwa kimya tena.

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Na baraka za familia yangu,

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Nitasimulia hadithi yetu

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katika matumaini ya kuleta mjadala wa kitaifa.

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Rafiki yangu, Kelly Pierre-Loius, alisema,

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"Kuwa ngangari hutuua."

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Alikuwa sahihi.

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Tunabidi kuondokana na hizo imani ziilizopitwa na wakati

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kuhusu mwanamke mweusi jasiri

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na mwanaume mweusi kuwa mwanaume hasa,

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ambaye, haijalishi mara ngapi wakidondoshwa,

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hujifuta na kisha husonga mbele.

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Kuwa na hisia sio dalili ya udhaifu.

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Hisia zinamaanisha kwamba sisi ni binadamu.

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Na pale tunapoukana ubinadamu wetu,

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hutuacha wapweke ndani,

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tukitafuta njia za kujiponya ili kuepukana na upweke.

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Dawa yangu ilikuwa mafanikio makubwa.

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Siku hizi, naweza kusimulia hadithi yangu wazi,

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na kuwauliza wengine kusimulia zao, pia.

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Naamini hicho ndicho kinachoweza

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kusaidia watu wanaohangaika katika ukimya

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ili wajue kwamba hawapo peke yao

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na kujua kwamba kwa msaada,

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wanaweza kupona.

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Sasa, bado nina mahangaiko yangu,

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hasa kutokana na hofu,

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lakini ninaweza kukabiliana na hali hio

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kwa kutafakari kila siku, kufanya yoga na kula vizuri kiasi.

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(Kicheko)

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Kama nikiona kwamba hali inaanza kuwa mbaya,

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Huwa nawasiliana na mtoa tiba wangu,

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mwanamke mweusi anayeitwa Dawn Armstrong,

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ambaye ni mcheshi

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na mwenye uzoea ambao hunipa faraja.

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Daima nitajuta

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sikuwepo kumsaidia mpwa wangu.

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Lakini tumaini langu la kweli

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ni kwamba niwahamasishe wengine kutokana na somo nililojifunza.

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Maisha ni mazuri.

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Kuna wakati yanavurugika,

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na hayatabiriki siku zote.

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Lakini kila kitu kitakuwa sawa

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unapokuwa na mfumo ambao utakusaidia kuyashinda yote.

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Nina imani kama mzigo wako ukiwa mzito sana,

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utaomba msaada, pia.

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Asante.

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(Makofi)