0:00:00.956,0:00:05.366
What are you doing on this stage

0:00:05.390,0:00:08.508
in front of all these people?

0:00:08.532,0:00:09.906
(Laughter)

0:00:09.930,0:00:11.081
Run!

0:00:11.105,0:00:12.108
(Laughter)

0:00:12.132,0:00:13.310
Run now.

0:00:14.734,0:00:17.701
That's the voice of my anxiety talking.

0:00:18.539,0:00:21.475
Even when there's absolutely[br]nothing wrong,

0:00:21.499,0:00:25.458
I sometimes get[br]this overwhelming sense of doom,

0:00:25.482,0:00:28.444
like danger is lurking[br]just around the corner.

0:00:29.057,0:00:31.173
You see, a few years ago,

0:00:31.197,0:00:33.694
I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety

0:00:33.718,0:00:34.868
and depression --

0:00:35.289,0:00:37.709
two conditions that often go hand in hand.

0:00:38.073,0:00:42.338
Now, there was a time[br]I wouldn't have told anybody,

0:00:42.362,0:00:44.822
especially not in front of a big audience.

0:00:44.846,0:00:46.373
As a black woman,

0:00:46.397,0:00:50.037
I've had to develop[br]extraordinary resilience to succeed.

0:00:50.061,0:00:52.040
And like most people in my community,

0:00:52.064,0:00:55.872
I had the misconception that depression[br]was a sign of weakness,

0:00:55.896,0:00:57.432
a character flaw.

0:00:57.456,0:00:59.030
But I wasn't weak;

0:00:59.054,0:01:00.524
I was a high achiever.

0:01:00.925,0:01:03.128
I'd earned a Master's degree[br]in Media Studies,

0:01:03.152,0:01:07.261
and had a string of high-profile jobs[br]in the film and television industries.

0:01:07.734,0:01:10.784
I'd even won two Emmy Awards[br]for my hard work.

0:01:11.436,0:01:14.452
Sure, I was totally spent,

0:01:14.476,0:01:17.146
I lacked interest in things[br]I used to enjoy,

0:01:17.170,0:01:18.468
barely ate,

0:01:18.492,0:01:20.395
struggled with insomnia

0:01:20.419,0:01:23.043
and felt isolated and depleted.

0:01:23.562,0:01:24.914
But depressed?

0:01:24.938,0:01:26.462
No, not me.

0:01:27.921,0:01:30.127
It took weeks before I could admit it,

0:01:30.151,0:01:31.580
but the doctor was right:

0:01:31.604,0:01:32.882
I was depressed.

0:01:33.411,0:01:36.959
Still, I didn't tell anybody[br]about my diagnosis.

0:01:37.522,0:01:39.135
I was too ashamed.

0:01:39.159,0:01:41.676
I didn't think I had the right[br]to be depressed.

0:01:42.418,0:01:44.048
I had a privileged life

0:01:44.072,0:01:47.172
with a loving family[br]and a successful career.

0:01:47.708,0:01:50.300
And when I thought about[br]the unspeakable horrors

0:01:50.324,0:01:52.812
that my ancestors[br]had been through in this country

0:01:52.836,0:01:54.804
so that I could have it better,

0:01:54.828,0:01:56.506
my shame grew even deeper.

0:01:56.980,0:01:59.073
I was standing on their shoulders.

0:01:59.097,0:02:00.699
How could I let them down?

0:02:01.382,0:02:03.435
I would hold my head up,

0:02:03.459,0:02:05.819
put a smile on my face

0:02:05.843,0:02:07.551
and never tell a soul.

0:02:10.466,0:02:13.743
On July 4, 2013,

0:02:14.479,0:02:16.667
my world came crashing in on me.

0:02:17.399,0:02:20.300
That was the day I got[br]a phone call from my mom

0:02:20.324,0:02:24.514
telling me that my 22-year-old nephew,[br]Paul, had ended his life,

0:02:24.538,0:02:27.179
after years of battling[br]depression and anxiety.

0:02:28.668,0:02:31.823
There are no words that can describe[br]the devastation I felt.

0:02:32.667,0:02:33.961
Paul and I were very close,

0:02:33.985,0:02:36.039
but I had no idea he was in so much pain.

0:02:36.696,0:02:40.254
Neither one of us had ever talked[br]to the other about our struggles.

0:02:40.278,0:02:42.442
The shame and stigma kept us both silent.

0:02:44.161,0:02:48.164
Now, my way of dealing with adversity[br]is to face it head on,

0:02:48.188,0:02:51.346
so I spent the next two years[br]researching depression and anxiety,

0:02:51.370,0:02:54.137
and what I found was mind-blowing.

0:02:54.764,0:02:56.738
The World Health Organization reports

0:02:56.762,0:03:01.986
that depression is the leading cause[br]of sickness and disability

0:03:02.010,0:03:03.349
in the world.

0:03:04.039,0:03:07.030
While the exact cause[br]of depression isn't clear,

0:03:07.054,0:03:10.152
research suggests[br]that most mental disorders develop,

0:03:10.176,0:03:11.903
at least in part,

0:03:11.927,0:03:14.582
because of a chemical[br]imbalance in the brain,

0:03:14.606,0:03:18.508
and/or an underlying[br]genetic predisposition.

0:03:19.041,0:03:21.202
So you can't just shake it off.

0:03:22.907,0:03:24.638
For black Americans,

0:03:24.662,0:03:28.718
stressors like racism[br]and socioeconomic disparities

0:03:28.742,0:03:33.782
put them at a 20 percent greater risk[br]of developing a mental disorder,

0:03:33.806,0:03:36.218
yet they seek mental health services

0:03:36.242,0:03:38.981
at about half the rate of white Americans.

0:03:39.544,0:03:42.394
One reason is the stigma,

0:03:42.418,0:03:48.635
with 63 percent of black Americans[br]mistaking depression for a weakness.

0:03:49.603,0:03:53.861
Sadly, the suicide rate[br]among black children

0:03:53.885,0:03:56.572
has doubled in the past 20 years.

0:03:57.843,0:04:00.048
Now, here's the good news:

0:04:00.603,0:04:04.885
seventy percent of people[br]struggling with depression will improve

0:04:04.909,0:04:08.266
with therapy, treatment and medication.

0:04:09.458,0:04:11.120
Armed with this information,

0:04:11.144,0:04:12.851
I made a decision:

0:04:12.875,0:04:15.843
I wasn't going to be silent anymore.

0:04:16.740,0:04:18.543
With my family's blessing,

0:04:18.567,0:04:20.460
I would share our story

0:04:20.484,0:04:23.298
in hopes of sparking[br]a national conversation.

0:04:24.140,0:04:26.911
A friend, Kelly Pierre-Louis, said,

0:04:26.935,0:04:29.426
"Being strong is killing us."

0:04:30.743,0:04:32.162
She's right.

0:04:32.186,0:04:36.208
We have got to retire[br]those tired, old narratives

0:04:36.232,0:04:37.787
of the strong black woman

0:04:37.811,0:04:40.021
and the super-masculine black man,

0:04:40.045,0:04:42.965
who, no matter how many times[br]they get knocked down,

0:04:42.989,0:04:45.224
just shake it off and soldier on.

0:04:45.770,0:04:49.485
Having feelings isn't a sign of weakness.

0:04:50.521,0:04:52.404
Feelings mean we're human.

0:04:52.850,0:04:54.869
And when we deny our humanity,

0:04:54.893,0:04:57.009
it leaves us feeling empty inside,

0:04:57.033,0:05:00.037
searching for ways to self-medicate[br]in order to fill the void.

0:05:00.585,0:05:03.330
My drug was high achievement.

0:05:04.371,0:05:07.672
These days, I share my story openly,

0:05:07.696,0:05:09.906
and I ask others to share theirs, too.

0:05:10.406,0:05:11.854
I believe that's what it takes

0:05:11.878,0:05:14.473
to help people who may[br]be suffering in silence

0:05:14.497,0:05:16.706
to know that they are not alone

0:05:16.730,0:05:18.415
and to know that with help,

0:05:18.439,0:05:19.780
they can heal.

0:05:19.804,0:05:21.969
Now, I still have my struggles,

0:05:21.993,0:05:24.281
particularly with the anxiety,

0:05:24.305,0:05:25.908
but I'm able to manage it

0:05:25.932,0:05:30.806
through daily mediation,[br]yoga and a relatively healthy diet.

0:05:30.830,0:05:31.898
(Laughter)

0:05:31.922,0:05:34.144
If I feel like things[br]are starting to spiral,

0:05:34.168,0:05:36.212
I make an appointment to see my therapist,

0:05:36.236,0:05:39.299
a dynamic black woman[br]named Dawn Armstrong,

0:05:39.323,0:05:41.296
who has a great sense of humor

0:05:41.320,0:05:43.557
and a familiarity that I find comforting.

0:05:45.126,0:05:46.764
I will always regret

0:05:47.390,0:05:49.456
that I couldn't be there for my nephew.

0:05:50.226,0:05:52.013
But my sincerest hope

0:05:52.695,0:05:55.766
is that I can inspire others[br]with the lesson that I've learned.

0:05:59.182,0:06:01.652
Life is beautiful.

0:06:02.646,0:06:04.208
Sometimes it's messy,

0:06:04.232,0:06:06.166
and it's always unpredictable.

0:06:07.034,0:06:08.237
But it will all be OK

0:06:08.261,0:06:11.046
when you have your support system[br]to help you through it.

0:06:11.513,0:06:13.934
I hope that if your burden gets too heavy,

0:06:13.958,0:06:15.664
you'll ask for a hand, too.

0:06:15.688,0:06:16.855
Thank you.

0:06:16.879,0:06:19.761
(Applause)