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What are you doing on this stage

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in front of all these people?

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(Laughter)

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Run --

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(Laughter)

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Run now.

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That's the voice of my anxiety talking.

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Even when there's absolutely
nothing wrong,

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I sometimes get
this overwhelming sense of doom,

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like danger is lurking
just around the corner.

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You see, a few years ago

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I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety

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and depression.

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Two conditions that often
go hand in hand.

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Now, there was a time
I wouldn't have told anybody,

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especially not in front of a big audience.

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As a Black woman,

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I've had to develop extraordinary
resilience to succeed,

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and like most people in my community,

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I had the misconception that depression
was a sign of weakness:

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a character flaw.

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But I wasn't weak;

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I was a high achiever.

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I'd earned a Master's degree
in Media Studies,

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and had a string of high-profile jobs
in the film and television industries.

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I'd even won two Emmy awards
for my hard work.

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Sure, I was totally spent,

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I lacked interested in things
I used to enjoy,

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barely ate,

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struggled with insomnia

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and felt isolated and depleted.

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But depressed?

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No, not me.

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It took weeks before I could admit it,

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but the doctor was right;

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I was depressed.

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Still, I didn't tell anybody
about my diagnosis.

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I was too ashamed.

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I didn't think I had
the right to be depressed.

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I had a privileged life

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with a loving family
and a successful career,

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and when I thought about
the unspeakable horrors

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that my ancestors
had been through in this country

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so that I could have it better,

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my shame grew even deeper.

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I was standing on their shoulders.

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How could I let them down?

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I would hold my head up,

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put a smile on my face,

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and never tell a soul.

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On July 4, 2013,

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my world came crashing in on me.

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That was the day I got
a phone call from my mom

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telling me that my 22-year-old nephew,
Paul, had ended his life

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after years of battling
depression and anxiety.

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There are no words that can describe
the devastation I felt.

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Paul and I were very close,

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but I had no idea he was in so much pain.

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Neither one of us had ever talked
to the other about our struggles.

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The shame and stigma kept us both silent.

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Now, my way of dealing with adversity
is to face it head on,

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so I spent the next two years
researching depression and anxiety,

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and what I found was mind-blowing.

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The World Health Organization reports

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that depression is the leading cause
of sickness and disability in the world.

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While the exact cause
of depression isn't clear,

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research suggests that most
mental disorders develop,

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at least in part,

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because of a chemical 
imbalance in the brain,

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and/or an underlying
genetic predisposition.

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So you can't just shake it off.

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For Black Americans,

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stressors like racism
and socioeconomic disparities

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put them at a 20 percent greater risk
of developing a mental disorder,

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yet they seek mental health services

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at about half the rate of white Americans.

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One reason is the stigma,

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with 63 percent of Black Americans
mistaking depression for a weakness.

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Sadly, the suicide rate
among Black children

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has doubled in the past 20 years.

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Now, here's the good news.

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70 percent of people struggling
with depression will improve

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with therapy, treatment and medication.

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Armed with this information,

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I made a decision:

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I wasn't going to be silent anymore.

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With my family's blessing,

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I would share our story

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in hopes of sparking
a national conversation.

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A friend, Kelly Pierre-Louis, said,

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"Being strong is killing us."

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She's right.

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We have got to retire
those tired, old narratives

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of the strong Black woman

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and the super-masculine Black man,

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who, no matter how many times
they get knocked down,

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just shake it off and soldier on.

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Having feelings isn't a sign of weakness.

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Feelings mean we're human,

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and when we deny our humanity,

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it leaves us feeling empty inside,

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searching for ways to self-medicate
in order to fill the void.

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My drug was high achievement.

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These days I share my story openly,

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and I ask others to share theirs, too.

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I believe that's what it takes

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to help people who may
be suffering in silence

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to know that they are not alone,

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and to know that with help,

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they can heal.

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I still have my struggles,

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particularly with the anxiety,

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but I'm able to manage it

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through daily mediation,
yoga and a relatively healthy diet.

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(Laughter)

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If I feel like things
are starting to spiral,

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I make an appointment
to see my therapist:

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a dynamic Black woman named Dawn Armstrong

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who has a great sense of humor

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and a familiarity that I find comforting.

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I will always regret that I couldn't
be there for my nephew,

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but my sincerest hope

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is that I can inspire others
with the lesson that I've learned.

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Life is beautiful.

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Sometimes it's messy,

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and it's always unpredictable,

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but it will all be OK

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when you have your support system
to help you through it.

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I hope that if your burden gets too heavy,

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you'll ask for a hand, too.

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Thank you.

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(Applause)